I have not had a drink for five days
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: London area
Posts: 98
I have not had a drink for five days
Hi my name is Franie. I have been drinking heavily for about three years. At least a bottle and a half of wine for the last year. I decided on Saturday to stop drinking - and have not had a drink since. I am lucky that I have not experienced too many withdrawal symptoms yet. I decided to stop as I finally realised that it was affecting my relationship with my children and husband.
I have a lovely husband and three beautiful daughters so have no reason to medicate with alchol. My childhood was not the best - but I feel that it is not appropriate to blame my drinking on something which took place over thirty years ago.
My husband has, in the past, said that he thinks I drink too much. He has no idea of the extent of my drinking and I will not be telling him any time soon. I have put them all through so much - I was very depressed for a long time and am only just comming out the other end. I can't burden him with this as well.
I just need a little support and a space where I can be honest about what I am trying to acheive. There is no sense of achivement when nobody really knows what you are trying to achieve - also I am not daft - there is also nobody to see you fail.
Any advice welcome.
Franie
I have a lovely husband and three beautiful daughters so have no reason to medicate with alchol. My childhood was not the best - but I feel that it is not appropriate to blame my drinking on something which took place over thirty years ago.
My husband has, in the past, said that he thinks I drink too much. He has no idea of the extent of my drinking and I will not be telling him any time soon. I have put them all through so much - I was very depressed for a long time and am only just comming out the other end. I can't burden him with this as well.
I just need a little support and a space where I can be honest about what I am trying to acheive. There is no sense of achivement when nobody really knows what you are trying to achieve - also I am not daft - there is also nobody to see you fail.
Any advice welcome.
Franie
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: London
Posts: 266
Franie,
Welcome to SR. It is great to have got this 5 days already.
Alcoholism and addiction has this strange way of operating in our brains. I can see how stupid others' drinking habits and relapses are but yet I quit 10 days of sobriety to drink last Sunday and had to restart again my path to recovery two days ago. I have also decided not to tell my husband right now the extent of my problem. Reading your post I am even more convinced this is not a good idea.
However, I will not tell him. I have told him I think I am on the road to alcoholism and I do not want to drink but he does not know about my past, when for a while, living alone I would be into getting really drunk every night. He does not know that I have sometimes bought extra drinks to be sure I was high before he got home so we could share a 'normal' bottle of wine between us (although that is still well beyond healthy units for a woman). He does not know that, when I travel on business, it is not true that I do not like 'networking' and prefer enjoy the peaceful feeling of being alone in a hotel room; the truth is that I enjoy getting drunk by myself with no possible monitoring (and then I have to get rid of bottles because I am embarrassed the staff members of hotels can see how much I drink alone).
Thank you for your post. Because I see myself in you, it helps me a lot to get to some decisions/acts I need to make pretty soon. I am sure this site will also give you this clarity of mind. Good luck in your new life.
Welcome to SR. It is great to have got this 5 days already.
Alcoholism and addiction has this strange way of operating in our brains. I can see how stupid others' drinking habits and relapses are but yet I quit 10 days of sobriety to drink last Sunday and had to restart again my path to recovery two days ago. I have also decided not to tell my husband right now the extent of my problem. Reading your post I am even more convinced this is not a good idea.
However, I will not tell him. I have told him I think I am on the road to alcoholism and I do not want to drink but he does not know about my past, when for a while, living alone I would be into getting really drunk every night. He does not know that I have sometimes bought extra drinks to be sure I was high before he got home so we could share a 'normal' bottle of wine between us (although that is still well beyond healthy units for a woman). He does not know that, when I travel on business, it is not true that I do not like 'networking' and prefer enjoy the peaceful feeling of being alone in a hotel room; the truth is that I enjoy getting drunk by myself with no possible monitoring (and then I have to get rid of bottles because I am embarrassed the staff members of hotels can see how much I drink alone).
Thank you for your post. Because I see myself in you, it helps me a lot to get to some decisions/acts I need to make pretty soon. I am sure this site will also give you this clarity of mind. Good luck in your new life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: London area
Posts: 98
to Wilde10
Dear Wilde10
What you say is also very familiar to me. I also drink before the family get home and hide bottles - even bringing them into work to dispose of. I think that most of us who drink too much like solitude - nobody to challenge our behaviour.
I have always had good friends but have never really confided in them until recently about my childhood. I think that this was the trigger which caused me to drink more than I had done in the past - I was now vulnerable to their opinions (they never have judged me) and drinking was a way of hiding. In fact I can actually pinpoint the beginning of my decline to the day that I confided in my husband about my past.
I say over and over again that I will not drink again - but I know that this will be very difficult. Many thanks for replying to me - it really does help to know that I am not the only person who is struggling with this.
