shaun00

alright my friend.

Its not unusual to be crippled by fear for a while......years of rounding off the edges of life kind off twists our perceptions in to thinking we need it to cope.

AA is a great start.......with time you will realize your not alone.

next comes the program of action laid out in the book alcoholics anonymous.
in the form of 12 steps.

strangely, i was in liverpool last night doing some work.......but live in the sw.

names shaun....alcoholic........please feel free to pm me if i can be of any help to you......i guess i would call myself a big book guy.
ive been where you are....i was a low bottom drunk......there is hope.

shaun.

joey8262

update-i'm ABSOLUTELY BLADDERED-about to do sumthin i've neva done b4-ordereed 2 hLF GRAms of COKE-where is this gona END ????? And please dont reply with god quotes-he aint helped me up to now-i aint got much faith him or the 12 steps-it's took me about 10 mins to type this with typos-so someone please help me-don't start throwin the 12 steps at me-just helpme on a NORLMAL level.john

SSIL75

You don't need God to recover and a lot of people here are recovering without AA (myself included). But you have to want it, John. You have to want it more than anything.

Are you there yet?

LexieCat

John,

I don't know what other lifeline to throw you. You aren't doing so well getting yourself out of this. None of us can do it for you.

reggiewayne

Hang in there man... Just realize that the drinking is causing you to want to drink. I know it sounds simplistic, but the reason you feel hopeless is because you are drinking large amounts of poison that destroy your emotions, self image, and relationships. If you can just find someway to stay clear of the booze for a few days, you will feel better. You mentioned you feel like a junkie getting his next fix. WE ALL WERE LIKE THAT... You feel that way because it's true. Booze is a drug, just like cocaine, heroin, nicotine, opium, oxycottin, etc... Please realize that there is nothing "normal" about drinking. It's a very powerful substance that ruins people's lives. Understand that it does nothing positive for you at all. You can beat the cravings, and once you get a few days between your drinks you can start to heal. The first step is to complety understand and agree that you are not giving up ANYTHING when giving up booze. It is not helping you in any way shape or form.

Best of luck man, hang in there. It can only get better once you stop!!!

Thanks,

RW

Dee74

Ok, I'll help you on a 'normal' level Joey...

things will never ever get better while you're turning to the same old things to solve your problems - ever.

They certainly won't improve if you're adding new drugs to the mix.

Use God, don't use God, use AA and the 12 steps or not - but you have to do something different to what you're doing - go back to AA, do another programme, go to rehab...whatever...

but unless you make changes, nothing is likely to change.
I have 20 years experience with that.

All the best advice in the world here is worth nothing if you do nothing with it, Joey.

D

reggiewayne

BTW, the coke is probably the worst idea you could come up with. Dude, flush the shiznit down the toilet and find a rehab. You're making terrible decisions because your judgement is so clouded from the booze. Just know that you are not in your right frame of mind. You just need to get clean for a day or two and you'll come back to your senses. Cocaine is not a good option man...

joey8262

i binned it-because i realised i didnt need it-it's not because i want to drink-the things that have happened in my life sort of determine the way i live-some days i'll be great-on top of the world-ready to go anywhere and do anything-this can carry on for weeks and weeks and i'll see the old me when i look in the mirror-but it only takes one day where i wake up-and crash and burn-big time, it's not because i want to be like this-it's like i've got no option-it's not a bad mood or feeling a bit low-this is MAJOR hit the floor with a loud bang-and that's what sends me there-my dad has recently been diagnosed as manic depressive and bi-polar as well-i don't know if this is genetic as it has been seen in the family before-my g.p doesn't know what to say to me-he just shoves me another packet of tablets, hoping they will do the trick-they're not-this is my downfall.

i feel sometimes when writing on here that it may be the last time i post-cos when i hit the floor then thoughts i shouldnt really be having, kick in-and i can sit and see how i'm going to do it, which way, which is quicker, the only thing that stops me is my son's face in my head-he'd die without me-and i'd die without him.

feelin sorta confused right now as you can probably gather so dont shout at me ! lol

john.

Dee74

I'm sorry if you felt I was one of the ones yelling at you John - I was just trying to give you my experience, straight up, in as few words as possible.

I know about getting to that low point...I have cerebral palsy - others here have depression and mental illness - others deal with loss, and pain and sadness - there's lots of us who know about 'MAJOR hit the floor with a loud bang' and the despair that sends us to drink.

I'm not downplaying your situation at all, but I am saying you're not alone - we understand - we've been there, and I promise you you can learn other ways to deal with things - many of us here have

Like I said above, find support and work it like you've never worked anything before...AA or some other programme, counselling, rehab, seeing a (maybe new?) doctor about depression - the choices are yours, John.

If the despair does get too much and you start to think dark thoughts again, please remember this link - it has many links to support sites and crisis numbers across the world.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

Don't give up, mate - I know you can do this, cos I did - and good work on binning the stuff

D

CarolD

John.....

You may be on to something....because of your family history
expecially your Dad's recent diagnoses.....please contact
the proper agency or whoever deals with such in your area.

I sure .... but it seems logical to me.

