I'm to that point
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
I'm to that point
I'm just over 6 months sober. I did it with a mix (not completely) but "some" AA and "CR" meetings. I was doing around 2 meetings a week for the first 5 months and then went on vacation back in July. Only been back to about 3 meetings in the past month now.
I spoke to my "sponsor" last night and we somewhat had words because I am to the point were I don't want to do all the meetings he wants me to do.
Now...I am not a stupid person so I know after reading the above your thinking to yourself 'Steve your on your way to a relapse".....So, am I setting myself up for that? On one hand I do see maybe I am, yet on the other I see myself saying I'm tired of having my life manidated by meetings/sponsors/other people.
I've been here long enough where I have thick skin so be honest with your thoughts alright, I can take it. I just want to know what you guys think so I can sort out my own thoughts now.
Steve
I spoke to my "sponsor" last night and we somewhat had words because I am to the point were I don't want to do all the meetings he wants me to do.
Now...I am not a stupid person so I know after reading the above your thinking to yourself 'Steve your on your way to a relapse".....So, am I setting myself up for that? On one hand I do see maybe I am, yet on the other I see myself saying I'm tired of having my life manidated by meetings/sponsors/other people.
I've been here long enough where I have thick skin so be honest with your thoughts alright, I can take it. I just want to know what you guys think so I can sort out my own thoughts now.
Steve
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I dunno, Steve,
Many of the people I know who have relapsed have done so after cutting back and eventually quitting going to meetings. Six months is still pretty early sobriety. It's where we start feeling better and getting complacent.
You say you don't want your life ruled by "by meetings/sponsors/other people". How long did alcohol rule your life?
Alcoholism is "cunning, baffling, and powerful." It attacks when we aren't paying attention.
I don't think I'd want to take a chance on it.
Many of the people I know who have relapsed have done so after cutting back and eventually quitting going to meetings. Six months is still pretty early sobriety. It's where we start feeling better and getting complacent.
You say you don't want your life ruled by "by meetings/sponsors/other people". How long did alcohol rule your life?
Alcoholism is "cunning, baffling, and powerful." It attacks when we aren't paying attention.
I don't think I'd want to take a chance on it.
Who Farted?
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by DayWalker 
I'm tired of having my life manidated by meetings/sponsors/other people.
Traid.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
You say you don't want your life ruled by "by meetings/sponsors/other people". How long did alcohol rule your life?
You can probably tell by my post but I'm starting to get to the point were I'm questioning what I have been doing and what I will do in the future. I know I am to that "complacent" mode I wont deny that at all. It's just now I'm feeling that I hate to "have" to do things I don't want to do. I know that makes me sound like I'm back to step #1, but I've just been feeling really controlled these past few weeks and I'm starting to really hate feeling that way all the sudden. (if that makes any sence?)
Steve
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hey Steve,
Besides going to meetings, have you started working the Steps? Meetings are great, and I'm a strong advocate of them, but working the Steps with a sponsor are crucial if you wish to have long lasting and contented sobriety.
Think back to what it was like 6 months ago, when perhaps you were more willing to do what your sponsor suggested. What happened to that willingness? Sometimes, we forget what it was like, when we came crawling through those doors, willing to do anything to get sober, to feel better, to straighten out the mess our lives had become.
So, that's what I suggest. Listen to your sponsor. Go to more meetings. Work those Steps. Get started on your inventory. Get active.
Stay sober.
Besides going to meetings, have you started working the Steps? Meetings are great, and I'm a strong advocate of them, but working the Steps with a sponsor are crucial if you wish to have long lasting and contented sobriety.
Think back to what it was like 6 months ago, when perhaps you were more willing to do what your sponsor suggested. What happened to that willingness? Sometimes, we forget what it was like, when we came crawling through those doors, willing to do anything to get sober, to feel better, to straighten out the mess our lives had become.
So, that's what I suggest. Listen to your sponsor. Go to more meetings. Work those Steps. Get started on your inventory. Get active.
Stay sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
Rowan...yep, we worked the steps to step 10 over the first 5 months. But I will say steps 11-12 he somewhat 'blew past" and said those were more steps I had to "decide for myself" and I didn't get much help from my sponsor on the last two.
Even though I am a spiritual person myself, I kind'a feel I got shafted on someone working steps 11&12 with me lol.
Steve
Even though I am a spiritual person myself, I kind'a feel I got shafted on someone working steps 11&12 with me lol.
Steve
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hey Steve
You know I'm not in AA...but I reckon that you know, deep down, whether this 'feeling controlled' is a genuine grievance or an excuse.
Like Rowan suggested, if you feel this is just a tantrum, there's nothing like re-reading some old posts (or reading some new ones) to get back some perspective.
Make a good choice, mate
D
You know I'm not in AA...but I reckon that you know, deep down, whether this 'feeling controlled' is a genuine grievance or an excuse.
