Afraid there is no help for me
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Afraid there is no help for me
Hi all. I'm new, currently cutting down on my drinking, but having realized I'm probably not going to be able to escape having to stop completely. I don't believe I am physically dependent on alcohol, but I can see that is where I am most likely headed. In many ways I'm a textbook case -- which really bugs the hell out of me, btw, because there's nothing I hate more than being a cliche (not a judgment on anyone else, just a personal problem, of which I have many). But the circumstances that got me here, and those that I'm currently living with and can't escape, coupled with my general past history, leave me in abject terror that no help exists for someone like me.
My story is complicated and I don't even know how to explain it, and I don't know that it would make a difference if I did, but I guess I'm gonna try and see what comes of it.
I was always a partier, and I grew up in an environment where drinking to get drunk and doing drugs until they were gone was what you did. It might sound clueless but I honestly didn't know there was a different way. I had alcoholics and addicts in my family, however, so in other ways I learned what not to do. I just wanted to have fun, I didn't want to be like them. That's kind of the good news, because even though I abused many drugs in my younger years (I'm a 46 year old woman), I would go hog wild for awhile on whatever chemical I was abusing at the time, but when it stopped being fun I was always able to recognize that I was getting out of control and stop cold turkey without too much effort. And then on to the next drug until I wore 'em all out and stopped using completely.
My real underlying problem is with anxiety and depression, which I have a genetic predisposition toward, and it wasn't helped by my early drug abuse. Ten years ago when I realized I was self-medicating with alcohol I sought professional help for the anxiety disorder and depression. Therapy, meds, the whole bit. I was trying to help myself, but little did I know I was screwing things up worse than I ever could have imagined.
Anti-depressants and benzos were prescribed, which I took for three years. I never abused the psych drugs in any way, and in fact took the lowest dose of Klonopin available, and not only that, but I used to cut each pill into quarters and make it last four days. I was overly cautious because of a family member who had gone through a hellacious benzo withdrawal situation.
Than I lost my insurance and my doctor so it was time to stop taking the meds. I tapered myself off the Klonopin, and all was good for about a week or so after I was off it completely, until the withdrawal hit. I was one of the lucky ones who ended up with severe prolonged withdrawal syndrome, which is probably also a genetic predisposition considering what my family member went through and how careful I was about taking the Klonopin. I basically lived through a 24/7 five-week panic attack, and although things have gradually improved over time I haven't been the same since. That was 7 years ago.
There's no way to even explain the hell I went through, but I'm sure some of you know exactly what I'm talking about, having learned the hard way. Now I have this extremely abnormal physical stress reaction, and PTSD on top of it because every time I feel the slightest bit of anxiety I flash back to the benzo withdrawal. I have to make it stop, and there is no other way to do it besides self-medicating with alcohol. I certainly can't go back on meds after what they did to me.
I could go on and on about what has happened since the benzo withdrawal, but the gist of it is that the drinking has become a problem. I haven't lost the self-awareness to recognize it, but I'm scared ******** about having to stop. I'm down to two glasses of wine per day this week, and I have been doing OK for the most part, but yesterday an anxiety attack triggered a mini-binge, which I'm sure is just going to continue to happen since I have no other way to cope. I've never been good at denial, which is a mixed blessing to say the least.
And here I am. AA isn't going to work for me for numerous reasons (another long story). I know that probably sounds negative, but I really do have my reasons, and I just know.
Any ideas for a tough nut like me?
Tuffy
BTW I've been reading these forums for several months, and I have become very fond of you all. I have serious doubts I can ever achieve what many of you have, but I need to try.
My story is complicated and I don't even know how to explain it, and I don't know that it would make a difference if I did, but I guess I'm gonna try and see what comes of it.
I was always a partier, and I grew up in an environment where drinking to get drunk and doing drugs until they were gone was what you did. It might sound clueless but I honestly didn't know there was a different way. I had alcoholics and addicts in my family, however, so in other ways I learned what not to do. I just wanted to have fun, I didn't want to be like them. That's kind of the good news, because even though I abused many drugs in my younger years (I'm a 46 year old woman), I would go hog wild for awhile on whatever chemical I was abusing at the time, but when it stopped being fun I was always able to recognize that I was getting out of control and stop cold turkey without too much effort. And then on to the next drug until I wore 'em all out and stopped using completely.
