Give up sex?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1
Give up sex?
I'm about to head back to AA again. Funny, I discovered this site after doing a search on the question "Is it possible for an alcoholic to ever again drink again in moderation?" Reading the posts in response to that question in this forum simply reasserted what I already knew in my heart - no.
The problem is for me, like so many others, is that it helps me socially. I've tried, recently, to visit with friends sober, and it's better, in a way, but I'm just so tense! I can't wait to have a drink after! And, like so many other people's stories that I've heard - I've made so many vain attempts to control my drinking - it always ends up in a binge. I "white-knuckle" it as long as I can - and then when I do let myself drink, well, it's usually too much. I read somewhere that we give up our rights when we drink. I hate that thought. I also hate being dysfunctional from a hangover.
My problem is, as I contemplate once again making a sincere commitment to quit drinking for good, is that I literally do not enjoy sex, or not nearly as much - without alcohol. I don't even want it - much to the dismay of my partner. You can see why he only half-heartedly supports my stopping. I know that my recovery is not dependent on other people or places, etc., but having even just a few drinks really loosens my inhibitions. My partner is a alcoholic too, which doesn't help, however, he does a better job at staying away from it through "marijuana maintenance," which, of course, has its own problems.
I don't know how to live without alcohol! I'm miserable with it and miserable without it. I don't want to do the God thing! I'm scared to make amends!
The problem is for me, like so many others, is that it helps me socially. I've tried, recently, to visit with friends sober, and it's better, in a way, but I'm just so tense! I can't wait to have a drink after! And, like so many other people's stories that I've heard - I've made so many vain attempts to control my drinking - it always ends up in a binge. I "white-knuckle" it as long as I can - and then when I do let myself drink, well, it's usually too much. I read somewhere that we give up our rights when we drink. I hate that thought. I also hate being dysfunctional from a hangover.
My problem is, as I contemplate once again making a sincere commitment to quit drinking for good, is that I literally do not enjoy sex, or not nearly as much - without alcohol. I don't even want it - much to the dismay of my partner. You can see why he only half-heartedly supports my stopping. I know that my recovery is not dependent on other people or places, etc., but having even just a few drinks really loosens my inhibitions. My partner is a alcoholic too, which doesn't help, however, he does a better job at staying away from it through "marijuana maintenance," which, of course, has its own problems.
I don't know how to live without alcohol! I'm miserable with it and miserable without it. I don't want to do the God thing! I'm scared to make amends!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
Hi Ics, Welcome to SR!! 
I can feel your frustration in your post...how long have you been sober? Are you working any type of recovery program? couselling?? I ask because having tools and using them, honestly help...I've felt like you...many times....and it isn't a fun place......The problem with me was I didn't know how to do much of anything without drinking...and for the first little while it was a scary place...sex,visiting friends,going to the beach..before all revolved around drinking...Im 5 months sober now, and while I'm still adapting to my new life...in general it feels great...
I can feel your frustration in your post...how long have you been sober? Are you working any type of recovery program? couselling?? I ask because having tools and using them, honestly help...I've felt like you...many times....and it isn't a fun place......The problem with me was I didn't know how to do much of anything without drinking...and for the first little while it was a scary place...sex,visiting friends,going to the beach..before all revolved around drinking...Im 5 months sober now, and while I'm still adapting to my new life...in general it feels great...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Well, for me, I wouldn't want to have sex with an active alcoholic, albeit one who uses the marijuana maintenance plan to stay away from alcohol.
As a matter of fact, I don't hang around with people like that, period. There are people who would rather see me stay sick, and those people aren't my friends.
It's been really important for me to develop a strong recovery network in AA.
I've found there isn't a single problem in my life that can't be solved through the program of AA, sex included. Sex is discussed in the Big Book in regards to step work.
As a matter of fact, I don't hang around with people like that, period. There are people who would rather see me stay sick, and those people aren't my friends.
It's been really important for me to develop a strong recovery network in AA.
I've found there isn't a single problem in my life that can't be solved through the program of AA, sex included. Sex is discussed in the Big Book in regards to step work.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of support here.
I'm now closing in on 6 months since my last drink mostly b/c of AA and SR.
I'd suggest working on your alcohol problem first, then move on to your sex problem.
I'm now closing in on 6 months since my last drink mostly b/c of AA and SR.
I'd suggest working on your alcohol problem first, then move on to your sex problem.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Everything we did we included
alcohol or drugs. It became an
automatic habit to put Alcohol,
drugs + everything else.
You are not alone in ur thoughts
and feelings.
We think life is over once we
let go of the drinking or drugs.
Will I ever enjoy life again?