All my best to you and your family

joey8262

am goin to meetings dee but sometimes they just get too intense for me-i'm not really a religious person so sitting listening about religion etc doesn't really do anything for me-i'm not slamming people who are religious-far from it-but it's just not my thing

i'm trying to work out in my head what's going on-i can't wait for this psychotherapy to start, maybe then i can start moving forward-instead of being a "good lad" for weeks and then one bad day and i'm letting myself down again-it's just a cycle at the moment and i'm doing all i can to break it-i can sort of take myself out of my head and look at myself from the outside and think"if this was happening to someone else then what would i say" sort of trying to give myself advice-it helps me sometimes-gets me through the bad days-but it's not enough-it only delays the inevitable.

i want to change things and it's hard-i wish the support system in the u.k was a bit quicker and easier to go through-i've been trying since 2008-as you can tell by my join date-and i'm still in the same position i was back then-ok the drinking has drastically improved-i'm not going to lie and say i don't slip and have a relapse-i wouldnt insult anybody on here's intelligence-it has improved significantly-but it's still there, thats what i'm trying to do-eliminate it altogether.

sorry for ranting but not having the best of days

john.

debs

How are things, Joey?

You're in my thoughts and prayers. (whether you want the prayers or not! lol)

You'll figure it out. You're still comin' back here.. that's a GOOD thing.

Don't give up.. you can beat this thing.

joey8262

not too well debs to be honest-mainly down to an ex-girlfriend causing absolute murder at my house the night before last-had to call the police and everything-i've moved house twice in 4 years to get away from her-she flat refuses to leave me alone-the police informed me that i can't get any sort of injunction etc against her because of our great legal system-in the past i've had violence-windows smashed-myself smashed up-BUT because i never pressed charges against her then i have no grounds for an injunction-marvellous eh-anyway-back to topic-she created havoc-so as a result i ended up going and getting completely hammered-to the point where i was that out of it-i've had to basically sign my son over to my older sister-before anyone takes him off me-i'm going through absolute hell right now-i've NEVER felt like this-i feel like just ending it all.if i lose him i've got nothing worth living for.simple as that.

sorry for the long post but at the moment things are pretty much sh1t.

john.

Dee74

Hi John

I'm sorry for your trouble John, but you must know the solution is not drinking - you're already being abused - why add to that and make it worse by abusing yourself?

I did the same for many years - I allowed events and feelings, and fear of those feelings, to run my life.

I trapped myself in the cycle of event:response addiction and I didn't stop until I'd nearly lost everything.

You need to really put your nose to the grindstone now, John and find a solution - find a way out the cycle...that needs to be your absolute priority, I think

Maybe it's time to admit to yourself that nothing should be off the table now - no solution should be too much, and nothing should be out of the question now.

And please - do contact someone if you feel excessively despondent or like you are capable of safe harm - see your Dr & perhaps use that link I've given to you here previously for more support links.

You can turn things around - it's never ever too late John.
D

Kmber2010

Wish you well John and I am sorry you are going through so much. Whatever is going on in our lives abusing alcohol or drugs to cope is never an answer.

I think at this stage you need to get to the Dr. and do things differently.

I can't say much more then what has been said here but I do want to add that you CAN do this my friend. I never thought I would have made it out of years of drinking of a real mess of situation I was in a few years back. I struggled and relapsed but I found getting extra face to face support to be tremendous in my recovery.

Don't give up and please reach out to a Dr. Against all odds people can and do get sober. Quite of few of those folks here - I am one of them.

Thinking of you and know we are here for you.

SSIL75

IME that kind of thinking will keep you drunk, John. There is no need to get plastered because someone comes to cause trouble. If anything, a better solution might have been to take your son somewhere that's safe for both of you and reassure him that he still has some stability in his life, right? I mean we have lots of choices in life. Whether we feed or starve the chaos.

I used to get hammered after a hard day with my kids. Instead of taking care of myself so that I'd be better prepared to handle them the next day. So then I'd head into the next day with a raging hangover. Feeding the chaos.

I'm glad your son is somewhere safe. Now what are you going to do to keep yourself safe?

joey8262

update-went the doc's-about as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike-gave me a couple of numbers that weren't even relevant-just glad to get me out of the room so i'm back to square one-on the upside-spokde to a new solicitor and reality is that i CAN get an injunction against her-she is one of my MAJOR triggers and it needs to end-along with the violence-i can't take it anymore-waiting for my shrink to ring me back now with details of home detox-trying to stay positive but the next few days/weeks are going to be crucial-i just hope i'm strong enough.

sorry for the rant folks.
john.

SSIL75

I have faith in you.

joey8262

thanks ssil-i'm not doubting that i can do this-i just wish i had more support and help-i don't want to be spoonfed-far from it-but in the uk the nhs is a joke-no proper support for people that really need it-and when it IS there-it's a complete joke-it's no wonder people like me end up helpless.if i had the money then i would go to a private detox clinic but feeding my son comes first.

Kmber2010

John....I found that my defeatist attitude was a major part of the reason I felt hopeless.

It is good to vent and share. What you do need to remind yourself of is that plenty of people get sober without rehab and all that good stuff. We rely on doing the hard work of throwing out the booze in our homes, forcing ourselves to not drink and getting help in forms of AA, counseling, etc. If your Dr. is on board healthwise then there is no reason to not quit now.

I assure you that putting off sobriety for all things that are less then good in our lives isn't a solution. You have to make your recovery the primary focus and now is the best time. I do counseling and what we focused on right from the beginning was how to handle triggers, learn strategies and tools and to begin making healthy positive change in my life.

Looking forward to your feedback from your therapist. Why not go to a meeting in the interim? No need to put off our sobriety.

I believe in you. Stay positive and believe in yourself