In a vicious/deadly cycle with my alcoholism
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 401
Originally Posted by littlefish 
Well, may I suggest that you treat yourself like you have a disease. If your doc told you back in February that you might have cancer, would you have waited this long to make another appointment and monitor your condition?
May I also suggest that you just take a few simple steps.
Call your doctor immedietely and make an appointment. Waiting this long, since February, since learning of your condition, is playing Russian roulette. Maybe you think you want to play that game, but consider the fact that if you do begin the work of getting and staying sober, you may look back on the decision to play this game of chance with death as something you would never do.
Consider medically assisted detox, and look for treatment: the suggestion of inpatient might be the best way to start.
Consider using a program, it can be going back to AA or a non-faith based program, but a program might give you some structure and support that is lacking in your daily life.
I am just repeating what most of the other posters have said. All I can add is that taking simple steps can really get you started on recovery. I hope you pick up the phone and start the process.
As some wise people here have said: recovery is a journey, not an event. Maybe you won't get sober overnight, maybe you will have months of struggle, maybe you will be in and out of your program with relapsing and defeat, but with victory and progress as well. Despite the inconvenience these changes may make in your life, isn't that better than surrendering to alcohol?
May I also suggest that you just take a few simple steps.
Call your doctor immedietely and make an appointment. Waiting this long, since February, since learning of your condition, is playing Russian roulette. Maybe you think you want to play that game, but consider the fact that if you do begin the work of getting and staying sober, you may look back on the decision to play this game of chance with death as something you would never do.
Consider medically assisted detox, and look for treatment: the suggestion of inpatient might be the best way to start.
Consider using a program, it can be going back to AA or a non-faith based program, but a program might give you some structure and support that is lacking in your daily life.
I am just repeating what most of the other posters have said. All I can add is that taking simple steps can really get you started on recovery. I hope you pick up the phone and start the process.
As some wise people here have said: recovery is a journey, not an event. Maybe you won't get sober overnight, maybe you will have months of struggle, maybe you will be in and out of your program with relapsing and defeat, but with victory and progress as well. Despite the inconvenience these changes may make in your life, isn't that better than surrendering to alcohol?
I've cut my consumption in half but I more than anyone realize this is an all or nothing business, especially at this stage of my alcoholism. Thanks to everyone for your comments. I want to see my doctor again and get recent blood test results but I am scared sh*tless about the prognosis.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,907
I want to see my doctor again and get recent blood test results but I am scared sh*tless about the prognosis.
It's okay to be scared. It is always, ALWAYS better to know, even though it is scary. Hang in there and I hope you are able to get to an inpatient facility soon.
It's okay to be scared. It is always, ALWAYS better to know, even though it is scary. Hang in there and I hope you are able to get to an inpatient facility soon.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I know how it is to be scared - I was too.
I waited too long to see my doctor - I'm left with some stuff (not liver) that won't get better.
Chances are I would have had a better outcome had I gone when I should have,
The good news was I was much more healthy than I thought/feared I was.
If there is something seriously wrong, it's best to know, and to treat it, now.
Good luck!
D
I waited too long to see my doctor - I'm left with some stuff (not liver) that won't get better.
Chances are I would have had a better outcome had I gone when I should have,
The good news was I was much more healthy than I thought/feared I was.
If there is something seriously wrong, it's best to know, and to treat it, now.
Good luck!
D
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by mercurial me
I absolutely believe that alcoholism is a disease. I remember my first drink when I was very young and that "where have you been all of my life" feeling. I plan to talk with my fiance & family about taking some time to go to an inpatient rehab. The hold booze has on me is so strong that even though I know I'm heading to my grave I still drink. To constantly watch videos of people dying of liver failure motivates for a short while but fades. As soon as the pain in my organs dissipates for a short while I want to drink. I have used alcohol for so many years and I guess I have to resign myself to the fact that I can't learn how to live sober on my own.
I've cut my consumption in half but I more than anyone realize this is an all or nothing business, especially at this stage of my alcoholism. Thanks to everyone for your comments. I want to see my doctor again and get recent blood test results but I am scared sh*tless about the prognosis.
