bubblehead

I had no problem getting alcohol but I was embarrassed as to who saw me buy it. I had several stores I went to on the other sides of town (even a dangerous area of town). I'd go to a different one each time to buy beer. I'd still look over my shoulder, completely paranoid as to who saw me. Maybe once a week, I'd buy it at the regular grocery store because I could mix it in with my groceries. Occasionally, if I had alcohol in my system already and didn't think it was a good idea to drive, I'd walk to a convenient store near where I live, though I made sure to go to a different one each time.
I almost considered hard liquor because it would have meant one bottle, less trouble getting and hiding it. Easier to not have to dispose of a bazillion empty beer bottles where I knew they would not be found as well. but I knew I was out of control already and worried I'd mix it too strong. That plus I cannot even drink wine as it gets me too drunk too fast, so liquor was out of the question for me.

parasol

I was a major user of the self-checkout line at the grocery store. You can buy all the booze you want without anyone silently judging you. Well, that's not really true, but I told myself it was the case. I mean, there's usually a highschool kid working that area, but I can't say I really cared what he or she thought of me.

Now I always take a glance over at the self-checkout line if I'm in the store in the morning, and there's almost always someone very normal-looking buying a giant jug of wine along with a token bag of coffee or something. It's so very familiar and almost comforting in a way. I guess it goes back to that idea that there is actually something we like about our addictions. In my case, I think the daily rituals of being a boozer were very important to me, and they gave my life some kind of structure or very narrow purpose. I think that's one reason that it was so hard to fill the hours of the day after I quit. We need to find new rituals and purposes. Or at least I did.

(Now back to my 5th cup of coffee of the day)

rws177

In my finial week of binging my parents took my car keys and even unhooked the battery in my car. I would walk or ride my mountain bike nearly five miles to get vodka. Looking back I was really out of my mind. Then one day with no booze in sight and no energy to make that hike to the grocery store I slammed a bottle of rubbing alcohol. I woke up in the ICU and from there went to rehab. It's been exactly nine months since I have drank and thinking about what I did still boggles my mind to this day. When I was in the middle of a 3-4 day binge I would do anything to stay drunk.... I'm so thankfull to be sober today!

ElegantlyWasted

If I get rich and can afford top pop Chris, Dom, and have an unltd supply of Grey Goose and Patron; I may be able to convince myself I'm not an addict, but would likely hit another nasty bottom or Die. Love how the mind can lie to feed the beast.

Zebra1275

I remember a time in college years ago when I took quite a hike to get booze. We had a major blizzard on a Wednesday, so classes were cancelled Thursday and Friday. Living in a dorm, of course we all felt that was a great reason for a 4 day party. I left my dorm with a few other guys and we walked 3 -4 miles in waist deep snow to a big party store. We got there on Thursday about noon and they were almost sold out! I loaded up my backpack with beer, whiskey, rum, whatever I could find and lugged my weekend stash back to the dorm to party. I lived in a very large coed dorm and we had a great party, but I don't remember the details. I'm sure we smoked a fair amount of grass too. Unfortunately, my weekend supply of booze only lasted one night, (I shared alot of it) so we had to find a place to hike the next day to replenish the supply. I'm sure living in a dorm starts a lot of kids off as problem drinkers later in life.

Bugzer

I switched locations of where I bought booze depending on where I was driving
I never really cared what people thought of me...
A few times I got comments from the clerks both women.... and mainly
I believe cause I look much younger then I am... and it was always
the same questions or comments..... "weren't you here yesterday??"
or "I haven't seen you here in a while" the last one made me laugh
I told her well I switched to beer for a while...


I don't see why they should care... that would be the equivalent of
a drug dealer telling you to be careful and not overdue it lol..

Chakra

My grandpa gave me wine when I was 11 and I loved it!

BellaTeal

I basically sold my body for booze once. I didn't know that was going to happen until the guy that would buy for me said, "You know you have to do something in return eventually, right?" And I just had such low self-worth that I couldn't care less. It's been 5 years since that particular incident and I'm still so ashamed and disgusted with myself. At the time I didn't think it was a big deal though!
Even recently I kinda did that. My boyfriend would buy me handles of vodka whenever I want and in return I'd pretend to love him.
When you're an underage alcoholic sometimes you have to resort to drastic measures, I guess.

