No Wrong Way..
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Is it POSSIBLE to have a thread that does NOT turn into "AA strictly 12 steps is the ONLY way" versus the rest of the forum that does NOT use AA?
it's been pointed out several times in several ways that AA is just an option, this is NOT an AA dedicated forum.
how about some respect for the rest of us that are perfectly HAPPY and SOBER without the structure of AA??? please? thank you.
it's been pointed out several times in several ways that AA is just an option, this is NOT an AA dedicated forum.
how about some respect for the rest of us that are perfectly HAPPY and SOBER without the structure of AA??? please? thank you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,945
Originally Posted by Fandy 
Is it POSSIBLE to have a thread that does NOT turn into "AA strictly 12 steps is the ONLY way" versus the rest of the forum that does NOT use AA?
it's been pointed out several times in several ways that AA is just an option, this is NOT an AA dedicated forum.
how about some respect for the rest of us that are perfectly HAPPY and SOBER without the structure of AA??? please? thank you.
it's been pointed out several times in several ways that AA is just an option, this is NOT an AA dedicated forum.
how about some respect for the rest of us that are perfectly HAPPY and SOBER without the structure of AA??? please? thank you.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Fandy, for some people it IS the only way. For other people it isn't.
I have no interest in persuading someone happily recovering without AA to try it. For someone who hasn't tried it (steps and all) and is having difficulty, I think it's worth considering.
I have no interest in persuading someone happily recovering without AA to try it. For someone who hasn't tried it (steps and all) and is having difficulty, I think it's worth considering.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Fandy, stick around this makes a nice change for AA not to labelled a load of crap by people that have never even been to a meeeting let alone know what recovery is...for my part if its working for you doing it a different way i couldn't be more happy, proud and encouraging of your progress :ghug3
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I'm sorry, wrong choice of words using "forum"....I meant thread.
i stepped away from the conversation to feed my cats and dog and cook some pasta. it's 7PM here.
I am respectful of people who need and prefer the AA method..however many do not and I hear so much quacking that you can't "really recover or have a spiritual awakening" without AA...THIS is simply their OPINION not fact.
I hope you all have a great sober holiday weekend and are happy too.
i stepped away from the conversation to feed my cats and dog and cook some pasta. it's 7PM here.
I am respectful of people who need and prefer the AA method..however many do not and I hear so much quacking that you can't "really recover or have a spiritual awakening" without AA...THIS is simply their OPINION not fact.
I hope you all have a great sober holiday weekend and are happy too.
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
The 12 steps of alcoholic anonymous are great. There is much to be gained from them and a life of happy contented sobriety can be lived, free from the compulsion or desire to drink.
What somewhat bothers me is how there is an assumption often banded about that you are either in or out with the 12 steps of AA. Just becuase you haven't done the steps formally with a sponsor doesn't mean that you aren't practicing them in your daily life. Just because you haven't gone through them with a check list in the suggested order doesn't mean you haven't done and opened your mind up to what they are suggesting.
Recovery should be allowed to happen organically and not pigeonholed.
Your way of working the steps maybe different to somebody elses way. That should be respected. It shouldn't be made to feel like a dictatorship. This will just turn people off to it altogether and they'l leave with resentments of the whole thing and go back to drinking feeling hopeless. You shouldn;t be made to feel like you are doing a voluntary program wrong. Whats wrong anyway?
This is not black or white or right or wrong.
I don't like the way that my experience of how i practice and have used AA may be scorned upon or looked down upon by other members of AA.
I don't like to impose on others that they should want what I have. Who am I to say that? Ego is something that I learn to keep in check in my recovery. Do I tick a box on my step list to do all of this? Of course not. Inventory? I do it as I go along in my head, I don't need to write a list. Some do I don't. Maybe one day I will? Who knows?
Life on life's terms practicing AA recovery and a bit of what ever else helps keep me sober and grateful for that. Am I better than anybody else? No I'm not. Happy, joyous and free? Well I'm sober and happy for that. Nearly 14 months sober.