I've cut my consumption in half but I more than anyone realize this is an all or nothing business, especially at this stage of my alcoholism. Thanks to everyone for your comments. I want to see my doctor again and get recent blood test results but I am scared sh*tless about the prognosis.
i hate this disease.you started posting before i did, and i remember what an inspiration you were to me. i even bookmarked a few of your posts to keep me going when i had some of the really hard days..
you really made a difference in my life knowing there was someone out there who was going through things alot like i was.
we're roughly the same age, and have many of the same circumstances. i have a nice place to live, a beautiful wife and a daughter that's largely responsible for me still breathing.
please don't take what i say as an atttack. i mean it with much love and respect because of what you did for me, but it never makes it easy for someone, anyone to watch another human being slowly die from something they CAN walk away from.
dude,i had liver pain too...i had pancreas issues, i was scared ******** too.
i had watched a close friend lose their battle with this and i knew i was next if i didn't man up. on one hand, i could justify drinking at that point....i mean, $hit...if it's too late, it's too late....right??
no way. i firmly believe my brain was trying to make me drink myself to death and i could have rationalized ANYTHING at that point to feed the disease a little more bull$hit. this is complete and total self destruction at it's finest and you know it....
your best effort would be to call your family and girlfriend and simply say you were in trouble and check yourself into the hospital and any delay could mean your life. why not just call a spade a spade?
what you have been doing is no longer working and you're going to lose this battle if you don't do something fast. please take some advise and put all this bull$hit anxiety about your organs aside and just F'ing check yourself into a place that has no exit door for a few months and save your life. your girlfriend will thank you. we will thank you...your family will thank you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by mercurial me
I've cut my consumption in half
You got it right, mercurial, it's an all or nothing deal. What action are you taking TODAY to ensure you never drink another drop?
It sounds like that's where you are, at the literal do or die point. Much like me at the time I got sober, you can't seem to choose to not drink. Neither could I.
But I could choose other things, like getting a medical detox, going to rehab, and getting willing to do exactly what others had done to recover from that hopeless place. Those things I could do.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Home is where my cat is...
Posts: 228
With all these people pulling for you, how can you not pull for yourself? You've obviously had a great impact on people here with your past posts. Please let them help you now and stop giving up. You sound so defeated and you don't deserve to be defeated. I am losing a friend in the next couple of days to actual liver cancer. Yesterday, he was given only a couple more days to live. That is REALITY. It doesn't have to be reality for YOU. We all understand its hard or we wouldn't be here. You've had time to "marinate" in misery for awhile because you are scared. Now get up off yer arse and take the advice of these good people like you would have wanted them to when you inspired them. Everyone wants you to WIN and I hope you know that you deserve the chance to. Good luck friend. I really hope the best for you.
<---This could be you!
<---This could be you!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I second what BullDog said.
Round up your posse and get yourself into a detox TODAY. Waiting isn't going to make it better. Or easier. Or less scary.
Do it before you think yourself into an early grave. Don't think about it at all. Just do it, and have faith that everything will work itself out. This is an emergency. Act accordingly.
Round up your posse and get yourself into a detox TODAY. Waiting isn't going to make it better. Or easier. Or less scary.
Do it before you think yourself into an early grave. Don't think about it at all. Just do it, and have faith that everything will work itself out. This is an emergency. Act accordingly.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Between Serenity and Despair
Posts: 522
Mercurial, I've wanted to reply to this post, but I couldn't think of anything to say that nobody else has said. I thought, "Why should he have to read through a 'me, too' post?"
I do want to add my support, though, and reiterate what another poster said. Even if you can't do this for yourself, you have friends and family who love you. Think of your family's grief that you died so young. Think of how devastated your fiance will be. Think of how they'll all wonder what they did wrong, how they could have helped you more.
When I got the stage of my alcoholism where I was sick most of the time, I thought one day I'd just be dead. Then, I could sleep and no longer feel the heat of just being weird and isolated and not like everybody else. I thought that would be okay. I wasn't afraid to die.
