hi, need some feedback..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
hi, need some feedback..
I am over here from the friends and fam forum.
I am living with my young son and his father who is a serious alcoholic: women, lies, blackouts, etc...
I have to live with him now for financial reasons. He knows how bad off he is, and he is talking rehab again, but there are some issues that I just wanted to ask about.
I know all alcoholics are different, and some say the same things, and some do similar things, just because the drug creates certain dynamics, but there are some behaviors that I am really wondering about in terms of whether they are known among alcoholics and professional to be alcoholism related.
Let me say first, that my SO is most probably also dealing with some type of mental/psych issues as well. It is all so obscured, tho.
Here is what he has been exhibiting:
About a year ago, he spent some time with an old friend, who is not racist, per se, but can make some off color jokes.
Since around this time, my SO has become progressively hateful. He thinks there are conspiracies, he singles out religious groups. He will interject this talk into any conversation: inclus=ding one about Dr. Suess one night.
Is it common for alcoholics to become bigoted like this? It is in a paranoid way, like they are all out to get him. He was never like this before. His disease is in a rapid deterioration phase right now. It is hard to be around. We are not a hateful family.
Secondly:
He has become so bitter, beset, angry and projecting that it is hardly believable that he can really feel so righteous! He is hideously rude and in the wrong so often, then expects apologies from others for ruining HIS day.
He is almost ALWAYS bitter. He is only 31 years old. But he talks, at times drunk, and at times sober as if he was a 25 year old man who got shafted his whole life. Some of what he says does not even make any sense. Then he says that he cannot be happy living with us, and he will find happiness somewhere else.
I feel like he is JUST MISERABLE. ANd that he is going to be miserable no matter where he is.
Have any of you seen this in yourselves? Is this so common in alcoholics that its silly for me to ask?
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading, have a good night.
I am living with my young son and his father who is a serious alcoholic: women, lies, blackouts, etc...
I have to live with him now for financial reasons. He knows how bad off he is, and he is talking rehab again, but there are some issues that I just wanted to ask about.
I know all alcoholics are different, and some say the same things, and some do similar things, just because the drug creates certain dynamics, but there are some behaviors that I am really wondering about in terms of whether they are known among alcoholics and professional to be alcoholism related.
Let me say first, that my SO is most probably also dealing with some type of mental/psych issues as well. It is all so obscured, tho.
Here is what he has been exhibiting:
About a year ago, he spent some time with an old friend, who is not racist, per se, but can make some off color jokes.
Since around this time, my SO has become progressively hateful. He thinks there are conspiracies, he singles out religious groups. He will interject this talk into any conversation: inclus=ding one about Dr. Suess one night.
Is it common for alcoholics to become bigoted like this? It is in a paranoid way, like they are all out to get him. He was never like this before. His disease is in a rapid deterioration phase right now. It is hard to be around. We are not a hateful family.
Secondly:
He has become so bitter, beset, angry and projecting that it is hardly believable that he can really feel so righteous! He is hideously rude and in the wrong so often, then expects apologies from others for ruining HIS day.
He is almost ALWAYS bitter. He is only 31 years old. But he talks, at times drunk, and at times sober as if he was a 25 year old man who got shafted his whole life. Some of what he says does not even make any sense. Then he says that he cannot be happy living with us, and he will find happiness somewhere else.
I feel like he is JUST MISERABLE. ANd that he is going to be miserable no matter where he is.
Have any of you seen this in yourselves? Is this so common in alcoholics that its silly for me to ask?
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading, have a good night.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 261
Hello Buffalo,
From this side of the tracks, I would say that anything is possible when we are deep in our disease. When I was still drinking, I would do things and say things that were completely the opposite of my normal character. It would be like a Dr. Jekyl and Hyde ordeal. I would usually wake up, not remember anything, and people would fill me in on what I did and what I said. It caused me a lot of embarrassment and shame because I felt that that person, who they described, was not me.
If i'm interpreting your situation correctly, you are living with your son's father because of financial reasons. You and him are not together or married correct? I'm assuming SO means significant other so does that mean you guys are still in a relationship? I am 27 years old and I dont have a son and I am not married so i'm not too sure how much input I can put in about the relationship side, however. I would say that if you could, you should probably stay somewhere else and preferably take the son too.
Your husband sounds like he might have other issues beside being an alcoholic. I took a anti depressant called Lexapro and you are NOT supposed to mix alcohol with it. Firstly, it prevent the drug from working and secondly, mixing it caused me to act all "weird." I never really thought about it until I came on here and people mentioned that your anti depressant will not work if you drink with it. I dont remember when I actually started taking the anti depressant but it seems that it might be the same time that my behavior, while intoxicated, was so bizarre. I'm at over 130 days now and I dont want to experiment to see if stopping the medication and start drinking will fix my bizarre drunk behavior. Is he mixing other prescriptions with alcohol? Mixing will definitely make the behavior seem crazy. I have mixed sleeping pills and alcohol and that led to some of the worst and most bizarre behaviors.
