i'm in awful shape
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 48
i'm in awful shape
Every day this week I have been gone out and binged. It's to the point where I don't feel bad in the morning anymore - I mean no headache or other physical symptoms of enjoying alcohol. I just feel things like remorse. But this - this is really bad. Four or 5 days in a row (I struggled so hard to not give in ... I took a sleeping pill so today will be a "success.")
Such a string of days is alarming obviously. I had been doing relatively well before that. I know my trigger. And I feel ****** even bringing it up. I mean, there's guys in other threads whose ex-girlfriend or ex-wife is about to die. They guys have serious issues. I have minor issues, and I'm a cry baby.
My whole trigger, my whole reason for being stressed is a flight. A flight right into Hurricane Earl. I have flying. It's going to be nasty. I have drugs to help keep me calm when I'm on the plane and that should help. But usually, in my experience, worrying about it is worse than the actual event - the actual turbulence - is usually nothing. The worrying before hand, in my case a week, gave me an excuse to drink all of these days.
I know after school tomorow, I will drink midday, return to work, and finish packing, taking a sleeping pill, and going to bed.
Friday I will finish packing (verify that it has been done so), then take a bus downtown, have a few drinks at whatever bar is open at 8AM-11AM. Then take the bus to the airport, And that'll be that.
I imagine I will be shaking when I take a seat.
I have 8 flights in all, over this next week, including transfers. That's relatively high stress, but this first one, right into Hurricane Earl, is what scares me.
Also I found out that while traveling, I will have to give some high-pressure presentations to a group of people that don't like us (the company). I do not speak well in front of groups, and my presentation skills are all absymmal. Now I need to define that: if you were to watch me, within 5 minutes you would start to feel the same embarrassment for me as I feel for myself. But I still have 25 more minutes or whatever.
So all this stress. All of this is stupid stress, not real stress. It's not a family member dying, or dealing with "real life." I'm just a ***** who doesn't do public speaking well nor fly well, and that's my trigger (or my excuse) to drink this week away. Hmmmmmm.
It's absolutely pathetic. As a consequence of these things, I've gained a lot of weight (this goes cyclic with the presentation - I've added 5 lbs, all of which in my face it looks like, i'll look worse at my presentation, but i have to do go, so there's stress there, so i'll go drink, and then i've added more weight, etc.) and my liver area is starting to hurt.
Anyway we'll see what happens. AFter all of this traveling nonsense and all of this meeting and conferences get over, I can try to maintain sobriety again. But from that point, to now, I do not see any choice but to embrace alcoholism.
I hope this post makes sense.
Such a string of days is alarming obviously. I had been doing relatively well before that. I know my trigger. And I feel ****** even bringing it up. I mean, there's guys in other threads whose ex-girlfriend or ex-wife is about to die. They guys have serious issues. I have minor issues, and I'm a cry baby.
My whole trigger, my whole reason for being stressed is a flight. A flight right into Hurricane Earl. I have flying. It's going to be nasty. I have drugs to help keep me calm when I'm on the plane and that should help. But usually, in my experience, worrying about it is worse than the actual event - the actual turbulence - is usually nothing. The worrying before hand, in my case a week, gave me an excuse to drink all of these days.
I know after school tomorow, I will drink midday, return to work, and finish packing, taking a sleeping pill, and going to bed.
Friday I will finish packing (verify that it has been done so), then take a bus downtown, have a few drinks at whatever bar is open at 8AM-11AM. Then take the bus to the airport, And that'll be that.
I imagine I will be shaking when I take a seat.
I have 8 flights in all, over this next week, including transfers. That's relatively high stress, but this first one, right into Hurricane Earl, is what scares me.
Also I found out that while traveling, I will have to give some high-pressure presentations to a group of people that don't like us (the company). I do not speak well in front of groups, and my presentation skills are all absymmal. Now I need to define that: if you were to watch me, within 5 minutes you would start to feel the same embarrassment for me as I feel for myself. But I still have 25 more minutes or whatever.
So all this stress. All of this is stupid stress, not real stress. It's not a family member dying, or dealing with "real life." I'm just a ***** who doesn't do public speaking well nor fly well, and that's my trigger (or my excuse) to drink this week away. Hmmmmmm.
