I'm to that point
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
Taking instruction is hard for guys and gals like you and I, but the lone ranger approach limits our ability to learn, grow and become whole. I'd stick with what works, even when you don't want to.
Interesting......
Interesting......
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
Hey Steve.. .you have gotten good feedback. I just have a few things to add (I can't help myself sometimes).
First, I suspect by posting this in the first place, you already know the answer.
Second, alcohol is not just "cunning powerful and baffling" it is also patient. It can wait for you. You don't have to let it.
As LaFemme said, if you don't want to continue with AA, what will you do? Going back to old habits and lifestyle will lead to old habits and lifestyle. I know you don't want that.
First, I suspect by posting this in the first place, you already know the answer.
Second, alcohol is not just "cunning powerful and baffling" it is also patient. It can wait for you. You don't have to let it.
As LaFemme said, if you don't want to continue with AA, what will you do? Going back to old habits and lifestyle will lead to old habits and lifestyle. I know you don't want that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
Hey guys (& gals) I know it has been a few days since I replied back to this post so I just wanted to reply back to let you guys know where I am at, and that my silence is not an indication of me doing something stupid 
I'm still sober and plan on staying this way. I do appreciate everyone's response, it's really great to be able to get advice from people like Dee, trucker, Carol and other that have so much more experiance in sobriety than I do and to have that knowledge/advice to draw on.
Just to let ya all know where I'm at, I spoke to my sponsor Wednesday as well as today and went to a meeting with him today. And I was pretty open with him and let him know that not really addressing steps 11&12 somewhat put me off a bit. As well as letting him know that I've been having these feelings of being "told what to do" and how I felt. And we talked and both agreed that I may be in that "rut" right now where I am somewhat to the point of feeling like I don't know where to go from here (maybe giving back to someone else now that needs help which was mentioned here) but yet we both agreed I'm certainlly not to the point of being a sponsor myself yet right now. Which I agree I'm not.
So my sponsor did say he wants to somewhat have me a bit more involved with another guy (3 weeks sober) he is also a sponsor for. Which might help make me feel like I'm taking the next step forward. Not as a sponsor (thats my sponsors job) but just in a role as someone else thats somewhat newly sober to help him relate to which in turn may help me as well.
He also said he had no idea I felt he had dropped the ball on the last two steps and would make time to work on steps 11&12 more in depth with me in the next few weeks, so that's pretty good IMO.
So just wanted to let you guys know where I was at I really do appreciate the help/advice I can get here so quickly. I'm doing well, just have been in a bit of a rut lately with my sobriety and I think maybe I was starting to have some of those old thoughts of ME ME ME....but I think talking to him and you guys I may me back on the right track again. I'll let you all know where this goes and how things are over the next few weeks.
Thanks again
Steve
I'm still sober and plan on staying this way. I do appreciate everyone's response, it's really great to be able to get advice from people like Dee, trucker, Carol and other that have so much more experiance in sobriety than I do and to have that knowledge/advice to draw on.
Just to let ya all know where I'm at, I spoke to my sponsor Wednesday as well as today and went to a meeting with him today. And I was pretty open with him and let him know that not really addressing steps 11&12 somewhat put me off a bit. As well as letting him know that I've been having these feelings of being "told what to do" and how I felt. And we talked and both agreed that I may be in that "rut" right now where I am somewhat to the point of feeling like I don't know where to go from here (maybe giving back to someone else now that needs help which was mentioned here) but yet we both agreed I'm certainlly not to the point of being a sponsor myself yet right now. Which I agree I'm not.
So my sponsor did say he wants to somewhat have me a bit more involved with another guy (3 weeks sober) he is also a sponsor for. Which might help make me feel like I'm taking the next step forward. Not as a sponsor (thats my sponsors job) but just in a role as someone else thats somewhat newly sober to help him relate to which in turn may help me as well.
He also said he had no idea I felt he had dropped the ball on the last two steps and would make time to work on steps 11&12 more in depth with me in the next few weeks, so that's pretty good IMO.
So just wanted to let you guys know where I was at I really do appreciate the help/advice I can get here so quickly. I'm doing well, just have been in a bit of a rut lately with my sobriety and I think maybe I was starting to have some of those old thoughts of ME ME ME....but I think talking to him and you guys I may me back on the right track again. I'll let you all know where this goes and how things are over the next few weeks.
Thanks again
Steve
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Steve,
That's fantastic! Sounds like you have a pretty good sponsor--I like his idea of bringing you on as an "apprentice", so to speak. Sounds like a "win" for all three of you!
Of course, none of this would have happened without your honesty with your sponsor and your willingness to explain where you were having difficulty. That's still hard for me to do.
I'm sitting here smiling for ya!
That's fantastic! Sounds like you have a pretty good sponsor--I like his idea of bringing you on as an "apprentice", so to speak. Sounds like a "win" for all three of you!
Of course, none of this would have happened without your honesty with your sponsor and your willingness to explain where you were having difficulty. That's still hard for me to do.