I remember the last time I drank myself to real sickness and my husband came into our bedroom to check on me. He looked so sad. I told him I wanted to have my back patted. He did it, but he couldn't wait to get away from me. He had this resigned, but deeply hurt look in his eyes. That was when I decided to quit.
I realized that killing myself because I hated living life was incredibly stupid and selfish. I decided to get better just so I wouldn't hurt the people who loved me any more than I already had.
I am sure your situation is different, and I'm not saying you're anywhere near where I was mentally. I did want to point out, though, that you're not the only person who will be affected by your demise. In fact, you're the person who will be affected least. You'll be dead. You won't know anymore. It's those we leave behind to pick up the pieces who are affected the most. Some part of me believes you take that stuff (like karma or something) into the next plane of existence with you.
I do want to add my support, though, and reiterate what another poster said. Even if you can't do this for yourself, you have friends and family who love you. Think of your family's grief that you died so young. Think of how devastated your fiance will be. Think of how they'll all wonder what they did wrong, how they could have helped you more.
When I got the stage of my alcoholism where I was sick most of the time, I thought one day I'd just be dead. Then, I could sleep and no longer feel the heat of just being weird and isolated and not like everybody else. I thought that would be okay. I wasn't afraid to die.
I remember the last time I drank myself to real sickness and my husband came into our bedroom to check on me. He looked so sad. I told him I wanted to have my back patted. He did it, but he couldn't wait to get away from me. He had this resigned, but deeply hurt look in his eyes. That was when I decided to quit.
I realized that killing myself because I hated living life was incredibly stupid and selfish. I decided to get better just so I wouldn't hurt the people who loved me any more than I already had.
I am sure your situation is different, and I'm not saying you're anywhere near where I was mentally. I did want to point out, though, that you're not the only person who will be affected by your demise. In fact, you're the person who will be affected least. You'll be dead. You won't know anymore. It's those we leave behind to pick up the pieces who are affected the most. Some part of me believes you take that stuff (like karma or something) into the next plane of existence with you.
Grouch and Brainstorm
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 238
I believe the essence of the First Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is not
This has been my experience-- I am completely powerless over alcohol unless I recover.
So, if suggestions that you need to try harder are troublesome for you, know that they were for me too.
I needed to understand the absoluteness of that powerlessness. It was not "less power." Or, "ocassionally." The way I drank, the complete submission I felt to alcohol, was utter and complete.
But it was not until I internalized that utter hopelessness (beyond human aid) that I could get about desperately doing the work that brought me hope.
I hear your story, compare it to mine, and identify completely. And I know that telling you not to drink is just wasted breath.
It's like asking the cat to bark.
But I know you want to stop. I can hear it.
You need professional help-- from the medical community. Without arresting the cycle of the physical dependency, you will be stuck.
People have been exactly where you are and gone on to recovery and wonderful lives.
I just can't drink.
It's
I can't help but drink.
This has been my experience-- I am completely powerless over alcohol unless I recover.
So, if suggestions that you need to try harder are troublesome for you, know that they were for me too.
I needed to understand the absoluteness of that powerlessness. It was not "less power." Or, "ocassionally." The way I drank, the complete submission I felt to alcohol, was utter and complete.
But it was not until I internalized that utter hopelessness (beyond human aid) that I could get about desperately doing the work that brought me hope.
I hear your story, compare it to mine, and identify completely. And I know that telling you not to drink is just wasted breath.
It's like asking the cat to bark.
But I know you want to stop. I can hear it.
You need professional help-- from the medical community. Without arresting the cycle of the physical dependency, you will be stuck.
People have been exactly where you are and gone on to recovery and wonderful lives.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NS, Canada
Posts: 160
Hi there. This is an odd place for my 1st post, but this is something I can relate to... Sorry for the length of my post.
I am 45 and fairly newly sober (just over a month). I drank a lot and, eventually, at all times of the day. I drank alone. Mixed hard drinks. I functioned well. No accidents. Good job and family.
