Want to Drink so What if I Do?
 

Sober for a little over a year and 3 months. I am fine in my usual environment and don't really have strong urges to drink most of the time, but when I go on vacation something changes and I really want to and wonder if it would be okay. I want to so much that it occupies the majority of my thoughts and makes me miserable that I'm not allowed to mostly because other people would be upset if I did. I feel like I'm on vacation and the only real way for me to enjoy it is if I was able to drink. I am of the mind set that once I was back in my normal routine environment I would be fine and not need to again. What advice can you give me?

Hi redstuff

Welcome back

When my staying sober was dependent on not upsetting other people, or on never venturing into unfamiliar situations or places, I'm afraid I never lasted very long.

For me I either want to drink or I don't...it's black or white for me.

I either accept my self and my life is better with alcohol...or I don't.

I remember last time you were having trouble committing to a recovery method for long - did you find one that worked for you?

I'd either go back to it or keep looking as a matter of some urgency...IMO there's nothing back there in drinking that you'd want to revisit...

D

Welcome back to SR.....:wavey:
Good to know you are still not drinking....:yup:

I've taken sober vacations for years. I really think being sober
adds to the experience. Also.....it's cheaper if you don't
drink.....you can do more things...and remember them too.

I make sure before I go....I have a local AA number to
contact for meetings. I also bring along my BB and
my phone lists of AA friends.

I would not be going anywhere if I had to drink
to make it great. My priory is solid recovery....always

Hope you will keep sober and enjoy a fun time...:)

There's no vacation that you can take that getting drunk can't make worse.

My sobriety is not completely dependant on others, but it has a lot to do with it. If others didn't have such a problem with it or I wasn't involved with them in any way and it didn't matter what they thought I would likely still be doing it. However, it seems others try to discourage me from doing it and when I get all that out of the way when they are annoyed with me continuing to talk about it and they give in and say they can't control what I do, I ultimately feel too guilty myself to go get it and start drinking and usually by that time the stores are already closed and I've made it through the day.

I feel my life would be the best if I could have my cake and eat it too. You know, be able to drink when I want to and not drink when I shouldn't. For the past 1.3 yrs I've been able to not drink. There have been difficult times, but I've made it. My goal was to make it a year and I have. My method of recovery is really simple. Just don't no matter what. It works as long as you just don't. I haven't given in yet, and I often wonder so what if I did. Just on vacations or special occasions.

I've been able to not do it so far and I can likely continue not to do it but it makes me miserable because I want to see if I can and then be able to stop again; cause if I could, I would be doing what I want to be able to do.

what you want to do is control your drinking.
I spent 20 years trying to do that - I don't know about you, but I couldn't do it.

I'm much much happier not trying.

You obviously stopped drinking for a set of reasons - I'd go back and re-examine those reasons.

Whatever you decide - I wish you well.
D

The will to not drink has to come from within you, not trying to keep other people happy. It's too easy to just say eff it, I'm going to do what I want to do regardless of what anyone thinks. It sounds like you've put together some good sober time, but if you are still wanting to drink, you aren't really in recovery. You are attempting to use vacation time as an excuse to justify drinking. That is some stinkin' thinkin' and the alcoholic brain is famous for that.

I hope you don't drink and would also suggest that you find a program to help you lose the desire completely.

I wondered the same thing. What fun can it be if I can't even get a nice buzz on my vacation!!

I haven't yet been on a vacation since being sober, but somehow I know once I start, I'll drink so much as if I"m trying to make up for lost time....and it's going to all come back full circle like hell.

First, kudos for that year & 3 months! Me too! Only if it worked that way I woudn't have been an alcoholic in the first place. Did you only get sober because of other people having a probem with your drinking? I'm genuinely curious. When I gave up & admitted it & quit I knew I HAD to for me & I knew if I did it just because my job was yammering at me to do so (& believe they were; it was quit or be terminated) then I'd never be able to stop because I'd resent my job for forcing me to do something.... kinda like what you seem to be going through. But when it got bad enough... I quit for me.