My real underlying problem is with anxiety and depression, which I have a genetic predisposition toward, and it wasn't helped by my early drug abuse. Ten years ago when I realized I was self-medicating with alcohol I sought professional help for the anxiety disorder and depression. Therapy, meds, the whole bit. I was trying to help myself, but little did I know I was screwing things up worse than I ever could have imagined.
Anti-depressants and benzos were prescribed, which I took for three years. I never abused the psych drugs in any way, and in fact took the lowest dose of Klonopin available, and not only that, but I used to cut each pill into quarters and make it last four days. I was overly cautious because of a family member who had gone through a hellacious benzo withdrawal situation.
Than I lost my insurance and my doctor so it was time to stop taking the meds. I tapered myself off the Klonopin, and all was good for about a week or so after I was off it completely, until the withdrawal hit. I was one of the lucky ones who ended up with severe prolonged withdrawal syndrome, which is probably also a genetic predisposition considering what my family member went through and how careful I was about taking the Klonopin. I basically lived through a 24/7 five-week panic attack, and although things have gradually improved over time I haven't been the same since. That was 7 years ago.
There's no way to even explain the hell I went through, but I'm sure some of you know exactly what I'm talking about, having learned the hard way. Now I have this extremely abnormal physical stress reaction, and PTSD on top of it because every time I feel the slightest bit of anxiety I flash back to the benzo withdrawal. I have to make it stop, and there is no other way to do it besides self-medicating with alcohol. I certainly can't go back on meds after what they did to me.
I could go on and on about what has happened since the benzo withdrawal, but the gist of it is that the drinking has become a problem. I haven't lost the self-awareness to recognize it, but I'm scared ******** about having to stop. I'm down to two glasses of wine per day this week, and I have been doing OK for the most part, but yesterday an anxiety attack triggered a mini-binge, which I'm sure is just going to continue to happen since I have no other way to cope. I've never been good at denial, which is a mixed blessing to say the least.
And here I am. AA isn't going to work for me for numerous reasons (another long story). I know that probably sounds negative, but I really do have my reasons, and I just know.
Any ideas for a tough nut like me?
Tuffy
BTW I've been reading these forums for several months, and I have become very fond of you all. I have serious doubts I can ever achieve what many of you have, but I need to try.
there is help for you. you sound alot like me.
i had the klonopin addiction, and had horrible withdrawal for 2 solid months. luckly, it didn't get into the protracted withdrawal phase. However, i was taking 4-6mg, almost daily.
i did alot of reading in the Ashton Manual as she is the leading expert in the benzo world. imo, Dr. Heather Ashton is a pioneer, decades ahead of the rest of the medical community.
if you google her, the manual is about 400 pages long, it saved my life.
Alot of times when we come off of the very drug that is helping us in the first place, the underlying problem is more severe than it was in the beginning. that was the case for me.
Still, there is alot of things that can be done to fix that. her methods of anxiety and depression management is worlds...no... light-years away from having to suffer like some of us have.
I have panic disorder, OCD, and associated depression along with a couple of other " disorders" that had me strung out on so many medications that i was always in a constant state of withdrawal. even when i was taking it as directed.
so, couple that with a tendency to slug a half a gallon of VAT69 on a daily basis and you have my story.
you said " I'm down to two glasses of wine per day this week, and I have been doing OK for the most part, but yesterday an anxiety attack triggered a mini-binge, which I'm sure is just going to continue to happen since I have no other way to cope"
i'm inclined to this this is not so much a "cure" for your anxiety as it is a knee jerk reaction when you get stressed out and don't have any other tools to deal with the stressor.
i too was changed after i was detoxed from all of the meds i was on, but there really is another way to address this.
try the Ashton manual. like i said it changed my life and directly addresses the protracted withdrawal problem.
i needed ALOT of outlets for stress...come to find out. it's often been said you only replace one addiction with another, and to a large extent i think that's true.
after i got completely detoxed, i had to learn to manage my life without the drugs. so i kept very busy.
i have a ton of hobbies that fill my day.
Painting, mixed martial arts, writing, hiking, building models, drawing, reading, the internet, body building, movies, sculpture, racing and restoring cars, the list could go on.
my point is, alot of us, i believe were un-necessarily medicated instead of counseled. had we gotten the tools we needed to deal with life as a whole, we might never have had to live the mess we did.
i love this place. it has provided a HUGE stepping stone in my recovery. An like you, i decided AA wasn't for me. i had been a revolving door case for the better part of a decade and i just really decided that i needed another approach this time.
