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Wine thoughts yesterday...

Old 07-28-2010, 09:17 AM
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Wine thoughts yesterday...

It was a beautiful sunny afternoon, I was sitting outside reading my book,listening to music...when a thought popped into my head "wouldn't it be nice to have a glass of wine on this hot day" I could even see the vision in my head!!! But the key word here is "a" glass of wine....I then went on to"play the tape forward..(Thank-you Dee) and realized just where that glass of wine would take me.....down a road I dare not go!!! so it passed...it's amazing 6 months without a drop, and mind games that still play!! Also doesnt help that my husband and I are not getting along...but I'm staying true to myself!!

Blessing everyone!!
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Old 07-28-2010, 10:00 AM
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Yes....I too had random unexpected thoughts of drinking
surface....expecially in my first somewhat shakey year.
And the drinking dreams too.

For me....the longer I have been sober....the less intense
and frequency they pop up.

I find at the insane idea helped me.
The really disturbing ones? Prayer soothes me.
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Old 07-28-2010, 10:02 AM
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Good thing you didn't have that glass! I am young at sobriety, 22 days, and sometimes get the "a" beer thoughts but I quickly squash those dumb ideas. It's a terrible disaster every single time. It's been probably since my teenage years I had a beer and it didn't end in misery. Hang tough!!
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Old 07-28-2010, 11:43 AM
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Wine was my "DOC" and there was very little I did w/o a glass of wine in hand. I still on rare occassions have the thought "I could have a glass of wine" but before that thought is even completed in my mind it is subconciously squashed and I breathe a sigh of relief that I don't need nor want alcohol any more.
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Old 07-28-2010, 07:51 PM
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Way to go for playing that tape all the way through.... It's easy for me some days to take for granted the way I can just "get out of bed" in the morning, the lack of anxiety, headache, stomach ache, etc....... But I sure had to play that tape over and over yesterday, and yeah, it's a great tool!

We're making ourselves stronger and better every time we don't act on the urge. Good going, LO2L!
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Old 07-28-2010, 08:33 PM
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Hi Artsoul!! I think sometimes to, that I take waking up feeling so good, for granted.. I have the serenity poem at my desk..helps to remind me though!!
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Old 07-28-2010, 09:09 PM
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I'm very glad it worked for you LO2L...it's worked for me many a time too

Congratulations
D
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Old 07-28-2010, 09:16 PM
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Wine was my DOC too but fortunately at 7 years sobriety, I do not have such dreams.

It is so easy to pick up when things aren't going well - Why not "escape" and let alcohol solve our problems?

But we make our best life decisions when sober.

By the way, I think we all take good stuff for granted too often!!

Dave
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:42 AM
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Congratulations David on 7 years of sobriety!!! Fantastic!! you are an inspiration to me, for sure!!

Yes, I find when my husband and I argue, that's when those ugly thoughts come up.....and I completely agree with you....we make our best life decisions sober!!! Thank-you for your reply!
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Old 07-29-2010, 09:53 PM
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Thanks LO2L - You just made my day!!

Dave
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Old 07-29-2010, 09:59 PM
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Oh love, I do that too!! Something will pop in my head and I'll think, "Ooooh a glass of wine!" and then I'll think "No, wait a minute, lol..."

And David_1, that's Awesome!
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Old 07-30-2010, 12:16 AM
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Hey love,
Funny how a glorious afternoon could bring on the "urge", especially when you know that the wonderful moment would turn into if you allowed yourself that glass of wine! Good for you that you were true to yourself! Yea!

The last time I had a "moment" was a few weeks ago... was at the doctors having a fibroscan done... needed for my HCV status to see how badly my liver is damaged (much less invasive than a biopsy). Well, the nice Doc told me "hey for all the abuse (between the alcohol and the HepC) your liver isn't too bad". You know rather than being grateful that I didn't have cirrhosis or liver cancer my first thought went to "oh, maybe I coulda drank a little longer". It was only a split seconds thought, but I was so shook up that when I left the appointment I sat outside in the waiting room for a while and thought about that split second thought. I was shocked and angry at myself. I felt like a fool. I was ashamed of myself. I took those few minutes to really think about that thought.

What did it mean, where did it come from? I have come to the conclusion that, although being one of the lucky ones and not having suffered too much these last 4 months from triggers or wanting/needing a drink the damn b*stard is still in there and will pop out and try to take control when I least expect it! I was becoming a little complacent, but it won't happen again. My guard will always be up. I have been humbled....

I walked back to my car thinking the whole way "you stupid b*tch" and just kept repeating those words to myself. For me, with my HCV, a drink really does mean the difference between life and death.

It took me a few days to calm down about this, brought me back to SR. I have been granted more than once a reprieve from death. I have been lucky and I promise myself to be grateful for this.

Sorry for going on like this.... it just sorta all "came out"
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Old 07-30-2010, 03:27 AM
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Life is...
Very happy for your good results!! And well done on these 3 months of sobriety...

Of course very well done loveon2legs for not picking up the wine! Had one of those yesteday... but my sobriety is 6 times younger than yours. I could not play the tape to the end for some reason. I could only focus from time to time and look intensively at the wine my husband and others were drinking. And I mentally repeat many times: if you do not take this one it will be fine. It worked too. So far, it seems that I have understood the danger of the first one and that thinking of not having the first seems much less burden for my brain than thinking of all the others that follow.
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Old 07-30-2010, 10:56 AM
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rather than being grateful that I didn't have cirrhosis or liver cancer my first thought went to "oh, maybe I coulda drank a little longer".
LifeIs - wow, that's so ME.......... like, how much can I get away with? Just one little eensy weensy binge - after all, I'm not dead yet!! C-R-A-Z-Y
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Old 07-30-2010, 01:16 PM
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This is just my own theory, but I try not to let those "pop into my brain" thoughts bother me.

I think of it this way: based on what I've read, some people who have OCD have thoughts of, say, hurting a loved one and they become obsessed with these thoughts and terrified that they're actually going to hurt someone. And of course, they're not. They're just having glitchy thoughts that get spit out by the brain into their consciousness and it doesn't mean that they actually want to hurt someone and it doesn't mean that their hand is going to pick up a weapon all on its own.

To translate this to my own situation, the addiction causes the brain glitch that sends out these "Oooh, let's drink now!" thoughts. It's just neurons firing in wrong ways for wrong reasons.

It doesn't mean I have to listen to them, it doesn't mean I actually even *want* to drink in my conscious mind, and it doesn't mean that I'm in danger of having my legs walk me into a bar without my permission.

I try to think of those instant ping thoughts has an annoying mosquito I swat away.

Anyway, just my theory, everyone's experience is different.
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Old 07-30-2010, 02:37 PM
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great theory!! makes sense to me....I tend to romantize drinking sometimes...oh a glass of wine,a picnic at the beach with my husband, laughing... when in reality it would be 2 bottles of wine, me drunk out of my mind..and beach...what beach??? alcohol is a tricky thing isn't it!!
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Old 07-31-2010, 06:34 AM
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Thank you KCB..I will take that with me on my trip!! a sobering reality!!
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