LexieCat

I'm with LaFemme, I have not missed alcohol one bit. And I LOVED to drink, to just let it carry me away with it. Maybe it was because I was so conscientiously trying to control it for so long--it was completely intractable, and the day I decided to quit, I was DONE. I had a three-day home detox in which I allowed myself a drink once every four hours or so, but even then I wasn't thinking of what I would miss. It was exactly like medicine--I took it every four hours as (self) prescribed, and when I had the last one, it was like finishing a bottle of medicine (I never was attracted to medicine/drugs--thank goodness).

The ONLY time I thought a drink would be "nice" was when I smelled the wine my folks were having in a steak house, and I thought it would taste good with the steak. I was never a wine afficianado, though, so I concentrated on my food and the conversation, and I soon didn't notice the aroma any more.

LaFemme

Sorry Che...didn't mean to sound snappy:-) I get what you were saying, I thought maybe I wasn't expressing myself clearly:-)

cheesegrits

My best friend, Jagermiester, made me pee in the closet. hard to mourn the loss of that guy.

SixStringZen

OH! I thought you said, "MORNING alcohol"....carry on

yeahgr8

Not my experience...i remember sharing about mourning booze like i had lost a friend as i had heard it at a meeting to my counselor...he spat out his dummy and explained what was really going on and it turns out i definitely was not mourning the loss of an old friend just using it as another excuse for self pity and inaction...once i had made an inner change i saw what he meant:-)

Im glad i did the suggested work as soon as i walked into AA this time cos i know exactly the feelings you mean and they suck!

SSIL75

You know it's funny I was reading the People magazine article with Elin Nordegren yesterday (randomly) and she was talking about those stages of grief wrt her divorce and I thought man. That's like what I'm going through. I feel stuck between depression and acceptance right now.

Something I read in a different post earlier was a woman saying that her XAH wanted to control his drinking because he didn't want to have to quit. I feel happy right now because I didn't realize I stopped feeling that way. But I have

Omega10

In the beginning I mourned the loss, but after about a month of sobriety I got thinking about it some more, and came to some realizations about the friendship I had with alcohol. This is what I wrote in my journal at that time:

During the height of my drinking, I often thought that alcohol was my best friend. My liquid friend was always there for me, when my human friends were not.

During the earlier days of my sobriety, I really got to thinking about this friendship.

What kind of friend:
1. Would allow me to wander downtown by myself at 3:30 AM in search of a cab?
2. Would allow me to fall asleep on the train, miss my stop, and let me wind up in a place far away from home?
3. Would give me physical pain in my right side?
4. Would let me leave the house in wrinkled clothes that "hopefully were clean"?
5. Would convince me it is okay to not honour commitments I had made to other friends?
6. Would allow me to shirk my responsibilities of cleaning my house?
7. Would enable me to eat junk?
8. Would enable me to not eat at all?
9. Would force me to stay in bed all day?
10. Would allow me to pass out in the driveway in front of my family during my Mom's 75th birthday?
11. Would cause me such stomach upset that I would hurl my cookies time and time again?
12. Would convince me it is okay to call in sick when I wasn't truly sick?
13. Would cause me to start arguments with my friends over stupid things that did not really matter?
14. Would allow me to send text messages and e-mails that I would later regret?
15. Would put me in extremely unsafe situations?
16. Would let me fall only to wake up in the morning and wonder how I got all the bruises?
17. Would sever relationships with people who mattered a lot to me?
18. Would cause my real friends unnecessary worry and concern?
19. Would steal the money out of my bank account and make it a strain for me to pay my bills?
20. Would suck my life and my spirit out of my body?

Alcohol, I used to think you were my good friend. Now I know you were just my toxic friend who was really abusive to me.

In retrospect, you were truly not a friend of mine at all.

coffeenut

Oh, yes, I mourned it. But I wouldn't admit it. I was a stark raving mad b!tch....until I finally came to grips with it.

Looking back....it was tough. Looking forward.....is simply the BEST. The Best!

Timmelle

This makes sense to me now, I never new why I feel the way I am.

I was bargaining right after my year chip, and during so I felt like crap, I thought i was cheating just thinking about it.

Now i am depressed, I feel hopeless and empty, my insecurity has jumped ten fold.
My poor girlfriend has taken a lot of crap, I guess I should feel blessed she is still with me.

It has caused me to get stuck on my 8th step, I just don't feel like I deserve to be forgiven, so I just haven't made my amends list. So I am worried I am going to get stuck in dry drunk before it's all over with.

I just hope it doesn't last much longer.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Timelle

D

Timmelle

Thanks, been lurking here on and off for awhile now.

I need to do more, to step up. I feel like I am going backwards. I was depressed when I stopped drinking, and now after 14 months I am depressed again.

wduhelpme

Has anyone read "[I]Drinking - A love story" - by Carolynn Knapp[I]? I bought it but have not read it yet. Its seems that it is about this womans struggle with the loss of a friend.

LaFemme

A lot of people here really enjoyed that book. I am not interested in it because I read some original at the library and she relives some of the good times...if I think about my drinking past I only remember the bad...

nancylee

I was mourning the loss until a guy in rehab from AA said to me, "As long as you think of alcohol as your friend, rather than your mortal enemy, you will relapse." I was pissed and embarrassed. But he was right. Alcohol is like one of those best friends who turn into your worst enemy. It was stealing my brain, my husband, my family, my job little by little, and my spirit. I hate it and never want to drink again. I don't ever want to go through that again.
Nancy
Day 35

nancylee

Please don't be so fearful. When you are ready, you will move along. I was at an AA meeting the other night, and some people were saying, "You have to move through the steps, or you will drink," and one guy piped up and said, "It took me 9 years to get to Step 9, I wasn't ready, and I am sober 32 years now." Don't allow yourself to be made afraid. I think the Steps are just guides, I am doing a lot of them without the formality, if/when my sponsor makes me do them, I will feel like I have done them already.

findingt

I'm not gonna miss all the negative feelings, all the crappy things, the shame, the guilt, the hangovers.

But... I will miss a really cold beer, makes me want to cry to think I let it get so far that I can never enjoy that again.

Dee74

I remember feeling the same way but I found I grew past that findingt - it's just not important to me now - it's not a loss...

I hope you'll come to feel that way too
D

SSIL75

Agree. I just hit that point (where it no longer feels like a loss). It's quite unexpected and very liberating. Life after alcohol? Who'd have thought?

SSIL75

I read an excerpt from that years and years ago and it spoke to me so loudly that I couldn't finish the article . I was 22 and it took me another 13 years to quit drinking.

The author died a couple of years back of lung cancer. She was only in her 40's. Sad.

play2win63

I'm 14 months and 5 days sober and mad as hell about it lately. My counselor brought up the grieving process yesterday for me. I think I get it. I've been impossible to live with this past week and Im miserable. Learning new coping skills sucks! I hate this process but I will not let alcohol take me. Im done with it. I will be glad to get on with the healing process and think now that I understand the process a little better or recognize what is going on with me I can better deal with it. This too shall pass and I will be stronger for it. God is
carrying me right now and Im happy to let him. Glad to find this community. Thanks for listening.