Drinking even though the desire is honestly GONE
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: SC
Posts: 43
Drinking even though the desire is honestly GONE
So im sitting here alone and drinking beers.... had ZERO desire to drink.... but, nothing better to do. Lonely, alone, tired, depressed, weary, very bored....
Who else does this? I know i cant be the only one.
I have a sponsor but dont call her.... so, its kinda pointless.
Im not an AA attender, pls dont lecture me on that.
Looking for other actives I guess, who do this.... sorta lame-o routine cuz they have nothing better to do.
Who else does this? I know i cant be the only one.
I have a sponsor but dont call her.... so, its kinda pointless.
Im not an AA attender, pls dont lecture me on that.
Looking for other actives I guess, who do this.... sorta lame-o routine cuz they have nothing better to do.
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
I get drinking from boredom. I get drinking when you feel like crap to feel better. But what I'm not hearing is if you're ready to stop or not. You seem to have knowledge of what you CAN do to help yourself, I'm just wondering why you aren't doing it. I'm honestly not trying to be rude, and I apologize if I come across that way. It just sounds as if you drink just, well, because.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
No lectures, but I'm curious. What kind of "sponsor" do you have if you don't go to AA?
I suspect it's more than mere boredom. Not everyone fills bored downtime with drinking. Why do you think you are drinking, rather than doing volunteer work, hanging out in a coffee shop, playing games online, reading a good book, watching a movie?
I suspect it's more than mere boredom. Not everyone fills bored downtime with drinking. Why do you think you are drinking, rather than doing volunteer work, hanging out in a coffee shop, playing games online, reading a good book, watching a movie?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: SC
Posts: 43
i dont think i want it badly enough... i just dont care much about anything....
I do read, and im a writer but u can do both of those while drinking.
i work very hard on my job.... but that doesnt last 24 hours.
i counsel and help other via the phone.... that doesnt last 24 hours either.
i play video games (and im in my mid-30s and female). I LOVE movies.... but i do both, while drinking.
So... yeah. I dont want it enough. Im comfortable.
I do read, and im a writer but u can do both of those while drinking.
i work very hard on my job.... but that doesnt last 24 hours.
i counsel and help other via the phone.... that doesnt last 24 hours either.
i play video games (and im in my mid-30s and female). I LOVE movies.... but i do both, while drinking.
So... yeah. I dont want it enough. Im comfortable.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: SC
Posts: 43
Oh, the sponsor is a friend of a friend, who attends a different support group.... thats how we got to know one another. I also attended the support group but in a diff location.... Its not AA but like a Christian version of it, sorta.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Bethlehem, PA
Posts: 84
Back in the old days before alcoholism was thought of as a disease, it was considered a bad habit. I think you're describing an element of that where your drinking is automatic. It's just something you do like a person who bites his fingernails or overeats. We all know how hard it is to break a bad habit, but at the same time it is a matter of will-power and probably doesn't require a spiritual awakening.
I suspect that if you were to quit your habitual drinking you would find the addictive drinking kicking in, since alcoholism is so much more than a character flaw or an irresistible urge.
I suspect that if you were to quit your habitual drinking you would find the addictive drinking kicking in, since alcoholism is so much more than a character flaw or an irresistible urge.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I drank for the longest time even though I actively hated it...I hated the taste, I hated the way it went down my throat, I hated how it made me feel. I drank because I am an artist and you can paint and drink at the same time (although I didn't enjoy painting anymore when I drank). I drank because I was bored and didn't know what else to do.
I drank because I didn't care.
I drank because I didn't want to live.
I stopped because I realized it was the slowest most agonizing form of suicide out there and by some miracle I was able to.
I am no longer bored and miserable with life. I am excited about my work again. My days are happy, I actively want to live. There aren't enough hours in the day because life is so awesome.
I drank because I didn't care.
I drank because I didn't want to live.
I stopped because I realized it was the slowest most agonizing form of suicide out there and by some miracle I was able to.
I am no longer bored and miserable with life. I am excited about my work again. My days are happy, I actively want to live. There aren't enough hours in the day because life is so awesome.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Overcomer, I had that experience a lot of times. And I am not talking about the point when you realize you are going out to get more like a robot and surprised that you "want" more that much. I mean the point in times when one can actually think it would be nice not to HAVE to drink. I can't remember when I first noticed it, it could have been about 8 or 9 years ago. Last year, pretty much to the day or week, I was really starting to feel beaten up emotionally and physically by my drinking. I quit a couple of months after that.
I'm not going to AA and following an AA program, but I wouldn't say there is nothing to be gained from AA. I guess it takes reaching a point when you hear something inside, so to speak. It can mean "reaching rock bottom," but it doesn't necessarily mean a list of losses and things ruined. That's a frequent topic of convo, ie, "do you have to reach rock bottom, and what does that amount to." This question is part and parcel of what enables people to press on with their drinking for years more - so that they get even more experience with not really liking the drinking they are doing. There were patches of actually enjoying it for me in the last 8 years, but it was mostly robotic drinking and often drinking painstakingly (kind of hating it while doing it - ingenious isn't it? Not.)
