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1step forward -

Old 06-25-2010, 01:22 PM
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1step forward -

I have been sober now for 1 year and 8 days - and on the whole am doing OK
I don't crave drink, but do notice the other bits creeping in - food, spending, compulsive thoughts. I am aware of this and recognise what is happening. I had an aha moment last week when someone said that the alcohol is in the bottle, the ism is in you. I am lucky that I have been working all along, and started in a new place this week. I was really excited about the new job, nice people, kept busy, not so far to travel, and have enjoyed my time there so far.
So am surprised that tonight I just feel so down - just want to crawl back into my hole and bawl my eyes out.
I know the road to recovery is up and down, and that I have to feel the feelings and work through it - just hope that it doesn't last long. I don't know what I am expecting others to say - it must be normal and everyone goes through it, it's just hard when its happening especially when you think you are doing OK
I know there are so many people out there that are hurting really bad - have read some of the posts - and my heart goes out to you.
Here's wishing all of us another sober day in recovery
j
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Old 06-25-2010, 01:34 PM
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Wow a year and 8 days- that's so great! You sound like you know what's going on... I understand compulsive thoughts and spending, and related behaviors, I think many of us who drink have that in us. I'm wishing you the best in continuing to remain sober, I'm sorry you're in such a rough place.
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Old 06-25-2010, 01:40 PM
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Jean,
Thanks for the honesty. I went thru that at about 1 year. Everything was going pretty good and I felt OK except every once in awhile I would get sideways for no apperant reason. I started to eat more than normal, and before you know it I went from 175 lbs to 264 lbs. WTF. I have no idea what happened but I was still sober. Then I heard a guy on tape. His name was Johnny Harris, and he said that if you don't change from being a "taker" into a "giver' you probably won't stay long. It's about change! That kinda spooked me. So I got with my sponsor and asked how I could do that, cause I had no idea, and I didn't want to go back. He hooked me up with an H&I rep in Northern California and I haven't looked back. I'm at 5 1/2 years now and back down to 200 lbs, which doesn't matter, but I am changing from a taker into a giver. Hope you find your nitch in this recovery, it's there. God Bless
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Old 06-25-2010, 01:41 PM
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Great post!
Im sorry you are hurting. I try to keep moving forward though step work. Im not saying you dont work hard, Im saying "I" can always work a little harder. I always feel better after helping others also. Misery is not a must in this program!
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Old 06-25-2010, 02:22 PM
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i've done my almost
 
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Do something, anything, everything different.

I'm of the opinion that the same me will drink again. Maybe that's true with you?

Do you use a program? If not, maybe try AA? It's worked great for me so far (I'm approaching 6 months).
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Old 06-25-2010, 02:55 PM
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Originally Posted by jeanmh View Post
I don't crave drink, but do notice the other bits creeping in - food, spending, compulsive thoughts. I am aware of this and recognize what is happening. I had an aha moment last week when someone said that the alcohol is in the bottle, the ism is in you. ..... am surprised that tonight I just feel so down - just want to crawl back into my hole and bawl my eyes out.

I know the road to recovery is up and down, and that I have to feel the feelings and work through it - just hope that it doesn't last long.

it's just hard when its happening especially when you think you are doing OK
Write some of those "issues" down (the food, spending, thoughts, etc), give your sponsor a call and let him/her know what's up. Voila, you just did a 4th and 5th step.

There are ups and downs in life and in recovery. I've found the more "connected" I got and the less self-centered I act (which means going out of my way to help others especially when I don't want to) the fewer "downs" I have.

Usually, when I'm "feeling OK" I start to slack off and/or let my guard down.... I get lazy. Just like clockwork, about a week or two later I start feeling like crap again......


I catch it a lot quicker now (or my sponsor notices it before I do and he lets me know) and I don't go down quite as far or for as long. So there's hope!!!
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Old 06-25-2010, 06:36 PM
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I have to totally agree with Kjell. jeanmh, it's great you have a new job, but is the rest of your life basically the same as when you were drinking?

I find the more that I change myself, the less I want to drink.
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Old 06-25-2010, 07:50 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Congratulations on your progress.....

I find prayers immensley helpful and I also do
a Gratitude List when troubled.

Keep moving forward.....you are worth the effort.
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Old 06-26-2010, 07:26 AM
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Thanks for all the replies - and yes I have to agree, that even though I have been in treatment, and still attend aftercare, I am not working the programme in attending as many meetings as I should and because of this - I don't have a sponsor to work the steps with - I did steps 1-5 in treatment, but think I should go back and start again.
Will also look up Johnny Harris
Best wishes to all
j
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