More obsessed with drinking..not less
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 89
More obsessed with drinking..not less
Hi gang..today marks 21 days wine free for me. Unfortunately, my obsession with it is not going away...it has been a really hard day with the darn stuff on my mind constantly. It doesn't help that I am on vacation and surrounded by partying people. Am I expecting too much too soon? I feel like I am thinking about it more now than when I was still drinking!! I can't tell if it is a physical craving or a mental one..either way it is exhausting...grrrrr
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
A wise person once said to me. "It's natural that you want to drink, it's unnatural for you to be sober - Because, you are an alcoholic." That rings true for me because we have to continually treat our alcoholism. It will get easier. I can say that my obsession has been lifted. However, I could have a full obsession tomorrow! The times between these obsessive thoughts will get much further away. As long as we keep doing the next right thing. :-)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Hi Hunt,
Thanks for the post, ....It's a tough scene so early in sobriety to be around others partying. You may try to make some alternative plans to try a few activities that are definitely not alchohol-related. Be creative, they're out there.
Hang in there, so you can come home sober; .....and stronger in your recovery.
.
Thanks for the post, ....It's a tough scene so early in sobriety to be around others partying. You may try to make some alternative plans to try a few activities that are definitely not alchohol-related. Be creative, they're out there.
Hang in there, so you can come home sober; .....and stronger in your recovery.
.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Hunt, great job on the 21 days, but 3 weeks is still awfully early in your recovery. As has already been stated, the cravings and thoughts come less often as time goes by.
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. I had a "spiritual experience" which led me to go to AA (not the other way around), and I believe that in that instant, the obsession to drink was lifted from me. Very rarely, the thought pops into my head that a drink would be nice. It's usually fleeting, and most often a very specific drink that pops into my head based on something I'm planning to eat. But I'm one of the fortunate ones in that I don't really struggle too terribly much with a desire to drink; I struggle greatly with learning how to live life as a sober, responsible adult. I've never been that before.
Good luck to you on your vacation. I hope you find fun (alcohol-free) ways to fill your time.
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. I had a "spiritual experience" which led me to go to AA (not the other way around), and I believe that in that instant, the obsession to drink was lifted from me. Very rarely, the thought pops into my head that a drink would be nice. It's usually fleeting, and most often a very specific drink that pops into my head based on something I'm planning to eat. But I'm one of the fortunate ones in that I don't really struggle too terribly much with a desire to drink; I struggle greatly with learning how to live life as a sober, responsible adult. I've never been that before.
Good luck to you on your vacation. I hope you find fun (alcohol-free) ways to fill your time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Down Under
Posts: 46
Hi Hunt,
Yeah, I'd say you're expecting too much too soon! I know when you first quit drinking, three weeks seems like half a lifetime without it already but... it's only three weeks.
I'm only just ahead of you in days but I'm kind of expecting obsessive thoughts (should I? shouldn't I? does taking a month off mean I didn't really have a problem in the first place? do I even want a wine? wouldn't just one or two over a couple of hours mean I'm still technically sober?) around drinking to persist for at least the first six months before my new habits and thinking have become settled.
I don't know if you're the same but I quit without a really dramatic 'bottom' - just a consciousness that my drinking was problematic for me and I didn't want it to become more so - and I think that can make it harder when you don't have a sense of total disgust around drinking to 'help' you through the first couple of months.
Yeah, I'd say you're expecting too much too soon! I know when you first quit drinking, three weeks seems like half a lifetime without it already but... it's only three weeks.
I'm only just ahead of you in days but I'm kind of expecting obsessive thoughts (should I? shouldn't I? does taking a month off mean I didn't really have a problem in the first place? do I even want a wine? wouldn't just one or two over a couple of hours mean I'm still technically sober?) around drinking to persist for at least the first six months before my new habits and thinking have become settled.
I don't know if you're the same but I quit without a really dramatic 'bottom' - just a consciousness that my drinking was problematic for me and I didn't want it to become more so - and I think that can make it harder when you don't have a sense of total disgust around drinking to 'help' you through the first couple of months.
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Hunt,
The first time I attempted sobriety I felt like that. Like giving it up made me think about drinking twice as much. I knew I had to stop, but I had no plan, no support network... I thought I could just "stop" without bothering with a program, etc.
I did make it a good 30 or 60 days, but inevitably will power was not enough to keep me from drinking, or from thinking about it incessantly.
AA, my Higher Power, and the 12 steps are what has, and is working for me. My desire to drink (except for fleeting moments which pass quickly) has been lifted from me. Literally, I don't spend much time doting on the fact that I don't drink any more... I spend more time doing what I'm supposed to be doing in this life and also helping those like me.
