Boleo

IMO detachment is the second most useful tool in recovery next to humility.
Detachment (aka surrender) allows us to become free of our fear, guilt and shame:

"Detachment is a state in where a person becomes separated from his or her environment and its influence on emotions. It is an important principal in Buddhism, Zen philosophy, and Kabbalah. In psychology it is referred to as dissociation or benign apathy."

"Detachment is also the state of not being influenced by other people or personal feelings, the state of being unbiased."

Lao Tzu's "Tao Te Ching" expressed the concept (in chapter 44) as:

"He who is attached to things will suffer much. He who saves will suffer heavy loss. A contented man is rarely disappointed. He who knows when to stop does not find himself in trouble. He will stay forever safe."

RobertHugh

One other point.

Many of the ideas and concepts discussed in this thread-- surrender, detachment, etc.-- are incredibly powerful. The challenge for me is how to get those things. I used to sit in AA wondering how to get peace. Wondering how to get relief. Wondering how to be connected to a higher power. I thought I had to think my way to those feelings. Just keep coming, and eventually they would come.

They never really did.

What helps me get to the feelings I desire is the action and work of recovery-- the working of steps. And for me, it was such an amazing gift-- it was like some ancient riddle had been solved.

I'll say it this way: Writing my fourth step, hand-cramped, sweating, struggling-- was far more instrumental in me feeling relief and sanity and peace and God-- than intensely praying for it.

murrill

Boleo: I think you make a good point about how freeing detachment can be. I have had some personal revelations recently that reminded me how I might perpetuate fears, guilt & shame. I think there was a thread on SR a few months ago in which some of us discussed Eckhart Tolle, who writes that as long as we identify with our past we will continue to repeat it. I like to keep that in mind. It helps, too, when I recall events as something I did rather than who I am. I'm not sure that there is much distinction between "detachment" and "humility." I think of humility as being "right sized": Knowing my assets & liabilities, but being overwhelmed by neither.

Boleo

Eastern religions figured out thousands of years ago that spiritual growth is the result of struggle followed by surrender.

When you say "Writing my fourth step, hand-cramped, sweating, struggling-"
you are describing the struggling part. Step 5 is the surrender part of this particular moksha cycle.

IMO all of the even numbered steps are struggle/confrontation steps. All of the odd numbered steps are surrender/detachment steps (except maybe 12).

So where is the struggle before step 1? I only tried about 19.000 controlled drinking experiments before I got to step 1.

artsoul

just had to say, what an awesome post, Boleo! (Ever read A Course in Miracles?)

Boleo

No, not yet.

Even though it is on my list of "Must reads", it is so close to David R. Hawkins trilogy; Power-Eye-I that I don't want to mix them together till I am finished with DRH. From what I have read at Wikipedia, there are many parallels.

mikefreak

Live your life & leave it all behind....................

LaFemme

That's actually what I am workin on in my life right now...I can't change thetpast, the only hing I have control over is what I do today and in the future:-)

The stuggles of the past only serve to make the present sweeter.

hollybear

you have no idea how much SoberRecovery means to me right now. I am on day two after another relapse. If it wasn't for this place, I wouldn't keep trying. and quite frankly I'm a little terrified coming to the realization what a hold alcohol has on me. Before I always thought that I didn't have the big of a problem and that I was just going through a phase because of the divorce a year ago...
Now I'm realizaing it's much much more than that. I'm scared! Thanks all for the support. God knows I need it