Tips of achieving happiness along with sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Sao Paulo Brazil
Posts: 108
Tips of achieving happiness along with sobriety
Hello guys once again,
After a long time of sobriety I'm still trying to have my happiness but so far it seems I'm in an endless battle. I going to a psychiatrist and am taking meds for anxiety and blood pressure. I still feel a huge emptyness, loneliness, I cant have any empathy with people, I simply don't enjoy chatting with people anymore, I avoid ordinary people, I only talk when I really urge to. I became a genuine misanthrope. During my alcoholism time, I was chatty, easygoing and even happy, even though a fake happiness , with alcohol I could easily achieve anything, I could achieve happiness, night life enjoyment, women, money etc. Currently I don't have desire even to have sex, absolutely nothing. I don't know how long I can take it , I feel like a heartless zombie, hope the meds do something so, else I'll have to change of doc. Any of you experienced the same thing after some time of sobriety?
After a long time of sobriety I'm still trying to have my happiness but so far it seems I'm in an endless battle. I going to a psychiatrist and am taking meds for anxiety and blood pressure. I still feel a huge emptyness, loneliness, I cant have any empathy with people, I simply don't enjoy chatting with people anymore, I avoid ordinary people, I only talk when I really urge to. I became a genuine misanthrope. During my alcoholism time, I was chatty, easygoing and even happy, even though a fake happiness , with alcohol I could easily achieve anything, I could achieve happiness, night life enjoyment, women, money etc. Currently I don't have desire even to have sex, absolutely nothing. I don't know how long I can take it , I feel like a heartless zombie, hope the meds do something so, else I'll have to change of doc. Any of you experienced the same thing after some time of sobriety?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi flavinho
sorry for your troubles.
For me I had to learn to live with myself - love myself even - I had to change what I could and accept the rest.
Alcohol definitely made some situations easier, sure - until it made them worse.
It also nearly killed me.
Wherever the answer is, I know it's not behind me.
Maybe it is a med issue like you said?
I would definitely keep talking to your doctor
D
sorry for your troubles.
For me I had to learn to live with myself - love myself even - I had to change what I could and accept the rest.
Alcohol definitely made some situations easier, sure - until it made them worse.
It also nearly killed me.
Wherever the answer is, I know it's not behind me.
Maybe it is a med issue like you said?
I would definitely keep talking to your doctor
D
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by flavinho 
Currently I don't have desire even to have sex, absolutely nothing. I don't know how long I can take it , I feel like a heartless zombie, hope the meds do something so, else I'll have to change of doc. Any of you experienced the same thing after some time of sobriety?
As for the other stuff, nothing I could figure out fixed that other stuff like getting involved in AA.
Like Dee said, those feelings of loneliness, sadness, feeling like a zombie darn near killed me too. They made drinking really not look all that bad by comparison. Once I started working on the spiritual side of my recovery, 99.99% of it went away....and pretty quickly too.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Between Serenity and Despair
Posts: 522
flavinho -- I've been sober a little more than 2.5 years. I was feeling the way you talk about in your post quite a bit. I came to SR, and someone suggested reading some AA literature. I read what they suggested. I started some meditations. I started applying AA principles to my life. I feel *tons* better. I can't say this will 100% for sure work for you, but, if you haven't tried, what have you got to lose?
Grouch and Brainstorm
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 238
Appreciate your honesty.
Here's a thought to consider:
alcohol treats alcoholism.
Kind of weird, right? Let me explain.
I have a spiritual malady which is the root cause of my alcoholism. I've heard it described as the "hole in my soul" by some. It shows up as restlessness, irritability and discontentedness when I'm NOT drinking. On bad days, its terror, bewilderment and despair. I'm just a pathetic emotional wreck, and generally incapable of finding any comfort or happiness.
Alcohol soothed all of these conditions. It treated my underlying spiritual malady. I know this because when I drank, I felt ease and comfort. I felt normal.
Alcohol worked at treating my spiritual malady, or my alcoholism.
And then, it stopped working. In fact, it became counter productive....it stopped solving problems, and started creating them.
So I had to stop.
Once I stop, I'm back at that original condition. There's no treatment; I'm a raw nerve of irritability, unhappiness, depression, and lethargy. And now I'm trying to fight the craving to drink to restore me to happiness.
I must find another power to relieve me of my spiritual malady, one that doesn't threaten to kill me.
I find that power by working the steps. And it is a power of my understanding, one that I can grasp, but one powerful enough to relieve me of this obsession.
What you described was a perfect description to me of being "between" powers...the purgatory of abstinence.
Here's a thought to consider:
alcohol treats alcoholism.
Kind of weird, right? Let me explain.
I have a spiritual malady which is the root cause of my alcoholism. I've heard it described as the "hole in my soul" by some. It shows up as restlessness, irritability and discontentedness when I'm NOT drinking. On bad days, its terror, bewilderment and despair. I'm just a pathetic emotional wreck, and generally incapable of finding any comfort or happiness.
Alcohol soothed all of these conditions. It treated my underlying spiritual malady. I know this because when I drank, I felt ease and comfort. I felt normal.