In the short term- -you CAN do this. Imagine, you will get through an entire vacation with no hangovers... that will be fantastic! When you get back, I strongly urge you to check out different programs (if you haven't already) and keep doing what you're doing.
Best,
s
The first time I attempted sobriety I felt like that. Like giving it up made me think about drinking twice as much. I knew I had to stop, but I had no plan, no support network... I thought I could just "stop" without bothering with a program, etc.
I did make it a good 30 or 60 days, but inevitably will power was not enough to keep me from drinking, or from thinking about it incessantly.
AA, my Higher Power, and the 12 steps are what has, and is working for me. My desire to drink (except for fleeting moments which pass quickly) has been lifted from me. Literally, I don't spend much time doting on the fact that I don't drink any more... I spend more time doing what I'm supposed to be doing in this life and also helping those like me.
In the short term- -you CAN do this. Imagine, you will get through an entire vacation with no hangovers... that will be fantastic! When you get back, I strongly urge you to check out different programs (if you haven't already) and keep doing what you're doing.
Best,
s
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Are you aware of PAWS?
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
I find prayer helps me immensley in all situations.
I hope you will continue your sober time...
Try making a list of the reasons
you made a decision to quit.
That helped me when I was tempted.
Enjoy your sober vacation...
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
I find prayer helps me immensley in all situations.
I hope you will continue your sober time...
Try making a list of the reasons
you made a decision to quit.
That helped me when I was tempted.
Enjoy your sober vacation...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hang in there hunt - 3 weeks is a drop in the ocean to the time most of us drank...
just stay calm, ride out the cravings, hit a recovery group if you have one apart from us, and do your utmost to stay sober today...repeat as necessary
We're all here for you
D
just stay calm, ride out the cravings, hit a recovery group if you have one apart from us, and do your utmost to stay sober today...repeat as necessary
We're all here for you
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: London
Posts: 266
Hunt,
We have more or less the same time of sobriety - My guess is that doing something for the first time is always very difficult and always takes over. So, if this is the first time you are on holidays with plenty of people partying around while you are quitting your drinking it is going to be obsessive and difficult. I mean, if today was the first time you were going to get a date with a girl I am sure you would be pretty obsessed about it.
But if you survive the holidays it will probably be a big step and you will know that you can do it. I understand the obsession. I have never drank in the mornings - I felt disgusted by the thought of alcohol, like other smokers cannot smoke in the mornings either. The first week of soberty I would have happily gulp a large glass of wine at 5 am.
Stay safe!
We have more or less the same time of sobriety - My guess is that doing something for the first time is always very difficult and always takes over. So, if this is the first time you are on holidays with plenty of people partying around while you are quitting your drinking it is going to be obsessive and difficult. I mean, if today was the first time you were going to get a date with a girl I am sure you would be pretty obsessed about it.
But if you survive the holidays it will probably be a big step and you will know that you can do it. I understand the obsession. I have never drank in the mornings - I felt disgusted by the thought of alcohol, like other smokers cannot smoke in the mornings either. The first week of soberty I would have happily gulp a large glass of wine at 5 am.
Stay safe!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 89
Thank you seems so inadequate for all of the uplifting posts that I woke up to this morning .... I will read and re read them for the duration of my vacation and feel better knowing what I am feeling is "normal". I do have a wonderful counselor at home and go to meetings 4 days week plus individual sessions with him as well. I have not gone to an AA meeting yet but that does not mean I will not! I will continue to check into SR multiple times while on vacation. I sincerely hope that some day I will be able to provide the support to others that has been so graciously given to me!!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Belated congrats on 3 weeks! I'm really impressed that you're staying sober on vacation. I had some terrible cravings tonight which I haven't had in quite a while, and didn't even have a reason for them! I'm glad I wasn't sitting on the beach or in a bar somewhere...... yikes!
Dee said something to me that really helped me: I realized that I haven't been very good at resisting my compulsions (alcohol does that to you), but now that I'm sober, I do have a choice and if I can pratice not acting on that compulsion, it will make me a stronger and better (not to mention sober) person! And how can that be bad?!!?
I hope you're enjoying your vacation - make sure you have something wonderful to drink/eat and keep yourself busy with a camera or reading up on the local sites. Relaxing is good, too!
Dee said something to me that really helped me:
just cos we think it doesn't mean we have to do it
I hope you're enjoying your vacation - make sure you have something wonderful to drink/eat and keep yourself busy with a camera or reading up on the local sites. Relaxing is good, too!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Hi Hunt and congrats on your 3 weeks!
