Iriss

I think that I drank initially to cope and stay with my husband who has just admitted he is an alcoholic. Although I knew my drinking was a problem much before he knew his was a problem for him. I am now faced with a divorce as well as trying to stay sober, he wants me to help him, I dont feel that I can, as I believe its a personal journey. Has anyone else been in a similar situation where they had to break from a relationship to help themselves?

Its very confusing to think I may have had a marriage and two children built on the foundations of alcohol. The fog is very dense and its difficult to see if I am being a bad person cutting him loose from me when he is so low, however I am also just as much as an alcoholic as him.

LexieCat

Iriss,

I think staying with someone to "help" with his recovery is a bad idea. I can't say whether you should stay with him or not stay with him, only that if that is your reason for doing it, you probably will be helping neither yourself nor him.

pongo

When I married I was an actively drinking alcoholic. I was drunk at my own wedding. I became sober by the grace of God but also with my husband's encouragement. He bore the brunt of my anger, resentment and, well, my sickness. When I became successful as a sober person my husband felt he could not "live up" to me. During the following ten years of our marriage, including the birth of two children, we never dealt with the residual decay of my alcoholism and sobriety. The grudge that my husband held against me for so long made his infidelity permissible, according to him, and that lead to our divorce.

I feel I made a questionable decision to marry my ex-husband due to my alcoholism, but I was willing to see it through to a healthy relationship, if possible. Even after I discovered his infidelity I was eager to try to heal the marriage, for the sake of the children primarily. He could or would or did not stop his affair, however, we found solace in marriage counseling throughout most of the divorce process.

I don't know if you are firm in your decision to divorce, but I do think that marriage counseling, (sometimes called separation counseling,) might help you. I know it's another thing on your plate which is already very full, but you want to be absolutely sure that you are making the right choice for you this time. I'm not saying that I think you're responsible to support your partner, I am saying that you might want to wait for the fog to clear a bit before you make any life-altering decisions.

loveon2legs

I know I have been with men and stayed far too long because of my addiction and theirs...I am now with a decent guy and although I met him in my alcoholic peak, it's surprises me that I am still here with him!! I think for our first year of sobriety there are alot of changes that take place within us, and its only normal to have these feelings....I'd give yourself some time hun, counselling is a great option... xo