Personalities
EntertheSticks
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 139
Personalities
So i was reading a post on the new comers section (which kind of turned me to this thought process) and decided this post would be more appropriate for this sections.
The last few days I have pretty much been an angry/moody person in general. Not angry because I can't drink (haven't had the urge other than Saturday night) but just angry. Granted I did have kind of a bad early work week, but that kind of stuff usually doesn't get to me.
Anyway, I guess my question is that Do a lot of people have mean or aggressive personalities when they first come to grips with recovery? I am not sure what it has been but I have just been having mood swings all over the board and Haven't been a very pleasant person (on the inside). It's like i feel like I have been giving up or lost some of my motivation or something. Each day I watch the clock tick and Do not even have the enthusiasm for work/life that I had when my primary objective was to go out and party. Granted it is GREAT to not wake up with the shame or malaise or any of that terrible stuff, but everything just seems so bland right now. Its like I am now watching life through black and white tv.
I think part of it is that my old philosophy was "get through the week, and go party friday and saturday, then repeat". Wheras now it is "work all week, then..... sit home on a Friday/Saturday because I am too weak of a person to even socialize without giving in to my temptations. Granted AA meetings are nice, but the one's in my area are primarily people that are court ordered to go there and over half of them (maybe even more) literally go to the bar together after they get their sheets signed. It pisses me off because they invite me as well, so it just seems like I can't even go there. Besides I am getting a little tired of the redundancy of the meetings.
Like I told myself at work this week, I cannot let a little stumble cause me to fall flat on my face. I am looking forward to get through this weekend as it will be the longest period of time I have remained sober in 7.5 years (Today is day 10). But it just seems as if sobriety is actually making me a less productive person (as weird as it is to say) because I feel like I am working for nothing. I am not a materialistic person, Nor do I really care about a whole lot of things that my work money can purchase me. I have isolated myself from all of my "friends" etc. I am an experience based person (spend my money on games, concerts, trips etc) but I have noone to experience things with now, at least in a booze free manner. I also have less than 6 people in my family so I do not have them to fall back on (2 of them are over 80, 2 are drug addicts, and the other 2 are in their 50's and the most boring people alive)
I am putting 100 percent effort in to remaining sober. But I am sorry to say without venting on places like this and getting support/understanding (like you all have done) I do not stand much of a chance. Maybe I am just one of those "dry drunks". I have no idea, but I really don't miss drinking, I just miss having something to do, and people calling me every day to hang out etc. I almost wish I had a kid or something.
The last few days I have pretty much been an angry/moody person in general. Not angry because I can't drink (haven't had the urge other than Saturday night) but just angry. Granted I did have kind of a bad early work week, but that kind of stuff usually doesn't get to me.
Anyway, I guess my question is that Do a lot of people have mean or aggressive personalities when they first come to grips with recovery? I am not sure what it has been but I have just been having mood swings all over the board and Haven't been a very pleasant person (on the inside). It's like i feel like I have been giving up or lost some of my motivation or something. Each day I watch the clock tick and Do not even have the enthusiasm for work/life that I had when my primary objective was to go out and party. Granted it is GREAT to not wake up with the shame or malaise or any of that terrible stuff, but everything just seems so bland right now. Its like I am now watching life through black and white tv.
I think part of it is that my old philosophy was "get through the week, and go party friday and saturday, then repeat". Wheras now it is "work all week, then..... sit home on a Friday/Saturday because I am too weak of a person to even socialize without giving in to my temptations. Granted AA meetings are nice, but the one's in my area are primarily people that are court ordered to go there and over half of them (maybe even more) literally go to the bar together after they get their sheets signed. It pisses me off because they invite me as well, so it just seems like I can't even go there. Besides I am getting a little tired of the redundancy of the meetings.