I asked my doctor once, when she was doing up a routine bloodwork sheet, if she'd tick off tests for my liver, because "I liked to have a few drinks" I said, and "just wanted to be sure"... She said, "No need to, because my blood pressure was always low, and it would be high if I had liver troubles." So, I figured I could keep drinking.
She was quite wrong... I never had any symptoms (I thought). In hindsight, there were a few things, such as a little fatigue and some loss of appetite, hair loss, and a bit of numbness in limbs that came and went ... But I had no pain.
It wasn't until I noticed my eyes getting yellow'ish in the corner. A few days leter, they were fully yellow. I mean the entire white parts were as bright as neon. My skin on my upper body was yellow too, and I began to itch. I looked like a freak -- But I still felt relatively fine.
I decided to stop into the clinic doctor on duty, just for an opinion. He ordered me to go to Emergency right away. I did. They admitted me immediately after blood tests showed numbers that were higher than some transplant patients - so said the liver specialist. My liver was beginning to fail. If I hadn't gone in, I could have died.
They told me that liver problems present themselves in different ways with different people. Sometimes there are no signs until jaundice or failure sets in. However, the doctor said that this doesn't necessarily mean chirrosis. It could be a number of other things.
He said a lot of people who come in with liver pain have gallstones. There are other other things that they ruled out with ultrasound and CT scan too, such as cancers. I was told that all of the worst things were ruled out, and what was left was a "big" liver, which we could work with. I was undernourished (yet overweight) and I was dehydrated. But I would live - IF I started living better. Not just cutting back on bad things, but cutting certain ones out ... alcohol being #1 ... and adding certain things like a balanced diet.
I was in the hospital for days and tried to hide my withdrawal symptoms - which weren't bad really. By the time I got out, I was several days without alcohol and "scared straight". I initially thought I was going to die .... but told that I would live. Easily. I am going to live. My liver WILL recover.
Livers are great things ... if we don't let things go too far. They fix themselves if we let them. (Btw, my eyes and skin are almost back to normal too.)
In the back of my mind, I knew that how I was drinking was like committing a slow suicide .... but I was in denial, espcially when I was having a drink, which was all the time. Toward the end of my drinking career, I hated taking a sip, but felt I "had to".
Death is scary. Get out of denial while you can. Not 6 beers. If your liver is already damaged, 12 beers, 6 beers, 2 beers, 1 beer are going to keep damaging it. You can stop that damage and let your liver rejuvenate. I don't miss drinking one bit. No cravings. Nothing.
You're only 32. I'm 45. DON'T rule yourself out of this world. Find out what's what with your body and fix it. Your pain could be gallstones. Could be something else. Most of it is treatable..... Don't be afraid of your bloodwork results. Don't be afraid not to drink. Don't be afraid that you won't know what to do or how to feel without a drink. I was afraid - but things fell into place.
Oh .... and sober feels GREAT. That's probably been said over and over again ... but it does feel so uplifting and HOPEFUL. It opens up a whole new world that you can't see through the blur of drinking. It really does. After drinking for so long, I wouldn't have believed it, but it's true.
In fact, it feels very "free" knowing I can't have a drink. I don't count on it anymore. I have so much more time to do things! And the feeling that I'm in control of my mind and body is so much more awesome than I can put into words. I wouldn't have known if I didn't stop drinking. I wouldn't have known.
Thanks for listening. I will have to go introduce myself in the proper forum after this post ..... I do hope you feel better soon.
I am 45 and fairly newly sober (just over a month). I drank a lot and, eventually, at all times of the day. I drank alone. Mixed hard drinks. I functioned well. No accidents. Good job and family.
I asked my doctor once, when she was doing up a routine bloodwork sheet, if she'd tick off tests for my liver, because "I liked to have a few drinks" I said, and "just wanted to be sure"... She said, "No need to, because my blood pressure was always low, and it would be high if I had liver troubles." So, I figured I could keep drinking.
She was quite wrong... I never had any symptoms (I thought). In hindsight, there were a few things, such as a little fatigue and some loss of appetite, hair loss, and a bit of numbness in limbs that came and went ... But I had no pain.
