tacks

Hello everyone,

First and foremost I want to say that overall my experience at Detox/Rehab was excellent. And despite the fact that it's run by human beings on a limited budget I'd strongly recommend it to anyone else. The pros outweigh the cons by far. For every con that i'm about to describe here there's at least two or three tremendous positives.

I got to a point where i became very sick (alcohol withdrawal). This forum was influential in my decision to seek medical help as opposed to 'tapering down' again like i tried to do the day before and many times more.

Actually the Detox/Rehab program was a hoot! Lots of folks, good laughs, some really good decent balanced meals (decent food for the most part) -- I would have gladly stayed there longer if it weren't for the work obligations. A wonderful feeling of commraderie that I had not had in ages!!! I actually really enjoyed it. And i was very sad to leave -- i truly wanted to stay.


*********************************************

Granted there was also a tremendous amount of nonsense.

"Hey if you live in XXXX then you must know Boston Pee Wee," a young girl said.

"Oh, yeah," they guy replied. "But he's not cheap...."

"Luis's brother, Frankie," she said. "You know him?"

"He hooks me up," she smiled and nodded confidently.

"...then i'd find the meds that my parents hid and sell them on the street...," another girl said.

"I'd chop up the pill and....." -- someone else.

On and on and on, ad nauseum infinitae.

Were i younger and more impressionable i might be tempted to try one of these two million new things that they were telling me about.

******************************************

Before i went in to the hospital i spoke with the intake coordinator. We basically had an understanding that i planned on leaving AMA -- against medical advice. I simply could not take 30 days off of work. This one particular coordinator was cool with that and understanding. After being admitted I made an efforr to discreetly informed other staff of my situation.

Later, after checking in, other staff viewed my "work obligations" as an excuse to run out and pick up again. Some staff viewed me as one who'd likely encourage all other patients to run out and get high.

At one point i confided with a staff member and began balling my eyes out.

At that moment, my counselor -- someone else that i trusted -- came in on us, "Excuse me, [tacks], sorry to interrupt. But you need to strip your bed and bring up your sheets and pack up right away."

Shortly thereafter I called in to the director's office (pretty much and ice cold bitch, btw). I pleaded my case as best i could (while i was completely in the right....)

[to be continued, i gotta run to a meeting, hopefully the mods will allow me to edit gramatical errors later]

LexieCat

I smell a book in the works, here...

Glad you had such a good experience with detox/rehab. It will reassure a lot of others who may be considering it.

BullDog777

glad you got alot out of it. i went to rehab about 15 years ago, and it was a very positive experience. too bad i was nowhere near my bottom back then.

i look foward to the rest of the story.

hang in there!

kiki5711

My rehab experience was great if only the doctor didn't kill it with his holier than though, he knows everything attitude.

I'll post my experience in full on another thread. Don't want to hijack yours.

But yea, I'm interested to hear about your experience.

CarolD

Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum....

I have no experience to share about rehabs/treatment centers.
I went directly to AA for my active alcoholism.
It's been working great for me for years....

I am glad to know you too are attending meetings.

tacks

The evening i got out of the hospital i got hungry. I thought that i'd treat myself to a sandwich. By far, the best sandwiches for the money are at the tavern.

I need another reason to go to the tavern like a need a hole in my head.

So at the tavern I got takeout and left.

Later I realized that i was still wearing hospital bands when i stretched my arm across the crowded bar to get my sandwich and to pay her.

tacks

This morning I left the house and went straight to a place with a big bar. I went around the back back entrance. Many AA meetings take place on top of this bar (ironic).

They say that as soon as you get out of rehab you need attend a meeting that very day. If you go to a meeting on the first day it increases your odds exponentially.

Yeah, that's very much the way i felt at the AA meeting which i attended today. (the way i felt about several other AA meetings also)

One guy with his soberer than thou attitude approached me.

I explained to him how being sober in detox came very easy.

"Because it was safe," he said.

Safe?

I wondered.

Actually i think it was more about having people there to talk to -- people in my position -- comraderie . No lonliness, not a lot of anxiety -- no horrible feelings to deal with by myself.

"You need to..." read more of the book. Find more meetings, etc. He advised me.

[I'm already somewhat busy trying to do many other things -- things that I "need to" do. Stress. It sometimes, no.... It often, overwhelms me [insert drinking smilie face]]

So i told this AA veteran about how those in detox who encouraged me and inspired me.

"It's time to turn the page." He told me that i now had to take the next step. As if i the inspiration i had was insufficient.

"I had this same conversation with Bob," he motioned to the fellow standing next to us, "three years ago."

**************************

After the meeting i approached the woman who chaired the event, "I really appreciated what you said up there." She said something that i could completely relate to.

She replied with a few things.

"Well actually," I said, "i was referring to the fact that you disliked your first sponsor. But rather than get discouraged you got another sponsor and continued on."

She said that there's no rule stating that you need stick to one sponser -- no rule that you need call someone again if they rub you the wrong way. "Just call someone else," she said.

She talked more and i listened more.

