How do you go about getting a sponsor
 

I've been going to NA/AA since October, then I stopped because I wasn't serious about it. I'm ready now, how do I get a sponsor, do you just ask any random person at the meeting????

Sponsor
 

Hi, TheEnd! Nice to meet you!
You just ask any person who you can frankly share your experience and problem with. Sponsors should have their sobriety more than 6 months and have done steps 5 or further. Those are minimum required. Have a nice NA/AA life! :c031:

pretty much just ask someone. I got a sponsor at one of the first meetings I went to... they asked those willing to raise their hands. i just asked someone. We worked together for a few weeks, and I knew it wasn't the perfect fit for me, but it was a good start. When I was ready for a permanent sponsor (as opposed to temporary), I asked the person I trusted the most to sponsor me. She agreed, and it is working nicely.

For AA....here is the official guideline

Alcoholics Anonymous : Questions & Answers on Sponsorship

It can usually be found on the free literature rack at meetings.

Glad to know you are planning to move forward....:yup:

An excellent resource book for understanding the sponsor/sponsee relationship is: "Twelve Step Sponsorship, How it works" by Hamilton B. Hazelton is the publisher. Below are excepts from the book.

According to the book these are guidelines for choosing a primary sponsor:

• Has what we want---Choose a sponsor whose recovery and life you admire.
• Lives in the solution---all sobriety is not created equal, and the length of sobriety is no guarantee of its quality. Pick someone who lives in the solution and not in the problem. Listen to what your potential sponsor says in meetings. Find someone who talks about how he/she applies the Steps each day, who handles life competently and with expectation, and who has a positive outlook on life. Since a sponsor can only offer us what he/she already has, the last thing we need is old addictive thinking to guide us (even if the alcoholic is sober).
• Walks the talk---Our potential sponsor's behavior ought to reflect the principles that he/she proclaims at meetings. Some people talk a good line in meetings, but they have not yet managed to translate that talk into behavior. There is a problem with being sponsored by such people. Since they have not been able to apply Twelve Step principles to their own lives, they will have difficulty helping us apply them to ours. Their unwillingness to look at their own character defects, for example, creates a blind spot that makes it hard for them to acknowledge our character defects and help us face them. We may learn recovery talk from such people, but we may not learn recovery behavior. And a Twelves Step program is a program of action.
• Has a sponsor---In choosing a sponsor, pick one who has his/her own sponsor. Your sponsor's sponsor is sometimes called your "grandsponsor". Your grandsponsor is a resource for your sponsor when he/she has a question about your program. Your grandsponsor also helps your own sponsor stay on the recovery track.
• Emphasizes the Steps---Not all sponsors emphasize working the Twelve Steps to the same degree. Since the Steps are so important, choose a sponsor who will emphasize the Steps and work closely with you. Ideally, a sponsor will ask you to read the Big Book and the Twelve and Twelve, give you study assignments on the Steps, monitor your progress and encourage you to move through the Steps as quickly as you can while still being thorough.
• Has more time in recovery than we do----As a general rule, a sponsor should have more time in recovery than we do (up to a point, of course). In theory, the longer the recovery time, the more experience, strength,and hope a sponsor will have to share concerning recovery. Further more he/she will have been where we are trying to go.
• Has worked more Steps than we have---Our sponsor must have worked the Steps that he/she is going to help us work. AA is grounded in experience, not theory. If our sponsor hasn't worked a Step, he/she can't lead us through it. So we should choose a sponsor who has worked more Steps than we have (or at least the same number, if we have both worked all twelve.)
• Is available for telephone calls and meetings---Not all sponsors are equally available for sponsee telephone calls and meetings. Sponsorship works best when our sponsor's frequency of availability meets our need for frequency of contact.
• Emphasizes spiritual aspect of the program---Since the Twelve Steps make up a spiritual program and since many people have difficulty wit the spiritual aspect, it's important to know where out potential sponsor stands on this critical issue. Our sponsor can only share his/her experience, strength, and hope with us. therefore, only those who have a spiritual program can offer it.
• Gender is the same as ours---Same-sex sponsorships are preferable to opposite-sex sponsorships in the case of heterosexuals in order to avoid the possibility of a sexual relationship developing between sponsor and sponsee. Generally, a same-sex sponsor is also easier to identify with.

Interviewing a Potential Sponsor
We can theorize all we want about whether or not someone will be a good sponsor, but we won't really know until we do some investigative work. The only way to determine whether or not a potential sponsor will be a good match for us it to meet with him/her to discuss sponsorship. Such an interview with a potential sponsor can be an intimidating experience, especially when we're new to recovery. But the purpose of the interview is not judgmental. It is analytical. The question it seeks to answer is, "Do we both think sponsorship will work for us?" Sponsorship has to work for both parties or it won't work at all.