My reasons for not were I drank when I shouldn't and I felt like crap when I didn't want to. On vacation I have time to feel like crap and I don't see any reason not to as I have no other obligations. This is my 5th or 6th vacation sober so I know I can make it through it I'm just getting tired of denying myself any outlet and enjoyment. When I go on vacation I want to go on vacation. I really don't feel I would be trying to make up for lost time, and now that I know I can control/resist it when I'm in my normal element I don't see why I couldn't just go back to doing that once the vacation is over.

Not solely, but it has a lot to do with it plus the job thing as well is a factor. I would say it was more for other people then myself, probably 55/45. It was really bad a year and 3 months ago. The drinking was effecting everything that was important. Relationships, employment, health etc.,........BUT, I didn't know I would be able to control it and have the ability to not do it. In fact, I was completely convinced I had no control over it at that point and was embarrased and humiliated....really beat down, depressed etc., I had no confidence at all in my abilities to control anything. I guess at this point I feel like I have more control because I have proven that I have at least as far as resisting the temptations go with a little over a year under my belt.

When I go on vacation I want to go on vacation. I really don't feel I would be trying to make up for lost time, and now that I know I can control/resist it when I'm in my normal element I don't see why I couldn't just go back to doing that once the vacation is over.

^^^Stinkin' Thinkin'^^^

I don't know that a relapse is a souvenir I'd care to bring home with me.

You seem to believe that you can "let your hair down" on vacation and then simply go back to not drinking when you come home as easily as you get caught up on your mail and phone messages that piled up while you're gone.

The experience of most people who've tried it is that it isn't that simple--once you've developed an addiction to alcohol, feeding it in any way makes it very difficult to stop again. Some people don't make it back for years and years.

If you aren't really "done" then you aren't "done" but if I were you I'd think long and hard about the possible consequences. Maybe what you need is to make sobriety more satisfying for you so you don't feel deprived by not drinking. I don't know if you've ever checked out AA, but it's been a good place for me.

if you think you can't enjoy yourself to the fullest extent by not drinking, then don't go on vacation.

it's not worth your sobriety. stay home and do something else.

Redstuff -- I've been sober 2 years and 8 months. I'm telling you this because I felt the same way as you do about my vacations for a long time. Because I couldn't drink, I didn't even want to go. The drinking had been the source of fun. To tell you the truth, I'm still learning how to have fun when not drunk. It's a huge learning curve for me. There are still days I wake up and ask myself, "Why are you doing this? Go get some bottles and finish this thing."

As time passes, though, those days are fewer and fewer. My enjoyment of activities where I used to drink (like vacations) is slowly growing. I've had to accept that the kind of fun I'm going to have sober is different than the kind of fun I had when I was drunk. I've had to learn to enjoy that kind of fun and find good things in it.

I know this sounds trite, but you have to find the enjoyment in sober living for yourself. Doing that takes practice. I've learned many things about myself since I've been sober. One of those things is that I'm a little fish in a big pond (even though I thought I was the biggest, most important fish in the pond for most of my life). It isn't other people's responsibility to keep me sober or to entertain me. I have to find my own happiness. Now, that happiness can come through AA, through a higher power, through meditation, through therapy -- whatever. The point is, it's up to me to find it.

In another thread, someone mentioned he can always spot an alcoholic because he's the guy everyone is walking on eggshells around. That was (another) eye opener to me. I'm the alcoholic, and there's no reason to torture the people in my life because I felt more comfortable drunk than I do sober. It's best just to pretend I'm having fun. Who knows? Maybe sometime soon, I'll decide I am having fun. Sometimes being around other alcoholics who've made a happy, satisfying, sober life helps -- which is why I hang out on SR.

Sorry if a lot of this does not apply to you. I'm talking to myself as much as I'm talking to you, redstuff.

I guess the advice I'll point to you is this: Be patient with yourself. It takes time. On vacation, try to find new activities. For instance, my husband and I used to love going to Cancún and staying at those all-you-can-drink resorts. We didn't go on tours (because we were too drunk). Now, when we go on vacation, we pick destinations that have museums, scenery, and activities we want to do. You have to take the bull by the horns and put yourself in situations that will make you happy and at peace.