It wasn't until I noticed my eyes getting yellow'ish in the corner. A few days leter, they were fully yellow. I mean the entire white parts were as bright as neon. My skin on my upper body was yellow too, and I began to itch. I looked like a freak -- But I still felt relatively fine.
I decided to stop into the clinic doctor on duty, just for an opinion. He ordered me to go to Emergency right away. I did. They admitted me immediately after blood tests showed numbers that were higher than some transplant patients - so said the liver specialist. My liver was beginning to fail. If I hadn't gone in, I could have died.
They told me that liver problems present themselves in different ways with different people. Sometimes there are no signs until jaundice or failure sets in. However, the doctor said that this doesn't necessarily mean chirrosis. It could be a number of other things.
He said a lot of people who come in with liver pain have gallstones. There are other other things that they ruled out with ultrasound and CT scan too, such as cancers. I was told that all of the worst things were ruled out, and what was left was a "big" liver, which we could work with. I was undernourished (yet overweight) and I was dehydrated. But I would live - IF I started living better. Not just cutting back on bad things, but cutting certain ones out ... alcohol being #1 ... and adding certain things like a balanced diet.
I was in the hospital for days and tried to hide my withdrawal symptoms - which weren't bad really. By the time I got out, I was several days without alcohol and "scared straight". I initially thought I was going to die .... but told that I would live. Easily. I am going to live. My liver WILL recover.
Livers are great things ... if we don't let things go too far. They fix themselves if we let them. (Btw, my eyes and skin are almost back to normal too.)
In the back of my mind, I knew that how I was drinking was like committing a slow suicide .... but I was in denial, espcially when I was having a drink, which was all the time. Toward the end of my drinking career, I hated taking a sip, but felt I "had to".
Death is scary. Get out of denial while you can. Not 6 beers. If your liver is already damaged, 12 beers, 6 beers, 2 beers, 1 beer are going to keep damaging it. You can stop that damage and let your liver rejuvenate. I don't miss drinking one bit. No cravings. Nothing.
You're only 32. I'm 45. DON'T rule yourself out of this world. Find out what's what with your body and fix it. Your pain could be gallstones. Could be something else. Most of it is treatable..... Don't be afraid of your bloodwork results. Don't be afraid not to drink. Don't be afraid that you won't know what to do or how to feel without a drink. I was afraid - but things fell into place.
Oh .... and sober feels GREAT. That's probably been said over and over again ... but it does feel so uplifting and HOPEFUL. It opens up a whole new world that you can't see through the blur of drinking. It really does. After drinking for so long, I wouldn't have believed it, but it's true.
In fact, it feels very "free" knowing I can't have a drink. I don't count on it anymore. I have so much more time to do things! And the feeling that I'm in control of my mind and body is so much more awesome than I can put into words. I wouldn't have known if I didn't stop drinking. I wouldn't have known.
Thanks for listening. I will have to go introduce myself in the proper forum after this post ..... I do hope you feel better soon.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by switchboard
Hi there. This is an odd place for my 1st post, but this is something I can relate to. Sorry for the length of my post ... I am 45. I drank a lot and, eventually, at all times of the day. I drank alone. Mixed hard drinks. I functioned well. No accidents. Good job and family.
I asked my doctor once, when she was doing up a routine bloodwork sheet, if she'd tick off tests for my liver, because "I liked to have a few drinks" I said, and "just wanted to be sure"... She said, "No need to, because my blood pressure was always low, and it would be high if I had liver troubles." So, I figured I could keep drinking.
She was quite wrong... I never had any symptoms (I thought). In hindsight, there were a few things, such as a little fatigue and some loss of appetite, hair loss, and a bit of numbness in limbs that came and went ... But I had no pain.
It wasn't until I noticed my eyes getting yellow'ish in the corner. A few days leter, they were fully yellow. I mean the entire white parts were as bright as neon. My skin on my upper body was yellow too, and I began to itch. I looked like a freak -- But I still felt relatively fine.
