I messed up, I don't think I can do this and I am a bit afraid for myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 9
I messed up, I don't think I can do this and I am a bit afraid for myself
Hello,
I posted a few weeks back on here sure I was not an alcoholic but aware I have some sort of drinking problem. I have now been trying for a week to stay sober for 2 days in a row and have not been able to do it. I start having withdrawal symptoms and freak out and drink. Last night I was in the chat room and here and everyone was so supportive of my situation. I got a call from my husband to meet him and some friends at a Denny's late at night and thought it was a great idea since there is no alcohol at those restaurants. I got halfway there and he called letting me know they were at a bar instead. I said I didn't really want to go there and went home. I was so proud of myself for turning the car around.
I got home and sat down to watch some tv. Next thing I knew I had a drink in my hand. Then I figured since I already screwed up might as well drink enough to actually feel good, stop the pain in my body and let my mind relax.
This morning I woke up thinking today would be the day I could do it. I was wrong I couldn't do it. I went to the grocery store as an excuse to go drink alone in my car. I am now at about my 6th or 7th drink, alone in the bedroom. I really thought I could do this and didn't think I had that big of a problem. Now I am not sure and am a little scared. How can I have so little control over myself? Even as I type this, disgusted with my drinking, I am rabidly downing my drink. I see how long so many of the posters on this site have been sober and I am embarrassed to say where I am at, but I do not know where else to find supportive help.
I posted a few weeks back on here sure I was not an alcoholic but aware I have some sort of drinking problem. I have now been trying for a week to stay sober for 2 days in a row and have not been able to do it. I start having withdrawal symptoms and freak out and drink. Last night I was in the chat room and here and everyone was so supportive of my situation. I got a call from my husband to meet him and some friends at a Denny's late at night and thought it was a great idea since there is no alcohol at those restaurants. I got halfway there and he called letting me know they were at a bar instead. I said I didn't really want to go there and went home. I was so proud of myself for turning the car around.
I got home and sat down to watch some tv. Next thing I knew I had a drink in my hand. Then I figured since I already screwed up might as well drink enough to actually feel good, stop the pain in my body and let my mind relax.
This morning I woke up thinking today would be the day I could do it. I was wrong I couldn't do it. I went to the grocery store as an excuse to go drink alone in my car. I am now at about my 6th or 7th drink, alone in the bedroom. I really thought I could do this and didn't think I had that big of a problem. Now I am not sure and am a little scared. How can I have so little control over myself? Even as I type this, disgusted with my drinking, I am rabidly downing my drink. I see how long so many of the posters on this site have been sober and I am embarrassed to say where I am at, but I do not know where else to find supportive help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Many of us have had false starts storm.
For what its worth I don't think it's about weakness or a locak of control - I think it's
about addiction, which is another thing entirely.
The way forward is to get as much help and support as you can. Joining here - and posting regularly is great, but for some memebers, it's just not enough.
Have you thought of real life support groups at all - AA, SMART - or counselling?
D
For what its worth I don't think it's about weakness or a locak of control - I think it's
about addiction, which is another thing entirely.
The way forward is to get as much help and support as you can. Joining here - and posting regularly is great, but for some memebers, it's just not enough.
Have you thought of real life support groups at all - AA, SMART - or counselling?
D
The Long Climb
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 120
I see how long so many of the posters on this site have been sober and I am embarrassed to say where I am at,
but I do not know where else to find supportive help.
Just keep trying. Each minute you aren't drinking is a success.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Hi StormClouds,
I read your other thread. I am pretty new here myself and only 10 days sober, but I just wanted to say that I understand where you are coming from. I struggled too for a long time with whether or not I "really" had a problem. It sounds like you are coming closer to your answer. There is nothing to be embarrassed about here, we have all been in the same place.
My advice would be to come back tomorrow when you are sober and try and read some of the information here. There are a lot of supportive people here and a lot of information that can help you stop if you decide to.
Good luck and hugs... SBTS
I read your other thread. I am pretty new here myself and only 10 days sober, but I just wanted to say that I understand where you are coming from. I struggled too for a long time with whether or not I "really" had a problem. It sounds like you are coming closer to your answer. There is nothing to be embarrassed about here, we have all been in the same place.
My advice would be to come back tomorrow when you are sober and try and read some of the information here. There are a lot of supportive people here and a lot of information that can help you stop if you decide to.
