loveon2legs

Hi everyone..
I was thinking, as I celebrated my 6 months yesterday how much I have changed as a person, both inside and out...I have a better understanding/compassion for people struggling with addiction, just more depth to my personality as a whole...My alcoholism is not who I am, but I think going threw recovery and being an alcoholic has made me a better person (now) and without being an alcoholic I wouldn't have received all the blessings I have now... so do you think being an alcoholic is really a blessing in disguise or a cruel fate.... or somewhere in between??

Coolmel

I do not see it as a blessing at all. When I think of all the things I could have done instead of spending all the time(and money) I did drinking...it's quite depressing. I don't regret anything really...but it's certainly not a blessing.

GettingStronger2

My answer depends on the day, or the minute as the case may be! Only by taking the path I have taken could I be where I am today. I like where I am today. I don't like some of the things I did while I was drinking, and I don't like the time and money I wasted. But without it, I couldn't be moving in the direction I am today. So, I guess it is a blessing to me for the most part.

Chops

I am definetly not there yet........

I have however stopped getting annoyed when someone shares that they are grateful to have alcoholism, guess that is a start.

Wilde10

Not there either... too early for me. Feel still more deprived, regretful and ashamed than grateful.

LifeIs

The only blessing I have had is becoming sober. I missed out on a lot of my kids lives, I hurt people (including myself) and I just wasn't there. How unfortunate is that? I like where I am now and to think I could have had all this all my life and instead I choose to drink... well, I could just about kick myself in the a**.

I am still working through the "problems" that I thought had led me to the drinking. They are not such big problems, none of them unsolvable. It was the drinking that made them worse.

Congrats on you 6 months.... :ghug3

DayTrader

Absolute, 100%, no-doubt-about-it, pure blessing.

You hit it dead-on LO2L - had it not been for my past I would not be where I am now. Had it not been for the relentless a**-kicking I NEEEEEVER would have tried to work any program of recovery. Had I not worked a program of recovery, I never would have reestablished a relationship with God. And without that relationship - that friendship - I doubt I'd ever get happy no matter what material blessings come my way.

My alcoholism has given me the gift of being able to enjoy 99% of my days in spite of the truckloads of crap that seem to be dumped upon many of them. That's just invaluable. NO WAY I would have found that on my own, no way.

Draciack

It's like anything else: all what you make of it

I certainly have a much better understanding of alcoholism and addiction in general.

I've grown spiritually, have more empathy, and have met wonderful people during sobriety through meetings and SR.

Blessing in disguise or cruel fate...these terms seem to imply an inherent fairness or rightness to the world, though I could be reading waaaaay deeper than you intended, loveon2legs (Congrats again on the 6 months, by the way ).

As they say, when life gives you lemons...

loveon2legs

Daytrader, well put!! that's exactly how I'm feeling...thanks for sharing your thoughts!!

Zencat

I'm eternally grateful that I don't have to live that daily hellish life of a active addict. So now sober I have a greater perspective in life. I know what despair, hopelessness and suffering is in comparative of what my life is like today. Life is good today...no matter what.

findingout

I believe in my heart that finding recovery has been one of the major blessings in my life. There is just no way for me to know what I would have been like at age 40 (when I got sober) or today if I had not spent 25 years using alcohol and other drugs. It is entirely possible that I would have a had a spiritual awakening though some other path not taken during those 25 years. Or not. Doesn't matter. I guess I could sit around and regret that I didn't find recovery sooner but that's not going to change what actually happened. Given that I caused a lot of chaos and not a small amount unhappiness during those years, saying that I'm happy that I'm an alcoholic doesn't sit right with me.

Today, I have ample reasons to be grateful to be in recovery and to want to do what it takes to stay in recovery. Everything else is a story that has already been written.

Che

Trauma is something that often produces great art. Some of the most powerful poetry was written with the horrible inspiration that is war. We learn a lot about ourselves when we are brought to our lowest point, and tested.

I'd still prefer there was no war at all. Pain isn't the only interesting thing in life.

Wilde10

For sure we cannot be who we are if we had not lived our past...
However, and Che's post confirms this, I find a bit of a contradiction between recovery and 'thanking' our alcoholism. It is still some way of romanticising alcohol and what it makes to us.

Many believe proper art, inspiration, fun, etc. cannot be achieved naturally and when I read that someone is grateful for their alcoholism I can see what they mean but I can also see how it can be interpreted to see the bright side of the alcoholism and substance abuse.

However, perhaps my views are tainted by my very early stage of recovery. Perhaps it is too early for me to embrace my alcoholism as a blessing. I have to live with it, it has taught me a lot... but right now I would prefer to have lived with ohter companions of adventures. The fact that I do not want to waste more time of my life is my main motivation. Accepting my alcoholism, almost like a disability and making the most of it, is my fate. Grateful? Not really.