I decided to stop into the clinic doctor on duty, just for an opinion. He ordered me to go to Emergency right away. I did. They admitted me immediately after blood tests showed numbers that were higher than some transplant patients - so said the liver specialist. My liver was beginning to fail. If I hadn't gone in, I could have died.
They told me that liver problems present themselves in different ways with different people. Sometimes there are no signs until jaundice or failure sets in. However, the doctor said that this doesn't necessarily mean chirrosis. It could be a number of other things.
He said a lot of people who come in with liver pain have gallstones. There are other other things that they ruled out with ultrasound and CT scan too, such as cancers. I was told that all of the worst things were ruled out, and what was left was a "big" liver, which we could work with. I was undernourished (yet overweight) and I was dehydrated. But I would live - IF I started living better. Not just cutting back on bad things, but cutting certain ones out ... alcohol being #1 ... and adding certain things like a balanced diet.
I was in the hospital for days and tried to hide my withdrawal symptoms - which weren't bad really. By the time I got out, I was several days without alcohol and "scared straight". I initially thought I was going to die .... but told that I would live. Easily. I am going to live. My liver WILL recover.
Livers are great things ... if we don't let things go too far. They fix themselves if we let them. (Btw, my eyes and skin are almost back to normal too ... It's been just over a month.)
In the back of my mind, I knew that how I was drinking was like committing a slow suicide .... but I was in denial, espcially when I was having a drink, which was all the time.
Death is scary. Get out of denial while you can. Not 6 beers. If your liver is damaged, 12 beers, 6 beers, 2 beers, 1 beer are going to keep damaging it. I don't miss it one bit. No cravings. Nothing.
You're only 32. I'm 45. DON'T rule yourself out of this world. Find out what's what with your body and fix it. Your pain could be gallstones. Could be something else. Most of it is treatable..... Don't be afraid of your bloodwork results. Don't be afraid not to drink. Don't be afraid that you won't know what to do or how to feel without a drink. I was afraid - but things fell into place.
Oh .... and sober feels GREAT. That's probably been said over and over again ... but it does feel so uplifting and HOPEFUL. It opens up a whole new world that you can't see through the blur of drinking. It really does. After drinking for so long, I wouldn't have believed it, but it's true.
In fact, it feels very "free" knowing I can't have a drink. I don't count on it anymore. I have so much more time to do things! And the feeling that I'm in control of my mind and body is so much more awesome than I can put into words. I wouldn't have known if I didn't stop drinking. I wouldn't have known.
Thanks for listening. I will have to go introduce myself in the proper forum after this post ..... I do hope you feel better soon.
I asked my doctor once, when she was doing up a routine bloodwork sheet, if she'd tick off tests for my liver, because "I liked to have a few drinks" I said, and "just wanted to be sure"... She said, "No need to, because my blood pressure was always low, and it would be high if I had liver troubles." So, I figured I could keep drinking.
She was quite wrong... I never had any symptoms (I thought). In hindsight, there were a few things, such as a little fatigue and some loss of appetite, hair loss, and a bit of numbness in limbs that came and went ... But I had no pain.
It wasn't until I noticed my eyes getting yellow'ish in the corner. A few days leter, they were fully yellow. I mean the entire white parts were as bright as neon. My skin on my upper body was yellow too, and I began to itch. I looked like a freak -- But I still felt relatively fine.
I decided to stop into the clinic doctor on duty, just for an opinion. He ordered me to go to Emergency right away. I did. They admitted me immediately after blood tests showed numbers that were higher than some transplant patients - so said the liver specialist. My liver was beginning to fail. If I hadn't gone in, I could have died.
They told me that liver problems present themselves in different ways with different people. Sometimes there are no signs until jaundice or failure sets in. However, the doctor said that this doesn't necessarily mean chirrosis. It could be a number of other things.
He said a lot of people who come in with liver pain have gallstones. There are other other things that they ruled out with ultrasound and CT scan too, such as cancers. I was told that all of the worst things were ruled out, and what was left was a "big" liver, which we could work with. I was undernourished (yet overweight) and I was dehydrated. But I would live - IF I started living better. Not just cutting back on bad things, but cutting certain ones out ... alcohol being #1 ... and adding certain things like a balanced diet.
