Bear64

Hey everyone,

First of all I just want to say thank you for reading my words. It is so nice to have a website to share my thoughts and feelings on.

My story: I started drinking pretty heavy in college. Getting drunk on the weekends to start, then eventually getting drunk a few weekdays and weekends to boot. Hey, why not, its college... everyone does it right. Well I graduated college but my habit of drinking has stayed with me, and I am now 31 years old.

Right now I am holding my life together ok with still drinking.... My entire week revolves around the next time I will be able to get drunk. I work full time, am married, own a home etc. But drinking is really taking a toll on my marriage and my job and my health. The control I used to have with my drinking has slowly gone away, I used to NEVER call in sick because I wanted to get drunk or had a hangover. I used to NEVER drink when I didnt feel like it just because I had the time. I could go on and on about what has changed this year for the worse with my drinking...

I am not sure if I would be labeled an alcoholic, and I am not sure that even matters. The point is alcohol is very negatively effecting my life and I am scared, because I am losing control. I dont drink for fun, I just drink because its what I do... I am not a daily drinker probably 4 out of 7 days or so, and I only drink beer, about 14-17 a time....

Well July 4th sounded like a good day to have my last drink. Here to share my thoughts, feelings, fears and hopes with all you...

Take care

Sudz No More

Glad you're making this decision for you now before it get worse. Keep up the good fight and come here often. Coming here helps you not feel alone in the struggle. We are here to lend an ear.

suki44883

As you probably know, alcoholism is a progressive disease. It never gets better. The fact that you were highly functional in the past, but lately have slipped in that area proves that your drinking problem is getting worse. You are right that the label doesn't really matter. I hope that you seriously want to stop drinking. We are here to help in any way we can.

Welcome to SR!

wren

Welcome!
Sounds like now is a good time to start regaining control.

I'm about your age...

CarolD

Welcome back to SR.....

Ah yes....down and down I went
round and round I went
until all my fun bottles were empty.

The final 5 years of my drinking...
each time I had a drink....only 1 drink
I lost control of what would happen.

Carol here....alcoholic

I certainly hope this will be the time for you
to take back your life....find your way into a
sober non drinking future....

And you know darn well beer is alcohol....
Your brain and organs are still being adversely affected.

All my best to you and your family

Bear64

Carol,

I hope I didnt sound like I was already trying to justify or minimize my problem. I know that alcohol is alcohol, whether it is whisky, vodka... or Busch Light beer. I was honestly just pointing out my specific problem and preference toward drinking....

17 beers is certainly just as hurtful toward my body as the comparison of hard liquor... if not more so, You know how bloated I am by the time I am done drinking all that? UGH!

I had thought several times about drinking hard liquor for that very reason. Sometimes downing that much beer to get buzzed is a marathon. Grabbing a bottle of liqour and loading up mixed drinks would get me drunk much faster. I never did because I knew it was a slippery slope for me,

This is going to sound stupid... but my father was an alcoholic and drank hard liquor, I always told myself if I stuck to the beer I would never be like him.... It is amazing the rationalizations I can make for myself and my drinking when I want to pretend I dont have a problem.

Its just not the case for me...

Supercrew

I was a beer guy for years, but the bloating and having to pee every 15 minutes, and getting rid of all the cans and bottles became bothersome and hard to hide, went to rum cause it mixed well with diet coke, but it still left an odor and a pretty bad hangover, then eventually found vodka. So I would start the session with about a 6 pack then would hit the bottle. It did the job faster too, so I didn't have to sneak out to the fridge in the garage 20 times a night. I could nurse 3 or 4 tumblers and only have to hit the fridge 3 times to get ice and open a mixer.

It's really sad to think of all the ways and all the brains I used to hide the fact that I was killing my brain cells. And also for me after the initial 6 pack buzz the rest of the day turned into a game/job of how I was gonna stay loaded all day/night and hide it. It became quite an expensive chore, only to wake up and do it over again. It turned into a big challenge for me, and I think I got a bigger rush from the feeling that I was getting away with something. Nothing like getting away with screwing up your life.... What the hell was I thinking??

