Day one, day one.
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Day one, day one.
Again. I'm glad I did not want to drink upon waking this morning. I biked around and picked up a few things to send to a friend for his birthday, and something for my roomie. I like surprising people. Fortunately I got a little time in with my therapist, which always helps. I have to keep reminding myself I'll feel better every day that I don't drink. And that I am not the first or last to relapse. And that negative influences won't affect me as harshly if I focus on my own well being. I think I'll start being more selfish that way, and drawing more boundaries. That's something I was never taught to do.
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Originally Posted by sleepie 
Hmmm... No overwhelming response, such as with my "bender" thread... 
The herd of verbal support starts to thin after awhile. Not because they want to see you fail, it’s quite the opposite. It just gets too painful to keep seeing people you care for suffer.
I’ve been at a loss for words on what to say to you even though you’ve been on my mind on a daily basis. You come around here enough and you start to make friends. Then you have people who genuinely care for you and all of the sudden, things get really scary. Sleeping pills and booze? Geez Sleepie!! You oughtta know better!! Remember Anna Nicole Smith? Heath Ledger?
Some of the entries you made scared the hell out of me. I was really sad for you a lot this week.
I’m not trying to give you crap right now, or be discouraging at all, but I’m kind of angry. Angry that you made me feel so helpless to do anything to get you out of the depressive state you’ve been in these past few days.
You think you felt bad? How about watching someone you care for basically loose there fight in this. That sucks for all of us whose not you.
I also think maybe you took a few things to heart that was never supposed to make you feel like we didn’t care. I think by and large, we all do, very much. I think the “tough love” get’s a little misplaced but I believe it’s well intended. we’re all still addicts here, not drug counselors. We might say the wrong things or do the wrong things, but that’s why that old saying “take what you need and leave the rest” is so important.
So Sleepie, I’m glad you’re back. I prayed for you all week, and thank God you’re still here.
I’m mad at you for making me feel the way you did, but I’ll get over it the more you stay in this fight and continue to live and thrive.
stay strong and be well.
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Why didn't you PM me and say so Bull Dog? Kind words make much more of an impact than self righteous, outright mean, commentary. And I needed that. And thank goodness for my counselor who has some working grey matter, unlike the vast majority of therapists. I see more compassion here for people who have actually harmed someone while drinking and driving, or put their unborn child at risk for irreversible birth defects by using while pregnant, or their kids by drinking and using while "parenting"... Where's their "tough" love? And some of them are still drinking/ using.
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Glad to hear you're starting over, Sleepie. 
What's on your agenda for the day? I found it helped me to have sort of a plan of to-do's early in sobriety.
My AA homegroup is having their annual campfire meeting tomorrow evening at a small lake close by, and I'm really looking forward to that.
I've got a list of things I still have to get for the event! We cook hamburgers, and everyone brings a covered dish to eat before the meeting.
It's really nice because I get to see some AA friends from the area who don't get to our meetings often.
What's on your agenda for the day? I found it helped me to have sort of a plan of to-do's early in sobriety.
My AA homegroup is having their annual campfire meeting tomorrow evening at a small lake close by, and I'm really looking forward to that.
I've got a list of things I still have to get for the event! We cook hamburgers, and everyone brings a covered dish to eat before the meeting.
It's really nice because I get to see some AA friends from the area who don't get to our meetings often.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
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Originally Posted by sleepie
Why didn't you PM me and say so Bull Dog? Kind words make much more of an impact than self righteous, outright mean, commentary. And I needed that. And thank goodness for my counselor who has some working grey matter, unlike the vast majority of therapists. I see more compassion here for people who have actually harmed someone while drinking and driving, or put their unborn child at risk for irreversible birth defects by using while pregnant, or their kids by drinking and using while "parenting"... Where's their "tough" love? And some of them are still drinking/ using.
Stop comparing your lot against that of others.
You have been doing that since I met you, looking for the appropriate punishment value to be assigned to people, and seeing that as a formula for getting better. You don't rise up out of it that way.
Your mood might have changed since this post from you, but I think it will come back again, and that's why I am making a point with it. When it does come back, think about what good can start and grow with you and not where just desserts should be applied. This is not the court in heaven. And remember that I AM NOT PERFECT EITHER. You can't keep holding people accountable to your feelings. There is no joy or progress until we get a divorce with Resentment. (Remember how I said Resentment and Bondage were married?) I am a recovering addict and I am experiencing an improved outlook on life by divorcing Resentment and not maintaining energy for injustices that "should never have happened" to me. There is a rising up that happens when you remove all of that, and I think that is the elusive meaning of humility that other alcoholics talk about.
With constructive love,
Me.
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PS: this shouldn't have been an afterthought, but I want you to have the good that can come out of what I am trying to describe. That's the point of writing it out. The point is not to send you to your room. I don't think the point can be made by petting you with "there, there, it's OK." The solution is inside you and I want you to find it and be happier. That's about all I can come up with for now, and I think I have to leave that with you for a while.
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Well I'm miffed and here it comes. It sounds like you have a personal problem that has nothing to do with me. And I stand by every word I said- I know quite well what I respond to, and it is NOT self righteous, mean commentary. You don't like it? Don't read my threads. Nobody's making you. Go off on someone who likes that kind of thing, because I DO NOT... It is counterproductive to MY recovery. Someone on my bender thread asked "How can we help you?" and my answer is kindness and understanding, the same as I would offer someone else. Again, don't do anything you don't want to- and I suggest you simply stay off my threads if you find it that frustrating.
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And, I'm not perfect either. If that were the case, I wouldn't be here. Am I the first to relapse? Am I the first one here that has struggled and tried different things to get and stay sober? Most definitely not. But I'm still here, and I'm still trying. 
< (that's me beating alcohol)
< (that's me beating alcohol)
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OK, it only took one post to go by before you started saying the equivalent to "what about THOSE guys, they're 'bad' too"....
Congratulate yourself at the end of today and in the morning for one more day. I'm not a therapist, but if you react less and less with the above thinking habit, I think that is going to be good progress.
Congratulate yourself at the end of today and in the morning for one more day. I'm not a therapist, but if you react less and less with the above thinking habit, I think that is going to be good progress.
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