So, WELCOME. please come and post often and i'm glad you made it here.
be well,
BD
i had the klonopin addiction, and had horrible withdrawal for 2 solid months. luckly, it didn't get into the protracted withdrawal phase. However, i was taking 4-6mg, almost daily.
i did alot of reading in the Ashton Manual as she is the leading expert in the benzo world. imo, Dr. Heather Ashton is a pioneer, decades ahead of the rest of the medical community.
if you google her, the manual is about 400 pages long, it saved my life.
Alot of times when we come off of the very drug that is helping us in the first place, the underlying problem is more severe than it was in the beginning. that was the case for me.
Still, there is alot of things that can be done to fix that. her methods of anxiety and depression management is worlds...no... light-years away from having to suffer like some of us have.
I have panic disorder, OCD, and associated depression along with a couple of other " disorders" that had me strung out on so many medications that i was always in a constant state of withdrawal. even when i was taking it as directed.
so, couple that with a tendency to slug a half a gallon of VAT69 on a daily basis and you have my story.
you said " I'm down to two glasses of wine per day this week, and I have been doing OK for the most part, but yesterday an anxiety attack triggered a mini-binge, which I'm sure is just going to continue to happen since I have no other way to cope"
i'm inclined to this this is not so much a "cure" for your anxiety as it is a knee jerk reaction when you get stressed out and don't have any other tools to deal with the stressor.
i too was changed after i was detoxed from all of the meds i was on, but there really is another way to address this.
try the Ashton manual. like i said it changed my life and directly addresses the protracted withdrawal problem.
i needed ALOT of outlets for stress...come to find out. it's often been said you only replace one addiction with another, and to a large extent i think that's true.
after i got completely detoxed, i had to learn to manage my life without the drugs. so i kept very busy.
i have a ton of hobbies that fill my day.
Painting, mixed martial arts, writing, hiking, building models, drawing, reading, the internet, body building, movies, sculpture, racing and restoring cars, the list could go on.
my point is, alot of us, i believe were un-necessarily medicated instead of counseled. had we gotten the tools we needed to deal with life as a whole, we might never have had to live the mess we did.
i love this place. it has provided a HUGE stepping stone in my recovery. An like you, i decided AA wasn't for me. i had been a revolving door case for the better part of a decade and i just really decided that i needed another approach this time.
So, WELCOME. please come and post often and i'm glad you made it here.
be well,
BD
I started drinking at age 14 and spent the next 29 years getting more and more addicted. For the past 10 years I was drinking 12-18 beers per day, EVERY day, with even more on the weekends. I also thought there was no hope for me.
I finally ended up in the hospital with severe anixiety and dehydration issues. I literally thought I was going insane.
That was just over one year ago and today my life has totally turned around. I no longer even consider having one drink, let alone 10 or 20. I don't think anyone is a hopeless case, it all starts with truly wanting to stop.
I finally ended up in the hospital with severe anixiety and dehydration issues. I literally thought I was going insane.
That was just over one year ago and today my life has totally turned around. I no longer even consider having one drink, let alone 10 or 20. I don't think anyone is a hopeless case, it all starts with truly wanting to stop.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Since you have been reading our site....you may have noticed
many of our members are successfully clean and sober without
a formal program. Others do use AA-SMART-NA etc.
The point is to find something that will benefit you
and provide a positive future.....
I certainly hope we can assist you as you explore options.
Welcome to the posting side of SR
many of our members are successfully clean and sober without
a formal program. Others do use AA-SMART-NA etc.
The point is to find something that will benefit you
and provide a positive future.....
I certainly hope we can assist you as you explore options.
Welcome to the posting side of SR
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: On a big rock in the middle of the ocean
Posts: 43
I only have a minute right now, but I wanted to pop in and say THANK YOU so much for the replies. I'll answer in more detail later when I have time to do it right.
Welcome Tuffnut
I believe there's always hope - I've never met a hopeless case yet...although I sure thought I was one
plugging in to this community is a great start - you'll find a lot of support...I hope you'll start your journey here...it doesn't matter how small the steps are
D
I believe there's always hope - I've never met a hopeless case yet...although I sure thought I was one
plugging in to this community is a great start - you'll find a lot of support...I hope you'll start your journey here...it doesn't matter how small the steps are
D
to quote "My real underlying problem is with anxiety and depression, which I have a genetic predisposition toward, and it wasn't helped by my early drug abuse. Ten years ago when I realized I was self-medicating with alcohol I sought professional help for the anxiety disorder and depression."