BTW Bear, your story sounds very similar to mine, I'm just about 10 years ahead of you. Welcome

sunrise1

I let the idea of a label hold me back... in fact, for a while, it was a delay tactic on my part to avoid the truth and getting help.

I too can point to many aspects of myself that still do not point to "classic alcoholic'... but it was negatively affecting my life- - and it was only getting worse. Sounds like your story may be similar to mine.

Welcome to the site... whatever way you choose to move forward with this, we're glad you're here. Keep coming back.

Opivotal

Hmmm........all sounds very familar to me. I started with Vodka.That got completly out of hand. Kept trying to monitor how many drinks I had to as you say stay high but not overdo. That didn't work. Quit Vodka thinking "well I hate wine" maybe I can control my drinking switching to that. Hmmmmmmm good plan right? So WRONG. After a while wine was tasting real good. Limited myself to half a bottle. Like that was being in control yeah right. Progressed to a bottle on stressful days. Sneaking, hiding bottles etc.

Well, to make a long story short quit for a month and relapsed started buying by the case as was cheaper. Oh it was awful....depressed, paranoid, couldn't have peace unless I had a good stash of wine in the house. Secluded myself and drank and drank.

Prayed to God to help me......said I would do my part. Just give me strength to help myself. He did, and I will not be a liar to him! So I'm on day 30 something not even counting anymore. No need to...just not gonna go back. God willing.

BEAR...be aware of the progression of this disease. It will bring you to your knees sooner or later. I found out the hard way, hopefully you'll be stronger and not suffer like alot of us have.

Good Luck!

Vikingsfan

Bear 69,
I have a very similar story. I am an alcoholic. I began drinking around age 14-15 periodically on weekends and once and a while during the week. At no point, in my life, have I ever been an everyday drinker. I thought drinking on the weekends was a "way of life everyone does it." I also drank almost every weekend in college. Mind you not "social" drinking, the mindset for me was get drunk quick, stay drunk, and recover on Sunday. When I graduated from college I moved 650 miles from my closest friends and family. I met a few people through my wife's family who I selected as "drinking buddies." As I moved through my 20's I never lost a job, called in sick, got arrested from drinking but I did manage to sneak around, lie about, ect my drinking with my wife and family. My wife got tired of worrying about if I will come home, wreck a vehicle, spend all the money, get arrested she finally June 2010 gave me the utlimatium with a mini-phone intervention that if I didn't get help I was out and not taking a thing. I wasn't willing to lose everything for a drink. I entered an AA program and work/live that program. I had a hard time admitting that I was an alcoholic because "I don't drink everyday." I don't care what the clinical definition of alcoholic is but my defintion is when I am drinking my life is UNMANAGEABLE. I knew that when alcohol touched my lips I would get drunk. THere is no such thing as "a couple drinks" a "few beers" "just buzzed" if I couldn't get drunk I wanted zero. Who in the hell wants just one beer certainly not me I want one I want 15.

It has been a lot easier road for me to get a grip on my recovery because I have never had the craving or urges everyday. I see and help a lot of people who need a void filler that corking the bottle leaves. My people rely on the spiritual side to fill that. Keep in mind I said spiritual not religious.
Since my last drink June 20 2009, my marriage is stronger now than it ever has been. My family both immediate and extended have accepted my amends and I have regained the trust and I have a new personality traits such as patience, acceptance, understanding, knowledge, honesty. I have more fun now then I ever did when I was drinking. Good Luck

CarolD

Vikingsfan.....

Thanks for sharing your wonderful experiences with us
Welcome to our recovery community

Forward we go ...side by side

debs

It sneaks up on ya, Bear... it starts out all good fun...

Then it gets more regular.. but you're just having a good time...

Then it gets even more regular.. it's becoming worrisome but you push it back...

Then it becomes habitual... again, you push it back...

Habitual turns into obsession... you know you have a problem but not sure where to start..

Obsession turns into 24/7 lifestyle and you find yourself waking to a bottle of Vodka every morning, afternoon, night, and deep night... any time you're awake, you're consuming... cos the best cure for a hangover..... etc...

I had the same thought process as you regarding changing from beer to liquor.. I went from wine to liquor.

Funny thing is, I never changed the volume of liquid I was consuming...