*****************************************

I went outside the meeting room and there was no one there. It was not like the rehab when you had plenty of people to chat with about the meeting or whatever else.

'This sucks,' i thought to myself.

I drove to another bar. Went in to the bar. Told them about how i got sick and went in to the hospital. So i then drank cola and coffee, hung out with them and bull##itted about whatever.

I knew it was very dangerous territory but i did it anyway. I realize it's something that i really best not make a habit of.

They have meetings at a rehab facility very close to me. Tomorrow i'll try there.

LexieCat

Huh. There's usually 10-20 people hanging out after the meetings I go to. Usually for 20-30 minutes.

You find a few good groups that you like, and trust me, you will find the same kind of camraderie you found in rehab.

AA4life

There are a lot of irritating people that show up to meetings. But, definitely try a few different meetings and find the ones that work best for you. AA has helped me so much. AA helped me get my life back. But that isn't to say that I don't become frustrated with meetings.

Some meetings are so helpful, and some are irritating. But, if you listen and concentrate on what people are saying you can definitely take something home with you that you can use.

Keep up the good work!

CarolD

For those of you who are unaware of what our Alcoholism
Forum is about....Peter...my Co-Mod said it best..
on this sticky post.....

Welcome:In the spirit of unity.
Welcome to the Alcoholism forum.

In here we share our experiences strengths and hopes as it relates to the issue of Alcoholism.

Please feel free to participate and tell us about your own particular method of dealing with alcohol,bearing in mind to always be respectful of other members and to whatever method they might employ for staying sober.

There are many roads to recovery and we don't all choose the same one.Remember it is not our place to try and decide what is best for another.

The written word is a powerful instrument.It has the power to heal as well as to cause injury.Please share responsibly.

By helping to maintain an atmosphere of encouragement and support we can all hear a message of hope and walk away with something useful.

In a spirit of unity all of us are winners.


__________________
Peter

LexieCat

Most of the meetings around here are speaker/open discussion. Usually there's a speaker who shares for 20 minutes or so, then they take a couple of topics from the floor and share on the topics. Of course, BB study or Step meetings are a little different.

My own guess is that it isn't the format, it's the proximity to the rehab. You might want to check out some meetings with more oldtimers and people who have been active in the group for awhile.

None of our meetings have smoke breaks in the middle. The conversation and hanging out tends to be before or after the meetings.

tacks

Hi LexieCat,

Perhaps you know that people and rehab/detox smoke like chimneys. That's often one of the few things they are permitted to do.

One woman was speaker for the meeting -- did a wonderful job. Then she took responses/questions regarding her experiences with 'the disease.'

One kid, an in-patient, not meaning any disrespect asked her when they were going to have a smoke break.



They speaker basically told him that he was free to leave whenever he liked. She basically mistook his comment as expressing disinterest.

Felt bad for the kid, as i knew what he meant. I've enjoy discussing the meeting outside at a smoke break -- sometimes (often) more than the meeting itself.

tacks

Cottonwoodchris

At the 2 NA meetings that I go to every week, we all get there 20 minutes early for coffee, a smoke and to connect. Then, it's 30 minutes of reading, passing out chips, birthdays. SMOKE BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL. Lots of chatting and more connecting. Then it's on to sharing. Group hug and clean the place up. Then more connecting and a few more smokes. Man, these folks I have found are great. Bunch of nasty looking Harley biker dudes and chicks. but, these people have found their HP, did/ doing the steps, have sponsees, they have turned their lives around. Yeah, they make fun of my Suzuki, but we still all ride together on a Sunday afternoon.

I went to quite a few AA meetings in my area, they just weren't for me. I literally stumbled on these NA meetings and wow, what a difference.

You need to keep looking. Without a support group, chances are very high you will go back to the same behaviour you are trying to get away from. All my best to you.

DayTrader

That's awesome Chris. Nothing better than a bunch of ppl who don't "look" like they're "recovered and full of spiritual growth and knowledge" who really ARE. I remember being pleasantly freaked out listening to this black dude at a meeting talk about how he used to rob ppl down in Detroit...then went on to talk about having a God in his life, doing TONS of service for the homeless, and so on... that was about all the proof I needed to see that AA worked.

One word of caution.... do some seeking to determine Your Truth. Are you a drug addict or are you an alcoholic. I personally liked the NA "way" a lot better at first - it seemed way more agreeable to me. I did a lot of thinking and a lot of praying and found My Truth was that I was an alcoholic and, therefor, needed to be in AA.

Good goin though. Few things better than finding a REALLY good recovery group.

Cottonwoodchris

DT, with my past history, I have come to the realization that I am an addict. That means, whatever it is, I can and will go "Gung Ho" at it. Coke, meth, Valiums, Crack, (never did like heroin) weed, and of course alcohol. It is a drug. And, the one thing about the NA meetings, is during the readings, they will not single out alcoholics or discourage them from the meeting. They welcome all with open arms and hugs. Really, who would think a big, burly biker dude would give you a hug that spoke a hundred words of strength. That is just awesome.

tacks

Over the years I’ve done a bit of public speaking.

