loveon2legs

Basically when someone asks me if I would like a drink, I just say I'm allergic...I don't feel need to get too personal.. I am proud that I am in recovery, I just don't feel the need to share it all the time!!

GettingStronger2

That's okay, DV. You need to find a support system now. . .people who know you sober. And you will. :ghug3

Che

I'm very much already an eccentric person, so on the list of weird things I do that make other people uncomfortable, not-drinking seems insignificant. One of my friends doesn't take my decision to quit seriously at all... He thinks it is a game of will that I'm playing with myself or something. But I also think he's an idiot, so it pretty much doesn't bother me.

I don't feel good to not fit in with anyone I meet, but I'm not going to change either. I just hope I'll meet some people who are interested in me, and not the faceless embodiment of what everyone in our culture is 'supposed' to be. An "adult drink," give me a break—I'm glad I've never heard that one.

TheSunAlsoRises

Wsup all,

Ive been away from the boards for awhile but i'm still sober and doing well... actually doing better than ever... Anyhow interesting read, in the early days it made me real uncomfortable to be around people who were drinking, but these days its not even a big deal. I have a sense of humor about it and people very very rarely get defensive... most people I think are surprised that a 22 year old guy can enjoy himself without needing to drink. But im in the south and people seem more shocked by the fact that I don't eat meat, so I unintentionally seem like a strange enigma to most people... if anyone asked I am honest without volunteering information...

Carol is right though generally sober people are a lot better company...

Clayton

TheEnd

No not really, I'm allergic to peanuts and there is no desire for me to every try it because I have never had a good experience with them, where as alcohol I have had good experiences with......but I get what you're trying to say

SillyDick

When I decided to stop drinking (11 weeks today) I thought that my social life would remain unchanged apart from the alcohol.

I got a lot of pressure from my drinking friends to carry on drinking - they felt like I had deserted them, and I suppose I had. I think, as has been said, that my not drinking caused them to reflect on their own habits etc.

I continued going to the pub and socializing with my friends but after they have had a few beers while I was sober I began to find the situation a little tedious and wondered why I was there. The fact is drinking alcohol is not much fun if everyone else is doing it and not you. not because being sober is boring, quite the opposite, drunk friends are boring.

The culture of going to the pub is so ingrained in the society that I live in that the thought of not going is almost more bizarre than the thought of not drinking.

It's kind of like if you don't go to the pub then think you will become a hermit and everyone will forget you exist and you will be excluded from having a social life etc.

I had a moment of realization last night however, discussing the subject with a friend at home it came to me that I DO NOT HAVE TO BE IN THE PUB TO SOCIALIZE. I will still probably call in every couple of weeks to let the guys know I'm still alive but I no longer feel the need to socialize there.

As it happens I belong to an Archery club and the indoor season starts in a couple of weeks, thats 7pm till 10 pm Wednesday and Friday. I also love swimming and my local pool has evening sessions twice a week. There are endless other opportunities to spend evenings with other people without being in the pub.

It's not that I don't enjoy spending time at home, I do, it's just that I am a very sociable person and love company. I also feel very happy today after the realization that a social life does not have to depend on the pub.

Thanks for being here everyone

CarolD

Well done on your sober time SD......

Yes...my social life no longer depends on bars and drinkers.
I can absoutely understand your point...totally agree

Dee74

Welcome back to SR SD

D

LexieCat

I can think of few things more tedious than sitting around with a bunch of people who are drinking.

Glad you are exploring other places to socialize with people. The people with whom you primarily "bond" over a drink are usually "friends" only by virtue of the false intimacy that comes with getting drunk together. I know that drinking made it much easier for me to be open and intimate with people, but it was false intimacy.

lildawg

I might be totally off base, but I had a thought about this.

I wonder if the non-drinker is pressured to drink for the same reason the non-athlete would be pressured to play volleyball at an outdoor picnic or the non-sweets lover would be pressured to eat a piece of birthday cake at a birthday party. Everyone is doing xyz and having fun; therefore, you should xyz, too, and have fun with the group.

Drinking alcohol is a lot different than playing volleyball or eating a piece of birthday cake (unless you're diabetic). I'll concede that. However, I think the sentiment behind trying to help the lone dissenter "fit in" in is the same. Everyone else at the picnic is playing volleyball; therefore, you should, too, even if you're a hopeless klutz who will lose the game for your team. Everyone else at the birthday party is eating a piece of cake; therefore, you should too even if you don't like sweets (which my husband doesn't). So, if you're not having a drink at the pub, you're the outsider. You having a drink is a way of fitting in. Fitting in means you're having fun. Your friends want you to have fun. Therefore, they're going to pressure you to have a beer (or whatever).

Maybe I'm totally off-base on this. It just occurred to me today, though, to think that it's not personal when someone tries to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. They just want you to fit in because fitting in is fun. Of course, it could totally be that they're uncomfortable with their own drinking or having you witness how drunk they're going to get.

Lexie makes an interesting take on how/why you become friends with your drinking buddies. Now that I'm sober, I've found my old drinking buddies to be shallow and tedious to be around. I think the idea of looking into activities in which the participants are likely to be sober is a great idea. I need to do that, too.

TheEnd

I totaly agree with you. When I was drinking I would want other people to drink, because I was having fun and wanted them to have the same experience. Now that I'm not drinking, I don't intend to drop all of my friends, because my friends are very important to me and we have more in common than a drink or a drug.

Which is one of my gripes about this person, places, or thing bit, but that's just me. I gave up drinking, but I didn't give up my friends. Last night I went to a cocktail party and I had fun, because the people I was with are fun, even though I wasn't drinking. Did I put myself in a dangerous situation??? I don't think so, my house is riddled with alcohol, and my parner drinks everyday, so if I wanted to drink I have many opportunities to indulge. Do you think I plan to break up??? No, absolutely not, part of the reason I quit drinking was to preserve the relationship.

I just plan to add some sober friends to the mix as well.

LaFemme

Lildawg...I thought your whole post was really interesting but this line jumped out at me (probably because you said it twice:-) Why is fitting in fun? We all know peer pressure is all about fitting in, whether that means dressing like your friends, doing the same sports or drinking, peer pressure is what fitting in is all about. Ultimately I think it comes down to being uncomfortable and threatened by the person applying the pressure more than about having "fun".

I agree with the End...I don't think we should change our friends or the places we hang out or the activities we do...however, if w only did those things in order to drink maybe we should change them. If you are buddies with someone because they drink like you and you don't much care for them sober, then maybe they should go bye.