I'm sitting here smiling for ya!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: chico, ca
Posts: 321
Hey Steve, I think I was at where you are at one point, then my sponsor reminded me that I said that I would go to any length to help rid me of this terrible dilema that I was in. Nothing has changed. It's a process, and that means doing what you said you would do. Go to any length! I tried to find it in the BB, but it says somewhere that we are a defiant lot. I am, and I'm lazy too by nature. Ron White, the comedian said, "there's alot of quit in that boy". I want the easier softer way. I know today that lazy dont work when you're an alcoholic of my type. Good luck, and God Bless, Bruce
Grouch and Brainstorm
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 238
Steve:
I have a feeling my answer might be a bit different.
I just came from a speaker meeting tonight which was simply bad. If there was a newcomer there, listening to one hour of drunken adventures and melodrama with absolutely no mention of what they do to not drink, I would have expected them to go home and drink. It was brutal, and I've seen it played out all over the place. Hell, I played my role in it for years.
My point is this: AA stresses meeting attendance, because that's a tangible thing to point to-- you're either going, or you're not going. Here's my theory, though: meeting makers make it when the message at the meetings they are making has greater depth and weight than meeting makers make it.
Make sense?
But that point aside-- I think you're in danger of a relapse for a different reason-- if you're a hopeless alcoholic, that's what we do without a vital spiritual awakening. And from what you're describing, I don't know if that's been part of your experience. I'm not talking about bright lights and speaking in tongues-- but a simple but profound shift that relieves us of the insanity of the first drink. It happened for me while doing 4-9.
If you feel shortchanged in this area, perhaps it's time to get a new sponsor, and re-work the steps. Try different meetings that are solution focused.
If this doesn't resonate with you, then I would suggest taking a look at how much you've really "conceded to your inner most self" that you are alcoholic. Believe me, I've been there.
Please note, I was responding to your first post, and I know it was late. My comments may seem out of context.
I have a feeling my answer might be a bit different.
I just came from a speaker meeting tonight which was simply bad. If there was a newcomer there, listening to one hour of drunken adventures and melodrama with absolutely no mention of what they do to not drink, I would have expected them to go home and drink. It was brutal, and I've seen it played out all over the place. Hell, I played my role in it for years.
My point is this: AA stresses meeting attendance, because that's a tangible thing to point to-- you're either going, or you're not going. Here's my theory, though: meeting makers make it when the message at the meetings they are making has greater depth and weight than meeting makers make it.
Make sense?
But that point aside-- I think you're in danger of a relapse for a different reason-- if you're a hopeless alcoholic, that's what we do without a vital spiritual awakening. And from what you're describing, I don't know if that's been part of your experience. I'm not talking about bright lights and speaking in tongues-- but a simple but profound shift that relieves us of the insanity of the first drink. It happened for me while doing 4-9.
If you feel shortchanged in this area, perhaps it's time to get a new sponsor, and re-work the steps. Try different meetings that are solution focused.
If this doesn't resonate with you, then I would suggest taking a look at how much you've really "conceded to your inner most self" that you are alcoholic. Believe me, I've been there.
Please note, I was responding to your first post, and I know it was late. My comments may seem out of context.
Last edited by RobertHugh; 08-26-2010 at 07:20 PM. Reason: I'm slow on the draw
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Steve, I'm coming into this pretty late in the game. The last update sounds perfect to me. I'm glad you brought it up with the sponsor and just put it out there.
Before I found your followup post, I was going to respond to the original post by asking what you thought when you compared "feeling like you're being ruled or HAVE to do something" in recent weeks with the way you were feeling about yourself when you started to post that you were seeing results from not drinking - like when you would follow through with some task and see how important it was, no matter how mundane. There's something spiritual to me in the moment you fixed your window blind, because that was like a light going on inside you; the blind didn't stay the same way it was needlessly anymore, back when you were in drinking mode. Just wondered whether you wuold see a reason for the lack-lustre feeling lately when you compared the two. But again, sounds like a good next step by working with the new guy. The wiser (sometimes older) crowd often say we learn more about ourselves from the new ones too.
All the best.
Before I found your followup post, I was going to respond to the original post by asking what you thought when you compared "feeling like you're being ruled or HAVE to do something" in recent weeks with the way you were feeling about yourself when you started to post that you were seeing results from not drinking - like when you would follow through with some task and see how important it was, no matter how mundane. There's something spiritual to me in the moment you fixed your window blind, because that was like a light going on inside you; the blind didn't stay the same way it was needlessly anymore, back when you were in drinking mode. Just wondered whether you wuold see a reason for the lack-lustre feeling lately when you compared the two. But again, sounds like a good next step by working with the new guy. The wiser (sometimes older) crowd often say we learn more about ourselves from the new ones too.
All the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
There's something spiritual to me in the moment you fixed your window blind
Steve
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Steve, I have a bit of a rambling answer to that. I am having insomnia, due to something good that happened, so I blame the rambling on that.
I could have clicked through old posts, but I am on a bit of an "antique" computer right now, and would not have the patience for it, believe me, ha ha. So it was my memory. I've watched your posts here and there since I joined, so that would factor in too. I have what has been pointed out as an unusual memory. Not "photographic" - but pretty weird. Since I quit drinking, there have been a few extra memories of my own flooding in too, and it continues to be a bit of a gift/curse, just because it's different from most people.
