jgm

I've been sober almost 2yrs now but I still find myself sitting in meetings and saying things in my head like 'I hate these people", its not that I 'hate' them I just don't understand them, people still puzzle and confuse me. They scare me, especially people I don't know. I don't know, its frustrating. Its not just in meetings either, but everywhere. I know other people are just like me, but I don't see it that sometimes, I need a new perception. I'm praying to see people differently but I was wondering what you guys think. If you have or have had this problem, how do you or how did you approach this problem?

Dee74

Hi JGM

Welcome back.

I dunno - when people used to scare me I invariably found it was my insecurities I was scared of.

As I've done the work on myself and grown more confident in myself, and as I understand myself more, I find I now understand people a lot more too.

I'm not in AA but if you are, I hear the steps are a good way to get to know yourself - are you doing the steps?

I looked back at your posts and you also mentioned PTSD last time - how are you dealing with that now? Do you think that may be a factor here too?

I hope you stick around, jgm.
You'll find a lot of support here

D

Mark75

Hey jgm... Like Dee, I wonder too where you are in the steps... One of the beautiful things about the program is that you lose your fear, particularly of others... I see people differently, they are just like me... not just alkies, but everyone.

Have you had a spiritual awakening? Have you worked the steps? with a sponsor? If the answer to those questions is yes, perhaps professional help... If the answer is no, well, what are you waiting for? Get started now. Where you are at now is a dangerous and frightening place. You don't have to feel that way.

Kablume

For me, doing some service work at meetings has helped me get over my fear of people and my shyness. I chaired meetings and that has really helped me step outside myself and get to know people more and let them get to know me.

lildawg

JGM - I am glad you asked this question. I feel the same way around people -- insecure, afraid.

The advice you've gotten so far interests me, and I appreciate everyone who has answered.

DayTrader

That's the key right there.......praying to be changed. I don't share that same specific issue but there's usually something goin on with me that I'm either sick and tired of or really just want to have fixed. I prayed and prayed and praaaaaaaaayed....but sometimes nothing happened. "What the HECK? God forgot about me again!" would be my typical first thought.

I was confused - if God's alllllllllll powerful, and I need this character defect fixed, and "God could and WOULD if He were sought," and I'm seeking and I'm humbly asking BUT NOTHING'S CHANGING ---- well, what gives GOD?

Then I heard a talk by Don M and I fiiiiinally learned: sometimes we just have to act right even though we don't feel like acting right. Acting as if you care about those people and doing the things that you'd imagine a person who really cared for them would do - that'll probably change your perceptions of them. It's that old aa line: we can't think ourselves into right acting but we CAN act ourselves into right thinking. Want your thinking to change???--change your actions first.

I also do a fair amount of writing - matter of fact I've recently decided I'm just going to be in perpetual inventories until I get some indication that it's time to stop (lol). I find that most of the time when I feel like I really can't stand someone or some group....it's almost ALWAYS based in some feeling of smug superiority. UGH, I hate to even type it - lol. But that's me...runnin around thinking I'm better than all these other recovering folks...

Be careful using this one (I usually don't like what I see - but I see exactly what I need to see.....): I do a lot of praying for God to see in myself what He wants me to see - to see in others what he wants me to see - and for him to set aside in me everything I think I know about the people in my lives, the program, recovery, work, relationships, even my beliefs in God himself .... set aside everything I think I know about everything... for a new experience, a new understanding, and a renewed willingness to get closer to Him and what He would have me BE. --man, that's been a SUUUPER powerful prayer for me lately (and thanks for making me type it out - I needed to hear it again )

loveon2legs

I am struggling with a similar issue myself, but I'm just finding people people soo rude and wrapped up in their own world..it's really irritating me lately....since I've been sober Im "out there" now so I seem to notice it more... makes me at times want to stay at home... I really have to get over this, but it amazes me just how selfish and self centered some people can be!!

CarolD

Where are you in your AA Step work?

Living in alinement with God and AA's direction
gives me balance and peace.

hope you find the sense of purpose and joy soon.

Good to see you here again

Che

It can be hard sometimes, but I think that if you try to have sympathy for strangers, they won't seem so bad.

To be honest, I can't relate to not understanding people. I've always been a person very committed to understanding others, but this comes with its own set of problems. What can I say, though? Sometimes life is just sad. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, even if a doctor can prescribe you dozens of drugs to change it.

Essentially what I'm saying is that you shouldn't make too big a deal about it. If you think about how much it annoys you, it will grate. If you don't, it will just pass. Sorry if this is not pleasing advice.

aasharon90

I was the shy, reserved one. I
sat a many a times not saying
a word.

Im know i felt like you in
early recovery trying to
figure people out and trying
to understand AA which
sounded like I was listening
to it in a foreign language.

The more i went the more
my head began to move
up and down in agreement
or side to side in disgust.


I went to many many meetings
just listening and holding on
for dear life.

The more i went the more i
began to relate and understand
these people whom i was just
alike.

I continue to go for the message
of the day or what Im suppose
to hear for that day.

It's amazing how when I do
go, i hear exactly what I need-
ed to hear. And boy did I hear
it loud and clear.

I also brought things to eat
that would go good with coffee.
That made me feel a part of our
awesome fellowship.

It continues to get better each
day that passes and you are
living sober and incorperating
a recovery program in ur everyday
affairs.

Suzie12

I too am scared of people JGM, probably not scared as such, but feel I am not as good as they are, think they are always looking down their nose at me. I have been like this all my life, dont know how to change it.

I spend hours going over conversations with people, thinking I said something wrong and hoping I didnt upset/offend them in anyway. If I write an email I have to make sure I keep a copy or I will be up all night worrying if I put something in that I shouldnt,I need to read it over and over again to reassure myself that I did not.

I know how you feel, exactly, and the others have given out some good points that I am going to try and take on board.

Hugs

Suzie

Harry01854

I'm wondering what it is you don't understand about them. Do you identify and relate to them at all? I mean, they are alcoholics just like us. I would have to think, in my opinion, they scare you because you don't know them. One way I solved that, I would go up to someone, "reach my hand out and say, Hi I'm Harry and I'm new." Since your not exactly new, reach your hand out to someone, same sex, that looks like they have something that you would like to have yourself, and introduce yourself. After a little chitchat, and if you feel comfortable with that person, ask them if they have any experience with the 12 Steps. If the answer is yes, ask them if they will be your sponsor. If they say yes, jump in their back pocket and enjoy the ride.

We are all people just like you, alcoholics that want to stay sober and live a better life. Nothing to be afraid of, we won't bite. At least I won't, I only have 6 lower teeth. lol

Keep coming and I suggest, get a sponsor to guide you through the Steps.

Harry

jgm

Thanks everyone for the replies. I appreciate it. I'm going through the steps for a third time with my sponsor, and I just did a 5. There is some trauma issues I'm still dealing with, and i have psychologist for that, and I'm also coming off benzodiazapes at the same time. So I'm healing I guess. But yeah, praying and just acting my way into a new way of thinking seems to come back as the best answer for me. God have I tried every possible way of thinking my way well, its exhausting. And you guys have no idea what it means to just have people who actually care enough to respond.(well you probably do) but its so nice. I was really broken when i came in, i hadn't talk to another human being in 5 months before i came in, so the whole socializing thing will probably take time. thanks again for your advice. I'll keep going with 6 and 7, helping others (even if i don't want to), acting myself well, and praying.