I am at 30 days now, but I was lucky enough to do a 13 month "trial run" at sobriety 8 years ago. The first month was hard, and being that I still wanted to drink it made it harder because I still wanted to be the same "drinking guy" that I had been for so long, and fit in with the same crowd and do the same things. I truly wasn't prepared and I wasn't happy doing it. Fast forward to now, and being that I really don't want to drink it makes it so much easier to forget about the great feeling I would get after a 6 pack and be able to focus more on what I felt like the morning after drinking a case and polishing it off with a half litre of vodka. I think you have to decide what YOU want to focus on.
One of the issues that I have with recovery is it is a double edge sword, you really need to focus on not drinking everyday, but by focusing on not drinking, you are still focusing on drinking which is what we are all trying to avoid in the first place. It was more like a punishment in my first attempt because I still wanted to drink badly, and everyday I would wake up and be forced to think about not doing something I really wanted to do.
I have never had to wake up and think about not doing meth, yet I have been able to stay clear of it, and I think by me not obsessing about not drinking/drinking on a daily basis it has made this time much easier for me. I know if I am going to be in a situation where I have an opportunity to do it, I will go to my mental arsenal and remember why I don't want to drink, but by obsessing about it every second of the day as I did on my first attempt made it harder to stay sober. I agree you have to protect yourself daily, and although this might not be proper recovery method, I have been having a pretty easy go with "out of sight, out of mind", until the situation arises. I have been trying to fill my mind with things other than "to drink or not to drink", then when I do have some free time I come to this board and strengthen my resolve by reading about all the problems alcohol and addiction is bringing other people. It seems to be working for me.
Good luck on your future quest for sobriety, just remember happiness in the bottle might last an hour or two a day, with alot of pain, work and consequences for the other 22 hours. That math has never worked to my advantage even if I could keep the good feeling for 6-8 hours, because the longer the good feelings lasted the longer the other crap took to get through.
I am at 30 days now, but I was lucky enough to do a 13 month "trial run" at sobriety 8 years ago. The first month was hard, and being that I still wanted to drink it made it harder because I still wanted to be the same "drinking guy" that I had been for so long, and fit in with the same crowd and do the same things. I truly wasn't prepared and I wasn't happy doing it. Fast forward to now, and being that I really don't want to drink it makes it so much easier to forget about the great feeling I would get after a 6 pack and be able to focus more on what I felt like the morning after drinking a case and polishing it off with a half litre of vodka. I think you have to decide what YOU want to focus on.
One of the issues that I have with recovery is it is a double edge sword, you really need to focus on not drinking everyday, but by focusing on not drinking, you are still focusing on drinking which is what we are all trying to avoid in the first place. It was more like a punishment in my first attempt because I still wanted to drink badly, and everyday I would wake up and be forced to think about not doing something I really wanted to do.
I have never had to wake up and think about not doing meth, yet I have been able to stay clear of it, and I think by me not obsessing about not drinking/drinking on a daily basis it has made this time much easier for me. I know if I am going to be in a situation where I have an opportunity to do it, I will go to my mental arsenal and remember why I don't want to drink, but by obsessing about it every second of the day as I did on my first attempt made it harder to stay sober. I agree you have to protect yourself daily, and although this might not be proper recovery method, I have been having a pretty easy go with "out of sight, out of mind", until the situation arises. I have been trying to fill my mind with things other than "to drink or not to drink", then when I do have some free time I come to this board and strengthen my resolve by reading about all the problems alcohol and addiction is bringing other people. It seems to be working for me.
Good luck on your future quest for sobriety, just remember happiness in the bottle might last an hour or two a day, with alot of pain, work and consequences for the other 22 hours. That math has never worked to my advantage even if I could keep the good feeling for 6-8 hours, because the longer the good feelings lasted the longer the other crap took to get through.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I dunno Hunt. Months after I quit, maybe 3 or 4, I felt worse then when I was drinking (maybe it wasn't worse but it was really bad). I "couldn't" drink because of an alcohol tether so I was stuck.
I RELUCTANTLY started really trying to apply myself to AA's steps. The more I did, the better I felt. I don't know if SMART or any of the others would have worked but it was suggested I give AA a shot so that's what I did.
I don't feel anything like that anymore. Maybe SMART, AA, or some other plan of attack is necessary in your case.
I RELUCTANTLY started really trying to apply myself to AA's steps. The more I did, the better I felt. I don't know if SMART or any of the others would have worked but it was suggested I give AA a shot so that's what I did.
I don't feel anything like that anymore. Maybe SMART, AA, or some other plan of attack is necessary in your case.
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