soberbythesea

Day 13 and for the first time, I really want a drink. I knew this moment would come, so at least I'm not caught totally off guard. Everything has been so perfectly smooth until now that I knew at some point I was going to really want one

I think it's come at this moment because I came home from work and straightaway started doing tasks around the house, without giving myself a chance to relax. I don't usually do that. Also my husband is not home yet, which is unusual at this hour, so I'm alone.

I'm not going to cave though, not this easily. I'm off to do something else until the craving passes... I'll check in later tonight but I think it's best I try to forget about the whole drinking thing right now. I'm going to watch TV or paint my toenails or something.

smacked

I could only distract myself from drinking for so long.. and then I needed help. Are you getting some type of support for your recovery? (meetings, counseling, something?).

Supercrew

Seriously concentrate on why you don't want to drink and where that first drink will lead you. Then paint your toenails. I had alot of free time today, alone, where I would normally be getting my drink on, and instead of drinking I sat back and thought about how good the last 38 days have been sober. It made me smile and get on with doing something constructive, although I didn't paint my toenails.

Dee74

Hi soberbythesea

These times come to all of us. Smacked makes a great point - 'white knuckling' is not a long term solution, but nevertheless there are things that helped me in the early days.

I found 'playing the tape through" - forcing myself to think past the desire and the rosy memories and really remember where my drinking usually leaves me - was a great help.

So was reading and posting here. You may find reading your own old posts especially helpful. I spent a lot of hours here instead of drinking. SR saved me more than once.

Also remember that old acronym HALT - hungry angry lonely tired - make sure you're not confusing one of those signals for a craving.

Eat something if you're hungry, go lie down if you're tired and go do something if you're bored angry lonely stressed etc.

Cravings are not imperatives to act - you can do this

D

soberbythesea

Thanks guys

Feeling a bit better now. I would definitely say I have been doing a lot more than white-knuckling, in fact, as I said in my OP this is really the first day where I've even wanted a drink. I have spent a lot of time around here, read every book I could get my hands on about addiction/drinking/recovery (still doing that) and been to several online meetings. I haven't been to a face-to-face meeting yet mainly because I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about AA or how it fits in with my situation, but I am definitely not relying on distraction/toughing it out as my only strategy. Believe me I understand there is a lot more to it than that.

I appreciate all the advice and no worries, there is absolutely no way I will give in. I have too much at stake for that.

Dee74

Everyone gets cravings

For me white knuckling - just 'not drinking', just dealing with cravings, running on some kind of willpower - gets tiring....and when we get tired...

I think the key is moving into acceptance of ourselves and our condition - learning to live happily sober.

Sounds like to me you realise recovery is about that too, and a lot more than not drinking, and a lot more than just reading about things - you have to act as well - so I reckon you're on the right track SBTS

D

soberbythesea

You're right Dee, I do have to act not just read. It's my nature, when I hit on a new topic I'm interested in or need to learn about, to read absolutely everything about it, so that's what I've been doing. But it's not a substitute for changing things in my life, just research to help me figure out the right path.

Taking5

Congrats on staying sober throught this. Dee is right we have all been through it and many of us have relapsed including me.

It is pretty hard to know how you feel about something without trying it first. Here is a great link on what you can expect:

Your First AA Meeting

soberbythesea

Thank you dgillz. Truth is, part of me really wants to try an AA meeting and thinks I might need to. And part of me I guess is still struggling with admitting that I might need to. Not helping is my husband, who absolutely refuses to acknowledge that I might have a serious enough problem to do anything like going to AA meetings. I feel like I'd have to either go without telling him or listen to him ridicule me, neither of which is an appealing option.

I need to think about that some more.

LaFemme

I have complete faith in you and your ability to stay sober. I hope you choose a pretty shade for your nails and you can look at them for the next week to remind you of how awesome you are!!!

soberbythesea

thanks lafemme