joey8262

thanks for all the positives guys-it was a hard night-i got next to no sleep-and am feeling a bit ropy this morning-better but still rough-but the bottom line-i made it through the night without reaching for a drink-the only one i had was irn bru-and that didnt help-all the sugar didnt help me sleep !!!! but am on day one and hoping i can get through it-you all helped immensely yesterday and for that i would like to thank you all

joey.

joey8262

thanks for that-i've got an appointment with my shrink on monday where she wants to sort out a cbt programme-that will help hopefully, ive recently moved house as i said so there's an absolute mountain of work to be done in here-just been to busy drinking myself into oblivion to realise how much needs doing-my plan is, my booze money, or what used to be anyway, is now going to be spent on doing my house and improving the lives of me and my son-he's seen enough of me out cold on the couch or falling over drunk, I should have done this a long time ago but at the time theres always been "I'll do it tomorrow-plenty of time" in my head-well friends, tomorrow has come-today.

joey8262

well am back again-the last 2 days i've really let myself down-the worst was yesterday-i dont believe i let myself fall again-i feel disgusted with myself and i feel physically ill every time i think about it-i don't even know what triggered it-just the temptation got too much for me and i caved in-so much for my will to stop-i feel a fool for lying to myself, thinking i could stop at 1 or 2-that wasnt the case-once i'd had thge first one then i just carried on-i havent made a fool of myself like i usually do and i haven't upset anyone-except myself.sorry for moaning !!

LexieCat

You can still go find a meeting...

Sudz No More

Let's pick ourselves up and try again Joey, No sense in worrying about it, what's done is done. Let's just move forward.

SSIL75

Moan away.

What happened with the shrink/CBT plan?

joey8262

still waiting for the cbt to be agrranged-the shrink is causing more harm than good to be honest-its opened a complete can of worms that i could have done with not having to deal with until i feel well enough booze-wise, trying to pack in and going there is stressing me out!

CarolD

Plan B......out the door and go to an AA meeting.


You just might find that useful if you want to quit.
I sure hope you will give up the drinking
alcohol damages your mind and body.

joey8262

am sick of drinking tea and bottled water !!! beats the alternative i guess gona settle in with a few dvds and try and relax-a bit jumpy at the moment but i've got to have another try-i owe it to myself.

joey8262

well i made it through-been up since 5a.m just watching dvds and drinking bottles of water-just had to have a word with my parents-i need them to look after my day-to-day finances-i dont think i'm in a position right now where i trust myself with money-i dont know if thats an abnormal thing-i just dont want to have money there and i get tempted again-probably sounds childish, bearing in mind i'm 38 years old but as far as i'm concerned the less options i have with regards to getting more alcohol, the better and faster i'll start to heal again.

debs

I wish so much with all of my heart that I could get you to where I am right now. You really don't have to live this way.. that knuckle-clutching, time watching, breath-holding, second by second agony.. that sh*t's for the birds...

Get to AA, get in a support group.. go to rehab.. whatever you gotta do.. do it.. cos there is help out there and you simply don't have to do it alone.

Don't worry about what's done.. just pick up the pieces and try again.......... but here's the key... do something different this time.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

joey8262

on night 2 and getting really bored-i've drunk my own bodyweight in coffee today-i had my first proper meal in days this afternoon-i never had anythin to eat for 3 days-due to lack of space-sort of bloated with the booze-now i'm bloated with coffee !!! lol feel a bit crap at the moment but i know it'll pass in the next few days-just a question of sticking with it-just hope i can do it.

Hollyanne

Hi Joey,
I know exactly how you feel. Have been trying to stop. Got 8days, drank. Got 5,drank. Got 10, drank... Since Aug 15thish. Am going to AA and at the moment I have 5 days. Am a clockwatcher like you (and a few others!).
I have left meetings and gone straight to the liquor store and bought a bottle. I then get cumfy and drink myself into a blackout! Wake up not with a hangover but the complete "horrors" "fear", anxiety, depression etc.
Does this even remotely sound sane?
The one change I have made is the "want to" part.
Being honest, i didn't exactly get into the shakes and cold sweats for the want of a drink.
I was a little too easily steered to the shop! It would have taken God to come down and physically walk me home which I guess is asking a bit much!
So tonight at the meeting i said as much and was in my head going, "yes, no, yes, no..." I stayed at the meeting until the shop closed and admitted this motive to the people there. They didn't bat an eyelid as nothing is shocking to our friends in AA.
I thought the suggestion above about staying on your son's schedule was good. Also, get off your a$$ and go to meetings! You will never be more comfortable than in those rooms. I will be thinking of you and let's do this all together. Hugs.