Those words could have easily come directly out of my mouth. You'll find the anxiety gets worse as you progress as an alcoholic. I used to drink just to sleep, then wake up at 4am and pound a few beers just get back to sleep. I thought i was self medicating as well. Obviously I cannot give medical advice, and will not. I wish you well, but I want you to believe in yourself. I know depression sucks. AA may not be for you, it wasn't for me. Maybe by coming here you can get some good advice. But remember, there is always hope for you or anybody. Just the fact you are aware of your state of health shows a conscience effort to change and live better, and you will.
Those words could have easily come directly out of my mouth. You'll find the anxiety gets worse as you progress as an alcoholic. I used to drink just to sleep, then wake up at 4am and pound a few beers just get back to sleep. I thought i was self medicating as well. Obviously I cannot give medical advice, and will not. I wish you well, but I want you to believe in yourself. I know depression sucks. AA may not be for you, it wasn't for me. Maybe by coming here you can get some good advice. But remember, there is always hope for you or anybody. Just the fact you are aware of your state of health shows a conscience effort to change and live better, and you will.
Welcome tuffnut!I think we all felt alone and helpless at some point in our addiction(s). I know I did. I can also relate to self-medicating, but of course it got to the point where my prescribed medications didn't work due to my drinking patterns. Alcohol creates its own version of anxiety and depression.
Does your doctor know everything you posted about (including the alcohol)? I hope you keep seeking answers. Alcohol is just going to add to your problems in the long run, and I hate to see you settle for that.
Does your doctor know everything you posted about (including the alcohol)? I hope you keep seeking answers. Alcohol is just going to add to your problems in the long run, and I hate to see you settle for that.
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I'm back. Wow! So much information and support!
I chose my name carefully because I really do believe I am going to be a tough nut to crack, but I'm willing to give you all a chance to take a hammer to my hard head. It took me a long time to start posting because I honestly don't think anyone can help me, and I'm not sure I can help myself. I'm not uninformed about addiction. I'm an information junkie who has read voraciously on the subject for years, and I've also been blessed (or cursed depending on the day) with the ability to understand myself and my motivations even in the worst of times. Once I made the decision to take the plunge, which has just been in the last week or so, I promised myself that no matter what happens here I'm going to be completely honest with myself and others. Not that I never deceive myself, but it's usually temporary and I plan to admit to all self-deception as soon as I discover it. If I go down in flames at least I'll know I went there having given it my best shot.
I want to respond specifically to many of your comments, but I need to get my thoughts together first.
Thanks again for having more faith in me than I have in myself! I'll be back.
Tuffy
I chose my name carefully because I really do believe I am going to be a tough nut to crack, but I'm willing to give you all a chance to take a hammer to my hard head. It took me a long time to start posting because I honestly don't think anyone can help me, and I'm not sure I can help myself. I'm not uninformed about addiction. I'm an information junkie who has read voraciously on the subject for years, and I've also been blessed (or cursed depending on the day) with the ability to understand myself and my motivations even in the worst of times. Once I made the decision to take the plunge, which has just been in the last week or so, I promised myself that no matter what happens here I'm going to be completely honest with myself and others. Not that I never deceive myself, but it's usually temporary and I plan to admit to all self-deception as soon as I discover it. If I go down in flames at least I'll know I went there having given it my best shot.
I want to respond specifically to many of your comments, but I need to get my thoughts together first.
Thanks again for having more faith in me than I have in myself! I'll be back.
Tuffy
serious doubts I can ever achieve what many of you have, but I need to try
Attitude has a whole lot to do with it. You are very, very negative and as long as you believe there is no hope, there isn't. Until you want sobriety with your entire being and are willing to do whatever is necessary to attain it, it is unlikely you will get better. Stop saying there is no hope. Stop saying you are predisposed to all this stuff. Stop being so negative.
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Attitude has a whole lot to do with it. You are very, very negative and as long as you believe there is no hope, there isn't. Until you want sobriety with your entire being and are willing to do whatever is necessary to attain it, it is unlikely you will get better. Stop saying there is no hope. Stop saying you are predisposed to all this stuff. Stop being so negative.
