KOOKS

I recently started a new job (about 2 months ago) and things were going ok. Now they are organising a night out and I am feeling really uneasy to say the least.

I was going to volunteer to work to allow the others to go, but they are bringing in bank staff to cover, so that plan is out the window. It's a team bonding session as there is another new member of staff as well as me in a team of 7, and you know how people who drink don't want to bond with people who don't! Three of them, that I know of are heavy drinkers.

I feel as if I must go but I don't want to. I can't be bothered with all the questions of why don't you drink.........!! I also don't want to feel like a leper. I have been in situations like this before and it is not good.

I'm thinking of taking sick leave a few days before and after. I can't see any other way round it. I've been sober for over 2 years now I think. (don't keep count any more).

This has all made me feel like a misfit again.

Does anyone have any suggestions how I should handle this, and/or to make myself feel ok about myself again?



Hope I'm making sense.

Fandy

if you take sick time, you'll look like you are shirking.

I would go with the old saying...."alcohol is dangerous to mix with my medications, (my health, etc) my doctor advises against it". people should respect you and you shouldn't feel uncomfortable just because you don't want to drink.

bow out early if possible, you have to be at home for various reasons...(I would use the excuse that my air conditioning is broken and the contractor is coming)....I'm sorry to advise you to not tell the truth, but if you don't want to answer questions, just be short about your answers.

StewartUK

KOOKS: Also coming from Scotland i know how particularly pressurised drinking is at these or any social gatherings and I have 100% empathy for your situation. The only thing i can really add is that ive been in this situation your about to be in 100 times before and most times ive ended up caving thinking it's worth it for the bonding/socability aspects and it never is, in fact there's usually someone who doesnt drink and just has enough confidence to seem unaffected by the situation. So just be confident have a prepared excuse even and just stick to it, after about an hour everyone will be to drunk to notice if you're drinking or not.

NEOMARXIST

Just be open and honest with them and then you wouldn't have this problem.

I have no shame in telling people/colleagues that I don't drink. If they press the issue then they know why. I'm a recovering alcoholic. They really ain't bothered and if anything it gives me more respect.

I was just open from the outset that I don't drink. When events came up that I would have felt uneasy about then I was honest to why I wasn't going to the event and was respected for it.

I ain;t ashmed of my recovery and if anything it gives me more respect at work and with peers. No Bullsh*t, lame excuses. Man I used to hate shirking around the issue. It felt really crappy.

I ain't got nothing to hide and be ashamed of. The only thing I would have to be ashamed of and worried about is if I ever went back drinking. So it also helps to stengthen my resolve and total committment to living sobriety and recovery.

I appreciate that evrybody is different and there is a way to do things. I have done this organically without really giving it much thought. But I have had nothing but positive and encouraging feedback from my colleagues and have also talked to them about stuff from my past and much of my comedy is centred around my 'wild-days'. It makes great comedy this recovery lark.

smacked

As much as I worried about what to say to people about my not drinking, I found that people really don't care beyond the initial "I don't drink..". If they are nosy enough to ask me why, I don't lie to them.. (not a fan of 'I'm taking xx medication, can't drink etc), my sober life is an honest life. However it's no one's business why I don't drink. Sometimes I'll just say, "I drank too much, now I don't" or "I drank enough, now I don't" and that says enough. But seriously, people don't care about what you do as much as you think they might!

StewartUK

What people have said here about just being honest I totally agree with and i'd say is the best option. I was just speaking from my own experience and in the past ive found I just didnt have the strength to be totally open about my drinking problems, i really just shoulda been.

NEOMARXIST

Being known as a recovering alcoholic is only a problem if you go out drinking again. Obviosuly there is much more to you than this and most people forget anyway as it really isn't a big deal to them.

It's like being seen at an AA meeting. The only people who seem to worry are those that are worried that they will go out drinking again. Otherwise wheres the big-deal? I had much more to worry about when I was going to these work events still drinking.

I have some hilarious stories about getting locked in toilets doing Cocaine and the manager trying to kick the door down! Funny times. Passing out at the bar etc, ripping a girls dress by hanging onto it as I was about to fall-over! (don't remember that one but I remember cringing at work the following Monday! LOL)

So much easier and less shameful just being open and honest. No Bullsh*t, Just real.

CarolD

Congratulations on your sober years....

You no longer drink or smoke.....both facts are
healthy accomplishments.
I don't see a reason for explanations about either.

What do you say when someone offers you a cigarette?

Go ...enjoy and be proud of your successes ...

bdiddy5522

You have gotten some great advice. Since you have been sober for two years (congrats by the way) and you have only been at your new job for two months, they do not know you as a drinker. So you are one step up already. You don't have to explain that you "don't drink anymore". Just simply that you "don't drink". What I used around people at first and still do if necessary when they ask why I don't drink anymore is "I just feel better when I don't drink, and life is too short to feel like crap". If asked more I add "I don't see the point of having one drink, I want 10 and that is just too many". I have NEVER had anyone say anything after I say that. It just goes away.

Either way, good luck. If you have been sober two years your undoubtedly have some tools in the old tool box you can pull out for such a time as this. Have fun and stay strong.

And I agree with Smacked. My new sober life is one of honesty. Lying is what got us drunk many times in the first place.

Dee74

Like most of the folks here, I've never been less than honest.
But really - all people need to know is...you don't drink.

I'm an Aussie so I get the culture, but really - if they push it, I consider that to be pretty rude...my lifestyle choices, whatever they are, are mine - no one elses...and they require no explanation to workmates.

D

eleanor

One excuse I heard from someone in AA today was to tell people that drinking makes you sick. It's the truth, but it's not divulging everything. Just an option for ya.

stugotz

Soda is a drink.