Like Rowan suggested, if you feel this is just a tantrum, there's nothing like re-reading some old posts (or reading some new ones) to get back some perspective.
Make a good choice, mate
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Steve, if you feel like you need some direction with regards to Steps 11 and 12, why not talk to your sponsor about it, rather than hold onto a resentment? I'm really glad to hear that he got you through the steps so quickly, that's terrific! Don't lose momentum now, I'm sure you've got a powerful message to share with the newcomer.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
Do you feel if you quit on AA you will quit on sobriety?
I dunno, but maybe Dee is right, this may just be a "tantrum" ...and I'm not saying that sarcastically, I do feel I'm kind'a in that whole "me" zone tonight which is common to how I use to be. So maybe I just need to shake off this feeling I have tonight and get over myself. I'm just kind'a venting my feelings here tonight, so I guess no matter what that's better than acting on them or letting them build silently.
Steve
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
hi DW - I'm not doing AA right now, but I probably spend at least 2 hours a day here at SR. I also know that if this isn't enough, I'll go back to meetings and/or seek out an addictions counselor.
Bottom line: I do think we need some kind of support in order to remain grateful for our sobriety. It also helps me alot to engage with newcomers, because I don't ever want to forget where I came from.
Just my two cents worth........
Bottom line: I do think we need some kind of support in order to remain grateful for our sobriety. It also helps me alot to engage with newcomers, because I don't ever want to forget where I came from.
Just my two cents worth........
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Steve....
I know a lot about your back history from what you have
shared here.
Honestly.....I can't see a valid reason for you to quit meetings.
You were more centered....you have the time and why mess
up what you worked so hard for?
You have lost friends who were drinkers.
You know alcoholism kills.
For me....I've made a point to never let 5 days go between meetings. Medical reasons only
I regularly go to 3 weekly.
They keep me in spiritual balance by sharing with others.
Sooo..........finish your Steps and begin sponsoring.
That's my strong suggestion.....
I know a lot about your back history from what you have
shared here.
Honestly.....I can't see a valid reason for you to quit meetings.
You were more centered....you have the time and why mess
up what you worked so hard for?
You have lost friends who were drinkers.
You know alcoholism kills.
For me....I've made a point to never let 5 days go between meetings. Medical reasons only
I regularly go to 3 weekly.
They keep me in spiritual balance by sharing with others.
Sooo.....
.....finish your Steps and begin sponsoring.That's my strong suggestion.....
Last edited by CarolD; 08-23-2010 at 11:07 PM.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Heres the deal.
Sponsors are not bosses.....or judges.........or saints.
Sponsors are to guide you through the 12 steps contained in the BB using there own experience....
Sponsors are drunks that have recovered from alcoholism.......part of that recovery is carrying a message of hope and action to the newcomer.
As a guy that works with newcomers i need guys like you as much as you need me.......its a two way street.
If someone is discouraging you not to look at steps 11 and 12 or not to bother.
well.........thats BS.
I would suggest you complete the steps with someone that has an idea of what their doing and has recovered.
Sponsors are not bosses.....or judges.........or saints.
Sponsors are to guide you through the 12 steps contained in the BB using there own experience....
Sponsors are drunks that have recovered from alcoholism.......part of that recovery is carrying a message of hope and action to the newcomer.
As a guy that works with newcomers i need guys like you as much as you need me.......its a two way street.
If someone is discouraging you not to look at steps 11 and 12 or not to bother.
well.........thats BS.
I would suggest you complete the steps with someone that has an idea of what their doing and has recovered.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi! Not an AA person myself so in a way I sympathesize with what you are saying....on the other hand...as a non-aa person I would strongly urge you to really think this through. Just because you aren't in AA doesn't mean you don't have to do the work, it means you have to do it on your own, I'm not talking about 12 steps specifocally, but you still need to work on getting over whatever made you drink in the first place, and you will be doing it without guidelines or group support. If you want to leave AA because you are bored with it or lazy, then I would say leaving is a terrible idea.
There was a reason you went to AA in the first place...what makes you think its no longer valid?
There was a reason you went to AA in the first place...what makes you think its no longer valid?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi Steve,
You're at a point that I've been at a couple times, and I made the decision to stop going to meetings. I ended up drunk shortly after making those decisions. I too don't like being told what to do, or that I need a meeting, or asked what step I'm on, but I must say that the group and my sponsor helped keep me accountable. When I decided that I didn't need a sponsor, and that the meetings weren't helping me, it allowed my mind to begin once again entertaining the idea that I wasn't an alcoholic after all, that I could handle staying sober without support and guidance. Without the guidance from people who focused on recovery as part of my life, I drifted to a mindset of rationalizing that a couple beers wouldn't hurt, that I could handle them without any negative consequences. In short order, I was drunk and lost again.