Like I told myself at work this week, I cannot let a little stumble cause me to fall flat on my face. I am looking forward to get through this weekend as it will be the longest period of time I have remained sober in 7.5 years (Today is day 10). But it just seems as if sobriety is actually making me a less productive person (as weird as it is to say) because I feel like I am working for nothing. I am not a materialistic person, Nor do I really care about a whole lot of things that my work money can purchase me. I have isolated myself from all of my "friends" etc. I am an experience based person (spend my money on games, concerts, trips etc) but I have noone to experience things with now, at least in a booze free manner. I also have less than 6 people in my family so I do not have them to fall back on (2 of them are over 80, 2 are drug addicts, and the other 2 are in their 50's and the most boring people alive)
I am putting 100 percent effort in to remaining sober. But I am sorry to say without venting on places like this and getting support/understanding (like you all have done) I do not stand much of a chance. Maybe I am just one of those "dry drunks". I have no idea, but I really don't miss drinking, I just miss having something to do, and people calling me every day to hang out etc. I almost wish I had a kid or something.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: WI
Posts: 228
Until I did the work, I was plagued with these "old ideas" that get uncovered through 4 and 5 and turned over to god for removal in 6 and 7. This makes sense, for a long time alcohol was the solution I found to manage these emotions, these feelings, this utter confusion around how to live in society. When god separated me from alcohol, I was left with these old ideas, old life skills, old behaviors, emotions etc, without the only solution I knew for many years. Gratefully I had a sponsor that was a real alcoholic who had a solution and he let me into his life, took me through the book, and showed me how to work the steps. Aided by this and the desperation to live a way other than the way I was, I surrendered to this process and went to work uncovering these old ideas and asking god to remove them. As I went forward these were removed.
The interim, however, was painful... spiritual growth for me is generally marred by pain along the way as I change, as I am challenged to apply the principles offered to me. Doing what you are doing, asking for help, talking about it etc. is taking the steps. The tenth step tells me to pause when agitated, talk to someone, pray about it, ask for god's help, and make amends if necessary, and resolutely turn to service, you're already doing some of this-talking about it on here (and hopefully with peeps in MKE), and by sharing your experience currently you're being of service to anyone who reads your post.
This stuff gets easier the more we do it, the more we talk about it, the more we work these steps.
The interim, however, was painful... spiritual growth for me is generally marred by pain along the way as I change, as I am challenged to apply the principles offered to me. Doing what you are doing, asking for help, talking about it etc. is taking the steps. The tenth step tells me to pause when agitated, talk to someone, pray about it, ask for god's help, and make amends if necessary, and resolutely turn to service, you're already doing some of this-talking about it on here (and hopefully with peeps in MKE), and by sharing your experience currently you're being of service to anyone who reads your post.
This stuff gets easier the more we do it, the more we talk about it, the more we work these steps.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
This might be of interest to you....
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
There is also a thread here about grieving ...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-alcohol.html
Some members find having a support system vital .....for me it's AA.
We do all sorts of interesting things outside of
meetings. Bored and lonely? Not my experience
Other SR members do various other things.
Find something that enhances your sober life
and get into action......:Well done on your sober time.
...
Last edited by CarolD; 09-22-2010 at 01:23 PM.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lowell
Posts: 345
When I got sober this time, I was a very angry person, I don't really know why. Maybe it had something to do with, I know I could have done something better with my life than what I did. I do know of others that were angry when they first got sober also, but eventually, as with me, the anger stopped.
Maybe you can try to find different meetings to go to that aren't so court ordered orientated. I know for me it wouldn't have been good for me for people asking me to go have a drink after a meeting. As angry as I was back then, I would have told them where to go and to stop bothering me. One thing I was sure of this time getting sober, I wasn't going to play any games.
Just a suggestion also, maybe if you could get some counseling. Helped me a lot in early sobriety.
Harry
Maybe you can try to find different meetings to go to that aren't so court ordered orientated. I know for me it wouldn't have been good for me for people asking me to go have a drink after a meeting. As angry as I was back then, I would have told them where to go and to stop bothering me. One thing I was sure of this time getting sober, I wasn't going to play any games.
Just a suggestion also, maybe if you could get some counseling. Helped me a lot in early sobriety.
Harry
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
I was moody as all get out when i first quit drinking. Very short tempered and very irritable. It did pass with time. well, to my normal irritability level, anyway!
I wanted to make a comment about what you said regarding AA. You live in Milwaukee, right? There have to be more meetings than one where most of the people are court ordered. I have been to several different meetings around town, and while I still sometimes go to other ones, i have found the one i truly like and get the most out of. and I do go through times when i think the meetings are getting boring. . .i don't feel like going. But you know what, I am still sober. I go to meetings. I am still sober. so I will continue to go to meetings.
Staying sober isn't easy. You need whatever help you can get. I hope you get it!
I wanted to make a comment about what you said regarding AA. You live in Milwaukee, right? There have to be more meetings than one where most of the people are court ordered. I have been to several different meetings around town, and while I still sometimes go to other ones, i have found the one i truly like and get the most out of. and I do go through times when i think the meetings are getting boring. . .i don't feel like going. But you know what, I am still sober. I go to meetings. I am still sober. so I will continue to go to meetings.
Staying sober isn't easy. You need whatever help you can get. I hope you get it!