Good luck and hugs... SBTS
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: las vegas nv
Posts: 180
Stormcloud, Welcome and congratulations admitting you have a problem. You may not be able to do this on your own. You can look for ouside resources for help. Would you be interested in going to AA meetings in your area?? At the meetings, you could find a sponsor. Before I went to an NA meeting, I thought I could do it on my own, AND I used to think that I am not as bad as "those" people in NA, well, it turns out I am. Meetings feel like home to me, maybe you should give one a try???? Good luck to you and don't you ever give up.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I'm glad you posted, StormClouds. It IS scary to realize we have no control over our drinking, but as Dee said, that's the nature of addiction. It's also scary to think about quitting, but you're worth it. The realization that we're totally powerless is the beginning of recovery if we want it to be. Believe me, it's a lot easier in many ways to abstain than it is to try to control it. You just need to get through the first couple days, so get all the support you can (even see a doctor if you're able).
You're not alone - we're here for you.
You're not alone - we're here for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
here's some links to most of the main recovery groups 
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi Storm, there are plenty o threads about different approaxhes throughout the forum, plus lots of literature in libraries and bookstores. Check it out, maybe somethin will. Click for you.
Coming here, admitting you have a problem and asking for help are really great starts.
Coming here, admitting you have a problem and asking for help are really great starts.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,202
That sounds like a tough one Storm, if you want to get away from the alcoholism you have to eliminate factors one by one; as I know I have to stop sources of it and people who would interest me to drink, or egg me onto, meaning friends may be tough to deal with... but never give up :] I'm only one day sober myself right now, and I go BACK AND FORTH, BACK AND FORTH like a speed bag.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Storm... if they are really your friends then they will remain your friends, hang out with you in non-drinking environments and support your decision to stay sober.
If they don't do that, they were just drinking buddies, not friends, and you haven't really lost anything.
I know that is easy for me to say, I don't know your friends or what they mean to you... but I do know that you're here asking for help, which probably means that you need it. And if that means drifting away from some of your old drinking friends, you might find that's a small price to pay for all you will gain by getting sober.
If they don't do that, they were just drinking buddies, not friends, and you haven't really lost anything.
I know that is easy for me to say, I don't know your friends or what they mean to you... but I do know that you're here asking for help, which probably means that you need it. And if that means drifting away from some of your old drinking friends, you might find that's a small price to pay for all you will gain by getting sober.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,911
Storm, don't be embarrased. There is a saying in one of the AA groups that I go to that "nobody ever comes here because they are on a winning streak."
You mention that you are having withdrawal symptoms, I would suggest that you seek medical advice. My withdrawal symptoms consisted of the shakes, which are pretty mild on the continum of things that can happen to a person. However, they were uncomfortable enough for me to want to keep some level of alcohol in my body to prevent them. A doctor can give you medication to ease the symptoms.
You mention that you are drinking alone, and one of the places you drink alone is in your car. Obviously, that's not good. I've done that and fortunately I've never had an accident of gotten pulled over. I know a guy who was not so fortunate. He went to the liquor store and on the way home his car broke down. He called a wrecker service, and while he was waiting he figured he would have a few drinks, he wasn't driving anyway. A cop came along and he got arrested. In my state, drinking (or being drunk) while in the drivers seat is enough to get arrested. This happened on the Friday night of a holiday weekend, and since a lot of governmental offices are closed for the long weekend he spent 4 days in jail. Going through alcohol withdrawal in jail was not in his plans.
You mention that you are having withdrawal symptoms, I would suggest that you seek medical advice. My withdrawal symptoms consisted of the shakes, which are pretty mild on the continum of things that can happen to a person. However, they were uncomfortable enough for me to want to keep some level of alcohol in my body to prevent them. A doctor can give you medication to ease the symptoms.
You mention that you are drinking alone, and one of the places you drink alone is in your car. Obviously, that's not good. I've done that and fortunately I've never had an accident of gotten pulled over. I know a guy who was not so fortunate. He went to the liquor store and on the way home his car broke down. He called a wrecker service, and while he was waiting he figured he would have a few drinks, he wasn't driving anyway. A cop came along and he got arrested. In my state, drinking (or being drunk) while in the drivers seat is enough to get arrested. This happened on the Friday night of a holiday weekend, and since a lot of governmental offices are closed for the long weekend he spent 4 days in jail. Going through alcohol withdrawal in jail was not in his plans.
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
You don't have to do this alone... I would definitely encourage you to seek out f2f recovery; I can't recommend AA highly enough, but there are other programs as well.