Meetings help us stay connected to others who have been down the same road and have found a solution that works for them. Taking instruction is hard for guys and gals like you and I, but the lone ranger approach limits our ability to learn, grow and become whole. I'd stick with what works, even when you don't want to.
You're at a point that I've been at a couple times, and I made the decision to stop going to meetings. I ended up drunk shortly after making those decisions. I too don't like being told what to do, or that I need a meeting, or asked what step I'm on, but I must say that the group and my sponsor helped keep me accountable. When I decided that I didn't need a sponsor, and that the meetings weren't helping me, it allowed my mind to begin once again entertaining the idea that I wasn't an alcoholic after all, that I could handle staying sober without support and guidance. Without the guidance from people who focused on recovery as part of my life, I drifted to a mindset of rationalizing that a couple beers wouldn't hurt, that I could handle them without any negative consequences. In short order, I was drunk and lost again.
Meetings help us stay connected to others who have been down the same road and have found a solution that works for them. Taking instruction is hard for guys and gals like you and I, but the lone ranger approach limits our ability to learn, grow and become whole. I'd stick with what works, even when you don't want to.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hey steve.
my sponsor told me at the begining we were entering into a "business deal" for want of better words.she was there to take me through the steps and that was it.we happen to have become friends and thats great.but it wasnt our aim.
my sponsor never told me what meetings to go to and certainly now she wouldnt dream of it.she made suggestions in the begining but im my own person now...i have the solution.
i had allsorts of ups and downs with meetings...not the right kind,folk wernt sharing what "I NEEDED TO HEAR" blah...
it all boils down to where im at.
i need to look at what i am bringing to the party if you like.
are you sponsoring yet steve??????
my sponsor told me at the begining we were entering into a "business deal" for want of better words.she was there to take me through the steps and that was it.we happen to have become friends and thats great.but it wasnt our aim.
my sponsor never told me what meetings to go to and certainly now she wouldnt dream of it.she made suggestions in the begining but im my own person now...i have the solution.
i had allsorts of ups and downs with meetings...not the right kind,folk wernt sharing what "I NEEDED TO HEAR" blah...
it all boils down to where im at.
i need to look at what i am bringing to the party if you like.
are you sponsoring yet steve??????
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Merritt Island, Fl
Posts: 1,164
Been there done that. A little time under my belt and Im cured. It only took me a short time to "get it" not like those in the rooms that have been here for years - sober. Boy did I learn the hard way. Time takes time my friend. I think I was finally convinced to give up when AA started to look good. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Steve,
A lot of people will tell you that their falling off the wagon came right after their backing way off on meetings. Just the way it is for them.
I think something bigger happens. When I'm not spiritually connected, meetings have no allure. I fall off the spiritual wagon, then meetings suck, then I'm vulnerable.
If meetings don't seem attractive, I would look at where I was spiritually. Because something happens (see pg 17) when we have this experience. I don't stay engaged with others because I want to stay sober, and I think it's a good practice. I stay engaged because I'm in love with the world. I can't help but want to share the message.
That's what happens when we get rocketed into the 4th dimension. So if that's not how you're feeling, I'd look at where my Step work needed some help. If you aren't lit up, enthusiastic, I gotta pass this thing on, maybe some more work would help.
It's common. That initial feeling good from not drinking wears off and real life settles in. If I'm not riding the rocket by then, all this stuff seems like more trouble than I want to spend. I'm fine, and I'm heading for a drink without even knowing it.
A lot of people will tell you that their falling off the wagon came right after their backing way off on meetings. Just the way it is for them.
I think something bigger happens. When I'm not spiritually connected, meetings have no allure. I fall off the spiritual wagon, then meetings suck, then I'm vulnerable.
If meetings don't seem attractive, I would look at where I was spiritually. Because something happens (see pg 17) when we have this experience. I don't stay engaged with others because I want to stay sober, and I think it's a good practice. I stay engaged because I'm in love with the world. I can't help but want to share the message.
That's what happens when we get rocketed into the 4th dimension. So if that's not how you're feeling, I'd look at where my Step work needed some help. If you aren't lit up, enthusiastic, I gotta pass this thing on, maybe some more work would help.
It's common. That initial feeling good from not drinking wears off and real life settles in. If I'm not riding the rocket by then, all this stuff seems like more trouble than I want to spend. I'm fine, and I'm heading for a drink without even knowing it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by keithj
If you aren't lit up, enthusiastic
I look forward to meetings when I am most lit up about what's going on in my life/recovery/step work... I want to go so I can stoke those fires, reinforce, maybe, some personal epiphany or breakthrough.
It's not always that way, sometimes I just go through the motions, get in the car and go, because that's what I always do on Sunday mornings, Monday and Thursday nights... thankfully, they are often good meetings and they help get me stoked again.