I was in the hospital for days and tried to hide my withdrawal symptoms - which weren't bad really. By the time I got out, I was several days without alcohol and "scared straight". I initially thought I was going to die .... but told that I would live. Easily. I am going to live. My liver WILL recover.
Livers are great things ... if we don't let things go too far. They fix themselves if we let them. (Btw, my eyes and skin are almost back to normal too ... It's been just over a month.)
In the back of my mind, I knew that how I was drinking was like committing a slow suicide .... but I was in denial, espcially when I was having a drink, which was all the time.
Death is scary. Get out of denial while you can. Not 6 beers. If your liver is damaged, 12 beers, 6 beers, 2 beers, 1 beer are going to keep damaging it. I don't miss it one bit. No cravings. Nothing.
You're only 32. I'm 45. DON'T rule yourself out of this world. Find out what's what with your body and fix it. Your pain could be gallstones. Could be something else. Most of it is treatable..... Don't be afraid of your bloodwork results. Don't be afraid not to drink. Don't be afraid that you won't know what to do or how to feel without a drink. I was afraid - but things fell into place.
Oh .... and sober feels GREAT. That's probably been said over and over again ... but it does feel so uplifting and HOPEFUL. It opens up a whole new world that you can't see through the blur of drinking. It really does. After drinking for so long, I wouldn't have believed it, but it's true.
In fact, it feels very "free" knowing I can't have a drink. I don't count on it anymore. I have so much more time to do things! And the feeling that I'm in control of my mind and body is so much more awesome than I can put into words. I wouldn't have known if I didn't stop drinking. I wouldn't have known.
Thanks for listening. I will have to go introduce myself in the proper forum after this post ..... I do hope you feel better soon.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Ca.
Posts: 315
Originally Posted by BullDog777
i hope you stick around the boards, i know i could benefit from your words of wisdom as they were not only inspirational but extremely well thought out. Welcome and thanks for being here!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Thank you so much for your post - I'm sure it's already helped a lot of people. Sorry, in advance, for my lengthy response:
In your post, you said "I can't quit." Of course you can't.......That, my friend, is the nature of alcoholism and it's also why the first step of AA is admitting that we're powerless over alcohol. Ironically, it's only when we accept that powerlessness totally that something can be done about it. Surrender, not to alcohol, but to people who can take over and help you get better. You don't have to have faith that you can stop- you just have to have the willingness to be helped.
I'm so sorry your doctor said that he "thought" you might have cirrhosis without ordering additional tests or following up with you, or even putting you in a treatment center or hospital. There are stages of cirrhosis and like everyone else has said, you need to stop digging your grave and get some answers. I remember feeling hopeless too, that death wouldn't be so bad especially after coming off several heavy days of drinking. I wondered if this was my cross to bear or my karma. I certainly didn't want to stop drinking - it was my only love.
Mercurial, you know it's just going to get worse with every single beer, but the thing is it will get slowly worse and slowly more and more painful and you don't want that to happen. Imagine being your fiance and spending the first years of marriage at the side of your hospital bed watching you writhe in pain. Are those 6 beers worth it?
Turn yourself over body, mind and soul to people who know how to help you. If you're going to be dead in a few years, there's not much to lose by signing in to treatment. I'm praying so hard for you. Please get help ASAP. NOW would be good. You are loved, mercurialme, and you're worth it........
In your post, you said "I can't quit." Of course you can't.......That, my friend, is the nature of alcoholism and it's also why the first step of AA is admitting that we're powerless over alcohol. Ironically, it's only when we accept that powerlessness totally that something can be done about it. Surrender, not to alcohol, but to people who can take over and help you get better. You don't have to have faith that you can stop- you just have to have the willingness to be helped.
