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Want to Drink so What if I Do?

Old 09-22-2010, 09:26 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I'm with Mark on this one. If you're not happy where you are, why are you doing it? Life's not meant to be lived unhappily. If I couldn't go on vacations, couldn't walk into certain stores, couldn't go to concerts, couldn't do this,that or the other...and it bugged me all the time... IF I WASNT TRULY HAPPY IN SOBRIETY.....I'd just go back to drinking. Who knows, maybe I'd be able to find a way to make it work this next time?

I dunno bud ... I've gotta go with choosing one of the three:
1. Stay the way you are - which sounds like your experience is that the present isn't so hot.
2. go back to drinking like you want to and take some classes on codependency or seek out some therapy that works for you so you can get past being so worried about what others think.
3. Determine if you're an alcoholic and, if you are, you've got two sub-choices:
-----a: get recovered
-----b: die an alcoholic death (which can be done by living a life of hell year after year after year after year after year... the lucky ones die in car accidents of from liver failure or something like that)

Door #3 Option A is working wonders for me.....and it's taken care of a whole TON of issues WAY beyond just my "drinking problem."
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Old 09-22-2010, 10:03 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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No doubt this isn't very pleasant so something needs to change. This is the 5th or 6th vacation I guess that I have felt this way and it doesn't seem to get much if any better each time although you would think that in time it would. My mind seems to be preoccupied with drinking when I see no reason why I shouldn't such as during vacations so maybe I should give it a try just to see what happens.
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Old 09-22-2010, 10:04 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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why on earth would you want to spend precious vacation time "feeling like crap" just because you have extra down time?

think about it?
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Old 09-22-2010, 10:11 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by redstuff View Post
I see no reason why I shouldn't such as during vacations so maybe I should give it a try just to see what happens.
Maybe you should then. Seems like a gamble, you might lose some people who you care about and who care about you... but if that's what it gonna take... And maybe, you can control it. Good for you if you can, then you won't have to mess around with all this recovery stuff... it ain't easy.

But if you find you cannot control it, or if you don't enjoy it when you do... We are always here... AA will always be there if you choose to go...

Good luck with that, seriously, I mean it... maybe you'll be happily surprised!

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Old 09-22-2010, 10:12 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by redstuff View Post
Sober for a little over a year and 3 months. I am fine in my usual environment and don't really have strong urges to drink most of the time, but when I go on vacation something changes and I really want to and wonder if it would be okay. I want to so much that it occupies the majority of my thoughts and makes me miserable that I'm not allowed to mostly because other people would be upset if I did. I feel like I'm on vacation and the only real way for me to enjoy it is if I was able to drink. I am of the mind set that once I was back in my normal routine environment I would be fine and not need to again. What advice can you give me?
First, thank you for sharing this because I'm sure that the replies will help, but not only you, also others that may be thinking the same thing.

For me, I am an alcoholic, it is very dangerous for me to think that I can drink in safety. I know that one drink will only lead up to more, till I'm drunk and then my past life will be refunded to me in full. And upon reaching that point, everything is sure to get worse than what it was 10 years ago. I do not wish or want to go there again.

I can only suggest that you tell your own alcoholic story to yourself and then see if you think you still want to drink again.

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Old 09-22-2010, 10:20 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Let me know how this goes because I could be writing this exact stuff in 4 months or so. I am questioning things so your thoughts worry me because they are my thoughts too.
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Old 09-22-2010, 10:37 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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LovesToTravel...

I have had those thoughts too, I would reckon that quite a few of us have... But, I believe the stories of alcoholics that thought they could control it, and found they couldn't, often with disastrous results.

Problem is... how do we move past those thoughts? For me, AA has been huge in giving me a new purpose and direction... I'm moving on... I no longer bother with them, at least seriously.

Mark
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Old 09-22-2010, 10:47 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Future tripping on what may or may not come to pass is dangerous. I believe that when I dwell on the problem, the problem get's all-consuming; When I dwell on the solution, answers flow--AND I can hear them.
Go on vacation, take some recovery insurance, and look for an Open AA meeting in the area you're going. That way, if things get dicey, you've got an escape hatch.
If you're accepting of the dis-ease concept, remember that it's critical to stay away from the first one, and take the necessary steps to guard your sobriety.
Just some suggestions.
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Old 09-22-2010, 11:06 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Sound to me like you are trying to "control" your drinking, Something I have battled with for years. I am not speaking for you by any means, but this is what I have gone through when trying to moderate.

#1- This is the first time you drink after a layoff. Generally this time goes pretty well as you have satisfied your desire to drink. You tend to take it a little easier this time since you realize that you have a problem and you are putting your best foot forward to make sure you "control" your drinking. To be honest this is usually a really fun time and doesn't cause you the hurt and problems (which is the reason we all quit drinking) and sounds like what you are trying to do on your trip.

