Feeling sucks
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
Feeling sucks
I have been sober for about 3 1/2 months now. 103 days to be exact. It almost went out the window on Monday. All of the things I tried to push out through drinking more and more came crashing down on me. 8 years of pain all in one big dose. I didn't want a drink to relax, to calm down, not even to feel better. I wanted a bottle -- or two, to be safe -- of gin. I wanted to push all that pain out again.
Thankfully, I did not drink. At least not yet. I know that drinking will only push it away again for a while. . .I know that I will have guilt and remorse on top of it. But sometimes, well, I just feel like I don't care.
Thankfully, I did not drink. At least not yet. I know that drinking will only push it away again for a while. . .I know that I will have guilt and remorse on top of it. But sometimes, well, I just feel like I don't care.
Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by aehmnm 
I wanted a bottle -- or two, to be safe -- of gin. I wanted to push all that pain out again.
Drinking would not push the pain out, it would push it down, only to rise again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 160
Way to stay strong! Also, a big congrats on 3.5 mos. Ya' know, there are always going to be times when all the hard work could possibly "go out the window". Life is like that, one big roller coaster of ups & downs. Remember what Martin Luther King Jr. said (and of course, replace man with woman):
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in
moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands
at times of challenge and controversy. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
8 Years of pain coming crashing down! It almost brought you down too but you met the challenge.
What do you mean? Throw your sobriety streak away and go back to drinking?
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in
moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands
at times of challenge and controversy. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
8 Years of pain coming crashing down! It almost brought you down too but you met the challenge.
Originally Posted by aehmnm
But sometimes, well, I just feel like I don't care.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
It sucks having to face disappointment without the usual solution to fix it, but just remember that NO PROBLEM is so bad that a drink can't make worse. My sponsor told me we're gonna have bad days, and that's alright.
"Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.”
Seek and you shall find, so seek love.
"Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.”
Seek and you shall find, so seek love.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by SlvrMag
Drinking would not push the pain out, it would push it down, only to rise again.
I have to be honest. After a few 24 hours of sobriety I rather enjoy the emotions I feel. Sort of like the "i cut myself just to see if I was alive" thing. With sobriety and new found sanity, I know what to do with the feelings today.
Brian
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 273
I have learned that when I feel badly, I want an immediate solution. I get it in my head that what I'm experiencing is a problem and that it needs to be solved right this second.
Sometimes things need more than a second to be fixed. Alcohol is a worthless solution to problems. If you just give yourself some time you might find, like I did, that the crushing feeling goes away (even if it returns sometimes). This is just part of living. Take the good with the bad, as they say, and know what you want to be.
Sometimes things need more than a second to be fixed. Alcohol is a worthless solution to problems. If you just give yourself some time you might find, like I did, that the crushing feeling goes away (even if it returns sometimes). This is just part of living. Take the good with the bad, as they say, and know what you want to be.
Its time for bed
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Undisclosed Location
Posts: 343
Each and every time you can hold off the alcohol and reassure yourself that things will sort themselves out YOU take another step to making it.
Patience. There is never a shortcut without a price to pay. Patience!
Patience. There is never a shortcut without a price to pay. Patience!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I've faced some pretty full on things since I got sober - and although it was hard, I'm glad I dealt with them sober.
Having actually dealt with them and not run away into a bottle like I used to, they're done now....ex, past, over, finis, kaput.
stay strong (((aehmnm)))
D
Having actually dealt with them and not run away into a bottle like I used to, they're done now....ex, past, over, finis, kaput.
stay strong (((aehmnm)))
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 861
I hope you feel better very soon.
One of the main reasons I drank was to push down pain. Near the end of drinking, I found the pain was more intense and intolerable when I was drinking than when I was sober. And I figured if I was sober then I can work through and release the pain.
Take good care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself.
One of the main reasons I drank was to push down pain. Near the end of drinking, I found the pain was more intense and intolerable when I was drinking than when I was sober. And I figured if I was sober then I can work through and release the pain.
Take good care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Upstate NY, in the Adirondacks
Posts: 232
For me, the pain of drinking and not having control was worse than the emotional pain I was trying to mask. When I feel pain, I remember how I felt at the end of my drinking - I was so desperate to stop, I considered jumping down a few steps so I could hurt my ankle or leg or something and have to go to the hospital. I didn't do it, but the thought was that it was the only way I could leave all my responsibilities and get into rehab.
I don't want that kind of pain again. Did you have that? Can you remember that when things get terrible?? It might help you fight "the Beast" that is telling you that he/she will help you with all your pain. It won't.
I don't want that kind of pain again. Did you have that? Can you remember that when things get terrible?? It might help you fight "the Beast" that is telling you that he/she will help you with all your pain. It won't.
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
I'm going to tell you something that my sponsor told me tonight when I was going through some crazy cravings and it made a lot of sense:
"You don't have the option to drink"
Don't forget that....
"You don't have the option to drink"
Don't forget that....
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
aehmnm - I'm so sorry you got ambushed with emotions. I know it's hard to sit through them. Just think, though, how good you'll feel once you do. And we always have the option of seeing a counselor or psychiatrist if the pain continues.
Like Dee said, every minute you can feel that pain and get through it, will be a minute that you will never have to repeat again. Do be patient with yourself. Get a milkshake, take a warm bath, or just hang out here and keep writing. We're behind you.....
Prayers and hugs.
Like Dee said, every minute you can feel that pain and get through it, will be a minute that you will never have to repeat again. Do be patient with yourself. Get a milkshake, take a warm bath, or just hang out here and keep writing. We're behind you.....
Prayers and hugs.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,945
Originally Posted by aehmnm
I have been sober for about 3 1/2 months now. 103 days to be exact. It almost went out the window on Monday. All of the things I tried to push out through drinking more and more came crashing down on me. 8 years of pain all in one big dose. I didn't want a drink to relax, to calm down, not even to feel better. I wanted a bottle -- or two, to be safe -- of gin. I wanted to push all that pain out again.
Thankfully, I did not drink. At least not yet. I know that drinking will only push it away again for a while. . .I know that I will have guilt and remorse on top of it. But sometimes, well, I just feel like I don't care.
Thankfully, I did not drink. At least not yet. I know that drinking will only push it away again for a while. . .I know that I will have guilt and remorse on top of it. But sometimes, well, I just feel like I don't care.
) i am glad you shared your feelings.. keep posting..
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: England
Posts: 137
Hiya Amy,
Really proud of you that you didnt drink. Be strong, i know you can do it.
I was sober for 3 years, and gave in to temptation, slid back into being the same old hopeless drunk for a couple of years, am now sober again for a good few weeks, but the struggle is much harder this time around.
You have done the initial hard work, keep chatting to us and keep on believing, YOU CAN keep sober.
Suzie x
Really proud of you that you didnt drink. Be strong, i know you can do it.
I was sober for 3 years, and gave in to temptation, slid back into being the same old hopeless drunk for a couple of years, am now sober again for a good few weeks, but the struggle is much harder this time around.
You have done the initial hard work, keep chatting to us and keep on believing, YOU CAN keep sober.
Suzie x
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