Attempting sanity
DOS: 11/6/10
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Attempting sanity
*sigh* Sometimes, this life is just so friggin' hard. I THINK I'm doing the right things... I'm going to meetings, talking/meeting with my sponsor daily, reading the BB... reaching out to newcomers (even if it's just to give my number or help find a sponsor; I'm not ready to sponsor yet)... I pray daily and sometimes more than daily...
I have 104 days of sobriety that feel soooo good and calm to me. Like when I'm alone and I take a deep breath it's like I'm just serene in my own little peace bubble.
Hubby has bipolar disorder. I don't know if it's because I am getting well and he subconsiously feels threatened by that, or if chemically he's just going loopy, but he is cracking up and seems to be determined to take me with him.
I know all about co-dependency, detachment, etc... but we live, work, eat, breathe together so much of the time I can't put myself somewhere safe mentally. It seems like all he does is bitch, moan, and complain without doing a damn thing about it 24 hours a day. I know he has a real and pressing problem and am doing all I can to get him to a doctor that will prescribe the right meds, and back to his therapist that he loves, and I offer love and support (which is usually rejected of late) but I don't know what else to do.
And I know I need to keep my mental safety and spiritual sanity in mind; if I don't have it, I certainly don't have it to give away. I know this.
I know also that emotionally I can't be the strong one right now and neither can he. I can respect that, but so far he's really good at blame so that's only a 1-way deal. Of course it was my fault MY alarm didn't sound at 10:30 this morning and he was late to the shrink- never mind that he has the same model phone and it was sitting right next to mine. You get the idea.
Thanks for letting me vent... I feel a little lighter now and like I might hang on to my sanity and sobriety today.
S
I have 104 days of sobriety that feel soooo good and calm to me. Like when I'm alone and I take a deep breath it's like I'm just serene in my own little peace bubble.
Hubby has bipolar disorder. I don't know if it's because I am getting well and he subconsiously feels threatened by that, or if chemically he's just going loopy, but he is cracking up and seems to be determined to take me with him.
I know all about co-dependency, detachment, etc... but we live, work, eat, breathe together so much of the time I can't put myself somewhere safe mentally. It seems like all he does is bitch, moan, and complain without doing a damn thing about it 24 hours a day. I know he has a real and pressing problem and am doing all I can to get him to a doctor that will prescribe the right meds, and back to his therapist that he loves, and I offer love and support (which is usually rejected of late) but I don't know what else to do.
And I know I need to keep my mental safety and spiritual sanity in mind; if I don't have it, I certainly don't have it to give away. I know this.
I know also that emotionally I can't be the strong one right now and neither can he. I can respect that, but so far he's really good at blame so that's only a 1-way deal. Of course it was my fault MY alarm didn't sound at 10:30 this morning and he was late to the shrink- never mind that he has the same model phone and it was sitting right next to mine. You get the idea.
Thanks for letting me vent... I feel a little lighter now and like I might hang on to my sanity and sobriety today.
S
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Hiya, sunrise. Good to hear you're 100+ days sober. That's a beautiful thing.
I don't have current experience with your situation, though I have dealt with a bipolar (now adult) son, and my husband, who's also in recovery, has never been diagnosed, but he had the classic symptoms. They've gotten better as he's grown in his own program. What used to be three or four days of silence, or complaints, is now down to an hour or less. Doesn't help you much if he's not following the same path as you are.
One thing I had to become aware of, though, and something I've ceased to do is to give in to my urge to try to fix him. If he hit a low spot, I had to stop following him around, being overly nice to him, and adjusting my behavior to accommodate him. The more I tried to make the situation better, the longer it lasted. It wasn't all that much different than handling a kid having tantrums. Any attention paid to it reinforced the behavior. Some may disagree -- that it's a chemical thing, not behavioral, and that very well may be, but even if detaching with love only saves your own sanity, it may be worth trying.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
I don't have current experience with your situation, though I have dealt with a bipolar (now adult) son, and my husband, who's also in recovery, has never been diagnosed, but he had the classic symptoms. They've gotten better as he's grown in his own program. What used to be three or four days of silence, or complaints, is now down to an hour or less. Doesn't help you much if he's not following the same path as you are.
One thing I had to become aware of, though, and something I've ceased to do is to give in to my urge to try to fix him. If he hit a low spot, I had to stop following him around, being overly nice to him, and adjusting my behavior to accommodate him. The more I tried to make the situation better, the longer it lasted. It wasn't all that much different than handling a kid having tantrums. Any attention paid to it reinforced the behavior. Some may disagree -- that it's a chemical thing, not behavioral, and that very well may be, but even if detaching with love only saves your own sanity, it may be worth trying.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
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