EntertheSticks
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 139
Milwaukee is the biggest haven for drunks in America, so it really doesn't shock me that 50 + percent of the people I have met in the three different AA meetings I have attended are there by court order. It is absolutely ridiculous. I live in a society that not only condones drinking, but pretty much encourages it. Police regularly let people off with duis, we have minor (compared to the rest of the states) drinking law penalties, there are more bars per capita than any place in the entire united states (the town I grew up in Racine, has 90+ bars for under 80,000 citizens, when you take in to account children and extremely old people it is more like 40,000 or less "drinking age people").
I guess my point is that yes this is an internal problem, but I dont think a lot of people on this board (other than some of the Europeans and a few other Wisconsin/Chicago people that post) understand how important drinking is in our culture. I know hardly ANYONE (including people up in to their 60's) that did not meet their significant other/ all their friends at a bar (they are social gathering places here, but on a level more than just drinking, I think it comes from the old "German beer hall" mentality since our state is primarily German immigrants).
Drinking is a universal problem, but most places actually look down on people for being drunks. Here, people wear their drinking as almost a badge of honor that separates us from the rest of the country. I lived in Nashville for a year (which by southern standards is THE party town besides maybe Atlanta) and it is less busy on the weekends than our bars on a Wednesday night. It is just like I almost need to leave here if I am ever going to recover, but I started a job in May that is going very well, and due to the lack of employment opportunities out there, leaving is not an option.
To put in in perspective how BAD it is here:
#1- Bartenders rarely if ever cut people off, it is not uncommon to walk in to bars that people are sleeping on, and if they wake up they will be served.
#2- On an average night out with 5 of my friends we will drink about 5 liters of wine, 30 pack of beer or so, and on average about a 1 liter - 1.75 liter bottle of vodka just to get our "buzz" going (all before 11 o clock) only to go to the bar and sometimes leave with 100 dollar tabs EACH. (bars are VERY CHEAP HERE). Mind you I am 6 foot 190 so I am not exactly a big guy, but can drink like a 300 lb guy.
#3- People DO NOT LOOK DOWN on you for drinking. People of all ages alike will laugh when you do stupid stuff, until it gets EXTREMELY bad or personal (the category I fall in to). but instead of saying "you shouldn't drink or you should get help" they say "We have all been there dont worry about it".
I guess the point is that while drinking is a PERSONAL issue, it is so hard/scary for me to move ahead with this. I am basically subjecting myself to the most boring life possible (a majority of people here think something is wrong with you if you DONT drink). It is going to be super cold soon and my options will be even more limited. I am not trying to sound like I am bragging about our drinking up here, but it is even true at "drinking competitions" during spring breaks in Florida etc that people from Wisconsin are generally prohibited from entering (because we will always win).
Once again another post of mine that is all over the board, but I guess the whole point of it is. I have grown up in a culture that encourages this behaviour, I am at a point where I can no longer manage that behavior and am trying to take the proper steps to change that, but I just feel so hopeless about living a sober life in a place where people could really care less, and almost look at you as being "holier than though" for not drinking.
I feel like I am missing life being sober, and I am missing life as a drunk as well. It is just a terrible hopeless feeling in general. I realize I am very early in my recovery, but I just do not see any "hope" out there other than proper self actualization. I basically imagine myself being a sober lonely person at the age of 40 if I dont get out of here (which isn't an option right now). On the same token I can see myself as a miserable 40 year old drunk that has a million friends, possibly a wife, and maybe even another kid or two to raise in to this culture of excess drinking.
I know I need to take it one day at a time, but I tend to wrap myself around these thoughts and it scares the crap out of me.
I guess my point is that yes this is an internal problem, but I dont think a lot of people on this board (other than some of the Europeans and a few other Wisconsin/Chicago people that post) understand how important drinking is in our culture. I know hardly ANYONE (including people up in to their 60's) that did not meet their significant other/ all their friends at a bar (they are social gathering places here, but on a level more than just drinking, I think it comes from the old "German beer hall" mentality since our state is primarily German immigrants).
Drinking is a universal problem, but most places actually look down on people for being drunks. Here, people wear their drinking as almost a badge of honor that separates us from the rest of the country. I lived in Nashville for a year (which by southern standards is THE party town besides maybe Atlanta) and it is less busy on the weekends than our bars on a Wednesday night. It is just like I almost need to leave here if I am ever going to recover, but I started a job in May that is going very well, and due to the lack of employment opportunities out there, leaving is not an option.
To put in in perspective how BAD it is here:
#1- Bartenders rarely if ever cut people off, it is not uncommon to walk in to bars that people are sleeping on, and if they wake up they will be served.