The promises? I can relate to them all yes, but I don't like making my recovery into a check list. It's a human life not a robot or machine. I let others tell me that I have the promises. I just smile and am ever so grateful for feeling so good to be sober and free of the compulsion to drink booze.
I'm sure that the founders of AA would be happy to see me sober and happy for that and crediting AA for a massive part of that. I'm sure they wouldn't give a damn that I haven't done the steps with an official sonsor but instead worked them with medical health proffessionals and family members and who knows who else, without them even realising. It happens organically as I live my life a day at a time.
I worked the steps without even realising it and I'm sure many others do to. They are happy to be sober and so am I. I worked lots of other things in recovery too, without even realising it too no doubt.
I am more than willing to pass on my experience of recovery to anybody who wants to truly listen and wants to get sober. But I shall not force it on them or telll them to do it exactly how I did it, as I don't know how I did it much of the time and that's the real beauty of it. It feels great to be sober and I will gladly pass that positve message on if anybody wants it. But I shall not force it upon them. I shall say that do whatever works for you, so you are happy and grateful to be sober.
Praying and physically handing your will over in the morning? No sir, does that mean that I ain't opened my mind to a higher power and feel the psychic change as a result of that? No it doesn't. I am a changed person, do I subscribe to how certain people interpret this no I don't. I do what works for me and I'm comfortable with. My life.
Thanks for the thread. I don't usually get involved with these debates as I am in the business of just trying to live sober and be happy about that. I credit AA for much of my recovery, I'm sure the founders and anybody else would be OK with that.
Peace
What somewhat bothers me is how there is an assumption often banded about that you are either in or out with the 12 steps of AA. Just becuase you haven't done the steps formally with a sponsor doesn't mean that you aren't practicing them in your daily life. Just because you haven't gone through them with a check list in the suggested order doesn't mean you haven't done and opened your mind up to what they are suggesting.
Recovery should be allowed to happen organically and not pigeonholed.
Your way of working the steps maybe different to somebody elses way. That should be respected. It shouldn't be made to feel like a dictatorship. This will just turn people off to it altogether and they'l leave with resentments of the whole thing and go back to drinking feeling hopeless. You shouldn;t be made to feel like you are doing a voluntary program wrong. Whats wrong anyway?
This is not black or white or right or wrong.
I don't like the way that my experience of how i practice and have used AA may be scorned upon or looked down upon by other members of AA.
I don't like to impose on others that they should want what I have. Who am I to say that? Ego is something that I learn to keep in check in my recovery. Do I tick a box on my step list to do all of this? Of course not. Inventory? I do it as I go along in my head, I don't need to write a list. Some do I don't. Maybe one day I will? Who knows?
Life on life's terms practicing AA recovery and a bit of what ever else helps keep me sober and grateful for that. Am I better than anybody else? No I'm not. Happy, joyous and free? Well I'm sober and happy for that. Nearly 14 months sober.
The promises? I can relate to them all yes, but I don't like making my recovery into a check list. It's a human life not a robot or machine. I let others tell me that I have the promises. I just smile and am ever so grateful for feeling so good to be sober and free of the compulsion to drink booze.
I'm sure that the founders of AA would be happy to see me sober and happy for that and crediting AA for a massive part of that. I'm sure they wouldn't give a damn that I haven't done the steps with an official sonsor but instead worked them with medical health proffessionals and family members and who knows who else, without them even realising. It happens organically as I live my life a day at a time.
I worked the steps without even realising it and I'm sure many others do to. They are happy to be sober and so am I. I worked lots of other things in recovery too, without even realising it too no doubt.
I am more than willing to pass on my experience of recovery to anybody who wants to truly listen and wants to get sober. But I shall not force it on them or telll them to do it exactly how I did it, as I don't know how I did it much of the time and that's the real beauty of it. It feels great to be sober and I will gladly pass that positve message on if anybody wants it. But I shall not force it upon them. I shall say that do whatever works for you, so you are happy and grateful to be sober.
