It's my thinking and why I need AA
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: appleton,wisconsin
Posts: 77
It's my thinking and why I need AA
I’ve been sober a little over 5 months. The first day I met my sponsor he said “The good news is you are alcoholic and doing something about it, the bad news is your problems go way beyond alcohol”. I’m starting to understand the saying “It’s not my drinking, it’s my thinking”.
And its amazing but sometimes it’s the simple things, but then again they are not that simple. FEAR is a big for me. Fear of rejection, Fear of ridicule, Fear of being perceived inadequate, Fear of financial ruin, Fear of being weak, Fear of being a doormat for others, Fear of being controlled, Fear of being laughed at … Fear, Fear, Fear, and more Fear. I am basically afraid all the time.
Then there are the sex issues. Feeling unattractive, feeling unwanted and as I think it through again its fear in disguise. My resentments are fear in disguise also.
Dealing with fear sober, this is much more difficult than I thought. I use to drink to cope with fear much more than I knew. I knew I did this but not to this extent. I live through Dry-Drunks and hate it when I am in a situation where fear is haunting me. And what’s worse is fear is exaggerated. It’s not as bad as I think but I worry anyway and cannot think clearly or rationale.
And then I want a drink, but I don’t. I go to a meeting and share, I call my sponsor, I speak with my wife. I force myself to deal with the situation. I try and accept that which I cannot change. And I find out that…. It works … I don’t drink and I find later the fear was wrong and I should not have reacted as I did.
I am not saying I have conquered fear, but I am learning to cope with fear and not drink but this is very difficult. So I will continue AA, continue the program and continue therapy.
Does this make sense to anyone? Or is this just me?
And its amazing but sometimes it’s the simple things, but then again they are not that simple. FEAR is a big for me. Fear of rejection, Fear of ridicule, Fear of being perceived inadequate, Fear of financial ruin, Fear of being weak, Fear of being a doormat for others, Fear of being controlled, Fear of being laughed at … Fear, Fear, Fear, and more Fear. I am basically afraid all the time.
Then there are the sex issues. Feeling unattractive, feeling unwanted and as I think it through again its fear in disguise. My resentments are fear in disguise also.
Dealing with fear sober, this is much more difficult than I thought. I use to drink to cope with fear much more than I knew. I knew I did this but not to this extent. I live through Dry-Drunks and hate it when I am in a situation where fear is haunting me. And what’s worse is fear is exaggerated. It’s not as bad as I think but I worry anyway and cannot think clearly or rationale.
And then I want a drink, but I don’t. I go to a meeting and share, I call my sponsor, I speak with my wife. I force myself to deal with the situation. I try and accept that which I cannot change. And I find out that…. It works … I don’t drink and I find later the fear was wrong and I should not have reacted as I did.
I am not saying I have conquered fear, but I am learning to cope with fear and not drink but this is very difficult. So I will continue AA, continue the program and continue therapy.
Does this make sense to anyone? Or is this just me?
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
At first I had trouble understanding the " problem other than alcohol" statement but like you Al I have come to understand it a whole lot better and I can identify with everything you said about fear.
Fear was at the centre of my alcoholism and putting down the bottle was just the first step on the path to recovery.
Learning to overcome the debilitating effects of fear started when I began to work the Twelve Steps of recovery in my life.
Principles such as "letting go" of things over which I am truly powerless and "self acceptance" which The Steps are teaching me
are making a profound change in my life.
The Steps contain many spiritual principles which can truly help us to overcome fear and another principle I am learning is not to have "unrealistic expectations" of people places and things.
If I can relieve myself of expectations than I can also relieve myself of the fear of disappointment and hurt.
Do our best.... but leave the results to a Higher Power.
Fear was at the centre of my alcoholism and putting down the bottle was just the first step on the path to recovery.
Learning to overcome the debilitating effects of fear started when I began to work the Twelve Steps of recovery in my life.
Principles such as "letting go" of things over which I am truly powerless and "self acceptance" which The Steps are teaching me
are making a profound change in my life.
The Steps contain many spiritual principles which can truly help us to overcome fear and another principle I am learning is not to have "unrealistic expectations" of people places and things.
