How to get a life
 

I spent the last 10 years drinking on the computer, while my wife created a life for herself. Now I find I'm awake and the world has moved on.

My wife has taken vacations alone, and has a group of friends that she'll take off on the weekends with.

How do I get started? How do I get confidence? Do I take a trip alone myself?

I feel like a non-person.

:hug:....Drk

What do you find interesting?
Something you always wanted to do or learn about?

I did volunteer things...took classes ...and became
active in AA service work.

These gave me a circle of new friends and sharpened
my interest in a different sober lifestyle....:yup:

All my best to you and your wife

Like CarolD wrote, what are things you are interested in?

Realize the world is waiting for you. Just step outside. Start a hobby. Take a class. Volunteer your time. Fly a kite. All these things will not only stimulate your own interests but will cause you to find new friends.

I'm sure you don't know what to do first. It's not important. There is no right way to begin. Just do something everyday. It will do wonders for not wanting to drink.

You're not a non-person. You've just put things on hold while you were drinking.

Drk, I have had a problem with myself for a long time in the "getting a life" department. I am still not thrilled about it in the aftermath of my quitting, but I am not that bothered by it either, since getting rid of alcohol is/has been an important step for me.

On the bright side, I would say that looking at others' going on with life is a good thing to encourage you to stay active. There is a lot to life we have been out of while drugging ourselves.

On the precautious side though, I would also say to be careful with that, because when we look at others getting on with their life, that can lead to focusing on a personal void in us and then romanticizing alcohol as a friendly resource again. This happened to me several years ago when I made a brief effort to quit during a move to a new city. (That brief quit reverted to regular drinking, then moderation; then a violent descent into drinking and the addiction really made its presence known and it stayed that way for about 8 years.)

I seem to be beyond that romanticization nowadays, but I bear in mind the past: I don't allow what others can do (and should I too?) to get in my way. I think you are the one who said a while back "there is no way in 9 hells I am going to ruin things with drinking again". If so, then hang on to that thinking, and remember that we made ourselves sick (or sicker) with drinking, and now we are getting better. Our spirirts take time to get stronger. If you're like me, that is.

So, do what you can to feel like you are an active participant in life, without alcohol and don't punish yourself if you take long to figure it out. If something counts as a good step to you, then see a reason for congratulations in it and let it add up with other small things. Sometimes I think of it as ants hauling small fibers to their home - all that small activity adds up!

Hmm DRK
First off. I think you should be thankful you still have a wife.
If you still have a wife, then you have a hell of a lot more life than I do. LOL
But to be honest, you say you spen't the last 10 years drinking, so it stands to reason it will take some time to "get the wheels turning again" so to speak.
Like has been said above, find a hobby. There are some pretty involved things to do with the info on the internet. Thats what keeps me busy. Like I said in another post, my hobby is RC airplanes. And I meet a lot of people flying them, And very few of them drink.
Good luck
Fred

DRK..Bin there done that..now on a recovery track...an likin it a lot...hobbys interests, as others have said..get into them, what im personally findin is this...where as using an abusing booze was concerned, it involved workin my shifts..only to live for the rewards of the alcohol buzz, every night..often surfing or ebaying or whatever cyber world, i could indulge myself in for many many hours...since stopping im gettin things in perspective..and not living for highlights anymore like the first buzz, ive been lookin forward to all day,..now becomes a coffee, and dessert or something, much more on a level playin feild,with life and all that comes my way...mentally far less emotional stress, free...without the addict mind..and turmoil that goes with...i guess like many here say,
livin life on lifes terms, if your gonna reward yourself..be it healthy ones, that help and not hinder your true natural happiness, as it were...seek an you shall find..good luck..:herewego