Regretting the night before
 

Hi all,
I'm 21 years old and while I am not drinking every day, every weekend it seems like more often than not I end up drinking far too much. To most of the people I hang out with, this is normal also. However, I seem to be regretting what I do when I drink more and more. I've had these thoughts in the past but have always just brushed them off. It's not every time that I drink that I do something I see as incredibly stupid and this used to be enough that I thought I didn't have a problem. But once I have maybe three or four, the night never ends with me drinking less than twelve. I'm getting rather tired of this and hate realizing how I don't give a damn about anybody when I'm drunk. I don't want to be constantly cleaning up my drunken mistakes from the night before. Anyways, I have an annual trip that I'm going on this weekend which will involve drinking. I don't want to drink on it. I don't want people to think that the way I am when I'm drunk is actually me. Besides not going on the trip, has anybody had success in these types of situations after only a few days being sober? Any suggestions? Sorry to ramble, but you all seem like very helpful and wonderful people. Thanks.

Hi Rupert

Welcome :)

To be honest, I never was able to be around heavy drinkers and not drink...to stay sober I had to stop hanging around a certain group of folks...

Obviously, you're not me, and it's not impossible - after 3 years I believe I can go anywhere now and stay true to myself - but I think you may be in for a big challenge this weekend.

I wouldn't have gone this early in my sobriety.

For the longer term, have you considered anything else besides SR, like a recovery group like AA or SMART or something?

D

In all honesty, you will likely end up drinking if you go on this trip. You will likely need several weeks to several months of abstinence before you can handle staying sober around so many drunk people. Maybe, if you can find a friend who will not drink with you the both of you can stay sober. This way, you won't feel alone when everyone else is making asses of themselves.

Going with another non drinker just might be your safety net to avoid drinking while still attending.

Welcome....:wavey:

I did avoid drinking situations in early sobriety
After about 3 months....I did accept invitations
where others would be drinking.

My tip? I went late and left early....:yup:
However...on a trip...this may not be possible.

I had to go to my parents with only 11 days sober. My family is a drinking family and being with them has always been one of my biggest excuses to drink...can we say alcohol hidden in the closet?

So I went, and I didn't drink and if anything I cemented my resolve.

Do I think my experience was typical...no. would I suggest anyone do the same....no. but you asked if anyone had experience with this, and this was my experience.

I found the smell of alcohol, repugnant and since I was smelling it the whole time I was there, I felt no desire to drink.

My advice, maybe pass this trip.

Hey, Rupert,

I go along with what the others have said. It's a little bit soon to be taking that kind of chance.

Incidentally, I think it's GREAT that you are dealing with your alcohol problem at your age. FWIW, my ex-husband got sober when he was 21 after coming to the same kinds of conclusions you have. He's now got 30 years sober, goes and does what he wants, where he wants, has a great time, just doesn't drink.

You'll get there, you sound like you have a lot of good sense.

Well, I watched my husband drinking from day one of my sobriety. That is, however, a little different than going into a party situation, where you know there will be pressure to drink.

I didn't go to my first party with alcohol until I had been sober almost a year. We don't have those kinds of friends, and it just never came up. I have no clue what I would have done had we a big social circle that liked to have drinking parties. I think it would have been a lot harder for me to stay sober, though.

Edited to add: If you really want to stay sober, develop some dread (and fake) illness right before the trip and bow out. I'm not saying you can't practice self-control, but it's sure going to be hard.

Well thank you all for the input. I think maybe the fake illness is the way to go. I have a feeling until I feel much more confident that I won't drink, these kinds of activities are a bad idea. And my friends aren't exactly those who would understand right away.

Another vote here for the fake illness. That's what I did to get out of my company party recently for the same reason (there's a thread about it around here somewhere.)

I think it's just not a good idea to be in super-boozy situations in very early sobriety. And honestly it's not much fun either being sober while everyone else is drunk.

I don't even plan to consider accepting an invitation like that until at least a month has gone by, preferably more. And I think even when I do start attending such events again, I will be attending fewer of them and leaving earlier...out of boredom if nothing else!

If your friends are anything like mine, they will tell you that the alcohol will help you get over your illness, (it's medicinal) and expect you to drink anyways. I have been seriously teeling people that I just got back blood tests from the doctor, (which I did), and that I have found out that I am alergic to alcohol, (which I did). Most people won't put 2 and 2together, and you can lay low and not be expected to drink ever again. I'm not sure how my close drinking buddies would take it, (haven't seen them in a couple of months, and telling them out right that I quit when I do), but for anyone else it works pretty well.

It sounds like your instinct is telling you not to go, so I'd definitely follow that advice. I had some resentment when I first got sober, imagining I'd never be able to have fun or go to a party again, but nothing could be further from the truth. I'm enjoying my life more now, and after a few months, I can be around people who are drinking, although like soberbythesea said, I often leave early due to boredom! Drunk people aren't nearly as attractive or fun as they think they are, which I didn't really see until I got sober.

Think of it as building a new life which is going to be more interesting and meaningful AND fun, with people who aren't throwing up in your bathroom and spilling all over your furniture. Be patient because it doesn't happen overnight, but there's plenty to look forward to! Congrats on your sober time!

Stop now while you can. You could have a beattiful life without drink!

I'm sober 13 days, and Saturday I'm hosting my sisters bachelorette party. After being in my home for a couple hours a limo is picking us up to go bar hopping. I can't get out of this, so I figured out a plan. I plan on drinking the mixers, and not adding alcohol. I plan on grabbing a beer, taking it to the bathroom, pouring it out and filling it with water. I'm not saying anything to anyone about not drinking, so noone can make a big deal of it. I'm just going to act like I'm drinking along with everyone else. Its my own business, my own problem, and I will do what I have to do for my sobriety.

Avoid it if you can. Its going to be hard not to drink.
I just went through this after only 3 weeks sober. we had people in from out of town and everyone was drinking. It about killed me the first 2 days. I almost said screw it and left for awhile. I finally just bought some nonalcholic beer. It made me feel like I was having a drink with everyone else. I've read some arguments against nonalcoholic beer on other threads. I am sure everyone is different, it was helpful to me. There is boring ODouls, which to me tastes like dog food. I like the imports better, but then when I drank real beer I only drank imported. I would consider non-al if you dont feel you can skip it entirely. What do i know though, I've been sober for just over a month.
Good luck no matter what you decide to do!

julez, my thoughts are with you! When I was at 13 days (I am at 7 years now) I could not go to any party where alcohol was being served.

"Its my own business, my own problem, and I will do what I have to do for my sobriety."

Okay its your sister so you obviously feel obligated. How about this as a plan: After the first hour or bar say you are not feeling well, call a cab and head home?

Dave

I am truly sorry ......The hardest part to many is starting over...........that means some friendships have to end or become less important............There is no way an alcholic can hang with people that drink and not eventually fall to alchol.......Been there.......done that.............Just a fact I never really caught on too............Had sobriety then would falldo to bad choices .............Had to quit softball. Too much drinkin.................No bars.......too much drinkin......there is still plenty of stuff to do ya just have to find you niche.....Good luck everyone

Don't set yourself up. There are boobie traps everywhere.

have too agree with the consensus here,very early days= vunerability= CAVING= :a108:
= Square one, goodluck, no need to live with all that regret.

I have to be honest - at 13 days? bar hop? bachelor/ette party?
I would have caved Julez - I hope you're made of sterner stuff.

D