If I can relieve myself of expectations than I can also relieve myself of the fear of disappointment and hurt.
Do our best.... but leave the results to a Higher Power.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Gee Al
I was concerned about you....glad you checked in!!
When I get in the FEAR thinking mode...I pray for peace of mind.
I use a God can...write down the fear and put it in decorative can.
For me...I have then Let It Go.
I have noticed something...if I wait a few weeks and then read those slips...most of the time they have vanished or lessened.
Silly?
I think not. 
When I get in the FEAR thinking mode...I pray for peace of mind.
I use a God can...write down the fear and put it in decorative can.
For me...I have then Let It Go.
I have noticed something...if I wait a few weeks and then read those slips...most of the time they have vanished or lessened.
Silly?
I think not. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Morning Al,
Fear is a big deal today for a lot of reasons. Every time I turn on the TV, radio, read a newpaper or talk to someone I associate with, somewhere in the conversation something comes up about what I should be afraid of.
I've been in AA for a while and I know where I've been and what I've done....and yet here I am. When I'm fearful, I have to stop and think that you know what???I've made it this far. I know today that God got me to AA. I sure didn't make the decision. I did the footwork through years of drinking and abusing myself and those around me. God knew where I should be and what I should be doing. When I came to AA, AA had the answers to my problems, what to do about them and how to take care of them. One of the first things I heard after coming to AA was that FEAR is the absence of FAITH. FAITH is having a belief in something that I have no proof of. Today, I have faith in God, and AA. The only proof I have of the existence of God is my belief that He exists. Today I have faith in AA. The only proof I have that AA works is that so far today....it has. Bottom line is that today my faith in God and AA is based in "self evident truths." Both God and AA need time to bring these "self evident truths" into reality...for me.
Of course, I have to be looking for these truths also, or I just might miss them. Congratulations on your 5 months....self evident truth.
Fear is a big deal today for a lot of reasons. Every time I turn on the TV, radio, read a newpaper or talk to someone I associate with, somewhere in the conversation something comes up about what I should be afraid of.
I've been in AA for a while and I know where I've been and what I've done....and yet here I am. When I'm fearful, I have to stop and think that you know what???I've made it this far. I know today that God got me to AA. I sure didn't make the decision. I did the footwork through years of drinking and abusing myself and those around me. God knew where I should be and what I should be doing. When I came to AA, AA had the answers to my problems, what to do about them and how to take care of them. One of the first things I heard after coming to AA was that FEAR is the absence of FAITH. FAITH is having a belief in something that I have no proof of. Today, I have faith in God, and AA. The only proof I have of the existence of God is my belief that He exists. Today I have faith in AA. The only proof I have that AA works is that so far today....it has. Bottom line is that today my faith in God and AA is based in "self evident truths." Both God and AA need time to bring these "self evident truths" into reality...for me.
Of course, I have to be looking for these truths also, or I just might miss them. Congratulations on your 5 months....self evident truth.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: san pedro,ca
Posts: 20
"my thinking is the where problems start"
What you said first, that it's the thinking that's the problem. I never understood that for years in AA.
I have a disease that in my thinking, so any conclusions that I get that began with my old brain is clouded. That why I needed a sponsor to guide me and a treatment center that forced me to see me for who I really am. Extremely selfish, self-centered. I have always thought I had to have the answers, that I knew what was best for me.
This last time back, I had to surrender to this New Way of Life. With me in control of my life was disaster everytime. I am willing now to follow directions from people that I trust to give me their help.
Before, being sober was miserable, cause I never dealt with any of the reasons why I was going back to drinking. To make the crazy decision to try the ,"first drink" concept again.
My life was messed up trying to just stay sober and to not drink, without a solution to living without alcohol and other substances. The solution that works for me today is a combination of the 12steps,sponsor, meetings and helping others.
I started another 5th step with my new sponsor today, he has pointed out along with myself some of the apparent resentments and my defects. I see some old patterns and my sponsor showed me more that I didn't see.
The truth is coming out that I have let FEAR rule my life for over 36 years! Fear of others, what they think of me, how I look, inadequatcy of myself. That brought out more defects, hate,rage,revenge.
