rws177

I have had so many it is hard to remember. Just the feeling of not knowing what I had said or done the next morning was the worst feeling in the world. I'm very gratefully not to have that anymore.

-I remember waking up in my backyard with the hose on next to me in my boxers and my chest all scratched up, had no idea how I got there

-Woke up in the hospital before, my roomates called an ambulance to take me there after I called in "sick" to work and they thought something was seriously wrong as I was uncounsious and not responsive when they arrived home from work

-Waking up at someone's house and not knowing how I had gotten there

-Driving home and not remembering it


Once again thank you for this thread, it is a good reminder of why I don't want to drink and relive these horrific things!!

Jabbadabutt

Waking up in the morning and having a mini panic attack because I could not remember if I had put pajamas and a diaper on my daughter when I put her down to bed. I know that not wearing pajamas or a diaper os not the end of the world, but the fact that I could not remember for the life of me scared me to death about what else I forgot or did. Wake up idiot!!!!!! One of my all time lows (I had several)

LovesToTravel

I had lots but I can't remember. I hear that I can write a story when I hit the 1 year mark. I have a little over a month to go...yippee me! Glad I don't have to worry about stupid things that I did or said. People (friends, family?) still mention some of the worst ones..will they ever stop?

bcboy

My last blackout was what caused me to really start the process of walking away from booze.

Trail running way up in the mountains smashed out of my mind. I do not remember how it happened or the actual fall but I awoke at the bottom of this 30 ft or so cliff laying among huge rocks beside a creek.

My head hurt like hell and I was covered in blood.

I managed to get back home but I do not remember the walk/run home and it was a few good hours home through the woods.

30 + stitches to my face, broken jaw, concussion

Very very lucky to be alive.

spryte

I have had horrible blackouts. People spit in my mouth, I was sexually assaulted, I was probably sexually assaulted, I broke into peoples' homes.

You're not alone.

julez

I've driven home a few times, I've went to bed nearly every day for 2 years and didnt remember how i got there, I made up a super hero for RainX once and demonstrated what she would do, and the worst worst one of them all was my boss' birthday dinner. We were out at a restaurant, there were clients with us, some elderly, and I got very stupid. I spilled my wine, I spilled my dinner, I kissed the girl sitting next to me after just meeting her, made a total a** of myself. My poor husband got someone to "watch" me while he pulled up the car, he carried me out, I took off my pants and demanded him to pull over so I could pee, I threw up all over the side of the car, and when I woke up the next day I rolled over and said "um, you still love me right"? He did, but neither him or my coworkers let me forget it for a long time. And still I kept drinking.....

Harry01854

I would have to consider my worst one was when I hit a tree dead on in a blackout. Woke up in the hospital with a cop giving me two tickets. One for DUI and the other for driving after revocation.

But the reason I call it my worst one is.....I was in the hospital for ten days and while there I thought, I have to make a decision, either stop drinking or stop driving while under the influence. I decided to stop driving. Took me another 15 years to decide to stop drinking.

What a decision!

Harry

jamdls

3 yrs ago today I had my last blackout, I don't even remember drinking. One minute it was about 4:30 pm on a Saturday and I was driving home from shopping completely sober, the next thing I remember it must of been around 11pm (I have a restaurant receipt stamped 10:30 or so) and I was swallowing prescription pain pills. Apparently before the pain pills I swallowed about a dozen sleeping pills (I was totally unaware that I was suicidal I thought I was happy). The next thing I remember it was Monday morning, I had apparently been unconscious for about 36 hours, I live alone; I called 911 and spent a week in the hospital because the pain pills had burned a hole in my liver. That blackout was almost a permanent blackout.

juliwuli

i really hated blackouts, i would wake up from a session knowing i had done something but unable to remember it, then i would sit there desperatly trying to drag the memories back so i would know, sometimes i would have to give up and ask my husband 'what did i do last night?'
i once drove the car drunk, parked up then later on, couldnt find the car, i walked from street to street looking for it, i really should have been locked up for everyones safety,

Nettaja

My blackouts ended a while ago despite me carrying on drinking. Why? I had decided to hide myself away. So no driving, no chatting crap at friends, no strange variety of groceries bought at 11pm, just waking up knowing that I had got drunk and I'd done nothing. I even started to regret that I'd got drunk and not "done anything" with the occasion. Bizarre.