Anyway, back to what to do. I talked about what it takes inside because that is where you have to keep referring when you stop drinking, I think. I'm not getting into a debate about willpower and "is this really a disease" and all that usual stuff that gets on people's nerves in discussions here. I'm saying if there is a desire not to drink, then there needs to be a desire and attention to things you should be doing instead of it. Drinking alcohol is dousing out the purpose of life for people like us, until there is pretty much none left that we can feel - if it hasn't killed us yet. So when we value NOT drinking, we value all the things we have been "sleeping" through more, and life is there after all, both pleasant and unpleasant. I have hated insomnia many times in my past, but I have actually been grateful for it once in a while in the aftermath of quitting, because there is an acceptance that I have things to contend with in life, and some of it is rubbish. But I have my life back again, or at least that is the tune I am humming now. If I die several years from now or in the near future, I want to sobriety and peace and freedom from alcohol in my life up until the time comes.
What to do for an activity regime is like the grocery list. I can't pick out your groceries, but I can say we all need something good. We each have to pick the things we know we need and not just want. In the last several months, I have been learning about myself in that regard, ie, what habits I should be keeping, what tasks I should be doing, when to abide by a checklist or deadline, when to be spontaneous, and when to shift gears when my mind is tempted by emotions like resentment or worrying or whatever goes on the dismal side of the page. We fill up the happy side of the page and keep doing what works.
I'm rather boring, so I don't have a lot of specific things to suggest you add to your routine. But the theoretical stuff I am talking about above is what works for me.
I'm not going to AA and following an AA program, but I wouldn't say there is nothing to be gained from AA. I guess it takes reaching a point when you hear something inside, so to speak. It can mean "reaching rock bottom," but it doesn't necessarily mean a list of losses and things ruined. That's a frequent topic of convo, ie, "do you have to reach rock bottom, and what does that amount to." This question is part and parcel of what enables people to press on with their drinking for years more - so that they get even more experience with not really liking the drinking they are doing. There were patches of actually enjoying it for me in the last 8 years, but it was mostly robotic drinking and often drinking painstakingly (kind of hating it while doing it - ingenious isn't it? Not.)
Anyway, back to what to do. I talked about what it takes inside because that is where you have to keep referring when you stop drinking, I think. I'm not getting into a debate about willpower and "is this really a disease" and all that usual stuff that gets on people's nerves in discussions here. I'm saying if there is a desire not to drink, then there needs to be a desire and attention to things you should be doing instead of it. Drinking alcohol is dousing out the purpose of life for people like us, until there is pretty much none left that we can feel - if it hasn't killed us yet. So when we value NOT drinking, we value all the things we have been "sleeping" through more, and life is there after all, both pleasant and unpleasant. I have hated insomnia many times in my past, but I have actually been grateful for it once in a while in the aftermath of quitting, because there is an acceptance that I have things to contend with in life, and some of it is rubbish. But I have my life back again, or at least that is the tune I am humming now. If I die several years from now or in the near future, I want to sobriety and peace and freedom from alcohol in my life up until the time comes.
What to do for an activity regime is like the grocery list. I can't pick out your groceries, but I can say we all need something good. We each have to pick the things we know we need and not just want. In the last several months, I have been learning about myself in that regard, ie, what habits I should be keeping, what tasks I should be doing, when to abide by a checklist or deadline, when to be spontaneous, and when to shift gears when my mind is tempted by emotions like resentment or worrying or whatever goes on the dismal side of the page. We fill up the happy side of the page and keep doing what works.
I'm rather boring, so I don't have a lot of specific things to suggest you add to your routine. But the theoretical stuff I am talking about above is what works for me.
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
I think you do want it, but you don't feel like you have the energy needed to quit. Cuz quitting is hard work. And quitting takes hard work. I hope you find it. Your life is too precious to live it simply being "comfortable". There has to be more....
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,871
Your life is what you make it. If you are bored and don't have any excitement in your life, then make some excitement. If you sit around drinking because you don't have anything better to do, then find something better to do. The fact is, you drink because you want to drink. If you have a "sponsor" but don't want to call her, then you aren't done drinking. If you want to drink, that is your right, but the people here want to STOP drinking/using and live a sober life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
I used to drink every night with no desire to drink. I didn't do it because I was bored. I did it because I'm an alcoholic. I was bored because I was to drunk to do anything but drink.
I havn't had a drink in quite some time. I no longer have time to be bored,because I am always busy. My life is far from perfect. But compared to 2 years ago,well. There really isn't much comparison.
I drank because I was bored. I drank because I was happy. I drank because i was sad. This applies to smoking also. They are both addictions. And satisfying the addictions doesn't do anything but keep the addictions fueled. We think it helps while we are addicted. But once the addiction is broken we start to see we were just feeding a habit.
Don't get me wrong. Quitting drinking was one of the hardest things I have ever done.(To me cigarettes were much easier to quit) But I can't find the words to explain how much better things are without booze.
You might be surprised the activities that come along without booze. But it takes time,and you have to fight for it.
Fred
I havn't had a drink in quite some time. I no longer have time to be bored,because I am always busy. My life is far from perfect. But compared to 2 years ago,well. There really isn't much comparison.
I drank because I was bored. I drank because I was happy. I drank because i was sad. This applies to smoking also. They are both addictions. And satisfying the addictions doesn't do anything but keep the addictions fueled. We think it helps while we are addicted. But once the addiction is broken we start to see we were just feeding a habit.
Don't get me wrong. Quitting drinking was one of the hardest things I have ever done.(To me cigarettes were much easier to quit) But I can't find the words to explain how much better things are without booze.
You might be surprised the activities that come along without booze. But it takes time,and you have to fight for it.
Fred
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