If you think depression doesn't run in families, and that family members don't share genetic makeup then you are just mistaken about that. Not everyone who takes benzos gets protracted withdrawal syndrome, either. Certain people have a defect in their GABA receptors that make it more likely to happen, and that is genetic.
I didn't abuse them. Not even once. I listened to a medical professional who told me I needed them and that there was no possibility they would hurt me if I took them as directed, and I took even less than directed. It's not an attitude problem, it's a medical fact that those pills made chemical changes in my brain that cause it to not function properly, and that may be permanent. I'm guessing you haven't been through it, because if you had you wouldn't try to tell me that positive thinking can make it all better.
It's true that I don't have to drink to make myself feel better, and that's why I'm here, but where the hopelessness comes in is that I'm not sure that doesn't mean I'll never feel better because of my circumstances, of which you know very little. You don't even know what I have already tried to help myself.
To Bulldog: I want to say thanks for mentioning the Ashton Manual. I actually did read it at the time, and it helped. I also joined one of the benzo support groups online, which helped me get through the acute withdrawal phase without killing myself. I have much less anxiety now than I had then, and I'm sure you're right about the "knee-jerk reaction." I just can't stand to feel that way because of the memories, and I'll do anything to make it stop and worry about the consequences later. I have to find a different way.
As I promised, I'm not going to be dishonest. I don't only drink as a reaction to anxiety. I like to drink, and I like it too much. What started out as a desperate attempt to help myself has turned into something else entirely, and I know it needs to stop or I wouldn't be here. I'm just really scared about what I'm going to be left with because the original problem remains.
To everyone else, thanks again for the warm welcome. I'm happy to be in such good company.
It might be silly to look at it this way but it seemed to help me.
Even though I was court ordered to go to meetings, I didn't take them seriously at first. I kneeeeew they wouldn't help much of anything goin on inside of me. Somewhere along the line I started hearing something along the lines of:
have you tried to stop -yep
did it work /-/ nope
did you try just about everything you could think of - yep
are you willing to try anything else /-/ uh...sure
what if we told you to create an image of a God who can do anything and you ask that God to help you.......would you try that /-/ well, ya see, that just won't work
well, we didn't ask IF it would work. we asked if you have tried it /-/ nope
ya see Mike, we didn't believe in it either but that's basically what we did and it works...willing to try /-/ yeah, sure..... you guys look like dopes and if it works for you, someone like me who can do anything shouldn't have any problems (lol.... just bein' honest)
game - set - match
I started getting better.
AA works. give it some consideration.
mike
Even though I was court ordered to go to meetings, I didn't take them seriously at first. I kneeeeew they wouldn't help much of anything goin on inside of me. Somewhere along the line I started hearing something along the lines of:
have you tried to stop -yep
did it work /-/ nope
did you try just about everything you could think of - yep
are you willing to try anything else /-/ uh...sure
what if we told you to create an image of a God who can do anything and you ask that God to help you.......would you try that /-/ well, ya see, that just won't work
well, we didn't ask IF it would work. we asked if you have tried it /-/ nope
ya see Mike, we didn't believe in it either but that's basically what we did and it works...willing to try /-/ yeah, sure..... you guys look like dopes and if it works for you, someone like me who can do anything shouldn't have any problems (lol.... just bein' honest)
game - set - match
I started getting better.
AA works. give it some consideration.
mike
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Welcome tuffnut!I think we all felt alone and helpless at some point in our addiction(s). I know I did. I can also relate to self-medicating, but of course it got to the point where my prescribed medications didn't work due to my drinking patterns. Alcohol creates its own version of anxiety and depression.
Does your doctor know everything you posted about (including the alcohol)? I hope you keep seeking answers. Alcohol is just going to add to your problems in the long run, and I hate to see you settle for that.
Does your doctor know everything you posted about (including the alcohol)? I hope you keep seeking answers. Alcohol is just going to add to your problems in the long run, and I hate to see you settle for that.
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Thanks, Mike. I'm actually quite familiar with AA. I spent a lot of time in AA meetings and around AA people when I was younger, because I had some family members in the program. It's just not for me. First of all, I'm a militant agnostic who leans atheist; and second, I'm just not good in groups. There are other reason's, too, that I would rather not say. I think it's great for some folks, and my family members might not be alive today if they hadn't found AA.