But the pleasant part about it is being able to put it to good use. I just had an intuition that the "window blind" was a worthwhile instance to consider when it comes to the conflict inside about wanting/not wanting to do something in post-drinking life. There would have been some element of "repairing my life" to the task, I would think. So if any of that is relevant to your post here, then maybe this new guy with 3 wks and the 11 and 12 (etc) will add up to a chance to feel industrious and like you are getting somewhere again - rather than feeling like you are confined or stagnant, etc.
When I don't like the way I am thinking, I will call up how it felt when I was doing my own mundane stuff after quitting drinking and saying "I'm getting my life back" every step of the way. Or the way it felt one day while walking on a great day in June and actually thought to myself I was glad I could simply enjoy the experience even if that was my last day to live. (Not as doomsday as it sounds - that instant was the closest to perfect happiness I can remember, and something special clicked for me.) I have a lot of trust in myself when it comes to this idea of repairing the way I am thinking. And as I've come to understand it in recent months, I think it's basically my Higher Power involved in that too. When I was younger, I would have called that an effective conscience. It feels better to call it my spirituality now (or God for short).
I could have clicked through old posts, but I am on a bit of an "antique" computer right now, and would not have the patience for it, believe me, ha ha. So it was my memory. I've watched your posts here and there since I joined, so that would factor in too. I have what has been pointed out as an unusual memory. Not "photographic" - but pretty weird. Since I quit drinking, there have been a few extra memories of my own flooding in too, and it continues to be a bit of a gift/curse, just because it's different from most people.
But the pleasant part about it is being able to put it to good use. I just had an intuition that the "window blind" was a worthwhile instance to consider when it comes to the conflict inside about wanting/not wanting to do something in post-drinking life. There would have been some element of "repairing my life" to the task, I would think. So if any of that is relevant to your post here, then maybe this new guy with 3 wks and the 11 and 12 (etc) will add up to a chance to feel industrious and like you are getting somewhere again - rather than feeling like you are confined or stagnant, etc.
When I don't like the way I am thinking, I will call up how it felt when I was doing my own mundane stuff after quitting drinking and saying "I'm getting my life back" every step of the way. Or the way it felt one day while walking on a great day in June and actually thought to myself I was glad I could simply enjoy the experience even if that was my last day to live. (Not as doomsday as it sounds - that instant was the closest to perfect happiness I can remember, and something special clicked for me.) I have a lot of trust in myself when it comes to this idea of repairing the way I am thinking. And as I've come to understand it in recent months, I think it's basically my Higher Power involved in that too. When I was younger, I would have called that an effective conscience. It feels better to call it my spirituality now (or God for short).
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Steve,
I completely understand where you're coming from. I too, feel alot of what you're feeling. I have 9 months and long about month 6, I started to get a little "burned out". While i didn't do the whole AA thing very much at all, i did go to a recovery group.
My recovery group: I kinda felt like alot of people go there because they can't seem to move on and enjoy life. they hide there in their sickness and just wallow in their inability to do anything other than smoke, drink coffee and complain. that's not why i got sober.
then there is the other half that really needs to be there on a daily basis just not to drink.
For me, I guess i still need it, just not to the degree I needed it when i first got sober. Let me preface, "right now". That could change tomorrow if something severe happens to me and I need a ton of support, but "right now", i simply can't stand being there 5 days or 7 days a week. For me, it gets a little depressing and frustrating to see the same 10 people relapsing every 4 days. it keeps it green, but it also gets a little old after awhile.
the way i see it. If you're BRUTALLY honest with yourself, what's your motivation for not going?
if you can say in earnest that you just need a healthy break, then i think that's fine, but if you've got some s#it gonig on deep down and are heading for a relapse, then it could be problematic.
So, i say, just be honest with yourself.
I completely understand where you're coming from. I too, feel alot of what you're feeling. I have 9 months and long about month 6, I started to get a little "burned out". While i didn't do the whole AA thing very much at all, i did go to a recovery group.
My recovery group: I kinda felt like alot of people go there because they can't seem to move on and enjoy life. they hide there in their sickness and just wallow in their inability to do anything other than smoke, drink coffee and complain. that's not why i got sober.
then there is the other half that really needs to be there on a daily basis just not to drink.
For me, I guess i still need it, just not to the degree I needed it when i first got sober. Let me preface, "right now". That could change tomorrow if something severe happens to me and I need a ton of support, but "right now", i simply can't stand being there 5 days or 7 days a week. For me, it gets a little depressing and frustrating to see the same 10 people relapsing every 4 days. it keeps it green, but it also gets a little old after awhile.
the way i see it. If you're BRUTALLY honest with yourself, what's your motivation for not going?
if you can say in earnest that you just need a healthy break, then i think that's fine, but if you've got some s#it gonig on deep down and are heading for a relapse, then it could be problematic.
So, i say, just be honest with yourself.
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