Wilde10

Not sure whether this is a very silly or inapropriate question.. but here it goes..

Since I am aware of my very bad relationship with alcohol... more than 10 years now (of awareness, not sure when it all really started) I have developed what I believe is a natural instinct to spot others who were unfortunate companions of this journey...

My question is.. is it possible to spot real recovery? Do those who are in recovery for a long-time able to predict who will make it? Did you recognise your 'good attempt'? This is not about gossip or curiousity, but more a desire to understand better myself. Sometimes I get really scared I will relapse again. Others i am very confident this will not happen but I wonder whether i should know it will not happen...

I am very bad at explaining myself sorry

Nevertheless

I'm not sure if I understand your question. But if you are asking if people that have a lot of sobriety under their belt can predict the new person that will stop drinking and stay stopped. My answer is a definate no.
I have seen it in AA several times, where the person with years of sobriety is wrong about who will make it.
Fred

Wilde10

Yes, that was my question... and also, could you spot it for your own case? Do people know when they have 'made it' for good? I have thought that if you can spot a person who will make it, then you can work it out better for yourself

yeahgr8

yes you can see it a mile away if you are recovered yourself...but then again you can see people in general for who they really are as well if you really know yourself:-)

DayTrader

I think what you/we are able to see is the power of God working in people's lives. Being able to predict, ahead of time, who will make the necessary changes to allow that to happen - impossible. There are ppl I know who, more than likely, won't drink today, tomorrow or the day after - BUT - if they quit doing the work, quit listening to their God, quit taking the the necessary actions (which they're free to do) - all bets are off.

I sometimes like to think "I've got it." It's not usually too long before I'm "reminded," usually by some colossal failure in my ability to do something else I've been doing quite well, that I don't have the power to keep myself sober for long. I might do it on my own for a day, a week, a month.... but, like the book says, sooner or later I'll get into a mental blank spot where "my willpower" simply won't be there - I'll forget - I won't think to use it. Since my crystal ball won't tell me when those times are coming, I better be feeding the fire allllllllll the time -just in case. Sure, I AM a recovered alcoholic - for now - but that doesn't have any bearing on whether I'll be drunk or not in an hour, tomorrow, or in a week from today. I can't continue to live on the food I ate or the water I drank last week. I have to keep eating and drinking if I want to continue living.

If I decide I am the one to keep me sober then I need to be able to predict the future, what will happen, how I'll react, what tools I need to have ready in advance, and how to apply them - and then I have to apply them....even if I don't "want" to. THAT sounds scary as hell to me cuz I've tried it and I wasn't EVER able to pull it off.

That's why AA is based upon the belief that we NEED some power greater than ourselves to do for us what we're not able to do ourselves.

Wilde10

It does sound scary Daytrader... I would so much like to believe that at some point you can just look inside yourself and say... that's it. I made it and I do not mean only to stop drinking.

I would like so much to have a good manual of instructions here, when you assemble all the pieces and at the end of it you get those shelves pictured in the box. And you can sit and look at them.

BullDog777

"what we have is a daily reprieve, contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition...."

this was a sentence that hung above the lock down unit i was in the first time i tried to get sober. i wished it had sunk in then. LOL


basically, that tells me that no matter how much time I have, no matter how good I think my program is, we all only have TODAY. An how well that day goes is based on my relationship with my God.

Based on all sciences and experts...this is an incurable, lethal- disease, obsession, illness...whatever you wanna call it.

however, that stay of execution can be permanent if we work a humble, righteous life trying to help our fellow man and carry the message of recovery and live that message in every aspect of our life.

just my 2 cents.

BB quited..1st. Edition

LaFemme

Hi and great question IMO:-)

I can say that for me, this time feels different so I think I have a much greater chance this time than in any previous attempt.

I agree in part with what the others are saying. There is no point in life where we are done...life is a journey, that we are supposed to work on through our whole life. And I think that holds true for both recovering alcoholics and people who never touch a drop of alcohol in their life. Alcoholics though have the benefit of knowing life is a constant journey whereas so many other people just end up coasting through life.

CarolD

The only person I can predict recovery for is myself.

I know I will not drink again.....because I also
know I am an AA recovered alcoholic...

God and AA are how I stay recovered.
I've been a non drinker for 21 years.

During that time...I have met many difficulties
suffered pain...the normal Ying and yang of life.
I've done so as a non drinker.

This is my experience too.....


Hope everyone finds their own purpose and joy

Harry01854

To me, there was something in a persons eyes that I could tell that they were recovering healthy. When they got up to share their own stories, what it was like, how they got here and what it is like now. What worked for them and not telling me what I would have to do for it to work for me.

But ask me again around ten o'clock tonight if I have made it. I usually go to bed at 11 PM, so by 10 PM I'll be pretty sure I have made it for today.

A friend of mine once told me, "Harry, you don't have to do this for the rest of your life. Just do it for today, one day at a time." It was like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.

After 9 years, I still don't know what tomorrow might bring. I still don't know if I will stay clean and sober tomorrow. So I'll just work on it for today.

Harry

Wilde10

Carol, Harry and others with all this amazing time under your belt... Did you know when you quitted drinking for the last time that that attempt was the final one?