That's my experience. Meeting makers make it, IMHO, only if they are working a good program... my meetings support my program. I could probably get by on the program alone, but I need that boost, that psychic and spiritual charge.... when I am with other recovered alkies...
Hmm....
A question though.... Are you "all in" ? You put the word sponsor in quotation marks. Are you just part way in?
Mark
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Steve, you mentioned CR as well as AA. I've only been to one CR meeting - went with a friend in AA 'cuz we wanted to see what was up. I assume you're comfortable with the first 3 steps in AA and that you are unable to remove the obsession to drink and stay sober of your own power. (perhaps I shouldn't make that assumption...)
Well, if the above is true, then it should be pretty obvious you need a connection with God to stay sober. So the question comes, how do you stay connected with God - with this one power that you need above all else in your life to stay sober and happy? "Prayer and meditation" is the usual answer. If that's what you're thinking, I'd ask you to consider how many minutes per week are you spending in prayer and how many minutes per week are you spending in meditation with the the God of your understanding - the One who's saving your butt? There are 10,080 minutes in a week... subtract 8hrs of sleep per night for each day (3360) and that leaves 6,720 minutes awake. Think about what percentage you come up with and decide if you're "really" using prayer and meditation or are you just saying you do.
Since most of us will come up with a relatively low number (that's ok if you did.... I did too and so does everyone I know other than one priest I know in the program who's got 18yrs sobriety because he works the steps of AA on a daily basis) we realize our dilemma. Here I am in AA, trying to stay sober, I know I can't do it on my own - I need power, to get that power I need to stay connected to God.....how else can I stay connected to God besides devoting my life to prayer and meditation?
Most of us have found that the easiest way to stay connected is to help take care of God's kids. We do that by helping to point other alcoholics down the path of sobriety. We do the physical work down here on earth on behalf of God. --Remember that line in the BB "we have found a new employer." Have you?
Somewhere along the line in our recovery we absolutely MUST cross the line from being a taker to being a giver. Initially, I went to meetings to "get" information, to learn how to get sober, to "take" from the group. That's well and good for a while but remember the story of Bill W. What did HE know he HAD to do to stay sober when he was on that business trip in Akron and was staying at the Mayflower hotel (my avatar, btw
)? He went looking....and looked hard....for another drunk to talk to. He figured out THE spiritual principal of God's gifts - if we keep them selfishly to ourselves, they either disappear over time or we don't truly reap all the benefits those gifts offer. The only way to get the "full deal" is to share them with others.
The last think I'd have you consider is this: Are you bored with the meetings because you've given every single thing you have to everyone possible and your job in AA to "carry the message" is done or is it because you've not found any good information to take lately? Have you crossed that line.....?
Well, if the above is true, then it should be pretty obvious you need a connection with God to stay sober. So the question comes, how do you stay connected with God - with this one power that you need above all else in your life to stay sober and happy? "Prayer and meditation" is the usual answer. If that's what you're thinking, I'd ask you to consider how many minutes per week are you spending in prayer and how many minutes per week are you spending in meditation with the the God of your understanding - the One who's saving your butt? There are 10,080 minutes in a week... subtract 8hrs of sleep per night for each day (3360) and that leaves 6,720 minutes awake. Think about what percentage you come up with and decide if you're "really" using prayer and meditation or are you just saying you do.
Since most of us will come up with a relatively low number (that's ok if you did.... I did too and so does everyone I know other than one priest I know in the program who's got 18yrs sobriety because he works the steps of AA on a daily basis) we realize our dilemma. Here I am in AA, trying to stay sober, I know I can't do it on my own - I need power, to get that power I need to stay connected to God.....how else can I stay connected to God besides devoting my life to prayer and meditation?
Most of us have found that the easiest way to stay connected is to help take care of God's kids. We do that by helping to point other alcoholics down the path of sobriety. We do the physical work down here on earth on behalf of God. --Remember that line in the BB "we have found a new employer." Have you?
Somewhere along the line in our recovery we absolutely MUST cross the line from being a taker to being a giver. Initially, I went to meetings to "get" information, to learn how to get sober, to "take" from the group. That's well and good for a while but remember the story of Bill W. What did HE know he HAD to do to stay sober when he was on that business trip in Akron and was staying at the Mayflower hotel (my avatar, btw
)? He went looking....and looked hard....for another drunk to talk to. He figured out THE spiritual principal of God's gifts - if we keep them selfishly to ourselves, they either disappear over time or we don't truly reap all the benefits those gifts offer. The only way to get the "full deal" is to share them with others. The last think I'd have you consider is this: Are you bored with the meetings because you've given every single thing you have to everyone possible and your job in AA to "carry the message" is done or is it because you've not found any good information to take lately? Have you crossed that line.....?
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