chanel1125

Is there any appropriate way to tell a friend you think he/she has a problem with substances?

Myself being the one who was told this many times, I have no idea how to come about it to another person. I know ways I didn't like people telling me and I ignored them for a loonng time.

Its my BF's best friend. Now, he drives me insane cant stand the guy most of the time, but Im getting really concerned about his drinking and drug use.

It really looks to me like he thinks its all a party. Like the other day I went to his house. Myself, my bf, Friends Sister and her two friends were there. All drinking casually (not including myself, I had sprite ) But he got my BF to bring over the beer boot I got him for his birthday (its just a giant glass shaped like a boot) anyways.. so while everyone else is causally drinking hes chuggin out of this boot, and then 5 minute later vommiting massive amounts and then doing all over again.

Ive seen him drink like that ALL the time, if he goes to a party or we go camping or anything he drinks ALL of everyones booze and hes begining to vomit a lot more and a lot more often. Its actually really worrying me.

His family had a lil mini intervention for him and told him but he thought they were all crazy and only agreed to not drink whiskey.

So, I don't know how to bring it up. I don't want to offend him or have him be defensive and react wrong.. which is very likely because no one wants to be told someone thinks they have a problem.. but I dont know. I'd hate to see him end up 6ft under because he wont admit.

how difficult. I dont know...

anyone??

chanel1125

I forgot to mention he smokes marijuana daily, about every hour if not more often. He goes to work under the influence. He works construction.

smacked

I honestly don't see how it's any of your business.. and I don't mean that in a rude way. I know when I was using/drinking, I knew it was a problem. And until I came to a place on my own, where I wanted help, I was pretty uninterested in anyone's feelings about my issues. The only thing YOU have control over is whether or not you need to establish boundaries about being around this person or not.

Freedom1990

Considering his family already did a mini intervention, what good do you think it would do to say anything to him?

If he doesn't think he has a problem, it isn't going to make a rat's butt bit of difference what anyone else says.

justbrian

Only thing I can add is if you decide to say something, read working with others in the BB before saying anything. I agree that it might be like talking to a wall, but there's a chance, however small it might be that you could plant a seed that with time and willingness might grow. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Brian

Peter G

Gotta say that Smacked and Freedom are right IMHO. I knew I had a serious problem years before I ever took action. All people did by mentioning it to me was to point out the obvious, and that's just bloody annoying.

Peter G

Good point Brian.

chanel1125

Thanks for the input guys. Like I said I know when people said stuff to me I didnt care to hear it, think i'll just keep it to myself. Its true cant change people.. can only hope for the best thanks again.

hugs to all

DayTrader

Say it with your feet....... quit hanging out with him. Ask your higher power for the words and the courage to say what you need to say to him then take the action you need to take.

Ronan

I know this is bad but did anyone else laugh at the thought of this guy drinking out of a boot?

chanel1125

lol its a glass boot ronan! like on that movie beerfest if anyones seen it, dont recomend it to anyone sensitive though theres lots of drinking in it....

chanel1125

and day trader, i avoid him like the plague so staying away is not a problem... but he constantly calls my bf to come over to our house to watch movies and drink beer and my bf cant say no cause hes too nice and it makes me insane and i always end up looking like a biotch. which i dont even care bout anymore. lol ok mini rant.. sorry hormones going crazy again.

Ronan

lol I know it's not an actual boot. Just the thought of him slugging away at this thing while everyone is just sitting around sipping their drinks... It's hilarious.. Absolutely ludicrous.

Reminds me of me!

artsoul

I doubt if saying anything would make a difference, but then again, you never know. If it's done in a nonjudgemental way (especially by another alcoholic) it could plant a seed like justbrian said. You could say something like "I don't know if you feel you have a drinking problem, but if you ever want to talk about it or go to an AA meeting, feel free to call me."

I think it just depends on what your relationship is. It sounds like he needs a lot of help and it's just so hard to sit by and watch someone do that to themselves.

ConfusedNC

I like to imagine if some kindly recovering alcoholic (had I known any) had taken me aside years ago, I could have stopped sooner, but the world looks different through the eyes of a sober person than a drunk, so who knows?

I would say if you are ok friends with him, and you are OK identifying yourself as having had problems with alcohol, it could work, if approached gently and from a supportive place. I might also suggest getting the timing right - he's gotta be sober, not 100% hung over (who knows how many times I said I'd never drink again the next morning), and maybe a little reflective of the future. Not sure if it helped, but if I was going to do it, that's how I would do it.

chanel1125

thanks so much for that Confused, and Artsoul. We used to be close friends, he's always lookin out for me and stuff, i just dont think he's noticed I dont like hanging around him anymore, especially since im pregnant.

Its a tough call, he used to call me out on my eating disorder all the time (which DIDNT help at all ) by calling me "no bum" or something.. and not so much on my drinking... everyone but him would call me out on it. So I don't know if it was curtesy because he knew what i was goin through or because he didnt want to be a hypocrite or something..

man i dunno.. just hard to sit by and watch especially since ive been there.




lol and Ronan I thought you meant that YOU thought he was drinking out of a real boot haha like a stinky old work boot is what i pictured you thinking of haha