Your story is so similar to mine in that I would tell myself "I won't drink today" but for whatever reason, by 9pm I was downing them one after the other. I used to sneak into the kitchen and take a swig out of whatever was closest, close the bottle back up and sneak back into my office. Sneaky, sneaky me... we live in a 1200 sq. foot house- did I really think I was getting away with it?
Your story is so similar to mine in that I would tell myself "I won't drink today" but for whatever reason, by 9pm I was downing them one after the other. I used to sneak into the kitchen and take a swig out of whatever was closest, close the bottle back up and sneak back into my office. Sneaky, sneaky me... we live in a 1200 sq. foot house- did I really think I was getting away with it?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, StormCloud,
You are getting a lot of good advice, here. It IS scary to realize you've lost your ability to control your drinking. But it happened to all of us, and it happens to lots of people.
You don't have to make a decision tonight or even tomorrow about what to do about your drinking friends. For now, don't hang around them while they are drinking. Some you may wind up keeping as friends, some you may not. You don't have to figure it out right now.
Even if you tried Al-Anon and didn't care for it, it is worth checking out a few AA meetings anyway. If you don't like it you don't have to stick with it. It's a good idea because you will see and hear from lots of people like us, in person, talk about how they got sober and how much better their lives are now. And you can hear how THEY did it.
You are getting a lot of good advice, here. It IS scary to realize you've lost your ability to control your drinking. But it happened to all of us, and it happens to lots of people.
You don't have to make a decision tonight or even tomorrow about what to do about your drinking friends. For now, don't hang around them while they are drinking. Some you may wind up keeping as friends, some you may not. You don't have to figure it out right now.
Even if you tried Al-Anon and didn't care for it, it is worth checking out a few AA meetings anyway. If you don't like it you don't have to stick with it. It's a good idea because you will see and hear from lots of people like us, in person, talk about how they got sober and how much better their lives are now. And you can hear how THEY did it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
I am rabidly downing my drink. I see how long so many of the posters on this site have been sober and I am embarrassed to say where I am at, but I do not know where else to find supportive help.
Never compare yourself to others. Because you don't know them, don't know what they have done to get where they are, or how they "compare" to you. Just think about yourself, and know if you really want this, then you can do it. And all the support you will ever need is right here.
Steve
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
I would also recommend seeing a doctor. You mention that you start having withdrawal symptoms and then drink to keep them at bay.
I can totally relate to that. Fear of the withdrawal symptoms was the primary reason I couldn't make it through those first few hours and time and time again I took a drink...not because I wanted it, but because I needed it.
I finally started my journey with a visit to my doctor and I requested tests to check my liver levels.
A doctor can also give you advice and suggestions for detoxing. There may also be some facilities in your area that assist with detoxing.
There are people who quit without any kind of support, but others, such as myself, need a lot of structure and support. Maybe a program of some kind would help?
I can totally relate to that. Fear of the withdrawal symptoms was the primary reason I couldn't make it through those first few hours and time and time again I took a drink...not because I wanted it, but because I needed it.
I finally started my journey with a visit to my doctor and I requested tests to check my liver levels.
A doctor can also give you advice and suggestions for detoxing. There may also be some facilities in your area that assist with detoxing.
There are people who quit without any kind of support, but others, such as myself, need a lot of structure and support. Maybe a program of some kind would help?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: London
Posts: 266
You have done the very first big step. It seems to me that SR has been a great help to get to the understanding of your problem. I also believer that you may want to get medical advice for the physical part of this problem
You are already on the right path but it is difficult to see.
Good luck Storm.
You are already on the right path but it is difficult to see.
Good luck Storm.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
You've taken the first step. Its a bit scary to realize what control alcohol has on us. I can relate to that. We also convince ourselves we can moderate or stop our drinking. When we find we can't its like a slap in the face. A wake up call. Now we know we must stop and have no idea how. We try on or own and fail time after time.
I would suggest seeing your Doctor and being totally honest. He can help you get through the detox part and maybe suggest a support system. I know your scared. I feel your pain. I really do. I also know you CAN get help. Dig deep and take control of your life again. Kick the alcohol to the curb.
Warm Wishes to You
I would suggest seeing your Doctor and being totally honest. He can help you get through the detox part and maybe suggest a support system. I know your scared. I feel your pain. I really do. I also know you CAN get help. Dig deep and take control of your life again. Kick the alcohol to the curb.
Warm Wishes to You
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