Praying and physically handing your will over in the morning? No sir, does that mean that I ain't opened my mind to a higher power and feel the psychic change as a result of that? No it doesn't. I am a changed person, do I subscribe to how certain people interpret this no I don't. I do what works for me and I'm comfortable with. My life.
Thanks for the thread. I don't usually get involved with these debates as I am in the business of just trying to live sober and be happy about that. I credit AA for much of my recovery, I'm sure the founders and anybody else would be OK with that.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST
The 12 steps of alcoholic anonymous are great. There is much to be gained from them and a life of happy contented sobriety can be lived, free from the compulsion or desire to drink.
What somewhat bothers me is how there is an assumption often banded about that you are either in or out with the 12 steps of AA. Just becuase you havn't done the steps formally with a sponsor doesn't mean that you aren't practicing them in your daily life. Just because you haven't gone through them with a check list in the suggested order doesn't mean you haven't done and opened your mind up to what they are suggesting.
Recovery should be allowed to happen organically and not pigeonholed.
Your way of working the steps maybe different to somebody elses way. That should be respected. It shouldn't be made to feel like a dictatorship. This will just turn people off to it altogether and they'l leave with renentments of the whole thing and go back to drinking feeling hopeless.
This is not black or white/right or wrong.
I don;t like the way that my experience of how i practice and have used AA may be scorned upon or looked down upon by other members of AA.
I don;t like to impose on others that they should want what I have. Who am I to say that? Ego is something that I learn to keep in check in my recovery. Do I tick a box o n my step list to do all of this? Of course not.
Life on life's terms practicing AA recovery and a bit of what ever else halps keep me sober and grateful for that. Am I better than anybody else? No I'm not. Happy, joyous and free? Well I sober and happy for that.
The promises? I can relate to them all yes, but I don't like making my recovery into a check list. It's a human life not a robot or machine.
I'm sure that the founders of AA would be happy to see me sober and happy for that and crediting AA for a massive part of that. I'm sure they wouldn't give a damn that I haven;t done the steps with an official sonsor but instead worked them with medical health proffessionals and family mebers, without them even realising.
I worked the steps without even realising it and I'm sure many others do to. They are happy to be sober and so am I. I worked lots of other things of recovery too without even realising it too.
I am more than willing to pass on my experince of recovery to anybody who wants to truly listen and wants to get sober. But I shall not force it on them or telll them to do it exactly how I did it, as I don;t know how I did it much of the time and that's the real beauty of it.
Praying and handing your will over in the morning? No sir, does that mean that I ain't opened my mind to a higher power and feel the psychic change as a result of that? No it doesn't.
Thanks for the thread. I don;t usually get involved with these debates as I am in the business of just trying to live sober and be happy about that. I credit AA for much of my recovery, I'm sure the founders and anybody else would be OK with that.
Peace
What somewhat bothers me is how there is an assumption often banded about that you are either in or out with the 12 steps of AA. Just becuase you havn't done the steps formally with a sponsor doesn't mean that you aren't practicing them in your daily life. Just because you haven't gone through them with a check list in the suggested order doesn't mean you haven't done and opened your mind up to what they are suggesting.
Recovery should be allowed to happen organically and not pigeonholed.
Your way of working the steps maybe different to somebody elses way. That should be respected. It shouldn't be made to feel like a dictatorship. This will just turn people off to it altogether and they'l leave with renentments of the whole thing and go back to drinking feeling hopeless.
This is not black or white/right or wrong.
I don;t like the way that my experience of how i practice and have used AA may be scorned upon or looked down upon by other members of AA.
I don;t like to impose on others that they should want what I have. Who am I to say that? Ego is something that I learn to keep in check in my recovery. Do I tick a box o n my step list to do all of this? Of course not.