#2- You decide that since you made it without any hangups the first time, that you are now able to "control" your drinking a little better. This time is sort of satisfying but you start to get a bit towards your old tendancies. I consider #2 a way of "cheating" to get yourself back in to the terrible life that you have tried to separate yourself from. This could include watching a monday night football game and having a few, a cocktail party, A beer at the beach, etc etc etc.

#3- Now that you can officially "control" your drinking you think that once again you are now able to partake the same way that non alchies do. This is where it all hits the fan and you will reveal that you are the same POS (when you drink) that everyone hated and more importantly hate yourself. When I first came to this site it was the day after #3 had occurred (for about the 50th time in my life).

I am not going to babysit you or tell you what or what not to do. But what I am going to tell you is that it doesn't matter WHERE you have that drink. Your body is the same whether you are in Dallas, Milwaukee, or Tokyo Japan. Location is irrelevant. You are still you no matter what. What you need to realize that once you make an "exception" it will keep opening the doors to make more and more "exceptions" until you are back to that terrible place you were before you made the great decision to STOP. I do not even know why you stopped, but I will say that giving in is a terrible idea. You have worked WAY TO HARD to make it where you are right now. I am at 10 days and it feels like a year and a half, but I have been trying to quit off and on for the last 2.5-3 years to no avail. This time I am taking it seriously (ie NO EXCEPTIONS) and by giving in you are UNDERMINING all that struggle and hard work you have put in to get to where you are now. Just think about where you were and how you felt the 1st DAY you stopped and that should hopefully convince you otherwise. You cannot reason with Alcohol, and so many of us have tried to reason with it again and again and have failed EVERY time.
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Old 09-22-2010, 11:24 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by skg View Post
I believe that when I dwell on the problem, the problem get's all-consuming; When I dwell on the solution, answers flow--AND I can hear them.
I knew there was a reason I got up today, and this is it. This is my message of the day. Thanks so much, skg.
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Old 09-22-2010, 11:40 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I hope I am not too late to say this, redstuff. Let me spell it out for you:

-You think alcohol is the only answer to your misery.
-You are probably planning on drinking alone since you don't want others to get upset about your drinking.

Does this sound okay to you? Whether you could have just a few drinks or not doesn't matter at this point. It is a problem that you are looking to alcohol as the only solution. The answer to this problem isn't 'Drink alcohol.' You need to explore ways you can be happy without alcohol.

So what if you drink alcohol and it acts like a quick fix to bad feelings (it almost certainly won't, let's be honest. Guilt and embarrassment will quickly follow). What do you do when those bad feelings come back? Just drink again? That's called alcoholism.

Please just look for something to take your mind off alcohol. Once you find it, you will see how worthless a solution alcohol is by comparison.
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Old 09-22-2010, 12:11 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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I can guarantee you if you do go back to drinking - say, even just on holiday - you will be smack bang back to where you left off. You will undoubtedly get drunk, and you will suffer all the repercussions exactly as they were before but worse. This I can state with my life because I went back to drinking and it gets worse and its MUCH HARDER TO GET BACK ON TRACK. Good luck, I hope you stay sober. xx
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Old 09-22-2010, 12:20 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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This, my friend, is when having a good, solid program, like AA, comes in handy.
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Old 09-22-2010, 05:46 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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[QUOTE=milwaukeeguy85;2716056Your body is the same whether you are in Dallas, Milwaukee, or Tokyo Japan. Location is irrelevant. You are still you no matter what.[/QUOTE]

Hmmmm, this part I really like. I remember trying to make that geographical locating stuff when I was activily drinking. Always thinking that if I did move far enough away from where I was I could sober up. Problem is, everywhere I went I took this alcoholic with me. Never quite worked out the way I thought it would.

If I was just going on vacation and figured I could work out my drinking while vacationing, it never worked out. If I could have just left the alcoholic at home.

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Old 09-22-2010, 08:11 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by redstuff View Post
My sobriety is not completely dependant on others, but it has a lot to do with it. If others didn't have such a problem with it or I wasn't involved with them in any way and it didn't matter what they thought I would likely still be doing it. However, it seems others try to discourage me from doing it and when I get all that out of the way when they are annoyed with me continuing to talk about it and they give in and say they can't control what I do, I ultimately feel too guilty myself to go get it and start drinking and usually by that time the stores are already closed and I've made it through the day.

I feel my life would be the best if I could have my cake and eat it too. You know, be able to drink when I want to and not drink when I shouldn't. For the past 1.3 yrs I've been able to not drink. There have been difficult times, but I've made it. My goal was to make it a year and I have. My method of recovery is really simple. Just don't no matter what. It works as long as you just don't. I haven't given in yet, and I often wonder so what if I did. Just on vacations or special occasions.

I've been able to not do it so far and I can likely continue not to do it but it makes me miserable because I want to see if I can and then be able to stop again; cause if I could, I would be doing what I want to be able to do.
Ive seen this before...my friend in AA was like this too...basically he got driven to rehab by his GF, as soon as they pulled up to the gate he did a runner and came back 6 hours caked in mud as the rehab centre is in the countryside, i.e. nowhere to run to! This was the start...