RobbyRobot

Yeah none of us has a crystal ball for whatever, really. As to your question, I can certainly tell when someone is comfortable in their own skin, you know, the way of themselves. Spiritual persons have a certain air about them that is long on patience, kindness, forgiveness, and charitable minded for others. They have a wholesome confidence in their actions and they don't mind being put upon by the needs of others. These persons don't relapse has been my experience. I haven't relapsed in many years myself either now, and i have living a sober life to be grateful for the continuity of my sobriety.

Relapse is a possibility though for me, for any of us, imo. Carelessness can again bring me out of sober living and into the old nightmare of alcoholism. And depending on the situation, things from that point can fall in a single day to drinking. I don't have a cure for my arrested alcoholism. And with sober living, I don't need one either, but I must attend to my sobriety daily. Not a problem. It's almost a cakewalk today. Almost. Being humble and rigorously honest are absolute requirements to longevity in sobriety, imo.

I do know I won't drink again and not because of stupid prideful intellect or arrogant self-will either but just simply because a well lived righteous spiritual life removes the problem of active drinking from my daily life. Sober people don't just up and get drunk on alcohol for no reason. Something would have had to seriously break and crumble before I could or would ever get drunk or stoned, so I can totally be confident i won't get drunk if I stay spiritually healthy today and so on one day at a time. Getting drunk after becoming sober is not easy, you know, has been my experience. I would have to work hard and stupidly at getting drunk now, because I and God have so many safe-guards in place 24/7. Amen.

Yeah, Wilde10, you can eventually enjoy sitting back and be really comfortable with your accomplishments in sobriety; its totally doable. Gotta do the whole deal each day all day though to get there, you know?!

Best wishes and all that good stuff.

Robby

DayTrader

Nope. Not a clue. I was "in the process of" quitting for many months. Honestly, I don't know that I ever wanted to quit for good. I definitely wanted to be able to slow down and moderate though, that I remember for sure.

My last drink was nothing like I wanted it to be. I wanted to go out with a BANG. Get loooooooaded, do all kinds of drugs, hit all the "hot spots," get crazy, have fun....NOT get busted, go home and go to sleep. I wanted to have one last barn-burner.

Instead..... I was in NYC (man, I love that place) on a vacation/business trip and spent several hours nursing maybe 3 beers at a bar in downtown Manhattan. It took all my willpower to drink that slowly. It was horrible. I wanted to pick up the pace soooooooo badly but wouldn't let myself. I maaaaade myself drink "like normal drinkers" do. It was like breathing through a tiny straw. It was NOT something I got ANY enjoyment out of.

Looking back, God gave me my wish... I was a moderate drinker (for a night) -- and I totally haaaated it.


--


Still trying to figure out if your last one WAS your last one? For me, the only way I can insure that those painful Guinness' I drank in NYC will STAY my last is if, like Robby said, I keep doing my best to stay on the spiritual path. That's one of the things I really LOVE about AA. They have a set of directions, like a map, that plennnnnnty of others have used over the past 75 years to great success. I follow the same map they did, I should arrive at the same place. Pretty simple, huh?

RobbyRobot

What I did know at the time that day absolutely is I sure as hellfire wanted and needed that last drunk to be forever my last experience drinking even at the same time wanting to just be drunk and dead nonetheless; and at the same time I desired sweet sobriety with all my heart. What a mess.

So I was totally sideways with myself. Completely in paradox not knowing up from down. I wanted everything and nothing. I was a lost fool that day when I finally quit years ago. God help me. It's been a long, strange trip ever since. LOL.

I had hope and sincere purpose that my drinking days were done for good and all at that last quitting time. Nothing else. I had no proof. Just faith in action. Others were making it, why not me for a change? If not today, when? These things kept me going in the very early days of my seemingly endless horrific detox and ongoing tough rehab.

Cheers!

RobbyRobot

Harry01854

For me, it wasn't as simple as that. For the 1st year and a half, I was sitting around waiting for the second shoe to drop. if you know what I mean. Although I knew deep inside I really didn't want to go back out, it seemed inevitible that I was going to, did it twice before. But that is when I talked to this friend of mine and let him know that I lived in a daily fear that I was going to go back out and asked him what I could do to stop it. He told me he really didn't have an answer to put a stop to the way I was thinking. And that is when he said..."Harry, you don't have to do this for the rest of your life, just do it for today, one day at a time." Just hearing him say that lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and I suddenly knew that I could stop worrying about going back out and I would be okay.

So I continue to do the same as I have done all previous 24 hrs, Just for today. Today is the only day I can take care of. I really don't know if I will make a decision to pick up tomorrow, only God knows my plans for tomorrow. I do know that if I do the same tomorrow morning as I did this morning, which is ask for help and a few chosen prayers I like to say. Then I can start my day off right and build on that. I depend and rely on God and the program of the 12 Steps of Recovery. I don't take anything for granted and do not believe I am bullet proof.

You see, I am an alcoholic and an addict and I know it. If ever I want to prove to myself anything different, I know all I have to do is pick up that first one and I will get refunded the life I had before recovery.

God bless you my friend. My hope for you is continued sobriety and the same I want for myself, joy, peace, happiness and freedom.

Harry

David 1

Wilde - Looking at this from another perspective: The last time I looked there is no cure for alcoholism. We live with this for the rest of our lives.

Dave

Wilde10

Thank you very much again. Helping me a lot... Will assemble the shelves everyday and look at them every evening then.
And I will believe that I can see my recovery for real already. Cannot afford to doubt myself.