I'm tired
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Between Serenity and Despair
Posts: 522
I'm tired
So, I'm back where I come from tonight, visiting my parents.
My dad hinted all day that he'd like to drink tonight. I used to drink with him. Today, I pretended not to understand. I don't discuss my alcoholism with my parents. Finally, Dad got a tall boy at the grocery. Of course, I had to explain what chelada means and go through all the cans to help him find a cool one. (For the record, I bought some cocoanut milk with pineapple chunks in it.)
My dad doesn't drink like I did. He had his tall boy and didn't drink anything else. I couldn't have done that 2 years and 8 months ago, and I can't do it now. It's different for dad, though. He's worked hard all his life, and now he's got mesothelioma, rheumatoid arthritis, and a score of other bad crap. If he wants to have the equivalent of two beers tonight, more power to him. This is one of those things that has to do with me being a little fish in the big pond.
My grandmother has stage 4 cancer (of the stomach and ovaries). She's in the nursing home because she can no longer care for herself. She's been so brave. One day, right after they found the cancer, she told me, "You know, everybody's been real nice to me." As though it was more than she'd expected. It's been hard watching her deteriorate and try to make the best of things while she does it. I only get to see her when I come back here to visit about once a month. I see new changes each time I come, and they're never good. Today, she tried to be brave, but a few times, she was crying. This is one of those times I have pray, only I don't know what to pray for.
My mother is exhausted because of both my dad and my grandmother. She's like me. She feels like she has to do it all. Because I'm like her, I want to think of a way to fix things for her. But I can't. This is one of those things where I have to remind myself to accept the things I cannot change.
I don't want a drink. It's not that. I don't guess there's anything I really want, other than to vent. I hope that's okay. If not, please accept my apologies.
My dad hinted all day that he'd like to drink tonight. I used to drink with him. Today, I pretended not to understand. I don't discuss my alcoholism with my parents. Finally, Dad got a tall boy at the grocery. Of course, I had to explain what chelada means and go through all the cans to help him find a cool one. (For the record, I bought some cocoanut milk with pineapple chunks in it.)
My dad doesn't drink like I did. He had his tall boy and didn't drink anything else. I couldn't have done that 2 years and 8 months ago, and I can't do it now. It's different for dad, though. He's worked hard all his life, and now he's got mesothelioma, rheumatoid arthritis, and a score of other bad crap. If he wants to have the equivalent of two beers tonight, more power to him. This is one of those things that has to do with me being a little fish in the big pond.
My grandmother has stage 4 cancer (of the stomach and ovaries). She's in the nursing home because she can no longer care for herself. She's been so brave. One day, right after they found the cancer, she told me, "You know, everybody's been real nice to me." As though it was more than she'd expected. It's been hard watching her deteriorate and try to make the best of things while she does it. I only get to see her when I come back here to visit about once a month. I see new changes each time I come, and they're never good. Today, she tried to be brave, but a few times, she was crying. This is one of those times I have pray, only I don't know what to pray for.
My mother is exhausted because of both my dad and my grandmother. She's like me. She feels like she has to do it all. Because I'm like her, I want to think of a way to fix things for her. But I can't. This is one of those things where I have to remind myself to accept the things I cannot change.
I don't want a drink. It's not that. I don't guess there's anything I really want, other than to vent. I hope that's okay. If not, please accept my apologies.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
wow...you have had an emotionally exhausting day...the Serenity prayer comes to mind...
I am sorry to hear about your grandmother...that is just so hard
I hope you do something nice for you tonight
prayers for you and your family
I am sorry to hear about your grandmother...that is just so hard
I hope you do something nice for you tonight
prayers for you and your family
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
So sorry to hear about your grandmother, lildawg. I will send prayers for your family. I guess there's no way of avoiding the stress on you and your family, but do try to get extra rest and support. Life is very hard sometimes. Vent as much as you want, OK?
Vent as much as you want, OK?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Lildawg,
It's a very sad and helpless feeling to watch people we love in pain. You're probably helping your mom and dad and grandma just by being there. AND by being sober.
Big hugs and prayers for you, and for them.
It's a very sad and helpless feeling to watch people we love in pain. You're probably helping your mom and dad and grandma just by being there. AND by being sober.
Big hugs and prayers for you, and for them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Between Serenity and Despair
Posts: 522
Thanks for the kindness, guys. I need it. The reason I reached out to y'all is that you are are sober, too. You all know it's different when you're sober. Lexie made a great point, though. I'm helping more by being sober. I couldn't have even come up here had I still been drinking.
I appreciate you all.
I appreciate you all.
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Lildawg, what you are going through is rough, and I'm proud of you for handling it with such grace. Your parents and grandmother are lucky to have you, especially since you are sober and present and able to truly be there. I'm so sorry about your grandmother. You can always vent here. Big hugs!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Southwest MI
Posts: 24
Wow, that is a lot to deal with. Congratulations though, for dealing with all that sober, and especially for having over come the "need" to drink to deal with the hardships that you and your family are facing. My thoughts are with you and your family
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Between Serenity and Despair
Posts: 522
Again, thanks for all the kind wishes. I am finally home. After a good night's sleep in my own bed, things don't look as bleak. I am sure being a few hours away from the immediate drama helps, too.
I ended up telling my mother if she gets too overwhelmed caring for my grandmother that I'll come for an extended stay. I hope I haven't made a mistake, but I couldn't, in good conscience, leave her twisting in the wind. Mom has two sisters, but she's the only one who lives in the same town as the nursing home where Gran is living.
<sigh>
Whether y'all know it or not, just coming here to read gives me strength. There's something to be said for unity, I guess. I am glad I found SR and that I'm a member here.
I ended up telling my mother if she gets too overwhelmed caring for my grandmother that I'll come for an extended stay. I hope I haven't made a mistake, but I couldn't, in good conscience, leave her twisting in the wind. Mom has two sisters, but she's the only one who lives in the same town as the nursing home where Gran is living.
<sigh>
Whether y'all know it or not, just coming here to read gives me strength. There's something to be said for unity, I guess. I am glad I found SR and that I'm a member here.
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