But when I was blacking out..I drove, I did things that would make me paranoid thole next week at work, I insulted and offended my family, and those are things that are just on the edge of my memory.

Just on day three at the moment, feeling lousy all day long till - physically I feel fine except for muscle spasms that make people stare, but emotionally I am still on the floor and spiritually bankrupt. I can hardly look people in the eye or hold a conversation, fortunately my job is rather solitary but that all changes soon :-/

LaFemme

Nettaja...are you getting any help? Any doctors supervision? Detox is scary and dangerous, please be careful!

mush72

I'm new to the site and even though I cringe at the thought of "remembering" my blackouts it's refreshing to hear the honesty from all of you who are like me. My last drunk binge lasted a couple of weeks I can't remember very well, but it consisted of drinking alone on my birthday. I vaguely remember wandering my apartment complex and peeing in one of my neighbors bathroom which I do not know and cannot remember who's it was. Somehow I luckily made it back to my apartment and passed out till I wakened the next day ready to drink again. I went back to AA about 2 weeks after that incident.

Nettaja

No, I neever end up drinking for long enough, just two to four days at a time and then a week or two off.

chanel1125

I woke up in the handicap stall in the washroom of the mall after closing, thought i was locked in it and freaked out. oh and i was at work... got fired because i left the new girl i was training alone. no one knows i was drunk except my bf who came to pick me up because i couldn't function enough to drive. humiliating doesnt even describe how i feel about that. i even have a huge dent/scar on my leg from who know what that night.

littlefish

Welcome wduhelpme:
I hope you come back and visit the forum often!

I tried over and over again to see what was wrong with my thinking. But, more often than not, there was no thinking involved with it: I drank compulsively, I drank when I had momentary urges, habitual behavior, uncontrollable cravings: there wasn't much thinking involved with my drinking.

I then tried to think my way out of drinking, but that wasn't so successful either. I tried to come up with a list of all the reasons why drinking wasn't any good for me, but then I would have a drink anyway.

Things finally started changing when I stopped trying to think so much and started doing things.

I would highly recommend a program of some kind, because good programs will move you into the direction of action.

Brucel

A police officer woke me up banging on a door that I thought was mine. I found out the next day that it was the door of a neighbor three houses down who's wife was sitting at the kitchen table with a loaded 45 cal gun. Had I got thru that door, I would not be telling you this. Her husband was a prisoner of war in Vietnam. That was 1971. My last one was in Oct. 2004.
What was said before is very important. You NEVER have to have another blackout IF you dont want to. But that wont happen by thinking about it. It takes action. God Bless

wduhelpme

HI EVERYBODY! I am so grateful to ALL of you for sharing this part of your recovery. It has to be the most difficult to overcome especially because it deals with part of our human condition...which is PRIDE! I heard a quote once that said "You are only as sick as the secrets you keep".

I plan on sharing with all of you the details of my challenges with equal curiosity and concern/empathy of the challenges you wish to share. Once a week, I commit myself to posting an intimate challenge I have and leave it open as a question. I hope to get to know each of you..... THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING!

CarolD

mush72 .....
welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum
Good to know you are moving forward.....

gratefulgirl09

I never really thought I was a blackout drinker until I stopped drinking and contemplated what exactly a blackout was.
I had the usual blackouts: sleeping with strangers, driving drunk, running my mouth, etc. etc.
Thank God that my worst blackout was my last drunk. I assaulted a wheelchair bound usher at a baseball game because he tried to take away my beer. I have yet to bring myself to read the police report, but my father has told me that it says when the usher asked for my license, I dumped the contents of my purse on his lap and told him he was my trash can.
I truly was insane! I am so grateful that each day I get to wake up and remember what I did and what I said. It is such a blessing!

Bugzer

I came out of a blackout once and I was having sex with an unknown woman, you'd
think this would be a pleasant experience but I didn't know how I got there
or who she was... I pinched myself then her to confirm I am actually alive.