I didnt think I would and yet
here I am many yrs down the
road enjoying life and all that
is apart of it.
Of course it didnt happen over
night. I had to go thru a change,
work thru some issues, take some
important steps before i could
begin to enjoy life and most
of all be happy with me.
Grab a hold of someone u feel
comfortable with in recovery
and let them lead the way for
you as u follow.
This journey is rewarding and
fullfilling once you begin sharing
ur own ESH, experiences,
strengths and hopes of what
it was like before during and
after alcohol or drugs.
The more you share ur story
with newcomers the longer u
will remain sober.
Look at the many that have
achieve sobriety thus so far.
We are living proof that recovery
works if you work it.
Hi im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
alcohol or drugs. It became an
automatic habit to put Alcohol,
drugs + everything else.
You are not alone in ur thoughts
and feelings.
We think life is over once we
let go of the drinking or drugs.
Will I ever enjoy life again?
I didnt think I would and yet
here I am many yrs down the
road enjoying life and all that
is apart of it.
Of course it didnt happen over
night. I had to go thru a change,
work thru some issues, take some
important steps before i could
begin to enjoy life and most
of all be happy with me.
Grab a hold of someone u feel
comfortable with in recovery
and let them lead the way for
you as u follow.
This journey is rewarding and
fullfilling once you begin sharing
ur own ESH, experiences,
strengths and hopes of what
it was like before during and
after alcohol or drugs.
The more you share ur story
with newcomers the longer u
will remain sober.
Look at the many that have
achieve sobriety thus so far.
We are living proof that recovery
works if you work it.
Hi im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
What sharon said...
I didn't enjoy much at all when I was newly sober, and sex, well that was new... sober sex... what the hell ??!!
Have faith that your questions will be answered and you will have what you need to have a wonderful life... you just have to get recovered. First things first, yah know?
Mark
I didn't enjoy much at all when I was newly sober, and sex, well that was new... sober sex... what the hell ??!!
Have faith that your questions will be answered and you will have what you need to have a wonderful life... you just have to get recovered. First things first, yah know?
Mark
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
lcs - had the same problem when I got sober the first time. I was married and used alcohol to get in the mood. Sober, I could have cared less. Looking back, I realized I had been this way most of my adult life.
Now that I've had a chance to think about my relationships, including my marriage of 14 years, I think alot of the problem was that I've never had a relationship where there has been a deep friendship/trust. I think alcohol makes it easy to stay on a superficial level, if that makes sense.
Now that I've had a chance to think about my relationships, including my marriage of 14 years, I think alot of the problem was that I've never had a relationship where there has been a deep friendship/trust. I think alcohol makes it easy to stay on a superficial level, if that makes sense.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Welcome!!!
I never quit until I was ready, and was a little more than miserable when I'd finally had enough. Make that, at the end of my rope, staring at the abyss, etc.
The good news, and you can Google this, is that while alcohol may lower your inhibitions, it decreases both your overall libido and response.
Sex is actually better without alcohol, despite all of the myths to the contrary.
The rest, all I can wish you is good luck with all that.
I never quit until I was ready, and was a little more than miserable when I'd finally had enough. Make that, at the end of my rope, staring at the abyss, etc.
The good news, and you can Google this, is that while alcohol may lower your inhibitions, it decreases both your overall libido and response.
Sex is actually better without alcohol, despite all of the myths to the contrary.
The rest, all I can wish you is good luck with all that.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
I think I would have a problem being intimate with an alcoholic/drug user regardless of my sobriety! I could not be in a relationship with someone active in addiction.. I will say though, that sober sex and intimacy is WAYYY better than buzzed/drunk sex, with the right partner.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: chico, ca
Posts: 321
Welcome, I totally agree with Artsoul. Not just sex, but everything was easier on a superficial level. I didn't want anyone getting too close. After doing the steps and working thru some of those issues everything is different. Not always necessarily better all the time, just different. And I can deal with different. Besides I never heard of anyone dying from lack of sex, but since getting and staying sober I've burried alot of friends from drinking. You'll get thru all the personal stuff in time if you stay on this path. God Bless
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 729
"My problem is, as I contemplate once again making a sincere commitment to quit drinking for good...."
Stop there and make the commitment. The rest is an excuse.
Learning to live withour alcohol is extremely difficult. The most rewarding things in life normally are.
An atheist can be sober too without God's help. I'm proof of that.
Best to you with this attempt. I hope sobreity takes you.
Stop there and make the commitment. The rest is an excuse.
Learning to live withour alcohol is extremely difficult. The most rewarding things in life normally are.
An atheist can be sober too without God's help. I'm proof of that.
Best to you with this attempt. I hope sobreity takes you.
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