A program member who is a great sponsor for one person may not be as effective for somebody else. We don't all want the same style of sponsorship, but there is someone for each of us. By describing how he or she expects to conduct the learning experience called sponsorship, a potential sponsor can help us decide whether or not his/her course of study is what we had in mind.

In the interview, ask your potential sponsor whether or not he or she reads the Big Book, makes study assignments, and will meet with you regularly. Ask what his/her expectations and requirements are and what he/she thinks the role of a sponsor is. Ask questions that are important to you, questions about the program, recovery, spirituality, the Big Book, or personal data about your potential sponsor---whatever will help you determine if this person will be a good sponsor for you.

Part of accepting responsibility for our sobriety is being thorough in choosing a sponsor. As newcomers, we can seek the advice and support of our temporary sponsor as well as trusted friends. We can even propose the topic of "finding a sponsor" in meetings. It is a natural and important part of growing up in the Fellowship.

Don't have much to add beyond the good advice that's been given you, but I just wanted to say I'm glad to see you back here and ready to get back to work on the solution!

Please don't just ask anybody. There are tons of people in AA, all well meaning, and some of them are great folks, that have never had a spiritual awakening as the result of the Steps.

It works for them. But if you are the alcoholic described in the BB, odds are their program will get you drunk and demoralized.

Find out if the person is a real alcoholic. Find out if they need and live a spiritual program. If they don't know, run like hell.

What is the BB, is that the big book??? What do you mean find out if they are a real alcoholic???

I remember when I said I was going to interview a sponsor in a post on this forum. I was met with howls of ridicule! I still went ahead and interviewed the candidate, and guess what? She's still my sponsor today!

BB means the Big Book. "Real alcoholic" as the term is used in the Big Book has a very specific meaning. It refers to a person who drinks when he intends not to, and who, once he drinks, is unable to control the amount that he drinks.

In other words, not someone who simply drinks a lot, or has problems from drinking.

I think it's very smart.

TheEnd.....Yes....the term "real alcoholic" is found
8 times in our Big Book/Alcoholics Anonymous


1 real alcoholic Big Book-Ch. 2: There Is A Solution P21.asp
2 real alcoholic Big Book-Ch. 2: There Is A Solution P23.asp
3 real alcoholic Big Book-Ch. 3: More About Alcoholism P30.asp
4 real alcoholic Big Book-Ch. 3: More About Alcoholism P31.asp
5 real alcoholic Big Book-Ch. 3: More About Alcoholism P34.asp
6 real alcoholic Big Book-Ch. 3: More About Alcoholism P35.asp
7 real alcoholic Big Book-Ch. 7: Working with Others P92.asp
8 real alcoholic Big Book-Ch. 8: To Wives P109.asp

To check them out.....:)

Big Book On Line

**Update**

So last night at 10:30pm I went to a meeting called a "Young People's" meeting", I just felt I could connect more with people around my own age, because we might have more in common. Which is funny, because my partner is significantly older than me.

I don't know why they called it that, because there were more older people than younger people, LOl. Anyway I had a blast last night and ended up staying an extra hour just talking last night to some really cool people. It just felt so fun so natural and we were all perfectly sober. Well I got a SPONSOR :fireworks2and my sponsor bought me a big book. It was so much fun that I was on an emotional high when I left. I got home around 12:45pm, and still couldn't fall asleep for another hour. They gave me the boost to feel that I can do this if they can do this, and they looked like their live were still fun so why can't mine. Well off to studying and enjoying the rest of this great long "Sober" weekend

TE,

How terrific! I'm really happy for you.

Now get busy, don't be like me and wait till you're feeling like crap a couple years down the road to start working the steps! :)

That's great, End! Believe it or not, you have really come a long way. Enjoy!

made me smile on this sunday afternoon
:)

Well done TE......:yup:

I looked for someone who seemed to have a decent sobriety, i.e. someone who talked about the solution of AA which is the 12 steps...someone who had been sober a period of time...and asked them for a coffee afterwards to talk about maybe getting a sponsor...at the very least they will be able to point you in the right direction so that you end up with someone who can actually help you to work the steps and recover...

So looking for someone who is recovered, has worked the 12 steps and got their spiritual awakening...if any of these questions provoke a look of bemusement in yoru potential sponsor move on quickly and find someone else:-)

i would add asking them to show you where the steps are in the big book too yeahgr8,,,,,,again if this provokes a look of bemusement...move on.

I went through a plethora of sponsors before I figured out it was not the one that knew the most that helped me.

It was the one that I trusted the most that helped me.