Katie88

Hello everyone. I am trying to quit drinking, but am having a very hard time. I feel it has ruined my life. Relationships, friendships, work stuff. I am so depressed, anxious, and lonely all the time now. i dont have any hobbies anymore. i dont have a relationship, my finances are a mess.

i feel completely isolated and feel the burden of keeping this addiction a secret. my self-confidence has dwindled. i dont even know who i am anymore. i feel hopeless about the future and overwhelmed. if anyone has any advice or can relate to this post, i look forward to reading what you have to say. thank you.

sampar

Well done on being so honest, I can totally identify with how your feeling i felt the same way at the end of my drinking, felt like stayin in bed all day coz what was the point. I reached my rock bottom december 08, & knew I had to do something about it as it had become life or death for me & those close to me.
For ME I chose to find the AA (alcoholic anon) even though it was very very hard to accept the fact i had a drink poblem & I knew nothing about AA i had to give it a shot. Amazingly it got me, & day by day i got sober. 18months on i owe my life mentally, physically & spititually to the programme i chose to help me.
There are many programmes out there that will help you, Please dont tink your havve to do this by your self, allow people who have the experience of geting sober to help you. For me i not only have soberity up to this moment I have also learned how to deal with all my financial issues & learning how to become a mother,sister,wife & friend, I had to ask people who had these similar experiences how they did it. The advice & suggestions are there you just have to be willing to take them on board.
As i said at the stat of my post, Well done on being honest, because Honesty will get you a long way. Best of luck on your journey, & welcome to Sober Recovery!!!!:day6

CarolD

Welcome back.....

Depression is why I decided to quit drinking
and joined AA. New sober friends who understood
and supported my lifestyle were vital for me.

I've never been bored in AA.....

Into action Katie....you too can find a better future.

Starburst

Hi sorry you feeling sad, perhaps you should go to a doctor and see if he can give you anything? Hope you feel better soon.

loveon2legs

Dear Katie,
At the end of my drinking career..I felt same too....it was always such an effort to get up...my fiances were crazily out of control...my husband and I were fighting all the time...it SUCKED.... all that has changed now..I'm working on my 6 months of sobriety!!...problems still come up, but I am able to manage them...rather than running from them...like right now I've hurt my back so bad....usually I would grab a bottle of wine or two and drink that to get rid of the pain....but tylenol is helping and for the first time I'm going to get a massage...When you stop drinking you start learning how to take care of yourself....in a good way......My advice to you would be, get a check up at the doctor, blood work the whole bit...then one day at a time do something you've never done before...start focusing inward and look for the beauty of everyday.... alcohol is a depressant..so it makes us sad,anxious,tired..eliminate it..and give your body time to adjust and honestly you will feel like a brand new person...

Wishing you well xoxox

Katie88

Thank you everyone for your responses. I am now on day 2 and hoping I can make it through the day. It is Friday and the weekend should be hard because i don't know what I'll do with myself. I have a plans to go to the gym, maybe read in a coffee shop, and see a movie with someone i know in the city (who barely drinks). it would also be a good idea to check out a meeting, but im nervous about it since i am shy.

ill post again tonight. hope everyone has a sober day.

sunrise1

Katie, we're glad you're here... please do stop back in tonight- we'll be around!

artsoul

Hi Katie! You decribed active addiction to a T!!! I felt all those same things and it really IS overwhelming. I was hanging onto life by my fingernails the last year I drank. Even when I started to get sober, I didn't think I would be able to find peace of mind again, let alone happiness.

So much of that anxiety and depression is what alcohol does to us. Just removing alcohol will make such a difference - you'll get back a sense of calmness and even inner strength when you finally get it out of your system. It's hard to believe, I know, but it really does get better.

I spent the first weekend reading and posting here because I didn't know what else to do. You're plans sound great, though. Just remember, you're going to need a lot of support, so keep checking in with us (and AA is totally laid-back, so don't worry about trying a meeting out - everyone there has the same basic need - to stay sober). Hang in there!!!

sleepie

Hi Katie. I'm sorry you're feeling so rough. I do hope you can start to get some sober time- I'll be rooting for you. I've been told early sobriety is very rough, but that if you can stick with it the benefits will appear... I am going through the process myself. It has not been an entirely unblemished road. Keep posting

DayTrader

Hey Katie.
I feel ya. I started getting those feelings shortly after I stopped drinking. That time, I think, was far worse than when I WAS drinking. It was sheer misery. THANK GOD I had some folks in my life who were well versed in AA's program and they taught me what those feelings were and how to outgrow them.

Like Carol said, I mostly stuck around because I was hoping to treat the depression for now, feel better, and re-learn how to drink "normally" again sometime soon. Several years later, here I sit. Haven't had any booze and am verrrrry rarely depressed. Other than a few "difficulties" that I'm trying to work through, life's grand.