#2- On an average night out with 5 of my friends we will drink about 5 liters of wine, 30 pack of beer or so, and on average about a 1 liter - 1.75 liter bottle of vodka just to get our "buzz" going (all before 11 o clock) only to go to the bar and sometimes leave with 100 dollar tabs EACH. (bars are VERY CHEAP HERE). Mind you I am 6 foot 190 so I am not exactly a big guy, but can drink like a 300 lb guy.
#3- People DO NOT LOOK DOWN on you for drinking. People of all ages alike will laugh when you do stupid stuff, until it gets EXTREMELY bad or personal (the category I fall in to). but instead of saying "you shouldn't drink or you should get help" they say "We have all been there dont worry about it".
I guess the point is that while drinking is a PERSONAL issue, it is so hard/scary for me to move ahead with this. I am basically subjecting myself to the most boring life possible (a majority of people here think something is wrong with you if you DONT drink). It is going to be super cold soon and my options will be even more limited. I am not trying to sound like I am bragging about our drinking up here, but it is even true at "drinking competitions" during spring breaks in Florida etc that people from Wisconsin are generally prohibited from entering (because we will always win).
Once again another post of mine that is all over the board, but I guess the whole point of it is. I have grown up in a culture that encourages this behaviour, I am at a point where I can no longer manage that behavior and am trying to take the proper steps to change that, but I just feel so hopeless about living a sober life in a place where people could really care less, and almost look at you as being "holier than though" for not drinking.
I feel like I am missing life being sober, and I am missing life as a drunk as well. It is just a terrible hopeless feeling in general. I realize I am very early in my recovery, but I just do not see any "hope" out there other than proper self actualization. I basically imagine myself being a sober lonely person at the age of 40 if I dont get out of here (which isn't an option right now). On the same token I can see myself as a miserable 40 year old drunk that has a million friends, possibly a wife, and maybe even another kid or two to raise in to this culture of excess drinking.
I know I need to take it one day at a time, but I tend to wrap myself around these thoughts and it scares the crap out of me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
No offense, but it sounds like alot of excuses to me. I live where it's always sunny, and all people drink here and all I ever did was drink.....but then I quit and decided to enjoy life sober.
Life is what you make of it. Your perception and reality seem to be two different things. If you want to focus on all the reasons why it is impossible for you to live happily in Wisconsin without drinking, then when you are sober in Wisconsin you will be unhappy. Pretty easy concept.
Life is what you make of it. Your perception and reality seem to be two different things. If you want to focus on all the reasons why it is impossible for you to live happily in Wisconsin without drinking, then when you are sober in Wisconsin you will be unhappy. Pretty easy concept.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
I've lived in Milwaukee for the past 20 years. I agree that drinking is a huge part of the culture here, but I know a lot of people who are only social drinkers or who don't drink at all (thankfully, I'm now one of them). You make it sound like everybody here is a drunk, that's just not true.
I wish you well.
I wish you well.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
I've found a perfect outlet for the anger and frustration I had in the beginning. I go to a driving range and smack a bucket of balls. I know that may sound a bit nuts, but I don't have to take anyone, I don't have to compete, I can take my anger out on the next swing and it helps my golf game. I know with us guys that physical release of tension helps alot, then we can calm down and talk with a friend about it.
Just a thought.
Just a thought.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
When I started to get sober I had to first reconcile those creepy feelings that kept popping up out of nowhere. I used to drink to numb all of them, including anger and disappointment, so when I quit, I had no coping skills. When all you got's a hammer, everything looks like a nail! So I got pissed off at everyone every time for every reason. That's where the meetings helped, because I listened to people who'd had the same issues and got different perspectives on actions I could take (that didn't include getting drunk or shutting people out).
Since getting sober and doing what others had done before me, I'm beginning to get what it is they have: Serenity and inner peace. As a result of doing The Steps and going to meetings, working with others and talking to a sponsor on occasion, I've managed to stay sober and not go to jail for road-rage or killing anyone. Or having them kick my ass for shooting off my mouth...
Since getting sober and doing what others had done before me, I'm beginning to get what it is they have: Serenity and inner peace. As a result of doing The Steps and going to meetings, working with others and talking to a sponsor on occasion, I've managed to stay sober and not go to jail for road-rage or killing anyone. Or having them kick my ass for shooting off my mouth...
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
'Drinking' has been an acceptable behaviour in Australia also. At the end of the day - does it matter what the h_ll other people think???
Its your life - you make your own choices.
Alrighty - Drink like everyone in your country because thats the done thing??? and eventually die a miserable death.
If your bored, stop drinking, get busy with life, find other things to do that make you happy. Focus on what you want, not what you think others expect from you.