Jabbadabutt

Never really had a problem with getting alcohol, just a problem with hiding the amount I was drinking.

yeahgr8

Could always get a tab in the bars...used to have money in a feast or famine kind of way so in feast times would pay everyone off (well not everyone!) and famine times live on credit!

Does that make me a high functioning alcoholic...we need another thread about that, always makes me laugh:-)

TorontoGuy28

I was a master of liquid lunches that would last 2-3 days. Then off for a few weeks.

Typically, if we were hosting people for dinner or a party, I would just got waaay too much booze so I can keep extra for later.. I remember having dinner with my wife at home, sharing a bottle of wine, and me going to the garage to chug some more so I seemed like a normal dinker at dinner... She could not understand how I got so drunk of half the bottle of wine... Meanwhile, I would polish off 2 more in the garage.

LaFemme

There is an HFA thread somewhere around here.

Jabbadabutt

BINGO. Same thing here. Pretty sad I know.

TorontoGuy28

...or sneak back to the kitchen during a dinner party and chug vodka/wine/rum to get really drunk. It's so pathetic, but that's the old me. When I was doing step 4 with my sponsor, I had a lot of resentments towards myself.

Jabbadabutt

Funny how you do not hear from too many admitted closet drinkers around here on SR. Am I the only one to find bars too expensive and time consuming? My name is Jabba and I am a closet drinker......trying to fix that.

rws177

I remember doing this kind of thing too, people wondering why I would get so drunk off a few beers not knowing I was drinking vodka when no one was looking....Makes me sick just thinking about my old ways!

lildawg

Toward the end, I mostly drank at home. Several reasons:

1. Expense -- Compare how much you can drink at home for the same $25 you spent at the bar.

2. Legal dangers -- I knew I'd be getting so drunk that, if I encountered the cops, I'd be going to jail. That would have equalled either a Public Intoxication charge or a Driving while Intoxicated charge. Much hassle and much expense would stem from this. Also, and most importantly, I knew I'd be forced by the courts to quit drinking. The possibility of that consequence was worst of all.

3. Laziness -- Toward the end, I no longer felt like getting spiffed up and making small talk in bars. I just wanted to swallow my medicine and get drunk. Oddly enough, some part of me also had enough pride left that I didn't want people seeing me like that.


Fun memories. NOT!!

DayWalker

Man you have no idea how much what you did reminds me of myself. I use to do the same thing. Back 8-9 yrs ago when I spent a summer at my cabin with no drivers license I would walk to 2 miles to the local store with a back pack and fill it with a case of beer&ice and walk back to the cabin.

Crazy how much crap we use to go through just to stay drunk.

Steve

Toronto68

There were a couple of times I walked a couple of miles round trip to bring some back after I was too tipsy to drive. Only a 12-pack, since that was enough to get by. I had that "I'm screwed!" feeling when I realized too late that I didn't have a sufficient stock for the night, and I already had 3 or 4 beers in me. I even had the ability to say to myself that if I wanted it that badly, I should have to walk to get it. I remember being really nervous that I appeared too intoxicated to be allowed to purchase any. I got away with it though - whether or not I composed myself, only the clerk and God know. That was probably 2 or 3 years ago.

I can't recall very many different "heroic measures" taken to get more alcohol.

When it comes to store rotation, yes, that's one of my favorite topics about our silliness. Once or twice, when a long weekend was coming up, I got some stock at one store, and then drove to one of my alternates to get some more; then lugged it all in. What a genius.

What's sad for me is the fact that I had a system in place to avoid things like that the vast majority of the time. Robotically buying it every day; managing that stock better than anything else in the house. Plenty of times I would say, No, don't waste your money on ordering in tonight; no, you can get groceries tomorrow; no, I'm too tired for that, just go home (or stay home). Yet it was OK to hit the beer store to make sure I was never "screwed". I would picture how many were in the fridge while at work.

Talking about this reminds me of Johnny Cash singing "I'm free from the chain gang now..."

Kmber2010

Wasn't that hard for me to get booze. I always planned ahead and if meant searching my car or returning bottles or using coins then so be it.

So don't miss that time of my life. Insanity at its finest.