I'm thinking one of the secular programs might be better for me, but like I said I'm terrible in groups. I'm not going to count it out, I'm just not sure that putting myself into a situation that causes more anxiety is going to be what helps me. I like the idea of online support, so I plan to take full advantage of this forum.
Tuffy
I'm thinking one of the secular programs might be better for me, but like I said I'm terrible in groups. I'm not going to count it out, I'm just not sure that putting myself into a situation that causes more anxiety is going to be what helps me. I like the idea of online support, so I plan to take full advantage of this forum.
Tuffy
Sorry you were offended by my post; that was not my intention. The thing is, alcohol kills. It kills people both directly and indirectly. This is serious stuff. Maybe it's because there is a history of alcoholism in my family. Maybe it's because my father died of cirrhosis of the liver. Maybe it's because I saw myself traveling down that same road. Who knows what it is, but it is serious business to me. I read all kinds of excuses here of why some people refuse to do either this or that to help themselves. Bad past experiences, word of mouth, etc. The truth of the matter is, until a person is willing to do whatever it takes to get and remain sober, they have not yet gotten serious enough. That may sound harsh to some people, but it is a fact. As long as there are certain things a person says they won't do or won't try again, then they haven't yet reached their bottom. No offense intended. It is what it is. Good luck to you.
Hi all. I'm new, currently cutting down on my drinking, but having realized I'm probably not going to be able to escape having to stop completely. I don't believe I am physically dependent on alcohol, but I can see that is where I am most likely headed. In many ways I'm a textbook case -- which really bugs the hell out of me, btw, because there's nothing I hate more than being a cliche (not a judgment on anyone else, just a personal problem, of which I have many). But the circumstances that got me here, and those that I'm currently living with and can't escape, coupled with my general past history, leave me in abject terror that no help exists for someone like me.
Any ideas for a tough nut like me?
Tuffy
BTW I've been reading these forums for several months, and I have become very fond of you all. I have serious doubts I can ever achieve what many of you have, but I need to try.
Any ideas for a tough nut like me?
Tuffy
BTW I've been reading these forums for several months, and I have become very fond of you all. I have serious doubts I can ever achieve what many of you have, but I need to try.
Hi Tuffy,
Sorry for your problems, they sound bad. I suggest you may need to decide if your actually dependent on alcohol physically, emotionally, and mentally if you want to have success on quitting it. Not much to be gained quiting if drinking is not a problem for you, you know? And cutting back usually will fail as time goes on so I understand the worrying about the future but that will not be enough to quit drinking today. It may seem weird to you but unless you have an *actual* drinking problem right now, it will be difficult to motivate yourself into understanding you need help *today* with a future alcoholism.
The depression and the anxiety, the PTSD, and the severe prolonged withdrawal syndrome are real issues which in the short run you seem to have self-medicated with alcohol to deal with and now are realizing that road is coming to a dead end, if i get you right?
I would think proper medical diagnosis which more than likely will include some proscribed medications [again] along with therapy would be the way to go, even though you have little confidence in the doctors or the medications. What other options do you have, really? I'm not sure, but it sounds like you were drinking when you did your meds for those three years before you kicked the benzos, yes? We all know drinking and meds don't work together for the good of our well being. And it also looks like you didn't abuse the meds themselves, but you quit them anyways only because you lost your insurance?
Not having insurance makes things tough as well i understand. What you need is a compentent team to find a medical anwser for your new ongoing issues. Just not drinking will not be enough for the outstanding challenges you have, imo, and i'm truly sorry Tuffy.
I had my own medical challenges when i quit drinking too. I didn't trust doctors either. But you know, maybe to be able to move forward you need to revisit your issues with your past experiences even if it means facing the worse times of your life. Face them today for a better tomorrow. Like the saying goes, nothing changes if nothing changes.
Stopping drinking can really make a difference of course. If you're alcoholic then you'll be saving your life no less. If your a problem drinker you'll be saving yourself the problems that come with binge drinking. If you need to take meds eventually, then again drinking is something you'll want to completely stop.
Facing ourselves and the lives we live are the things that are really the hardest, you know. There are soulutions for all of us, your not an exception i dont believe, even though you have some unique challenges. I hope you get the real help you need to get on with your life in a shortness of time possible. SR forums are a great place for support and sharing. Great that you decided to post after all these few months being around here. Stay with it!
Rob
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