Franie
What you say is also very familiar to me. I also drink before the family get home and hide bottles - even bringing them into work to dispose of. I think that most of us who drink too much like solitude - nobody to challenge our behaviour.
I have always had good friends but have never really confided in them until recently about my childhood. I think that this was the trigger which caused me to drink more than I had done in the past - I was now vulnerable to their opinions (they never have judged me) and drinking was a way of hiding. In fact I can actually pinpoint the beginning of my decline to the day that I confided in my husband about my past.
I say over and over again that I will not drink again - but I know that this will be very difficult. Many thanks for replying to me - it really does help to know that I am not the only person who is struggling with this.
Franie
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: London
Posts: 266
Def. not alone... Too many of us. Many of us women with kids. I do not have anything in my past justifying this. I know when it became worse, when my father died. But I wonder if I was looking for this excuse to let myself go. I am more and more convinced that, as much as I hate this scientific theories about genes deciding on your alcoholic behaviour, there was always an alcoholic living in my body.
of course, if I would have been from another religion or whatever and never tried alcohol, I would not know. But I did not do anything different from my peers when I started drinking. Others did not enter this cycle and I did. I have stopped blaming myself and others about it. I remember when i was about 16, one of my uncles died of cihrrosis and one of his sons spent the night getting drunk in different bars. I thought that was the most stupid behaviour ever. It seemed so vicious, so incredibly mean... Now I understand he was another alcoholic and if my father would have died 3 months ago I would have probably done the same thing. It would have been 'the reason'.
This is one of the worst parts of my drinking I think. In my case, I do not think I have a reason to drink. However, if you have reasons to drink, I would suggest you find a counsellor to help addressing the issues. While the final result may be the same, i.e., our dependence, the way to recovery is different. I would not hesitate for a moment to get a councellor if I knew there may be a reason behind my drinking.
of course, if I would have been from another religion or whatever and never tried alcohol, I would not know. But I did not do anything different from my peers when I started drinking. Others did not enter this cycle and I did. I have stopped blaming myself and others about it. I remember when i was about 16, one of my uncles died of cihrrosis and one of his sons spent the night getting drunk in different bars. I thought that was the most stupid behaviour ever. It seemed so vicious, so incredibly mean... Now I understand he was another alcoholic and if my father would have died 3 months ago I would have probably done the same thing. It would have been 'the reason'.
This is one of the worst parts of my drinking I think. In my case, I do not think I have a reason to drink. However, if you have reasons to drink, I would suggest you find a counsellor to help addressing the issues. While the final result may be the same, i.e., our dependence, the way to recovery is different. I would not hesitate for a moment to get a councellor if I knew there may be a reason behind my drinking.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: London area
Posts: 98
Wilde10
There are no excuses for me to drink - my past is a long way away. Many people have a history of abuse but they do not hide behind alchol. Alchol is my weakness and I suppose that I have an addictive personality - if it was not alchol it would probably be something else. My aim in all this is to have a more honest relationship with my husband and daughters - and I can't do that if I am drinking in secret.
I do hope that we both manage not to give in to alchol this weekend - I have a family bbq to go to and a visit to friends - I will drive as this is the one thing which stops me drinking.
Good luck to you.
Franie
There are no excuses for me to drink - my past is a long way away. Many people have a history of abuse but they do not hide behind alchol. Alchol is my weakness and I suppose that I have an addictive personality - if it was not alchol it would probably be something else. My aim in all this is to have a more honest relationship with my husband and daughters - and I can't do that if I am drinking in secret.
I do hope that we both manage not to give in to alchol this weekend - I have a family bbq to go to and a visit to friends - I will drive as this is the one thing which stops me drinking.
Good luck to you.
Franie
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: CT
Posts: 46
Keep it up
good luck Frannie. I have been off and on for years. I decided last week to try stopping altogether. So I'm right there with you. I try to remember that alcohol will never let me live to my full potential. I also focus on the fact of watching others who are drunk and ruining their lives, nothing good ever happens to them. Just watch C.O.P.S. or any police reality show!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
cheesegrits....
.....Welcome
Your user name cracked me up.....
didn't know a CT Yankee would be a fan.
Hope your early sobriety is going smoothly
Keep in focus....and keep posting with us
.....WelcomeYour user name cracked me up.....
didn't know a CT Yankee would be a fan.
Hope your early sobriety is going smoothly
Keep in focus....and keep posting with us
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: CT
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by CarolD 
cheesegrits.........Welcome
Your user name cracked me up.....
didn't know a CT Yankee would be a fan.
Hope your early sobriety is going smoothly
Keep in focus....and keep posting with us
.....WelcomeYour user name cracked me up.....
didn't know a CT Yankee would be a fan.
Hope your early sobriety is going smoothly
Keep in focus....and keep posting with us
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome franie and cheesegrits! (moved to Mississippi years ago and still can't get used to grits!)