And ‘talking a good game’ is always the easy part. Isn’t it?

While in detox I did make an effort to speak well at meetings. And, of course, the bar was set very low.

So one time my clean cut & glasses self was sitting alone at a big table in the break room. I was very engaged in what I was writing – much like I am right now. Apparently people were intrigued by this. They were curious.

And there were a few whom I didn’t mind sharing with.

“When I go home,” I told them. “My whole family is going to be asking me about being in the hospital.”

“I can’t just go home and say, ‘Mom! I tried valium for the first time and I LOVED it!’”

I got two good laughs and one good happy face -- which is pretty good, considering....

So I continued listing out the positives so that i'd remember them.

Then a pretty girl came back to me. She was reserved and quiet -- the only non drug user there, other than myself.

Days earlier i had asked her how old her kids were. This caused her face to light up. And she poceeded to tell everyone about her how well her kids did in school.

Anyhow, in the breakroom she shared some papers with me -– her application for unemployment; direct deposit, etc. As i'm an accountant with letters behind my name I didn't find this unusual.

We discussed. I looked more. More discussion.

Then I read the next paper lying on the table in front of me:

“….[Linda], you have a big problem. You are no longer [...the woman that I married.]"

Whoa! I lurched back. She did not mean for me to see that.

I looked up at her. Then i pointed at what i was reading.

She knew what i was reading and remained perfectly calm, “Go ahead.”

So I read a little bit more.

I told her that I was NOT a counselor. I was NOT a marriage counselor. And that i was going to be biased. [I am a guy!!]

I thought for a moment. I told her of how I had once wronged a woman that I was with.

She still trusted me. She trusted me more than any woman that there. And no one can blame her for that.

So I read on.

As it turns out, this poor woman did not come to detox for help with alcohol withdrawal. She came because she was tired of living in her car and she had nowhere else to go.

I then strongly urged her to seek help. And i regret not having the opportunity to 'follow up' with her.

tacks

Twelve years ago i was faced with a challenge. I simply did not have the will nor the patience for the dreaded CPA exam.

This CPA exam was pure chaos. The CPA exam was chaos going on everywhere inside of my head. Way too much to deal with.

I did discover that i was able to go to the diner and relax.

So while the waitress, Katie, was getting me my stack of pancakes i didn't have much else to do other than look at other than my accounting notes.

Katie became a strong support for me. Finding a woman who’d bring me plates of food and refill my coffee cup gave me a sense peacefulness.

Shortly thereafter the first section of the CPA exam came at me and i killed it. Katie was the first heroin user that i ever met. I felt a bond.

Twelve years later i'm faced with another challenge. I simply do not have the will or the patience for this detox. I was already detoxed before I got there. I find myself amongst a crowd of young drug addicts screaming about not enough meds quickly enough. (i opted not to take the valium offered. The valium did make me feel fantastic! But it was not what i checked myself in for. Judging from the reaction of the nurses and the doctor i was somewhat of an unusual type.)

The detox facility was pure chaos. It was chaos going on everywhere outside of my head. Way too much to deal with.

I did discover that I was able to go on the porch and relax.

So while I was having a smoke I didn’t have much else to do other than talk to this fellow john. John’s story was very sad. He had an physical injury, painkillers were prescribed, family problems, etc, etc.

John became a strong support for me. Finding someone who’d speak to me calmly and intelligently gave me a deep sense of peacefulness. Hopefully I was able to reciprocate in a small way.

I would be walking around from room to room constantly trying to avoid never ending nonsense being spewed out all over.

Then I walked out on the porch.

“I know that I might die.
But I just want to get high.”

Wow.

“Where is that from?” I asked John. “Are you quoting someone?”

John looked at me somewhat impatiently with a “WFT?” expression on his face, “No.”

He shook his head, “This is just me talking to you.”

John was speaking from his heart. Very sad, but refreshing in that he wasn’t regurgitating someone else’s words.

Shortly thereafter, which is right now, I’ve got several consecutive days of sobriety and I don’t feel any urge. John was a heroin user. I felt a bond.

tacks

Again, thanks very much for this. Very encouraging.

I'll go so far as to say that I regret sharing with some of those people. All of a sudden, two twenty somethings have my forty something self 100% figured out. They come at me with judgements. Every shortcoming in my life is 100% attributable to my disease. Very important that they tell me this.

If i see them again, having a sober week for the first time in years will not be enough.
I guarantee it.

This fellow, John (see above), that i met in detox recommended i go to one particular AA meeting. "All old timers!" He described it. I value his opinion.

Kind of weird. There were a couple individuals in detox whom i devoted my complete attention to. Almost to the point where i was about to get 'clingy.' While there were others whom i couldn't be in the same room with.

Tonight i'm going to my first NA meeting. I say "first" but i feel like i was already in an NA meeting for three days straight.

wish me luck

DISCLAIMER: I don't mean to knock the entire AA organization. I'm merely stating that i've found some members far more helpful and supportive than others.

CarolD

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