Alcohol worked at treating my spiritual malady, or my alcoholism.
And then, it stopped working. In fact, it became counter productive....it stopped solving problems, and started creating them.
So I had to stop.
Once I stop, I'm back at that original condition. There's no treatment; I'm a raw nerve of irritability, unhappiness, depression, and lethargy. And now I'm trying to fight the craving to drink to restore me to happiness.
I must find another power to relieve me of my spiritual malady, one that doesn't threaten to kill me.
I find that power by working the steps. And it is a power of my understanding, one that I can grasp, but one powerful enough to relieve me of this obsession.
What you described was a perfect description to me of being "between" powers...the purgatory of abstinence.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
Great post Robert...how true!!!
Feeling comfortable in your new skin will take some time...I dont know how long you drank....but I drank for 20 some years, so I've been easy with my new self...one thing at a time..it will all come together!!! you'll see
Feeling comfortable in your new skin will take some time...I dont know how long you drank....but I drank for 20 some years, so I've been easy with my new self...one thing at a time..it will all come together!!! you'll see
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Robert is right on the money.
I believe that there are other ways to get recovered. To deal with the root of alcoholism and the restlessness, discontentment and irritability... It's just that the 12 steps offer a set of specific directions, a roadmap... One could say that it is actually the easier softer way
There is a solution. It is working for me.
Mark
I believe that there are other ways to get recovered. To deal with the root of alcoholism and the restlessness, discontentment and irritability... It's just that the 12 steps offer a set of specific directions, a roadmap... One could say that it is actually the easier softer way
There is a solution. It is working for me.
Mark
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Funny thing about happiness, I usually don't recognize it till after it's happened. Sounds nuts, so here's an example.
I love to build stuff and when I'm building something, I usually concentrate on what I'm building. I take measurements, do the drawings, figure out the materials required, cut the pieces, etc. During all this process, I usually don't contemplate whether I'm happy or not, I just stay involved in the project. When the project is completed, I look upon my work and think, "hey, that was kinda fun, think I'll build something else". It's not till the project is done that I realize I was happy just doing something creative that I enjoy doing.
I'm looking at my recovery the same way today, because I have to put my recovery in terms I understand, and since I've been in construction for so many years, it makes sense to me. Each of the twelve steps is another building block in my recovery plan, as well as each time I come here to SR or go to a meeting or even have dinner out without the usual cocktail. Each posting here, each response to another suffering alcoholic is in a way just hammering another nail in the framework of our recoveries, strengthening our foundation and gaining one more ray of hope that we can actually recover from this affliction and learn to live happy, joyfilled lives. It's a learning process for me as well, like learning a new trade, and I have to start with the gruntwork. I remember when I first became a carpenter, I had to sand boards for 6 weeks just to learn how to sand, before I could really sand any actual projects in work. Recovery is a learning process as well, each day a new gift to cherish and learn, or we can choose to slip right back to the mess that got us here. Happiness, like love, trust, self-respect, respect from others, is something we have to learn how to do, then earn it by doing what we have to do. And during the doing, one day a bulb goes off in our heads and we realize, "Hey, I feel pretty darn good today, think I'll do this again tomorrow," and then we know the real feeling of happiness and contentment.
I love to build stuff and when I'm building something, I usually concentrate on what I'm building. I take measurements, do the drawings, figure out the materials required, cut the pieces, etc. During all this process, I usually don't contemplate whether I'm happy or not, I just stay involved in the project. When the project is completed, I look upon my work and think, "hey, that was kinda fun, think I'll build something else". It's not till the project is done that I realize I was happy just doing something creative that I enjoy doing.
I'm looking at my recovery the same way today, because I have to put my recovery in terms I understand, and since I've been in construction for so many years, it makes sense to me. Each of the twelve steps is another building block in my recovery plan, as well as each time I come here to SR or go to a meeting or even have dinner out without the usual cocktail. Each posting here, each response to another suffering alcoholic is in a way just hammering another nail in the framework of our recoveries, strengthening our foundation and gaining one more ray of hope that we can actually recover from this affliction and learn to live happy, joyfilled lives. It's a learning process for me as well, like learning a new trade, and I have to start with the gruntwork. I remember when I first became a carpenter, I had to sand boards for 6 weeks just to learn how to sand, before I could really sand any actual projects in work. Recovery is a learning process as well, each day a new gift to cherish and learn, or we can choose to slip right back to the mess that got us here. Happiness, like love, trust, self-respect, respect from others, is something we have to learn how to do, then earn it by doing what we have to do. And during the doing, one day a bulb goes off in our heads and we realize, "Hey, I feel pretty darn good today, think I'll do this again tomorrow," and then we know the real feeling of happiness and contentment.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
I stopped demanding happiness, and *poof*, became happy.
The more I discover what my role in life is, and just play that role the best I can, the happier I am.
It's easy to look at how you describe feeling and conclude, untreated alcoholism, 100%. It's a miserable place to be.
The more I discover what my role in life is, and just play that role the best I can, the happier I am.
It's easy to look at how you describe feeling and conclude, untreated alcoholism, 100%. It's a miserable place to be.
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