It's absolutely pathetic. As a consequence of these things, I've gained a lot of weight (this goes cyclic with the presentation - I've added 5 lbs, all of which in my face it looks like, i'll look worse at my presentation, but i have to do go, so there's stress there, so i'll go drink, and then i've added more weight, etc.) and my liver area is starting to hurt.
Anyway we'll see what happens. AFter all of this traveling nonsense and all of this meeting and conferences get over, I can try to maintain sobriety again. But from that point, to now, I do not see any choice but to embrace alcoholism.
I hope this post makes sense.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: albuquerque, new mexico
Posts: 63
I hope you find your serenity before you take your next drink. That next drink might 'appear' to help but you seem very aware that it will not help. It masks the issue and makes the issue blow up to an enormous task because our minds start to play tricks on us to keep us drunk when we are sick and suffering from our disease. I hope you have someone you can go to and ask for help before you take your next drink my friend. i will pray for you!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi qs4
You're doing an awful lot of forward thinking....noone really knows what a hurricane will do or how strong it will be...especially in a few days time....
and I know for a fact that planes will not fly if it is unsafe.
If you're that worried about the flight, can you reschedule? or make other arrangements - car, train?
In the end tho - and you know this too - all reasons to binge are insane when you consider what you're doing to yourself - you're harming yourself cos you're scared of being harmed?
Makes no sense.
Stop now - get some help.
D
You're doing an awful lot of forward thinking....noone really knows what a hurricane will do or how strong it will be...especially in a few days time....
and I know for a fact that planes will not fly if it is unsafe.
If you're that worried about the flight, can you reschedule? or make other arrangements - car, train?
In the end tho - and you know this too - all reasons to binge are insane when you consider what you're doing to yourself - you're harming yourself cos you're scared of being harmed?
Makes no sense.
Stop now - get some help.
D
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
The more I drank...the worse my fears became...so I drank
more to stuff my feelings.....then they magnified....
requiring more alcohol......I'm sorry you are on this
misery go round.....
Please do not mix alcohol with sleeping meds
that's very very dangerous.
Prayers going out ..for your peace and healing.
more to stuff my feelings.....then they magnified....
requiring more alcohol......I'm sorry you are on this
misery go round.....
Please do not mix alcohol with sleeping meds
that's very very dangerous.
Prayers going out ..for your peace and healing.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 91
Flying.
Hi.
Are you sure the flying is the problem? If so I may be able to help with some facts without giving myself away too much. I hope the following helps...........
1. Both pilots will turn up to work a minimum of 45 minutes before departure (more likely 90 minutes) and sign on for duty. They will then check the weather and submit a flight plan. If the weather reports indicate that there will be/maybe unsafe flying conditions on route they will ammend the flight plan to take this into account as to avoid the weather. They will not fly anywhere near a hurricane. It's illegal for a start!
2. While enroute (in the cruise) the pilots will be monitoring all the aircraft systems which of course includes the weather radars that all commercial aircraft have installed. If there is any weather up to 250 miles ahead that is unexpected such as heavy up and down drafts, heavy precipitation, storms etc these will come up as red and purple blobs on their screens. They can then request from flight service to divert from their flight planned track to avoid the weather.
3. If something does go wrong in the cockpit you will never know about it. These aircraft have double and triple redundancy so that if a system goes down a back up just kicks in automatically.
4. If at your destination the weather is poor there is no need to worry either. If the pilots can not make an approach due to really bad weather they legally will have to be carrying enough fuel to divert to another airport where the forcast weather was determined to be good.
5. The aircraft of today can with stand fantastic loads (G's) on their airframes without compromising their integrity. If you do encounter some turbulence (the green and yellow blobs) there really is nothing to worry about as the aircraft are designed to take multiples of these loads and still not be comprimised. (Check Youtube to see aircraft testings etc).
I promise you you really have nothing to worry about if you can try and think about flying logically. There is a far far far greater chance you will be in danger if you drink than fly. I hope this has helped mate. I don't mean to lecture but just put the facts down so that you might know that in this particular area (one of the few) I know what I'm talking about.
Bon Voyage and have fun
!
Are you sure the flying is the problem? If so I may be able to help with some facts without giving myself away too much. I hope the following helps...........
