Dee74

Hey 15beatsperminut
Welcome to SR

I wanted not be a drunk, not be thrown out of bars, not be inappropriate in my behaviour, not to fall down, not to lose control of myself, not to blackout and not remember nights...but I wanted still to drink....with decorum.

The idea I could some how do that kept me in the cycle for about as long as you've been alive.

I couldn't do it.

I started like you a binge drinker - but I ended up an all day every day guy. I lost a lot trying to drink like a gentleman.

I finally worked out that alcohol and I do not mix - ever - and the last 3 years have been the best of my life.

I hope you work out what the best option is for you.

D

soberscot

Hey 15beatsperminut,

I really wished that someone had sat me down at 23 and pointed out that my drinking was a problem. Better still I wished I had noticed and not found myself at 30 with the first, going on second stages of liver disease.

You have realized something is not right with the way you use alcohol and that is awesome

It sounds like you have the beginnings of a good future ahead being in Grad school. There are many choices now for you, it will of course be up to you which path you take, or whose help you accept. It's out there, sobriety and the help you'll need. You just need to decide how to accept it.

I hope you stick around.

TheEnd

To me when I had to sit around and count the drinks I had or could drink it became tedious. 2 or 3 drinks doesn't even give me the slightest buzz, I want that stumbling laying on the couch feeling if I'm going to drink. If I'm going to moderate my drinking, might as well drink diet coke, it will pretty much will have the same effect.

Well it sounds like you have all the signs, but like many of us, you are probably looking for reasons to not see them when they are smack dab in your face. What are you waiting for, to crash head on into one of them? Don't be like me, don't wait until you start screwing everything up to start making bette decisions.

15beatsperminut

I know the drinking is a problem....

I got kicked out of my dorm in college for my drunkenness for a semester.
I have gotten in multiple fights.
I have fallen and hurt myself more times than i can count without recalling how (most recently friday, my knee is still killing me)
I have gotten 1 drunk in public ticket, urinating in public (recent), and purchasing alcohol underage
I have embarrassed myself infront of my family multiple times
I have said inappropriate things to classmates, teachers (who was an alcoholic good thing she didnt remember anything), and countless other people.

I know the problems associated with drinking. but lets face it ...its fun to get drunk and not .....sucks. That is why i am trying to figure out a middle ground. I don't feel alcohol is a disease...i could not drink i just frankly enjoy it as a way to relax once a week, i just need to keep it in moderation. Self-control is what I need to work on. Its my lack of self-control after a certain point that I need to address.

My good buddy is coming over friday, I am either 1) going out of that '1 last hooray' (he likes to drink as well) but i am going to make a good effort not to pregame with half a handle of vodka.... and than after that I am going to either stop drinking if I can not maintain a coherent mind state or I am going to "unteach" myself bingeing.

I think my game plan will consist of...
if i go out I will not pregame at all
I will have a drink at usual pace (not chugging ---it always amazes me that i am the first one done with my drink and refilled when people are on their first)
I am going to abstain from hard liquor (vodka and cokes with lime are my favorite and I will no longer have them)
I am also going to go out later (i usually go at 8 because I know i get so drunk I will pass out by 12 ....) So i am going to go out at like 9:30-10 and that at tops will allow only 3 hours of drinking and i will max that at 5 drinks total.

If none of the above work. than im done with drinking.


i also have a hard time rationalizing the thought that- alcohol "controls me" when it seems people who quit still all alcohol to control by constantly thinking about it and i had to go to AA 2 times for my drunk in public back in college and that seemed like straight brainwashing and overload of "dont drink" and religious talk. it seemed people there seemed to turn their "quitting alcohol" into another addiction ...the addiction of quitting. I am either just going to stop and thats it ..no more daily reminders not to drink just thats it or i am going to figure out moderation

suki44883

Good luck!

GettingStronger2

Wow. You said a lot here. First, from your laundry list, yes, i would say alcohol is causing you some problems.

Second, you started to say what you were going to do when your buddy came into town and you started your options with a 1. but you never gave the alternate. . .do you have another plan? Cuz it sounds to me like you just want to go all out and have a drunken time. . .that's fine, i'm not judging you or that choice. Just remember, if you are going to quit, there has to be a last time sometime.

There is a healthy debate as to whether alcoholism is a disease or not. I happen to think it is. I think it is both mental and physical, having done a lot of indpendent research on the subject. But you know what? It really doesn't matter. For those of us who have lost the ability to control our drinking, we are just better off staying away from it.

Many of us have started out as binge drinkers. Yes, I loved to drink to have a good time. . .yes, i liked that alcohol helped me relax. . .in fact, that is how i ended up an everyday drinker. After a hard day at work, and after dealing with coming home, cleaning, dinner, getting kids all set for bed, etc., drinking was a way to relax. I deserved it you know! Well, that thinking got me into a lot of trouble and where i am today.

However, i am sober today. My drinking days are over. i don't want to go all out and have a good time. If i want to go all out now, it is to block everything out, because that is what i taught myself.

This is the direction I see you headed at 23. I could be wrong about it. You may be one of the lucky few who can learn to control your drinking and drink like a gentleman. If you can, well, I bow to you. If not, you are heading for some seriously difficult times.

Think about it, and think about why you joined this website and what that means.

Take care!

CarolD

We have offered you our advice and our experiences.
You either will quit or you won't.

Our site is dedicated to recovery....not moderation.

Wishing you all the best for your future.

This thread is going no where.
It's closed.

Thanks everyone for sharing.