I'm so sorry your doctor said that he "thought" you might have cirrhosis without ordering additional tests or following up with you, or even putting you in a treatment center or hospital. There are stages of cirrhosis and like everyone else has said, you need to stop digging your grave and get some answers. I remember feeling hopeless too, that death wouldn't be so bad especially after coming off several heavy days of drinking. I wondered if this was my cross to bear or my karma. I certainly didn't want to stop drinking - it was my only love.
Mercurial, you know it's just going to get worse with every single beer, but the thing is it will get slowly worse and slowly more and more painful and you don't want that to happen. Imagine being your fiance and spending the first years of marriage at the side of your hospital bed watching you writhe in pain. Are those 6 beers worth it?
Turn yourself over body, mind and soul to people who know how to help you. If you're going to be dead in a few years, there's not much to lose by signing in to treatment. I'm praying so hard for you. Please get help ASAP. NOW would be good. You are loved, mercurialme, and you're worth it........
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: LaCrosse, WI
Posts: 26
So may good suggestions. All I would say is that you need to make a good decision and that is a very hard thing to do unless you are stone cold sober but to get that way you have to quit and be sober for a bit. Only way I know would be to get into in treatment........Supervision from trained personel then amke your life decision with a sober mind and a load of education from your stay in treatment........Take Care
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: north carolina
Posts: 74
Not much to say that hasn't been said already, so I just have two things:
1) Life may be tough, but it really is worth living, and it is worth fighting for tooth and nail. Please do everything you can to back up off the mat.
2) I went to the doc 7 months ago for abnominal pains, found high liver enzymes and quit drinking. Now after many rounds of blood tests and ultrasounds, all evidence seems to point to a completely healthy liver and pancreas. However, the abdominal pains remain. Bodies are resilient and complex, and the medical truth may be different from what is first thought. The only way to really know is to consult with doctors and live the healthiest life you can.
Please try to find a way back.
1) Life may be tough, but it really is worth living, and it is worth fighting for tooth and nail. Please do everything you can to back up off the mat.
2) I went to the doc 7 months ago for abnominal pains, found high liver enzymes and quit drinking. Now after many rounds of blood tests and ultrasounds, all evidence seems to point to a completely healthy liver and pancreas. However, the abdominal pains remain. Bodies are resilient and complex, and the medical truth may be different from what is first thought. The only way to really know is to consult with doctors and live the healthiest life you can.
Please try to find a way back.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I tried to stop drinking and failed so many times I too thought I just couldn't quit. But I kept trying and am now coming up on nine months sober. I strongly recommend inpatient rehab to get you safely thru the initial detox and teach you some recovery tools to keep you sober when you come home. Please don't give up. It IS possible for you to stay sober. Make every effort, your life is worth it.
Make every effort, your life is worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 401
I'm still kicking around. I've been on the wagon for a while now and have been chatting with another member about supplements & cravings and that's been helpful along with many others who post. I've got a liver biopsy scheduled in x3 weeks which should be very telling.
I haven't told any of my family or friends what's going on. There really is nothing they can do & I'm too embarrassed to reveal a situation that was caused by my own decision/addiction.
Even my fiance is in the dark. She's been curious why I've stopped drinking as she gave up hope of a sober partner years ago. I feel like I'm lying by omission by not telling her what's going on but I really don't want her worrying about me as knowing she is freaked out will cause me stress.
Stress=finding the nearest liquor store
Hope everyone is having a good & dry weekend
I haven't told any of my family or friends what's going on. There really is nothing they can do & I'm too embarrassed to reveal a situation that was caused by my own decision/addiction.
Even my fiance is in the dark. She's been curious why I've stopped drinking as she gave up hope of a sober partner years ago. I feel like I'm lying by omission by not telling her what's going on but I really don't want her worrying about me as knowing she is freaked out will cause me stress.
Stress=finding the nearest liquor store
Hope everyone is having a good & dry weekend
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
We all wish you well MM.....
Thanks for sharing your positive progress.
It's time to let this old thread go.
I'm closeing it.
Please do begin a new thread if yoou wish.
Thanks for sharing your positive progress.
It's time to let this old thread go.
I'm closeing it.
Please do begin a new thread if yoou wish.
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