Boy, I've rambled too long. Sorry about that.

I've been told, "Don't you EVER forget your last drunk," and, "Play the tape through."

I've been sober for a while and I attend meetings regularly. NEVER has anyone gone back out, made it back alive, and said, "MAN! You gotta get OUT there! It's AWESOME and there aren't ANY consequences anymore!"

I also have attended many a Relapser's funeral. See, the thing about getting sober and a solid program of recovery? It'll ruin one's drinking forever--and every single AA saying, every single personality, every single principle you've ever argued comes roaring back seven-fold to screw up the party.

There's a reason you've been staying sober. Do you remember? Quit planning your relapse and get busy--try helping someone without getting caught.

So you have people in your life who care about you? Need you? Depend on You? ... Good stuff, that's all that really matters in my own life... maybe yours too, IDK

Do you go on vacation alone or do those people who care about you go with you?

Yea it's hard at first, getting over those cravings and the obsession, but it can be done. Just by saying no... Have you read anything at all about alcoholism? I'm not trying to be mean spirited, but it seems to me that even a brief look at what others say about their own experience with drinking after a period of abstinence, even when it's years, indicates that true alcoholism doesn't go away just because someone stays dry for a while...

Maybe you are not alcoholic. Maybe you need to see? IDK... Many who find themselves in recovery from outside pressures (Family, Job, Law...)struggle with this. I know I have had to.

I have a suggestion... Get truly recovered. Why are you so miserable? Find out... Do the deal... then see if you still want to drink...

Or maybe try some controlled drinking... but, be careful, it seems that you may have a lot to loose... job, family, health, vacations in the sun....

Peace :)

Mark

I think that is your booze brain playing a trick on you so you'll drink. I went back your first post to SR. You wrote, "I hope this is the last time I have to quit drinking."

The LAST TIME. Not a year, not until you really felt like you could drink normally. Seemed to me you wanted to quit for good. Maybe in a later posting you revised your goal. Or maybe you've revised it over the last couple of weeks. I don't know. If any of us could drink when we felt like it, and could stop when we felt like it, would we be here? And if you had really, deep down, wanted to drink more than you wanted to be sober, you probably wouldn't have posted here today with your concerns. You would have drank and wrote us about your relapse. But you didn't. Hang in there.

I would sit in meetings listening
to someone who just came back
in after a slip.

I listen carefully to what they
have to say and it's the same
thing I hear time and time again.

"I slipped because I got complacent
or comfortable in my own skin.

I slipped for no real reason, i just
wanted to go back out and check
it out again.

I slipped yrs ago after I had some
sober time and didnt think I would
make it back in.

However here I am wanting what
you guys have.

Im willing to listen and follow
a program of recovery because
my will didnt work.

I tried to just drink here and
there and before I knew it, I
was out of control.

I know now i can't do this alone.

I NEED HELP.

Thank you for letting me share."

That surely could have been
me. But there I am listening
to them because they went
out for me and came back
in to let me know alcohol
and drugs are just as strong
today as it was 20 yrs ago
when I first stepped in AA.

If it wasn't working for me
then, and it's not working
for you now, then surely it
won't work for me ever.

That's why coming here to SR
or to a meeting allows me to
be informed or updated on
what's happening in the world
of drugs and alcohol.

It helps me to stay grounded
in my recovery and to ever be
so grateful for my sobriety.

It's not the number of yrs sober
I have but the quality of recovery
I have gained over the yrs.

Only you are stopping yourself from drinking whether on vacation or not; of course I'm assuming you are not kept locked up or something.... You chose to stop drinking and you've successfully gone over a year w/o a drink be proud of yourself! I'm assuming you stopped drinking because it was a problem and now you question whether there really was a problem or are you just not drinking because other people won't let you; you're an adult aren't you? Quitting and staying quit for others will never work long term, sobriety has to be something you want deep inside of you and recovering from the need/desire to drink is something you have to work at , are you working at recovery or are you just not drinking?