I'm grateful that I am going thru the steps again, I have a long way to go, this is a never ending process, looking inside me, to find the things that have held me back, to be throughly honest for the first time in my life. Am starting to feel that Freedom they are talking, just a little.
:tri
What you said first, that it's the thinking that's the problem. I never understood that for years in AA.
I have a disease that in my thinking, so any conclusions that I get that began with my old brain is clouded. That why I needed a sponsor to guide me and a treatment center that forced me to see me for who I really am. Extremely selfish, self-centered. I have always thought I had to have the answers, that I knew what was best for me.
This last time back, I had to surrender to this New Way of Life. With me in control of my life was disaster everytime. I am willing now to follow directions from people that I trust to give me their help.
Before, being sober was miserable, cause I never dealt with any of the reasons why I was going back to drinking. To make the crazy decision to try the ,"first drink" concept again.
My life was messed up trying to just stay sober and to not drink, without a solution to living without alcohol and other substances. The solution that works for me today is a combination of the 12steps,sponsor, meetings and helping others.
I started another 5th step with my new sponsor today, he has pointed out along with myself some of the apparent resentments and my defects. I see some old patterns and my sponsor showed me more that I didn't see.
The truth is coming out that I have let FEAR rule my life for over 36 years! Fear of others, what they think of me, how I look, inadequatcy of myself. That brought out more defects, hate,rage,revenge.
I'm grateful that I am going thru the steps again, I have a long way to go, this is a never ending process, looking inside me, to find the things that have held me back, to be throughly honest for the first time in my life. Am starting to feel that Freedom they are talking, just a little.
:tri
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Al.. took me a while to get the Fear thing. Big denial factor for me until I was doing my 5th step and my sponser said it's all about fear for you isn't it?
I thought.. damn did I miss something? But she explained it to me just as you worded it above, nearly verbatum.. then I understood too, my drinking was just a symptom.
Sneaky little thing that fear, as you said it come's in disguise.
Thanks for that!!
I thought.. damn did I miss something? But she explained it to me just as you worded it above, nearly verbatum.. then I understood too, my drinking was just a symptom.
Sneaky little thing that fear, as you said it come's in disguise.
Thanks for that!!
Paused
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 9
******************{Wisconsin Al}}}}}}}}}}}}
I suffered from anxiety attacks for a few months (thank God only a few months) in my late 20's. I said to myself then (and followed through) that I could not drink during that period (I remembered there WAS a dry phase in my adulthood!) because I wanted to so badly, because I KNEW that would be it for me and the booze....I knew I would grow to depend on it on a daily basis just to alleviate the horrible anxiety. So my anxiety attacks drove me to therapy, where I worked hard.
There are additional alternatives to AA, like therapy, like meditation classes or yoga (learning to breathe deeply is so important), the gym (it's amazing what hard exercise does to us mentally), etc. Hang in there.
I suffered from anxiety attacks for a few months (thank God only a few months) in my late 20's. I said to myself then (and followed through) that I could not drink during that period (I remembered there WAS a dry phase in my adulthood!) because I wanted to so badly, because I KNEW that would be it for me and the booze....I knew I would grow to depend on it on a daily basis just to alleviate the horrible anxiety. So my anxiety attacks drove me to therapy, where I worked hard.
There are additional alternatives to AA, like therapy, like meditation classes or yoga (learning to breathe deeply is so important), the gym (it's amazing what hard exercise does to us mentally), etc. Hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: appleton,wisconsin
Posts: 77
Thank you to everyone for the replies and even though I knew I was not alone in this, its good to hear people share.
I have been looking at me Fear recently because I am doing my first 4th-Step. This is not as easy as I thought and some of the things I am looking at are uncomfortable to re-visit. But it feels right, doing the inward looking, it just feels like the right thing to be doing.
So thank you and thanks to AA for being there.
al
I have been looking at me Fear recently because I am doing my first 4th-Step. This is not as easy as I thought and some of the things I am looking at are uncomfortable to re-visit. But it feels right, doing the inward looking, it just feels like the right thing to be doing.
So thank you and thanks to AA for being there.
al
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