Fran - congrats on 5 days - that's awesome! I had to quit drinking too, after realizing what it was doing to me, and where I was headed if I kept it up. It really was no fun always getting over a hangover (or drinking just to feel normal again), hiding, counting..... just the obsession alone is so tiring. And I could feel it taking a real toll on my body.
There's nothing like getting up in the morning and actually feeing awake instead of half dead. I try to remember those days. And coming here for support really helps me to stay sober. I'm so glad you've joined us on this journey!!
Fran - congrats on 5 days - that's awesome! I had to quit drinking too, after realizing what it was doing to me, and where I was headed if I kept it up. It really was no fun always getting over a hangover (or drinking just to feel normal again), hiding, counting..... just the obsession alone is so tiring. And I could feel it taking a real toll on my body.
There's nothing like getting up in the morning and actually feeing awake instead of half dead. I try to remember those days. And coming here for support really helps me to stay sober. I'm so glad you've joined us on this journey!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: London area
Posts: 98
off the wagon
Had a good weekend without drinking. BUT rewarded myself this afternoon with a very large galss of wine. This is the first time I have tried to stop drinking and thought that it was not going to be too difficult as I had managed almost 10 days without drinking. Have no idea why I gave into the desire to drink - have had stronger urges and managed to resist them. Did not have drink in the house - went to a leaving do at work (free bar) and just said yes when somebody said "glass of wine?". Day one again tomorrow how depressing. Am really fed up this afternoon.
Franie
Franie
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 274
Franie and Wilde, wow how I recognize myself in your stories, the hiding and disposing of the bottles, am a solitude drinker as well and think I have been pretty good at hiding it. Have not been able to confide in any of my friends and my family which is why this forum is so great, if they did not know before then why now... Franie, you can do it! Admit that I am only on day 5 after an endless amount of relapses and not the best to give advice, but after a relapse there is nothing but going for day one again...
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hey Franie! Sometimes we need to find out just how close we are to that next drink. After three relapses, I feel stronger than ever, because I know what/where/when I picked up again and have corrected my course. Just don't beat yourself up - you still stayed sober for those 5 days.
Give yourself a few days to get over this, and you'll be right back in the sunshine again!
Give yourself a few days to get over this, and you'll be right back in the sunshine again!
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: London
Posts: 266
Franie,
So back to day one... It is so much better than given up on yourself alltogether. You are getting there. The alternative as super71 said in another post a few days ago is much worse in any case. Are we going to allow ourselves to keep going... When I am not very sure whether I am not ready to quit, I quickly work out that I am not ready to let myself go with alcohol. And to me these seem the only two options.
So back to day one... It is so much better than given up on yourself alltogether. You are getting there. The alternative as super71 said in another post a few days ago is much worse in any case. Are we going to allow ourselves to keep going... When I am not very sure whether I am not ready to quit, I quickly work out that I am not ready to let myself go with alcohol. And to me these seem the only two options.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: in France
Posts: 393
Hi
I identify with all the previous posts.
You are all so right -just start again , it looks like so many of us didn't manage it first time.
I would like to warn you from falling into the trap I fell into.
I have relapsed so many times I felt too ashamed to come back on here and post. I felt I would be letting down all the wonderful people who had helped me.
In reality by not coming back I give more power to the bottle which then becomes my strongest (and fatal) ally and I get back into drinking regularly..
So thankyou all for giving me the courage to come back on here and try again.
I know that posting on here is an important part of recovery and I am pleased (well maybe that's not the right word) to see other women, with children, struggling with the same muck as I am.
This is day two for me.
I identify with all the previous posts.
You are all so right -just start again , it looks like so many of us didn't manage it first time.
I would like to warn you from falling into the trap I fell into.
I have relapsed so many times I felt too ashamed to come back on here and post. I felt I would be letting down all the wonderful people who had helped me.
In reality by not coming back I give more power to the bottle which then becomes my strongest (and fatal) ally and I get back into drinking regularly..
So thankyou all for giving me the courage to come back on here and try again.
I know that posting on here is an important part of recovery and I am pleased (well maybe that's not the right word) to see other women, with children, struggling with the same muck as I am.
This is day two for me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: in France
Posts: 393
Hey Franie, we're here.
If only we could wave a magic wand and we wouldn't be suffering anymore but as that isn't possible I think coming on SR and meeting all these very kind people who really do understand because either they are going thru it or have already is really the next best thing.
In the meantime can I offer you a piece of chocolate cake?
If only we could wave a magic wand and we wouldn't be suffering anymore but as that isn't possible I think coming on SR and meeting all these very kind people who really do understand because either they are going thru it or have already is really the next best thing.
In the meantime can I offer you a piece of chocolate cake?
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