Sudz No More

Some of you may have wondered where I've been and truth be told. A few stressful weeks from unexpected issues at work and a few beers later here I am.

Some of it was fun, being able to slip back into that comfortable shade of inebriation. The rest of it was downright suicide. My body has become my savior in an odd way, it is my barometer for how far I have gone and how little left I really have. The relatively small amount I consumed most nights would have been nothing to me years ago. Now, getting up at 5 am to go to work I could feel my insides aching, my stomach was in knots, I felt feverish and struggled to act normal for the first few hours. I never recovered though as I used to, I still ached inside and felt depleted most of the day.

My body told me, I am done as far as handling it. Will this stop me completely? Who knows...

For now, I am recommitted to sobriety. Day number two almost over.

CarolD

Welcome back......

Dee74

Dang I'm sorry to hear that Sudz...I'm glad you're back tho

D

DayTrader

And the beat goes on.... Sudz, most of us (everyone, so far as I know) went through those bouts of thinking we could go back to parts of our old lives that seem now, in hindsight, to not be so bad after all. The thing is, we find we can't really hit that old mark anymore and the punishment seems to have gotten worse. That's indicative of the progressive nature of alcoholism, it gets worse over time even if you're not drinking.

For me, I kept sticking my hand back into that meat grinder convinced that it wouldn't mangle me again.... I dunno, I'd probably still be trashing my life with booze if it wasn't for a series of dui's, a judge, and being forced into AA. Admitting I was an alcoholic was one of the hardest things I ever had to face. I believed what I read about it: it's progressive and only gets worse over time, that it's likely that I'd gone so far that my only hope was a spiritual resolution, and that I'd have to stop forever. Nope, not pleasant...not until I learned how great real recovery can be. No way I'd go back..don't even wanna chance it. Unless I got some guarantee from God personally that I could keep the life I have now AND drink with impunity....there's nothing in that old life I'd risk my current one for.

That my friend, is what recovery should be. It's not "white knuckling" it day by day or "just don't drink one day at a time." If that's all there was, I'd join ya at the bar.

I was told, and I believe to this day, that if you can't have as much fun in sobriety as you ever did while drinking, you're doing something wrong or missing out on something you're not aware of. Being recovered is awesome....I hope you're willing to find it for yourself.

least

Glad you got right back up and on track.

BullDog777

wow...well put. you've got some great insight... i'm glad i read this, and i couldn't agree more.

i'll also add...i think...once you get some time under your belt you start to feel like living sober is 100 times easier than ever existing drunk.

looking back, i honestly don't know how i ever survived. no more cravings, no more shaking, no more seizures....thank God.

i feel like the wonder of this world is back in my soul and for the first time in more than a decade i can breathe without any drugs or booze in my life. i see green grass and feel a cool breeze and i ENJOY life....what a gift.

FBL

Welcome back, Sudz! As long as you keep trying, there's always hope. I can't believe how much better my life is without the beer. Give yourself a chance, the benefits will come to you in time like you won't believe.

julez

Sudz, welcome back. Just pick yourself up and step back into the journey into sobriety.

heideho

Welcome Back Sudz,

I had a few relapses myself. I just wasn't ready to let go of the booz and afraid to totally commit to the program. I kept going to AA meetings even tho I wasn't ready. Had a drunkfest one night and realized that I couldn't to it anymore and called my sponsor and got honest with her and myself. I finally let go and man it was great. My HP swooped in and took over, it was amazing.

I stay sober now by going to meetings every day. Doesn't matter if I feel like poo.. I go no matter what. I am honest with others and myself. (hard for a habitual drunk lier) I am willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober. I socialize before and after meetings. (hard to do for an isolator with communication problems) I take commitments at several different meetings so I can't make excuses not to go. (amazing what a coffee commit. can do for you) I call/see my sponsor every day to help me stay accountable for my actions and she usually can tell when I am not 100% and makes me look at the issue. I work the 12 Steps regarding my alcoholism and do my very best to work them in other areas of my life.

I am a year sober now and life could not be better. Jump in the middle of the pack and surround yourself with the fellowship and your HP. I promise it will work.

debs

Couldn't have even thought it better! ... Recovery is so FUN! And I really mean it! You just have to figure it out... It ain't hard to stay sober when you get sober right..

I don't want the stuff.. definitely don't need it.. and don't even think of it most days... Being clear-minded... raising my boy.. working on my degree.. doing my best at work.. loving my family.. my pets.. taking care of responsibilities.. all of this stuff we do in this crazy thing called 'life'... it's all so much more fulfilling and yes, FUN!... when you don't have the evil drink drowning all of it away.

So great to see you, Sudz! Been awhile! :-) ... Keep on keepin' on, my friend. :-) You're SO gonna win!