sleepie

This is hard for me to say... But I think I'm really not done drinking. I'm not planning to go on a bender, but I am going to try and stay off the site for awhile until I get it together, and get a couple of weeks of sobriety somehow. I don't know when that will be- but soon, I hope. I think I'm just irritate people here, and I really don't mean to do that. I am so, so sorry for causing concern and aggravation. I'm a drunk, and I'm sorry. I'm just not ready. My only fear is that this post will irritate or worry people- I promise I will be safe, and I won't mix things with alcohol- I made that promise to Bulldog. Please don't be too angry, I really am sorry.

tellus

Don't be sorry! Certainly not for having an illness that so many here share. You're accountable to no one but yourself.

If you must go back out, please, don't go out for too long or too hard. Long-term sobriety is possible, and it'll be waiting for you when you're ready for it. Please take care of yourself, and know you're always welcome here.

RobbyRobot

We all have to be honest with ourselves as we face our alcoholism and our sobriety, sleepie. Thank you for your honesty. I understand the not done yet, been there myself, we all have each in our own ways. You'll be done when your done is the god awful truth. Alcoholism does not play favorites, and as one drunk to another, i understand sleepie.

As for the staying away from SR i dont see how that is any kind of a blessing or helpful for you to get some sober time behind you. You know, members here will say what they say okay, its a big free world. Please dont stop posting just because it causes whatever for whoever. Its not important what naysayers say about whoever. This site is also to help people face and overcome their active day-to-day addictions. Its not in any way a friggin' rest home or vacation spa for those who have already overcomed their addictions, or so they think they have with their opinions on other peoples lives. heh.

i do also understand your want for privacy though. Its your call of course. Just dont be pushed out by others, okay? What goes around for them will come around for them, that's the way life works, and should work. Simple Justice is always the best Justice.

Please reconsider.

warmly,
Robby

DayWalker

Sleepie nothing to really be sorry for, your just being honest. If your not ready then your not ready, just be safe and don't wait till you have to go through more serious problems until your ready. Keep trying, because one of these times you'll look back and see you have 2 weeks sober and then you'll say to yourself..."Hey, maybe I am ready".

Steve

BullDog777

well, you don't irritate me. I told you the other day that you, just like everyone else who posts here has earned their seat to sit in this forum.... and you're here for you...if someone has a problem with that, F- them. maybe their program is suspect.

Still, i'll respect your decision.

I do hope you'll still pm me and let me know how you're doing. good or bad.
you always have someone who will listen if you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to bend.

Please don't fall through the cracks Sleepie. there are alot of people here who care about you.

-Jeff

Dee74

I think the best place for you is here sleepie. We're a site for support for people struggling - I think maybe some of us forget that sometimes (I know I have in my younger days).

I think it was wrong for someone to tell you you're not done yet, unless they had a crystal ball...but it would be just as wrong for you to accept that as a truth and take that to heart.

We're done when we make that decision to be done, and to do whatever it takes - I don't know your future sleepie but I know some of us (including myself) take a long time to get there. It doesn't make the end result any less amazing.

Keep trying sleepie....and stick around
D

c49

I'm not irritated and everyone here knows this is a struggle.

Thank you for being honest about your feelings and cravings. Can I ask that you check in with us tomorrow morning? Whether your drink or not (hopefully not) please take a minute to let us know you are OK.

I think it was your sponsor who said you may not be done drinking yet. I think you owe it to yourself to let that comment go. Your sponsor didn't mean that as permission!!

stugotz

Go out and do it good. Too many times I went back out just long enough have fun and make it back in good shape. No harm no foul. Then I would go back to my home group, get a white chip and a whole bunch of kind words. Then when I got bored I would do it again. My suggestion would to be go find whatever it is you are looking for. We will be here for you when you get back. Good luck and God bless.

sleepie

Okay. I'll check in. Truth be told- I don't want to quit yet. I've wanted to in the past, and gotten weeks and months at a time on my own- but right now? I just like the feeling too much. Thank you for your responses. I've tried a "Gung-Ho" approach to AA... but it really does not resonate with me. I think it will be a very personal, private journey... I will check in from time to time.

mercurial me

Whatever you do don't leave here because you're worried about your thoughts/concerns/problems burdening other people. The whole reason this site is here is to be a support system. It's great when you check in even on your tough days and don't be too prideful to feel like you have to go it alone out there. Many of us have benefited from your insights & support as well. It works both ways & that is what makes this such a great site with so many awesome members!

sleepie

Hello. Drank last night but no pill mixing. Thank you to those who PM'd me. And I know some of you have reached out... Maybe if I get the guts I'll use a phone number sometime. I honestly don't think I deserve your concern or kind words at this point, but I do appreciate it.

Zoobear

Good luck, I hope you make it back.

BellaTeal

I think I know how you feel...and it's the reason I don't post often. I know I'm not done and I don't want people to be angry and make sideways remarks. I can't deal with disapproval, online or in real life.

Part of me wants to stop-which is the reason I am here and have the right to be here-but the other part DOES NOT. And that other part is winning. I don't know what it's like to be in recovery but I imagine it can be frustrating to see someone dive right back into the bottle again and again. I do think, though, that some recovered people need to remember what it's like to be sick.

FBL

For all of you out there still struggling, I'll never forget what it felt like. I drank away nearly 30 years before I finally reached the "done" point. Try not to worry about what others think (I know, easier said than done). Whatever you do, don't give up hope. I thought I was a hopeless case, but it finally happened for me and it can happen for you too.

ninja7

Hi, sleepie!

I had strong craving yesterday. I drank coca cola a lot. In my case, I can sleep very well at night. When I went to bed last night, I was very happy and thought I finished my craving as long as I slept. Insomnia and sobriety may be different problem. I had also insomnia at the early stage of sobriety. I took sleeping piles. You care much about insomina on next try. See you soon!

Lenina

sleepie,

I don't know what happened to me exactly, but at some point I was sick of suffering and realized the worst part of the suffering was caused by the alcohol. Drinking no longer gave me any kind of relief. Not even temporary relief or ease or anything but more pain.

I've had to work very hard to get to a peaceful point in my mind. I read a lot of self-help books, went to rehab for 30 days and worked with my therapist. I had to trust enough to reach out and take the advice and help when it was offered.

Don't give up. Believe you deserve to be peaceful.

Love,

Lenina

debs

Well you're not alone in feeling like you're irritating people!... check out some of my old posts if you have time.. I was like a broken record!... but they never stopped supporting me.. we're not here to condemn.. any help you receive here, the favor is being returned by you. Helping each other. That's what support is all about, right?

Even I could break the chains.. and believe me... I didn't do it alone!!!

Don't let it escalate too far... keep the faith and embrace hope!

You can beat this thing!

baggervance

I would love to be as honest as you are being and thats where it must start.

Lenina

bagger,

Yes, the being honest with myself was the hard part for me. I was in a place where I thought I had to drink rather than I wanted to drink. It's hard for me to explain but when I realized I was mostly wanting to, things changed in my mind. Does this make sense?

I'm sure someone can explain that better than I can.

But, I have over two and half years sober today. I am at peace with it. I am mostly content. I am capable of joy today. I didn't know I had the ability to be joyful!

Love,

Lenina

baggervance

Lenina,
Congrats on two and half years. I am enveous of you I am strugling so hard now cant be honest even with myself oh how I miss joy. I am happy for you people like you is what keeps me coming back. Know you have helped an addict today thank you.