Dealing with Bad Situations: A Comparison
April 18, 2010
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Dealing with Bad Situations: A Comparison
Hi everybody,
I had this experience yesterday that I want to share with y'all because I think it demonstrates just how much better we can get at dealing with negative situations in sobriety . . . life is still going to be full of hard ups and downs but now we can learn how to cope and manage things much more effectively!
So, last night: I got an email out of the blue about a loan I had taken out, requesting immediate repayment of part of it. I was totally disappointed to get this email, and afraid, because the money is something I need and I had been really excited that it would help me get out of a worse debt situation.
What would I have done in response to this email had I still been drinking? It's not at all hard to imagine. I would have gone out an bought booze (after all, I would have told myself, fingering through my empty wallet, it's not like I'm ever going to have any money) then gone home and gotten promptly loaded to avoid thinking about the negative situation. (Bad times were always a good excuse to drink even more.) Drinking wouldn't have worked to make me stop thinking about it -- maybe only 25% -- and instead of forgetting about it I would have ended up calling somebody up and getting belligerent about the situation. In the morning I would have been hungover, too hungover to function, and would have desperately swallowed a few Aleve and tried to sleep it off (which almost never worked for me . . . unless I had benzos on hand to abuse, too). Then I would have tried to ignore the problem for days or even weeks, drinking and putting it off, likely incurring some other penalty as a result.
SO! Let's see how this situation actually played out, recovery-style. I still felt really, really upset getting the email. I b*tched at people around me and complained to my boyfriend for an hour. I even had this weird freak-out where I worried I might forget to take care of the problem (like I sometimes did in the past when drinking). But then I told myself I would just have to cope. I finally came on here and went to the chat room and chatted with some folks (including my pal and fellow apriller ozgoddess
) and then made myself take a bath, read for pleasure, and go to sleep. I woke up sober and called the loan people ASAP. I discussed the fine print with the lady on the phone and realized I could negotiate. I ended up only having to return a small fraction, and I could pay it, because at 3 months sober my checking account is no longer constantly in the double digits.
I just wanted to share this with everyone because it's a huge deal for me to learn how to cope with stuff, and I'm grateful SR can help in this.
Anyone else have an experience they can pretty much guess would have gone totally differently back then?
I had this experience yesterday that I want to share with y'all because I think it demonstrates just how much better we can get at dealing with negative situations in sobriety . . . life is still going to be full of hard ups and downs but now we can learn how to cope and manage things much more effectively!
So, last night: I got an email out of the blue about a loan I had taken out, requesting immediate repayment of part of it. I was totally disappointed to get this email, and afraid, because the money is something I need and I had been really excited that it would help me get out of a worse debt situation.
What would I have done in response to this email had I still been drinking? It's not at all hard to imagine. I would have gone out an bought booze (after all, I would have told myself, fingering through my empty wallet, it's not like I'm ever going to have any money) then gone home and gotten promptly loaded to avoid thinking about the negative situation. (Bad times were always a good excuse to drink even more.) Drinking wouldn't have worked to make me stop thinking about it -- maybe only 25% -- and instead of forgetting about it I would have ended up calling somebody up and getting belligerent about the situation. In the morning I would have been hungover, too hungover to function, and would have desperately swallowed a few Aleve and tried to sleep it off (which almost never worked for me . . . unless I had benzos on hand to abuse, too). Then I would have tried to ignore the problem for days or even weeks, drinking and putting it off, likely incurring some other penalty as a result.
SO! Let's see how this situation actually played out, recovery-style. I still felt really, really upset getting the email. I b*tched at people around me and complained to my boyfriend for an hour. I even had this weird freak-out where I worried I might forget to take care of the problem (like I sometimes did in the past when drinking). But then I told myself I would just have to cope. I finally came on here and went to the chat room and chatted with some folks (including my pal and fellow apriller ozgoddess
) and then made myself take a bath, read for pleasure, and go to sleep. I woke up sober and called the loan people ASAP. I discussed the fine print with the lady on the phone and realized I could negotiate. I ended up only having to return a small fraction, and I could pay it, because at 3 months sober my checking account is no longer constantly in the double digits.I just wanted to share this with everyone because it's a huge deal for me to learn how to cope with stuff, and I'm grateful SR can help in this.
Anyone else have an experience they can pretty much guess would have gone totally differently back then?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Well done AG!!! I am glad Carol posted this link as sometimes I miss threads that really are inspiring. This definitely is one of them.
I can totally relate to this as I had something similar happen regarding my job. I had originally applied and got up the courage to go after a job back in January. Gov't gigs require tons of patience since the process of completing paperwork can take months.
Well, when I began drinking again in the end of March and starting the pain meds....I started feeling down and back came that defeatist attitude that is so common to the alcoholic. I didn't follow up since I hadn't heard anything and I felt depressed. Of course this only furthered my drinking since I figured there was no hope. The ugly alcoholic mind told me once again.....see Kim....you can't even get a job. I curled in a ball and well we all know that this culminated in a life threatening bender in mid April.
I got sober after this bender and after a few days I picked up the phone and called HR and asked for my app status. I didn't feel negative anymore. I was the good ole sober Kim who wanted an answer....good or bad. Guess what happened? My app was missing paperwork and they didn't have a contact number for me. I got my info and was working within 2 weeks.
Now we ALL know that if I continued to drink instead of getting clean then I NEVER would have called but continued to create this negative world around me that was hopeless and would have convinced myself that they didn't want me because I was unfit, a loser, worthless.
Amen for posting AG and this.....this right here is one of the many blessings of recovery. No genie in the bottle or miracle happy potion to cure our lives.....but the clarity to see things for what they are and to have the drive to change and not give in to some self created monster.
Keep it going my friend.
I can totally relate to this as I had something similar happen regarding my job. I had originally applied and got up the courage to go after a job back in January. Gov't gigs require tons of patience since the process of completing paperwork can take months.
Well, when I began drinking again in the end of March and starting the pain meds....I started feeling down and back came that defeatist attitude that is so common to the alcoholic. I didn't follow up since I hadn't heard anything and I felt depressed. Of course this only furthered my drinking since I figured there was no hope. The ugly alcoholic mind told me once again.....see Kim....you can't even get a job. I curled in a ball and well we all know that this culminated in a life threatening bender in mid April.
I got sober after this bender and after a few days I picked up the phone and called HR and asked for my app status. I didn't feel negative anymore. I was the good ole sober Kim who wanted an answer....good or bad. Guess what happened? My app was missing paperwork and they didn't have a contact number for me. I got my info and was working within 2 weeks.
Now we ALL know that if I continued to drink instead of getting clean then I NEVER would have called but continued to create this negative world around me that was hopeless and would have convinced myself that they didn't want me because I was unfit, a loser, worthless.
Amen for posting AG and this.....this right here is one of the many blessings of recovery. No genie in the bottle or miracle happy potion to cure our lives.....but the clarity to see things for what they are and to have the drive to change and not give in to some self created monster.
Keep it going my friend.
April 18, 2010
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Thanks guys! I appreciate the props, and Kim, thanks for your story about the job paperwork -- does seem very similar and I'm so glad you were able to have the positive experience of following up with a sober mind and learning about the paperwork -- and thus getting the job!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
