Epiphany
 

Always thought that my last drinking episode wasn't that bad. Downed a 750 of Bacardi and just realized that is 25 oz of booze. Hmmmm. Makes me cringe now. Also, GF continues to drink to drink to the point of becoming verbally abusive. Claims she going dry for 3 weeks. I'm thinking of telling her I'll leave if it doesn't happen. Anyone else dry out and change for the better when their sig other didn't? Did you try to make it work or bail? Any pointers much appreciated. I've increasingly come to see her as excessively histrionic; but second guess myself as being too judgemental.

I'm not in a relationship right now, but the first time I got sober I was married and the relationship definitely went through alot of changes. My husband still drank after I got sober, but he didn't have a drinking problem so it didn't bother me. We had other issues however, and while I was drinking it was easy to let everything slide. Getting sober meant really thinking about what I needed/wanted, and alot of feelings came to the surface that I had never dealt with. We stuck it out for another 7 years, but eventually ended up going our separate ways.

It's hard to know what's best for us in early sobriety, but I think if I were in a relationship with someone who had a problem with alcohol, it would be really hard to stay in it. Hope you sort it out!

I bailed. He went through rehab before me, and he went right back to drinking/drugging the day he got out.

He's dead now.

I protect my sobriety like the precious seed that it is. That includes staying out of toxic relationships. :)

Hey EW, I was in my first marriage and when I got sober the first time, she took off in the opposite direction. Meaning she started doing what I was trying to stop. That lasted for about two years, it got so bad I was never home and one day she said she wanted a divorce. I wasn't spiritually fit and not very close with anyone in the program, so I did the logical thing and ended up being drunk for the next 7 years. I was hard dude, but I got sober again and have been ever since. That's my experience with that. Don't know if it helped.

:hug: EW.....
I had been in recovery about 6 months and
I did not stay with my lover of 5 years
My new sober lifestyle and goals did not
interest him.....tho he was supportive.
He planned to continue his drinking.

We simply had very little in common....no children
were involved ..neither of us wanted marriage.

Jim survived....I've thrived and I don't regret the decision.
I took a year away from dating...to explore the new
single sober me....worked out great....:yup:

The oddest thing happened to me.....I soon discovered
that all the men the drinking me enjoyed.....
were no longer fascinating or interesting.

I figured out I really don't need a SO
to be fullfilled and contented.

All my best as you work thru your situation

""The oddest thing happened to me.....I soon discovered
that all the men the drinking me enjoyed.....
were no longer fascinating or interesting.""

I so get; it's almost as if I'm acting (pretending to be something I'm not anymore). I think to an extent I'm comfortable, but decreasingly so any real passion is waning. I feel a little worn out and know I need to do more to branch ou and cultivate constructive relationships outside the old drinking crowd.

From your last post, that sounds like a slippery place to be. The old friends are mostly gone for me, primarily cause I don't relate to them anymore. I would have to "act as if'. One problem, I'm not. God Bless

EW,

I was married to my drinking partner 14 years. I got sober, my partner did not. We lasted 6 months after I got sober and began recovery. I tried to be the supportive partner and went to a function with the old drinking crowd. I took my own car and left early. I declined any further offers. I was done and found that outside of drinking, I had very little in common with the old crowd.

When I finally had enough, I told him I was leaving. He offered to get sober if I would stay. I had to tell him that I always thought that sobriety was all I wanted, but after starting my own recovery from addiction I knew I wanted more than just a sober partner.

Congrats on your sobriety. May you continue to grow in your recovery.

Thanks everyone... Really helped me settle down. I feel pretty good most of the time with occasional bouts of out of body experiences. I know I'm at a sort of inflection point where it's time to really re-engage my life with the larger world and do something constructive. I've realized that my emotions are now mostly real and not rationalizations of an addiction (I've gotten really god at cAlling myself out on my own internal BS (gee that term stinkin' thinkin' actually makes sense) smile).

With one GF, as we both were in recovery at the time, she slipped. I went out too. When I decided to get back in addiction treatment, she stayed out. I had to let go of the relationship. It then got ugly as she didn't want to let go of me. Eventually she got the message that I wanted growth in my life and addiction was no longer a part of my lifestyle. Learning how to be safe is very much a part of my treatment plan. She on the other hand had no interest in my safety.

My hubby has been through all this with me. He has previously been engaged to a woman who ended up on crack, and she had to move out of state to get away from it and start over. So- something tells me that part of him feels like "... here we go again..." but he has been as even keeled with me as he can be (which doesn't mean he's perfect all the time; he's got his own set of demons [not chemically related] to work on.

Because of what I do for a living, I have to spend time around alcohol every day. Literally- I need to have God that extra step closer to me and my list of phone numbers handy. I play music; there's not enough work to survive if I strictly book festivals and events like that, and there's still no guarantee there won't be drinking of some kind there.

THEREFORE- Hubby can drink whatever he cares to. Although he's dabbled in various substances at different points in his life, he has never had trouble walking away from any of it, including alcohol. How can I "punish" him when he's not the one with the problem? One saving grace about that is that he really only likes that really dark beer like Guinness... something I don't even recognize as a beverage, let alone booze. So- sometimes I even pick some up from the store for him and it doesn't bother me. Of COURSE, your mileage may vary... My sponsor and I are looking extra hard at the whole "spiritual" section of my picture, as that is what will ultimately determine if I'm fit to work where I do.

Only you can make the decision of whether or not the relationship should continue, but my advice is to really look at the situation.

Is it helping your recovery? Is it hindering it?

Sometimes we have to make sacrifices to maintain our sobriety.

Our sobriety, as recovered alcoholics, is precious and we should guard and protect it with all of our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls.

My partner and I have stuck it out. He had a colorful past with many drugs, weed, and has always been a heavy drinker. Now he's left the drugs in the past, recently graduated with a masters degree and has a successful career.

When I was drinking I would get mouthy and beligerent. He stuck it out for me. One of the reasons I got sober was for us to have a stronger relationship.

Things seem to be working out. You never know.

Oh boy I can relate to your last drinking episode. It was after about 10 days of sobriety so I thought my tolerance would have gone down and I wouldn't drink as much.

I woke up the next morning and found an empty (?) fifth in the freezer.

I shook it around and held it up to the light. Did I really drink all that?? Yes I did.

Then I went back to bed for the rest of the day.

She kept drinking and left so now I'm single.
I'm still finding "me".
I'm alone but not lonely.

I will never get involved with a drinker. This may limit the market. So be it.

"I will never get involved with a drinker. This may limit the market."

LOL. I'm really starting to believe in the quality vs. Quantity thing.

From a different perspective (but similar experience)...

My ex was an addict / had depression. We went through many cycles of him trying to get/stay clean and me trying to save him. When we finally split it was because he got clean and realized that he needed to be on his own for awhile in order to work on himself. It was a mutual decision, but a sad one at the time. But with time I came to realize that us splitting allowed each one of us to do some work on ourselves, and it also left us open to finding other people to whom we were better suited. (we had other issues) Yes, at the time, it made me sad, but in retrospect, I wouldn't have had it any other way. He was a good person and it was sad to see him saddled with two diseases to battle; when I finally accepted that I could not help him and he accepted that I couldn't, we were able to let go and go out separate ways. I think with the addicts I've known they sometimes have to separate in order to get better.