Life on life's terms practicing AA recovery and a bit of what ever else halps keep me sober and grateful for that. Am I better than anybody else? No I'm not. Happy, joyous and free? Well I sober and happy for that.
The promises? I can relate to them all yes, but I don't like making my recovery into a check list. It's a human life not a robot or machine.
I'm sure that the founders of AA would be happy to see me sober and happy for that and crediting AA for a massive part of that. I'm sure they wouldn't give a damn that I haven;t done the steps with an official sonsor but instead worked them with medical health proffessionals and family mebers, without them even realising.
I worked the steps without even realising it and I'm sure many others do to. They are happy to be sober and so am I. I worked lots of other things of recovery too without even realising it too.
I am more than willing to pass on my experince of recovery to anybody who wants to truly listen and wants to get sober. But I shall not force it on them or telll them to do it exactly how I did it, as I don;t know how I did it much of the time and that's the real beauty of it.
Praying and handing your will over in the morning? No sir, does that mean that I ain't opened my mind to a higher power and feel the psychic change as a result of that? No it doesn't.
Thanks for the thread. I don;t usually get involved with these debates as I am in the business of just trying to live sober and be happy about that. I credit AA for much of my recovery, I'm sure the founders and anybody else would be OK with that.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
what caught my interest was the title and first post of this thread as you quoted your sponsor..."There is no wrong way to stay/be sober" sorry if it's not exact quote, it is not intentional.
I think i understand the spirit and point of what you wanted to conveyand to honor your sponsor's opinion. and I agree, there is no wrong way to stop drinking...if you are stopping, if you are healthier both physically and mentally you are improving your life....for me that works.
not every thread in different forums needs to turn into a debate about what is deemed the only way to sobriety. I would never be so inclined to push my own opinion on the 12 step forum which is directed to those who use the AA method.
i'm really grateful to be able to have a place to vent my feelings and the support i have rec'd from SR since I joined in February. I never would have thought I could stop drinking and recover from my circumstances. I have done both and am sure that if I did not find SR, my outcome would have been very different....it was the support i rec'd here that made me realize how badly I wanted to change and help myself.
I think i understand the spirit and point of what you wanted to conveyand to honor your sponsor's opinion. and I agree, there is no wrong way to stop drinking...if you are stopping, if you are healthier both physically and mentally you are improving your life....for me that works.
not every thread in different forums needs to turn into a debate about what is deemed the only way to sobriety. I would never be so inclined to push my own opinion on the 12 step forum which is directed to those who use the AA method.
i'm really grateful to be able to have a place to vent my feelings and the support i have rec'd from SR since I joined in February. I never would have thought I could stop drinking and recover from my circumstances. I have done both and am sure that if I did not find SR, my outcome would have been very different....it was the support i rec'd here that made me realize how badly I wanted to change and help myself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by 24hrsAday
"There is No Wrong Way To Stay Sober"
I assume your sponsor was understanding sober as i do...which getting a drastic personality change enough to remain abstinant and to be happy, joyous and free...in that case i know that there is not only one way to stay sober for the rest of your life.
Unfortunately to someone still suffering who has just stopped drinking the impression can be given, by this comment, that it is ok to stop drinking and magically everything will be ok long term...
My experience is that several times in the last 8 years of drinking i stopped drinking for periods from 4 months to a year...things got better big time...external things that is like appearence, health, posessions and relationships...the problem was that i always ended up taking that first drink...and pretty soon i was back to it worse than ever...
Clearly there is a wrong way to stay abstinant from alcohol and i lived it...
Point is that anyone who has recovered and understands the difference between sober and dry has a responsibility, IMO, to give the full facts about how they recovered...regardless of the method...for me, posting platitudes and encouragement to an alcoholic who is blindly trying to find their own way can aid them in wasting a crap load of time they don't have to and is potentially a death sentence...either it is a life threatening illness/condition or it isn't...and thats got nothing to do with AA or the 12 steps...
Thats it ive left the building:-)
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