1. Both pilots will turn up to work a minimum of 45 minutes before departure (more likely 90 minutes) and sign on for duty. They will then check the weather and submit a flight plan. If the weather reports indicate that there will be/maybe unsafe flying conditions on route they will ammend the flight plan to take this into account as to avoid the weather. They will not fly anywhere near a hurricane. It's illegal for a start!
2. While enroute (in the cruise) the pilots will be monitoring all the aircraft systems which of course includes the weather radars that all commercial aircraft have installed. If there is any weather up to 250 miles ahead that is unexpected such as heavy up and down drafts, heavy precipitation, storms etc these will come up as red and purple blobs on their screens. They can then request from flight service to divert from their flight planned track to avoid the weather.
3. If something does go wrong in the cockpit you will never know about it. These aircraft have double and triple redundancy so that if a system goes down a back up just kicks in automatically.
4. If at your destination the weather is poor there is no need to worry either. If the pilots can not make an approach due to really bad weather they legally will have to be carrying enough fuel to divert to another airport where the forcast weather was determined to be good.
5. The aircraft of today can with stand fantastic loads (G's) on their airframes without compromising their integrity. If you do encounter some turbulence (the green and yellow blobs) there really is nothing to worry about as the aircraft are designed to take multiples of these loads and still not be comprimised. (Check Youtube to see aircraft testings etc).
I promise you you really have nothing to worry about if you can try and think about flying logically. There is a far far far greater chance you will be in danger if you drink than fly. I hope this has helped mate. I don't mean to lecture but just put the facts down so that you might know that in this particular area (one of the few) I know what I'm talking about.
Bon Voyage and have fun
!
Enjoying Sobriety
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 143
I once heard someone say "I make such a huge deal out of everything...It's like pole-vaulting over rat turds!" That's me! Everything is a big deal and if I drink, guess what, it gets bigger.
I have realized lately that I have more fear in me than I ever knew. Now I face those fears...sober...and they are no where near as huge as I thought them to be.
I, too, will pray for you. I pray you can gain some confidence in yourself, find some peace and serenity, just know that if you want to clean and sober IT CAN BE DONE. I believe with all my heart that if I can do it, anyone can. God bless you!
P.S. If you must do something choose between the pills or the booze...together it's just double the poison.
I have realized lately that I have more fear in me than I ever knew. Now I face those fears...sober...and they are no where near as huge as I thought them to be.
I, too, will pray for you. I pray you can gain some confidence in yourself, find some peace and serenity, just know that if you want to clean and sober IT CAN BE DONE. I believe with all my heart that if I can do it, anyone can. God bless you!
P.S. If you must do something choose between the pills or the booze...together it's just double the poison.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 100
The thing is, if you keep doing this to yourself, someone who loves you will be as just as distressed as the people who are suffering by watching someone they care for kill themselves.
Your liver is hurting. You are hurting. Instead of embracing your alcoholism, embrace a plan for sobriety because we all deserve the gift of self love.
Your liver is hurting. You are hurting. Instead of embracing your alcoholism, embrace a plan for sobriety because we all deserve the gift of self love.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
QS... your "trigger" might be that you're an alcoholic. Everything in your post describes "irritable, restless, and discontent." Of course it's your choice but you may find that if you treat the source, the other stuff will clear up as well. ....that was my experience anyway.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'll second what the others have said about mixing booze and pills.
You most likely aren't going to be able to address your whole drinking problem before your trip, but the more you drink, the worse your ensuing withdrawals will be.
My suggestion is that when you return, you investigate a way to deal with all of this once and for all. I like AA. If what you've been doing isn't working, it's time to try something different.
You most likely aren't going to be able to address your whole drinking problem before your trip, but the more you drink, the worse your ensuing withdrawals will be.
My suggestion is that when you return, you investigate a way to deal with all of this once and for all. I like AA. If what you've been doing isn't working, it's time to try something different.
Last edited by CarolD; 09-02-2010 at 06:55 AM. Reason: Typo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: U.K.
Posts: 65
I think people drink for a number of reasons, some of us become alcoholics, the fact you've recognized that your drinking is a problem is a positive step.
As far as the flying goes, I don't think I'm qualified to offer advice and never would, however working with people over the years in a voluntary capacity has lead me to see people who have genuine fears about things, that to others appear trivial. Have you considered speaking to an expert about why you feel the way you do about flying?