JJ
Its your life - you make your own choices.
Alrighty - Drink like everyone in your country because thats the done thing??? and eventually die a miserable death.
If your bored, stop drinking, get busy with life, find other things to do that make you happy. Focus on what you want, not what you think others expect from you.
JJ
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 96
Hey dude! I could have written that. I'm from Europe and the country I'm in, EVERYBODY drinks or is extremely religious. It's the same way here, people laugh at you until it gets too personal or extreme and everybody drinks A LOT! I actually went away for six months and became sober. I'm back now and things are still the same. Nothing has changed but somehow everything is different. And you know what's different?? MEEE! I've changed and people getting drunk and partying all the time just don't bother me. I don't drink anymore and it feels quite natural. I'm in a better shape mentally and physically than I've ever been and life is good. I have hope. I'm enjoying life on life's terms and I've finally realized what a sorry state I used to be in, together with a lot of my drinking buddies and a lot of the people still running round drinking their brains out!
Don't let them control you. Be true to yourself, you know what's best for you. It's to quit drinking. It's to liberate yourself from the slavery that alcohol has impose on you. Don't let other people dictate what you are going to do, man. I promise, you will not regret it if you stay sober. Oh and take a look at the 12 steps, in there's the secret. It ain't ********, it's true!!
Love,
Jazzz
Don't let them control you. Be true to yourself, you know what's best for you. It's to quit drinking. It's to liberate yourself from the slavery that alcohol has impose on you. Don't let other people dictate what you are going to do, man. I promise, you will not regret it if you stay sober. Oh and take a look at the 12 steps, in there's the secret. It ain't ********, it's true!!
Love,
Jazzz
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 144
I know your feeling and think we all get angry from time to time. It's when we accept the truth that is the arising and passing away of everything, etc. "emotions" we begin to grasp what really lies within. Your materialism comment rang a familiar bell and I believe therein lies your answer, Everything is unsatisfactory and eventually changes. Their is the practice known as Mindfulness which has helped me greatly to persue living life in the now.
Good luck in finding your way and thanks for sharing your story : )
Good luck in finding your way and thanks for sharing your story : )
EntertheSticks
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 139
I am not trying to make any excuses, I was just in one of my little moods that I have been getting in when I wrote that.
Anyway its been a couple days since I have been on here and my head has been clearing up quite a bit. I actually had a weird moment of complete clarity and tranquility yesterday, It was quite profound, Do not think I have felt that way my entire life.
I still stick by my story that Milwaukee is pretty much a bunch of drunks, but It matters not to me. I actually acquired some tickets to an American Football game for October (huge party atmosphere) and decided I am going to go. I actually thought about drinking in general yesterday and I was literally like "blah" why would I even want to do that again, it is so stupid. I also had a discussion with a few of my friends (they are compulsive drinkers) and explained my new change of attitude. They were suprisingly supportive yet skeptical at the same time. (which is understandable).
My new found sobriety (at least at this current time) has been providing me with hapiness and such a clear thought process. I was able to sign two golden goose clients yesterday (been working on them since July) and that is something I NEVER would have been able to do without sobering up, because my focus was being eaten up by my drinking life. It is like almost like I have done a complete 180 since the beginning of this thread. Everything just feels a lot different knowing that there is no way I am not going to make it through this weekend sober. I realize that I am in no way on easy street, but I could get used to this feeling! I just feel so...... different, but in a good way.
Anyway its been a couple days since I have been on here and my head has been clearing up quite a bit. I actually had a weird moment of complete clarity and tranquility yesterday, It was quite profound, Do not think I have felt that way my entire life.
I still stick by my story that Milwaukee is pretty much a bunch of drunks, but It matters not to me. I actually acquired some tickets to an American Football game for October (huge party atmosphere) and decided I am going to go. I actually thought about drinking in general yesterday and I was literally like "blah" why would I even want to do that again, it is so stupid. I also had a discussion with a few of my friends (they are compulsive drinkers) and explained my new change of attitude. They were suprisingly supportive yet skeptical at the same time. (which is understandable).
My new found sobriety (at least at this current time) has been providing me with hapiness and such a clear thought process. I was able to sign two golden goose clients yesterday (been working on them since July) and that is something I NEVER would have been able to do without sobering up, because my focus was being eaten up by my drinking life. It is like almost like I have done a complete 180 since the beginning of this thread. Everything just feels a lot different knowing that there is no way I am not going to make it through this weekend sober. I realize that I am in no way on easy street, but I could get used to this feeling! I just feel so...... different, but in a good way.
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