I have an aunt, who is in al-anon, for my uncle. I see her every weekend since I sleep at her place because of ocean swimming on Saturday mornings. After i'm done, we usually go out to lunch and we'll talk about my side and she'll talk about her experience from her side. She still lives with my uncle, who is still drinking, but al-anon has taught her to live her life with as much serenity as her situation will allow. You have to realize that you will never change an alcoholic, especially if we are still out there. There is no point in analyzing why we do the things we do because you will just go crazy trying to find the answer. You need to concentrate on doing what is best for YOU and your son. I hope my response helped a little.
From this side of the tracks, I would say that anything is possible when we are deep in our disease. When I was still drinking, I would do things and say things that were completely the opposite of my normal character. It would be like a Dr. Jekyl and Hyde ordeal. I would usually wake up, not remember anything, and people would fill me in on what I did and what I said. It caused me a lot of embarrassment and shame because I felt that that person, who they described, was not me.
If i'm interpreting your situation correctly, you are living with your son's father because of financial reasons. You and him are not together or married correct? I'm assuming SO means significant other so does that mean you guys are still in a relationship? I am 27 years old and I dont have a son and I am not married so i'm not too sure how much input I can put in about the relationship side, however. I would say that if you could, you should probably stay somewhere else and preferably take the son too.
Your husband sounds like he might have other issues beside being an alcoholic. I took a anti depressant called Lexapro and you are NOT supposed to mix alcohol with it. Firstly, it prevent the drug from working and secondly, mixing it caused me to act all "weird." I never really thought about it until I came on here and people mentioned that your anti depressant will not work if you drink with it. I dont remember when I actually started taking the anti depressant but it seems that it might be the same time that my behavior, while intoxicated, was so bizarre. I'm at over 130 days now and I dont want to experiment to see if stopping the medication and start drinking will fix my bizarre drunk behavior. Is he mixing other prescriptions with alcohol? Mixing will definitely make the behavior seem crazy. I have mixed sleeping pills and alcohol and that led to some of the worst and most bizarre behaviors.
I have an aunt, who is in al-anon, for my uncle. I see her every weekend since I sleep at her place because of ocean swimming on Saturday mornings. After i'm done, we usually go out to lunch and we'll talk about my side and she'll talk about her experience from her side. She still lives with my uncle, who is still drinking, but al-anon has taught her to live her life with as much serenity as her situation will allow. You have to realize that you will never change an alcoholic, especially if we are still out there. There is no point in analyzing why we do the things we do because you will just go crazy trying to find the answer. You need to concentrate on doing what is best for YOU and your son. I hope my response helped a little.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 87
Hi
I just wanted to say that I echo everything Recovery1983 had to say... especially the fact that when someone is still using mind altering drugs - be they alcohol - or others, even more so if both: there is no way to try to decipher the thoughts and actions that ensue. You will definitely drive yourself nuts trying. There is also no way that you have any control over what's happening around you while you are subject to the situation. I would start to re-evaluate my finances if I were you. All you have control of are your own actions.
My heart goes out to you... I can relate to your position, you are in a very tough spot. Hang in there, play the "video" all the way to the end. You will decide what is best for you...
I just wanted to say that I echo everything Recovery1983 had to say... especially the fact that when someone is still using mind altering drugs - be they alcohol - or others, even more so if both: there is no way to try to decipher the thoughts and actions that ensue. You will definitely drive yourself nuts trying. There is also no way that you have any control over what's happening around you while you are subject to the situation. I would start to re-evaluate my finances if I were you. All you have control of are your own actions.
My heart goes out to you... I can relate to your position, you are in a very tough spot. Hang in there, play the "video" all the way to the end. You will decide what is best for you...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
My experience, what addicts/alcoholics do, blame everyone else for everything, the only way to keep the denial intact. Something I did when I was drinking. If you start accepting responsibility for the consequences of your actions, then the source of your external problems should become readily apparent.
As far as mental illness goes, agree with Toby Rice Drews on this particular subject, it's impossible to accurately diagnose an active alcoholic/addict, typical behavior mimics other mental illnesses.
As far as mental illness goes, agree with Toby Rice Drews on this particular subject, it's impossible to accurately diagnose an active alcoholic/addict, typical behavior mimics other mental illnesses.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Buffalo - I'm so sorry for you and your husband that this is happening. I know that some people become mean or aggressive while they're extremely intoxicated. There is also something called Alcoholic Dementia that is involved in the later stages of alcoholism. There's info on the web about it - here's one link I found:
Alcoholic Psychosis - Dementia and Alcoholism Personality Changes | Healthhype.com
Alcoholic Psychosis - Dementia and Alcoholism Personality Changes | Healthhype.com
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
I know alot of bitter, opinionated bigots who are not alcoholics. I would guess that alcohol might just fuel a fire that is already burning. It might not be the reason, but it will magnify it. I used to where a shirt when I was younger that said "Instant A-hole....just add alcohol". The thoughts and ideas are probably already planted, alcohol makes it alot easier to voice them outloud.
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