coffeeclub

I like to soul search, and just sit outside and look at the world. I'm so scared to quit drinking because then I do not have those tender moments. If I'm not drinking I just watch TV and let my life waste away.

Also drinking helps my emotional problems go away. Sure it might not fix them but they go away. I do not think I will ever be able to fix my emotional problems. I've been trying for years. I have bi-polar so I go off the deep end about ever 3 months. There is no doubt that I would have went out of control and landed in jail if it were not for drinking. When I get like that I go to the bar and drink for 8 hours or until I can not even walk.

Yesterday I had a had a hang out session with a new friend and it was very enjoyable. If I quit that will be the last hang out session, which is smoking pot and just chit chat for about 20 minutes.

I'm pretty good a quitting drinking. I stop drinking for 3 months but then I drink for a month. This time I've been drinking since 08/13. I'm very scared that one day I'm not going to be able to quit. For about 10 years I drank every day. I usally was drunk. About 3 years ago I quit for a year. Ever since then I would stop for about 3 months and then drink for about a month. I know some day I will not be able to quit after that month. If my wife and I ever spilt I would not stop drinking. The only reason I try not to drink is for my wife and child. My wife does't care that I drink she just gets sick of seeing it day after day.

I sincerely don't think drinking is harming my life, it's just harms the quality of it. Logically I know it's better not to drink but emotionally I think drinking helps me. I'm scared I won't be myself if I start drinking. I guess I truely define myself as some who drinks a lot.

It took a while to catch up, when I started on 08/13 it started with a couple. Up until a week ago I could handle only drinking a six pack, but know I'm drinking all day. It would be nothing for me to have a beer an hour after I get up.

I really want to sit outside and enjoy the weather but without getting drunk it won't be the same.

Antiderivative

Its sounds like you are self-medicating.

Are you getting any professional help for your bi-polar condition?

coffeeclub

I am seeking professional help. I do take meds daily. I do not think I would be able to live with out them ever again. I never stop taking them.

I most defiantly self medicate, and it most defiantly helps me from totally losing control.

Don't miss understand me. I know drinking is not good, and I know that I should and will give it up. I'm pretty sure I'm about ready to go on my cycle and quit again. I can't wait for the day when I can value myself without drinking, and when I'm able to control myself without being totally drunk.

It just takes time for me to figure out what I'm going to do instead of drinking. I know one thing, I'm going to start going to coffee cafe's. I can have good hang out sessions their.

There's a few other things I need to work out too.

I write in here because I feel it's a good start to the healing process. I would like to talk about my wife about matters of the heart but she is emotionally unavailable. I have to accept that. I have tried to get her to talk to me. She is not the type. When we go out to eat or for coffee she just ready to leave after we eat,.It's just a fight to get her to talk to me for 5 minutes. I have to accept the fact that I can not change that and I have to learn to deal with it.

LaFemme

Hi! From what I understand it's very hard fr a non-alcoholic to relate to what an alcoholic is sharing, which might explain partly why your wife can't share emotionally with you.

I'm glad you are seeing a doctor. Are you taking care of your health as well? Poor health can aggravate depression.

CarolD

I sure hope you will finally quit both pot and alcohol.
Many of my AA friends are Bi-Polar
they say their med's are more effective sober.

All my best to you ..your wife and child

julez

Coffee, I hope you can overcome all the issues you are having. One step at a time, one day at a time. You have to help yourself, regardless of how present your wife is. Keep posting. We care.

soberscot

I have a diagnosis of bipolar also and many of the meds people are prescribed can be very dangerous if you drink with them. Have you considered speaking to your doc to keep yourself safe with them?