As far as the flying goes, I don't think I'm qualified to offer advice and never would, however working with people over the years in a voluntary capacity has lead me to see people who have genuine fears about things, that to others appear trivial. Have you considered speaking to an expert about why you feel the way you do about flying?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Hi qs, I understand your excuses, and fear of flying is real, as is the fear of public speaking. I used to drink everytime I flew anywhere, but it wasn't for fear, it was because I liked to drink. I think others have given you good advice on the topic.
As far as the public speaking, I also used to be dreadfully nervous and scared of public speaking and doing presentations, but I found out that the more prepared I was, the better I was, and being drunk or hungover never helped my speaking efforts. I did realize though that the more public speaking I did the more comfortable I got with it. There are a few organizations that could help you with it, one being Toast Masters. The other place where it would be easy to get up in front of people and speak on a regular basis in an anonoymous setting would be AA. I have found through my years of sales and presentations that the more I forced myself to do them the more comfortable I got and the better I got at doing them. In fact I have gone from a kid who had trouble getting up in front of a class of 15 to a guy who is so good that I have presented to the heads of many fortune 500 companies, CEO's, and military leaders, I have even done an infomercial. Yet at one point I was a complete mess and I was scared to death to talk in front of others. I would recommend buying some books on the subject, and then getting up infront of people as often as you can. It is tough to be afraid of something you are really good at and prepared for.....and I think an AA meeting might be a great start for you.
As far as the public speaking, I also used to be dreadfully nervous and scared of public speaking and doing presentations, but I found out that the more prepared I was, the better I was, and being drunk or hungover never helped my speaking efforts. I did realize though that the more public speaking I did the more comfortable I got with it. There are a few organizations that could help you with it, one being Toast Masters. The other place where it would be easy to get up in front of people and speak on a regular basis in an anonoymous setting would be AA. I have found through my years of sales and presentations that the more I forced myself to do them the more comfortable I got and the better I got at doing them. In fact I have gone from a kid who had trouble getting up in front of a class of 15 to a guy who is so good that I have presented to the heads of many fortune 500 companies, CEO's, and military leaders, I have even done an infomercial. Yet at one point I was a complete mess and I was scared to death to talk in front of others. I would recommend buying some books on the subject, and then getting up infront of people as often as you can. It is tough to be afraid of something you are really good at and prepared for.....and I think an AA meeting might be a great start for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
have you considered the fact that if you are obviously drunk, you may be banned from your flight? the airlines are very conscious and vigilant of passengers these days..an inibr. passenger is a PROBLEM passenger.
I'll also add in as everyone else says, that mixing the large quantities of alcohol along with sedatives may cause you to just stop breathing in your attempt to sleep off your anxieties.
I found that a LOT of my own anxiety was dissolved when I stopped drinking, mostly because I had better rational thoughts.
I hope you find the strength within yourself to quit.
I'll also add in as everyone else says, that mixing the large quantities of alcohol along with sedatives may cause you to just stop breathing in your attempt to sleep off your anxieties.
I found that a LOT of my own anxiety was dissolved when I stopped drinking, mostly because I had better rational thoughts.
I hope you find the strength within yourself to quit.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi qs - I think you probably already know this, but coming off of alcohol increases your anxiety. I understand the fear part, but as a few others have pointed out, there are better ways to deal with it. Have you ever done any work with a counselor?
If flying and speaking is a part of your job, and you start binging (way before the actual event), doesn't it actually hamper your work and preparation time? If it's going to be a constant trigger, maybe you should think about changing jobs. Is it really worth jeopardizing your health (liver pain) for this?
I feel for you and hope you can get things sorted out.:ghug3
If flying and speaking is a part of your job, and you start binging (way before the actual event), doesn't it actually hamper your work and preparation time? If it's going to be a constant trigger, maybe you should think about changing jobs. Is it really worth jeopardizing your health (liver pain) for this?
I feel for you and hope you can get things sorted out.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Houston
Posts: 309
I know these words don't seem like much, but it does get better. And easier. If someone could have shown me just a glimpse of how life would be today when I first got sober, it would have helped. Unfortunately, that's impossible. Just stick with it. Best wishes.
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