His parents paid for rehab, after which he owed them about 40k including the money for the flat they rented him after rehab etc...

His GF, parents, friends etc are all telling him how well he is doing...then about 18 months later we had a chat...and he has worked 2 step 4&5's before once at rehab, once with a "sponsor"...

He made a comment when we were having lunch, said laughing "yeah if i didn't have so many people to answer to i'd still be drinking" then he tried to go onto next topic lol I said whooooooaaaaaa, alarms bells are ringing!!!

Anyways put him over to my sponsor after much convincing and hes worked the steps properly and hes changed, its always amazing to see how when a person works the steps with a decent sponsor they get that drastic personality change (spiritual awakening), most times in spite of themselves...always loved that guy, my friend, i think its cos hes 28 and hes just plain good looking and ripped as hell but has the lowest self worth ive ever seen...but thats changing and will continue to do so now...hes in a 6 year relationship which may just have achance of working out now too:-)

So his comment and yours is that one day at a time and dont drink whatever isn't enough is it? Definitely wouldn't have worked for me!

OK enough waffling my point is change or go back to the living hell which you came from...like my friend would have...choose your route to change, e.g. 12 steps of AA or...doesn't sound like you are willing to live with self imposed curfews or stop going on holidays etc so IMO you don't have enough self imposed restrictions to keep just abstinant for the rest of your life...

In answer to your original post, if you haven't really changed inside then why the hell would you not want to drink on holiday...in fact why would you even want to go on holiday without drinking?!

Good luck:-)

ps my friend was due to go abroad by himself and he said the same thing in our initial chat, who would know and what would it matter it's only a week...problem is that week might turn into a decade, if we could control it we would never have crossed the line and wouldn't be even questioning our drinking!
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Old 09-22-2010, 11:07 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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I imagine that all of us have either tried controlled drinking or thought about it. I tried it twice after several years of sobriety both times. I think it was OK (and fun) the first time or two. But what began as "just drinking on this occassion" became drinking on similar occasions, and slowly but surely stretching every boundary until I was back at it, if not worse.

The problem for me is that when the occasion comes and goes and I'm sober again, I'm back at that uncomfortable place of wanting to have a drink. When your vacation is over, how soon will it be before you want another vacation? What if you have a three or four-day weekend? Is it OK to drink then? What about holidays, etc. etc...... If you can control it on vacation, does that mean you can have just a few on Friday nights?

That would be the thinking that I would have. So I'm just throwing that out there. It's hard for me sometimes to accept that things feel a little more mundane, but that's the time when I get out my attitude of gratitude. I also try to accept that it's not just about me all the time.

Thanks for your post - I really do hope that you have a good vacation.
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Old 09-23-2010, 05:01 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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I knew somone who was a heavy drinker for years and then one day he stopped for a long time, because he wanted to lose weight. He was going on a cruise, so he decided he would drink on the cruise and stop when he got back. He did just that, partied very hard on the cruise and when he got back, he stopped. 3 weeks later he died, because his heart gave out, the doctors speculate it was the stress of drinking heavily, stopping, starting and stopping again, but that is only speculation.....

I know where you're coing from, if I was going on a vacation I would want to drink. When you are on vacation we tend to do things we normally don't do when we are not on vacation, so it gives us a break from everyday life, but with drugs and alcohol, I don't believe it is that simple and things can get rather complicated down the road

So I hope that you weigh the postive and negatives about what this will or will not do for your life and decide if it is even worth it.
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Old 09-23-2010, 07:33 AM
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I think deep down - we already know if this is a good thing or not. In my opinion, this comes down to acceptance of who we are and what we are.

Not living in acceptance...usually means we are living in denial. I think we know where that leads...

I wish you luck.
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Old 09-23-2010, 08:36 AM
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FWIW, I am currently on vacation in France....land of wine and song...from sun up to sun down. As I looked around me last night, I thought "you can drink, I cannot. You don't hide bottles in bushes, wake up with the most horrible sense of panic b/c you can't remember most of the night, you don't lie to those you love the most, alcohol doesn't rob you of your very soul....I thought "enjoy it if you want, I KNOW it would destroy all that I have worked for.

This may not be you, but it is me. I have been sober for 1 year, four months and 2 days and getting sober was very, very difficult for me. I never want to go through it again. BUT , MORE IMPORTANTLY, I am happier than I have ever been b4. Why would I want to go back to that hell? No thanks. It isn't worth it.
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Old 09-23-2010, 08:39 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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If you are romancing the idea of drinking, it sounds to me like you aren't really ready to quit drinking and haven't accepted that you are powerless of alcohol once you pick up the first drink. You still want to control your drinking, which, if you are an alcoholic, you will not be able to do for long. It's totally up to you whether or not you drink, but stop making excuses and call it what it really is.
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