Stick around, get a game plan and start working on your recovery. I wasn't able to do that on my own.... I "needed" the structure of AA. Turns out, what I hated initially is now something I really look forward to.

Best of luck to ya.

Katie88

Thanks for these wonderful comments. It is my second alcohol-free day and surprisingly enough, I am feeling a bit different. I ate a huge veggie delight from subway (trying to be healthy), and then went for the third session with a personal trainer i started working with last week. i am going to my first visit with a psychologist on wednesday to start to work out some of my emotional issues that led me into alcoholism. as i said in my other posts, ive been feeling very lonely in a new city without genuine friends or a significant other. so i have been looking into activity groups that don't involve drinking. for example: i signed up for a bike ride next saturday.

tonight i AM going to show up at an AA meeting in about an hour. i have been to them before but wasn't consistent about it. i know it won't "cure" me, but at least i will be able to be around people in a setting that does not involve alcohol. i am sure the people will be nice and that i will gain something from it. i just hope the meeting motivates me to keep showing up. being by myself at this point in time will just make me want to drink again.

i know this is going to be a very hard process and a lot of it is my responsibility. looking on the positive side, i guess it is a good thing that i dont have many friends here. if i did, they would probably be drinking buddies that i would have to extract myself from as i try to get sober. sorry for the rambling. i appreciate the support more than i can express. i need to save my own life at this point and i know S.R. will help me do that.

sable1

Hi. I My body feels better every day since I stopped drinking, but my mind doesn't follow.
I feel like I'm kinda dragging myself through the days. Any little thing can make me break down a little. I cry a lot and feel extremely sensitive. I get annoyed and stressed easily...

I guess that it is a normal part of recovery, and hope that it will get better. I am so used to pushing away my feelings with drinking that it gets overwhelming to now have to deal with life without it.

I just hate that I feel so much and feel so damn vulnerable!

I don't really have much of advice to give, cry if you feel like crying, it makes me feel better to just let it out! And all the things you mentioned you would do, reading, go for walks, those are good ways to keep youself occupied.

Brucel

Katie88, welcome!! It sounds like you hit that point of desperation where you are willing to try anything. That feel like sh--, but it's good cause that "gift" will help you on your journey. There are ton's of AA meetings in the Bay Area on the penninsula, in the City, and in the East Bay. That's where I got sober. Those feeling will dim after a while, but never forget how they felt. Thing about people like us, we tend to forget how bad it felt and it repeats itself over and over. God Bless and Good Luck.

Katie88

Sable, I am used to pushing my feelings away with alcohol. But it got to the point where the morning after depression was so bad that my strategy no longer worked and that drinking was becoming more of a problem than whatever was making me upset in the first place. I don't like to be vulnerable either. I know that confronting fear of vulnerability will be a huge step in overcoming my addiction. Good luck to you and congratulations, Sable. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk to someone!

Katie88

Thanks Brucel :-) Yes, I was/am at that point of desperation. Greetings from members of S.R. helped me not to feel alone. I went to an AA meeting last night. It was a big meeting with speaker/discussion. I met a few really nice people there who introduced themselves to me and gave me some info. One person even told me to call him if I needed anything. There aren't a lot of places one can go and meet with this kind of generosity. I am going to check out one or two more meetings tonight. Just wanted to give an update that I made it through day 2 and am now on my third day sober. I haven't been able to sleep very well, but not feeling as depressed as I was on day 1.

Last night I heard from people with 1, 5, 10, and 30 years sober (and lots of people in between). This baffles my mind, and I finally understand that AA/recovery phrase "wanting what they have." I would love to have even 1 whole year sober and see how my life changes. But at this point, I will be thrilled if I can even make it to two weeks. But for now...one day at a time. Thanks for listening.

loveon2legs

Great progress katie!! The one day at a time is great thinking...I find if I think to far into my sobriety, then it freaks me out sometimes....I'm going on 6 months and just take it day by day....you will be amazed how fast time flys!! Happy Sober Saturday to you!!

loveon2legs

P.S. I love San Francisco!!!

Nuclerosis

Hi Katie. Just wanted to let you know that I had a very similar experience. I woke up one day and realised I had no friends at all and no one to talk to. I found the lonliness when I was drunk the hardest thing to deal with. I'm now at the point where I'm making new friends but still find it very hard being so isolated as I'm a very social person.

cheesegrits

think of your loneliness as a peaceful solitude. The greatest thing you have is yourself. As you stay sober, everything about you will change in a good positive way. I guarantee you'll lose weight and your complexion will glow, but it take time to get poison out of the system. Internally you'll be more fit for positive relationships, and will know how not to sabotage them. Time is the key. Nothing worth waiting for happens overnight. Keep up the good work.

Katie88

alcohol does sabotage everything. and i am finding it impossible to stop completely. why is this so hard?