Cottonwoodchris

Joey, once the dry heaves stopped (thanks to a few scoops of Ice Cream, yep, ice cream!) I was able to finally (after 3 days of puking my guts out) eat some food. Light stuff: sandwiches, chicken noodle soup, chicken broth. I get the jitters something awful with caffien, so stayed away from coffee. Juice (apple is a fave) water, diet 7-Up. Vitamins! A good multi and a B+ complex and some cranberry pills. V8 juice gives you the veggies. You need to take care of the nutritional side.

Holly, you could have written my biography. I even was at the point, before my last relapse, I was going to meetings drunk. Do you think they noticed? Yeah, I bet they did. a few people at the last meeting before I went out, offered phone numbers. Wish I had taken them up on it. I just kinda staggered away.

Staying sober is not an easy thing, with that damn little voice in my head, popping in to say, "It's OK, just one won't hurt" Yeah, right. Been there, tried that. It doesn't work.

To get sober, you need to have a solid recovery plan, a support network, and strength. There is a world of fantastic advice here at SR. Keep posting and keep in touch.

joey8262

done it-thanks for the msgs guys-the coffee thing was a really bad idea-i was wide awake at 2 this morning-and couldn't find my nytol tablets anywhere-i was like a raving lunatic-if i would have had a beer in the fridge then i dont know what would have happened-thankfully i found my tablets, about 2.30 a.m !!! and took 2-i went out like a light !!!feel a bit better this morning-the best thing is seeing my son coming into the living room and looking at me realising i haven't got a hangover or a blazing headache-he's seen too much for too long, he deserves better-as do i.

joey8262

the boredom has hit today-but i managed to keep my composure-a friend returned some money they owed me-now THAT was a temptation-the only thought on my mind was that-ok, its only been 3 days-and they've been a bit crap-but why the hell should i turn back now-i feel low, a bit alone, and could really do with a drink-but i DON'T WANT TO NOW-my son looking at me knowing i'm not drunk is good enough for me-him coming in from school and not finding me out cold on the couch-is enough for me-i can find many things where i can say "thats good enough for me"-all positive-i can't think of anything negative to send me back to the bottle/can-and "thats good enough for me" i know each day will get easier and it's not going to be an overnight fix-what makes me and my son happy-is good enough for me-i know i've said that phrase over and over-but when i think of him looking at me and my eyes are bloodshot or am slurring my words-thats NOT good enough for me-we both deserve better.sorry for the rant but just wanted to get that out-and i feel ten times better now i have.

thanks for the support and msgs guys-you make it worth the hike.

joey.

SSIL75

Be sure to keep busy. Try new things. go for walks, drives, the gym. a new shop or something, anything just to change up your routine and stop the boredom. It's really learning a whole new life and finding new things that you enjoy. Boredom is the enemy and IME in the absense of new things, the old things just come flooding back.

I've RSVP'd to multiple things recently that I really have little interest in. It's just a crapshoot. If I try 10 new things maybe one will entertain me. So far it's working out ver well. Just a suggestion!

TwelveSteps

Joey,

Great job on your efforts but PLEASE cut outthe coffee unless it's decaf! Alcohol is a depressant so withdrawl from alcohol involves increased anxiety, rapid heartbeat, sleeplessness, etc. -- all the symptoms that caffeine (a stimulant) will aggravate! Hang in there and keep us posted.

GG

joey8262

done another night-i'm rapidly running out of dvds to watch !! lol it's 7am here-been up since silly o'clock-my son gets up for school soon expecting the usual mayhem associated with when i was drinking-ie. oversleeping, rushing to get things done-well he's in for a surprise !! his lunch is prepared and packed-sports kit washed, ironed and in his bag ready-uniform washed, dried, and ironed-he aint got to leave until 8.40-i know it might seem trivial but since i've changed my attitude things are beginning to run more smoothly-i didnt realise how much i'd let things go-he's always clean and tidy and fed etc-but it's usually chaotic of a morning-as for the way things look now-to use my own words-good enough for me

by the way, good morning folks and heres hoping for another clean day

joey.

Cottonwoodchris

Great to hear, Joey. It does get better, but it takes time. Really glad to see your son is taking priority. Mama has some great stuff about reconnecting to her "little man" and how rewarding it is. Kudos!