soberbythesea

So after 38 days of being sober, I'm finally starting to run into issues here and there with friends and family situations. Up until now, I've been pretty deft at simply avoiding situations with alcohol, but at some point I think I'm going to have to start doing some explaining. My husband and I were very into wine until recently; it was one of the things that sort of defined us as a couple among everyone we know. So people are definitely going to start noticing soon that I've quit. Up until now, I've put them off with situational excuses ("Oh, I'm not drinking tonight because _______"), but eventually those will start to run out, I think.

How did you deal with this issue? I really don't want to share why I stopped with everyone I know. My husband is the only one that was really exposed to the problems I had when I was drinking, so everyone else would be really surprised to hear why I chose to quit and I think they would look at me in a different light. I don't want that, and I also just don't feel like discussing the topic. I'm a very private person. Can I manage to stay sober without having to explain to everyone I know why I quit drinking?

Still Waters

Wine makes me break out in huge hives. Some of us just simply can't drink it.

Saying you have developed an allergy to wine, would be pretty accurate wouldn't it?

ZZworldontheweb

I think the general wisdom around AA these days is that we tend to exaggerate in our minds the extent to which others will care whether we drink or not. I think most people find out it's just not as big of an issue as they think. Try reading "Living Sober" which is an AA approved book that discusses this.

In our society, people are so health-conscious and trying new diets and exercise regimens all the time, that if you say you've decided to opt out of alcohol consumption for general health reasons, I doubt too many people will press you. If they do, they are just being childish and you can probably laugh it off.

Murray4x5

Recently, here on SR, I've heard of people saying something like, "I'm on a medication that my doctor said can't be taken with alcohol".

I might run with that little white lie myself.

Murray

soberbythesea

ZZ, that's a good idea to just cite general health reasons. I am a pretty health-conscious person (the heavy drinking used to pretty much be my one exception to that rule), so I think that explanation would be plausible.

Supercrew

I have been telling people who know I used to drink that I went to the doctor and he told me I had to stop. I have yet to have someone inquire "why, what's wrong with you?" And anyone like family and close friends know the way I drank around them, and although none would consider me an alcoholic, (they didn't know that I drank twice as much at home alone almost daily), but they all knew that I was a heavy drinker when I drank, so everyone, aside from my brother, would think it was a wise decision.

GettingStronger2

Depends on how well I know them, typically. Most people close to me know I quit. Some know it is because I am an alcoholic (they didn't know before), others I just say I don't drink anymore.

It isn't really any of their business. At the same time, I don't like to lie. So I try to stick with the truth, as much as they need to know.

lildawg

You could say it gives you these knock-em-dead farts, and your husband couldn't sleep at night.

Seriously, I had a friend who stopped drinking because of the red-face it was giving her. She was very fair complected, and she had started to look sort of cherry-cheeked.

You could also wax philosophical and tell them that to everything there is a season and to every time a purpose under heaven . . . and your time to drink is up. Laugh it off and move forward.

nandm

What has worked for me is "I have developed an allergy to alcohol" It is truthful as I do have an adverse physical and mental reaction when I drink. It is also a response that usually gets people to stop asking questions. What I did find is that the people that truly cared about me were happy enough that I had quit drinking they did not press me on the issue. It seemed that the only people that kept pressing me about it were people that wanted me still drinking because they had difficulty being friends with someone who did not drink. Needless to say none of those people is in my life today as I grew in sobriety we grew apart and they moved on and so did I. I do wish them the best in their lives but having them as friends is not worth risking my sobriety.

Boleo

I hate when that happens (LOL!).

If someone tries to pressure me into drinking, I go into my 1001 benefits to drinking bottled water speech and within a about 10 seconds, they say "All right already, sorry I brought it up!"

ERNIETWANG

My philosophy has always been "don't be afraid of the truth" I think your sobriety is more important then your friends possible reactions to you telling them you are an "Alcoholic". Your true friends will support you and the others are'nt going to give a **** anyway. If you lie about it you will continuosly have to lie or produce a cover story. You may be amazed at the response you get from some of your drinking friends. There are "ALOT" of us Alcoholics out here.

LaFemme

Hey Ernie! In theory I agree with you but in reality I have to disagree...I socialize with people who are potential clients...there is a stigma to the label alcoholic which would negatively impact my ability to work in my career.

firestorm090

I told a friend last week that I've stopped drinking, and he said, "I'd like to do that to", which surprised me because we were strong drinking buddies.

Humor works well too, such as Wine makes me feel like sour grapes, lol.

hollybear

I dont think that you should have to tell people about your problem. They don't have to know. There are lots of excuses
you're trying to lose weight, you want healthy hair/skin (even a little bit of alcohol does major damage to your looks!), you're taking up running or something similar, you have a bladder infection, you're taking antibiotics, alcohol started giving you minor anxiety, you've been dehydrated lately and the doctors say to avoid it, etc etc. I'd go with the white lie myself too

AWOL

The human race has some strange criteria for social acceptability (like alcohol). I think the reciprocal question is the one that's difficult to answer:

"Why are you still drinking?"

"Because it's ruining my marriage, destroying my liver, given me a gastric ulcer, made my face puffy and my skin yellow, and turned my handwriting into a shaky scrawl. Because it puts other people's lives at risk when I drive home from work. Because it makes me careless, inconsiderate, reckless, and entirely selfish. Because it ruins my concentration, has destroyed my marriage, and has alienated my kids. Because it has made the past 30 years an endless charade of hangovers, anxiety, and lost productivity. Because I know I will die if I carry on drinking and I might take some people with me. That's why I'm still drinking."

"Why are you NOT drinking?"

"All of the above"

DayTrader

At first I used to use excuses, then I went with something a little more direct: "I'm laying off that stuff for a while."

Now, I'm comfortable with my alcoholism, I accept it, and I truly look at it as a blessing (given where sobriety and the 12 Steps have taken me). Now, if I'm pressured, I'll say "I don't drink anymore." If it keeps going, I tell them "I'm a recovered alcoholic and I don't drink anymore." That one always stops anyone in their tracks -

lyddie

Tell them you have joined the Chardonnay fitness Club. And you want to eliminate any unnecessary calories from your diet.

jmf7dd

Rigorous honesty is what AA talks about. And for my recovery it's the ONLY option that will keep me sober. I do not however believe that there has to be a 'why' attach to you saying, I've decided to stop drinking.PERIOD and that can be the end of the topic, if you so choose. I however have to say, I stopped drinking, because... and I explain why. And for me that's more with the fact that I'm surround by people that do drink, and drink often. So if I am not open and honest with them, they will offer me drinks. And I'm not nievea enough to think that my will to not drink will always be strong enough to say no. And for that reason I am open with why I HAD to quit. That's my story, hope it helps. Good luck with whatever you choose

LexieCat

I've told people I no longer drink "because I've decided it's just not good for me."

That's (a) absolutely true and (b) requires no further discussion. One person asked me what I meant, and I just shrugged and repeated myself.

SOMETIMES I think people ask because they are worried, on some level, about their own drinking. If someone shared THAT information with me, I would gladly go into more detail. Otherwise, nobody else's business.

jamdls

People close to me know the truth others I would just say "my stomach can't handle it so I gave it up" eventually it's no longer even an issue.